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[1993-08-28-SMW-TV] Interview: Jim Cornette / Interview: Terry Funk / Interview: Bob Armstrong

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Cornette is laying all bandaged up in a hospital bed while the Bodies try to cheer him up and Cornette is grumpy. "Gimme warmer ice!" They also make clear the promo is in Cornette's house, in a room with a pink comforter and pink walls. Subtle. The promo goes a little long, as he's explaining the lineup for quite a few upcoming shows, but it's a really good one.

 

Then we cut to a Terry Funk promo. Funk is wearing something on his head that makes him look like a hippy, but it's a classic rambling Funk promo. I love that the TV graphic says "I'll see you pukes in Knoxville" and for some reason, the promo is interspersed with lightning graphics. He calls the Armstrongs a bunch of bastards with no talent looking for an easy buck.

 

Finally, we wrap up with a Bob Armstrong promo. All of these interviews do a masterful job of explaining things while getting over the hate and stipulations -- this stuff should be shown in wrestling school.

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This is tremendous. I love the set-up of Cornette's promo. Goes long, but damn Cornette can talk, and he's a lot more subdued here due to his physical state, which is a nice touch, Cornette gets in a specific mood and never get hyperactive here. Terry just looks totally insane here. And Armstrong does yet another great babyface promo, and you gotta enjoy the genuine looking reactions from Caudle to the idea that Cornette might become the commisionner. SMW was ridiculously good promo-wise, seriously some of the best stuff week-to-week that I've seen.

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Cornette lying in bed with a bandage forehead and neck brace on. He is surrounded with stuff animals. Jim will be in the Bodies corner at Summerslam. Cornette bringing in two opponents to face Armstrong. First match will be for the right be commissioner. The second one will mean the loser must leave SMW. A lot for Cornette to try get over here but good.

 

I think Terry is wearing a shower cap. The funny part of Terry's rambling promo is the lightning effects and the disclaimer at the bottom of the screen "I'll see you pukes in Knocksville".

 

Armstrong does excellent job off confirming the stipulation of the two future matches.

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The Heavenly Bodies vainly attempt to comfort Cornette with stuffed animals and cold ice, to no avail. Cornette cuts a promo with gauze filling his mouth, where he announces that he's filed an injunction preventing Bob Armstrong from being reinstated as commissioner. The stipulation: Armstrong has to accept two challenges of Cornette's, with the commissionership on the line. The next commissioner will either be Bob Armstrong or Jim Cornette! And the second match carries a loser-leaves-town stip that I'm sure they're going to bullshit their way out of. Match #2 will be kept secret, but Armstrong's first opponent will be Terry Funk.

 

Terry Funk cuts a Zodiac-esque promo with lightning and space effects. Funk accuses Armstrong of MURDER--attempting to kill professional wrestling! Funk rambles, but that just adds to his character--he just looks legitimately unhinged. I'LL SEE YOU PUKES IN KNOCKSVILLE.

 

Armstrong is one of the greatest babyface interviews ever. I'd give anything for a full-fledged Jerry Lawler/Bob Armstrong feud.

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Really good build up here. We first have a hilarious Cornette promo that really sets the stage for the ARmstrong match and I loved the Bodies with the stuffed animals to try to cheer him up.

 

The Funk promo was weird. It wasn't bad per say but the lightning and bandana he was wearing took me out of it a bit.

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Man, this was a great segment! From Jimmy Del Ray carefully rearranging Cornette's stuffed animals, Terry's absurd bandana and lightning graphics, but my favorite was Bob Caudle's indignation at the idea that Cornette could become SMW commissioner. He was really upset.

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Cornette is at home, bandaged up, lay in his bed surrounded by all his fluffy toys and teddy bears while the Heavenly Bodies see to his every whim. Bob Armstrong is a homicidal maniac who tried to mutilate him! If that isn’t bad enough, the day after the K-Town Showdown he went to the Smoky Mountain Wrestling Board of Directors and asked for his old job of Commissioner back. How can a guy like that, a pathological maniac, be making decisions on him and his men? They’d be done in Smoky Mountain. He therefore called his lawyers, had a few injunctions and grievances files and went to the Board of Directors himself. He told them that there is no way that he can ever be allowed to be in a position of authority again. He filed those injunctions and they stopped it. He still wants to get even with Bob Armstrong so made him a deal through his attorneys, and if he’ll take two matches of his choosing, then he’ll drop the injunctions and they can just see who the better man and who the Commissioner will be. The deal is that Armstrong is going to have to wrestle one match on 9/12 in Knoxville, TN and another on 9/17 in Johnson City, TN. For the match on 9/12 if Bob Armstrong wins then he becomes Commissioner, however if the man who he is bringing in wins, then he becomes Commissioner. On 9/17, if Armstrong loses that match then he has to leave Smoky Mountain Wrestling forever, but if his man loses that match, then he will leave Smoky Mountain forever; he is that confident and sure about these two men who he is bringing in. Everyone wants to know who they are, well 9/17 is going to be kept a secret and no-one is going to know. Could it be Yokozuna, Kevin Sullivan or Abdullah the Butcher? It could be anyone and Bob Armstrong won’t know until he steps in the ring at Freedom Hall that night. He can’t though resist to tell everyone about 9/12, as he’s going to be facing a man who is one of the wildest men ever in pro wrestling, a former NWA World Champion and is a homicidal maniac just like him, that man is Terry Funk.

