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Charles (Loss)

[1993-09-11-SMW-TV] Interview: Jim Cornette / Interview: Terry Funk

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Cornette does another great promo from his bed in a neckbrace. The closing line is great.

 

"If you don't have any more coloring books to give me, at least give me the Observer" -- Cornette to Del Ray

 

Hilarious!

 

Then, we segue to the infamous "Your mistress is a whore!" promo from Terry Funk mentioned in Mick Foley's book.

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Awesome segments. The Observer line was hilarious, indeed, I really didn't expect it. And the Funk promo is insane. What does Foley say about it ?

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Delray has completed all Cornette's coloring books. Jim looking forward to being new commissioner so he can rid of all the Armstrongs from Smokey Mountain. Bullet Bob taking a big risk in his desire to get rid of Cornette since he does not know who is opponent will be. Segment ends with Cornette looking for his copy of the Observer!

 

Now Funk has a Skull and Crossbones image across the screen during his promo. They are going all out with the special effects for his promos.

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Cornette wants lemon in his water and some more Bambi coloring books. He has enough to pre-emptively gloat about how Bob Armstrong is going to have to tell his wife that he can't afford any more facelifts for her, though.

 

Now Funk has a skull & crossbones superimposed over him--cutting a promo that Foley more or less transcribed in his first book. Spectacular stuff, funny and chilling at the same time. The closing line about "vitamins" was spectacular, and it didn't go where I thought it was going.

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I thought Del Ray was Funk for a minute. Cornette does another great promo and I am impressed that after the August blow off matches, it looked like the feud had peaked but on the power of Cornette, it has raged on.

 

This Funk promo had some aesthetic stuff that again took me out of it, but it was crazy Terry at his best and really did make him look like a menace for the promotion.

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Cornette is still in bed and the Heavenly Bodies are doing their best to entertain and look after him. He’s feeling better every day and has even got him Smoky Mountain Commissioner’s hat on ready. After Terry Funk and his ‘secret weapon’ get through with Bob Armstrong he’s going to be out of Smoky Mountain Wrestling and Jim Cornette will be calling all the shots. He tells Armstrong that he knows that he’s real pleased with what he did, dropping him on his head, putting him in this neck brace and sending him to the hospital, but how pleased is he going to be when Terry Funk and his secret weapon get through with him? How pleased will he be when he’s the Commissioner of Smoky Mountain Wrestling and his sons are fired and can’t get a job anywhere? His revenge is not going to be seeing Terry Funk or the secret weapon beat him within an inch of his life, it will be seeing him out of SMW with his head hung low and trying to explain to all his fans, friends and family that Jim Cornette got the final word. He reminds the people that if they love that old fossil, if you think that old man is John Wayne like he pretends to be, then come and see him on 9/12 or 9/17 because that’s going to be the last time you’ll ever see him. Cornette then tells Del Ray if he doesn’t have any more colouring books at least give him his Observer!

 

Terry Funk says ow can a dilapidated old man like Bob Armstrong stand a chance against a great athlete like himself? He needs some inspiration if he wants to be the Commissioner, which he never will be, but he wants to inspire him so that he can have a contest in the ring. ‘All your sons are a bunch of bastards!’ no that doesn’t inspire you because all Tennessee sons are a bunch of bastards. ‘Your sister is a whore!’ no that won’t inspire you because all Tennessee sisters are whores. ‘Your mother is a whore!’ no that won’t work because no-one in Tennessee has any respect for their mothers. ‘Your wife is a whore!’ no that won’t work because no-one in Tennessee respects their wives. I know, ‘your mistress is a whore!’ because all Tennessee men have mistresses and that will inspire Bob Armstrong to get in the ring with him and do his best. He can do his best, but when he’s through with him, he’s going to walk out the ring and Bob Armstrong is going to be carried out one piece at a time (a skull and crossbones are almost superimposed over Funk for the duration of this interview.

 

The Cornette line about the Observer made me laugh although there does appear to be a tendency for a fair bit of insider references on the TV at this point (Chris Candido referencing JR Benson is another instance that came to mind). The Funk interview is just crazy although you could possibly argue he went over long in the shock value (sons, sister, mother, wife and Mistress) but it was captivating stuff nonetheless from him.

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Terry's interview did nothing for me. Between the skull and crossbones which almost obilterated his face and the fact that "bastard" and "whore" were bleeped, the supposed shock effect was reduced to nil. The one line I liked was Terry saying that he couldn't knock out Bullet Bob's teeth because vitamins A. G, and E had caused them all to fall out. We needed more creativity like that and less bleepable stuff.

 

On the other hand, Corny's interview was a masterpiece. No one else at this time can so seamlessly mix lowbrow comedy and serious menace. To go from fussing over his ice water and yelling at Jigolo Jimmy for coloring all his coloring books to promising to leave Bullet Bob jobless, humiliated and broke in the space of only a few seconds is a segue that few others in this business could ever even try to pull off, and each part hits all the right notes. Whether it was greater artistic freedom or the pressure of being the only person in the promotion he felt he could count on, Corny was never better on the mic than he was in SMW. I can't think of one promo which has made the Yearbooks in the past two years that wasn't excellent. Not even Bobby Heenan was so consistent for so long, at least from what I've seen.

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