 

Terry Funk says that he’s the judge, Jim Cornette is the jury and they’re trying Bob Armstrong for murder. He tried to kill the professional wrestling business and tried to kill Smoky Mountain Wrestling by putting his sons on television week after week when we all know that they are just a bunch of bastards looking for an easy buck! How could they have talent when their father has no talent? He is not going to be the Commissioner again and he is not going to defeat him. Armstrong better be ready because he is the best at what he does, is meaner than a rattlesnake, tougher than shoe leather, more dangerous than a hollow eyed scorpion and is coming for him on the 12th. Crazy interview from Funk who is sporting a rather strange bandana while the words ‘I’ll see you punks in Knoxville’ kept intermittently flashing up on the screen.

 

Bob Armstrong says that he never wanted to be a wrestler in the first place, he just wanted to get back in the ring, get even with Jim Cornette and that would be the end of it. He played a dangerous game and he lost. He has now said that he will stop his injunction if on 9/12 he wrestles a match to determine who will be the Commissioner (Bob Caudle isn’t happy at all with the prospect of it being Cornette!). The thing is he won’t be wrestling him, he’s hired the number one madman in all of wrestling Terry Funk to face him. Then five days later, he is bringing a surprise opponent for him to take on. He has called everyone he knows but Jim Cornette is keeping that person’s identity a secret and he can’t find out who it is. If he beats this person Cornette will be out of Smoky Mountain Wrestling for good (Caudle is very happy at this prospect!), but if he loses he has to leave forever. It’s a tough road but the winnings are worth it. Those five days are the most important days of his life because he can be Commissioner once again, and get rid of Jim Cornette for good.

 

Not much to add but this was masterful stuff. Agreed that maybe Cornette went a touch long while explaining everything, but I don't think there is anyone better at when it comes to getting the nuances and everything across (as has been evidenced throughout my watching on the SMW TV). Armstrong really is an awesome babyface.

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I liked the contrast bwtween Corny's fighting words and the stuffed animals he had all over his room. He's just the type that would buy those animals out of his own pocket and put them in the room just to make a promo like this look authentic. I'm not sure if he was married or not at the time, but if he was, I wonder what his wife thought of their room littered with stuffed animals from floor to ceiling.

 

Again we get the two matches for one routine, as Bullet Bob has to wrestle one match to regain his commissionership and the other to stay in SMW at all. It seems to me that the loser-leave-town match should have been on 9/12 and the match for the commissionership on 9/17, but since (I think) Bullet Bob loses one of them anyway, it doesn't make much difference.

 

As much as I love serious Corny, the promo was made by his line when Del Ray came back with his ice pack: "Get warmer ice!" He may be the only man left in wrestling at this time who makes you want to laugh at him and spit on him at the same time.

 

I was a tad disappointed to hear madman Terry after watching his more controlled promos in ECW, but since Corny promised the madman, it fit. He was hilarious condemning Bullet Bob for being old (although the Bullet is five years older than him, which is a shock to me) and I liked how he promised to pull out Bob's (singular) hair. The attacks on his sons were expected, but the word "bastard" not being bleeped in the middle of the Bible Belt surprised me, even in 19i93.

 

One complaint: Which production genius thought of the lightning bolts and the "I'll see you pukes in Knocksville" stuff? It was distracting in much the same way as the crawl was during Terry's ECW promos for his match against Eddie Gilbert, and I thought Corny had more sense than that. By the way, I'm pretty sure "Knocksville" was a deliberate misspelling.

 

Bullet Bob wrapped up this segment very effectively. His promo was mostly a rehash of Corny's in terms of explaining the two matches ahead of him, but I liked him saying that SMW would go to hell in a handbasket if Corny were named commissioner, and Corny's been so vile lately that even the normally mild-mannered Bob Caudle wants him out, which is saying something.

 

I think Abby was the surprise on 9/17, but any of the names Corny mentioned would have been cool to see, especially Yoko with the WWF title on the line. Obviously Vince would never have let Bullet Bob near the belt, but it would have been something to see it as an added bonus in an already high-stakes contest.

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