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[1990-03-02-USWA Texas] Jerry Lawler vs Jimmy Valiant

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Jimmy Valiant makes a crazy production of his entrance, even going all through the Sportatorium crowd and dancing. Someone holds up a picture of Valiant wearing a t-shirt that says Big Mama's Flowers, which cracks me up. Valiant kisses the referee before the match starts and Lawler demands an automatic DQ that he doesn't get. Lawler insists on him taking the doorag off his head. Valiant complies, but wipes it on his ass and chases Lawler around the ring with it. Lawler ends up hiding behind the referee, and Valiant starts spanking the ref! Then, Valiant kisses the cameraman, who gets an on-screen graphic that says "Skip Collins - Cameraman. Kissed By Valiant." Tremendous. Lawler keeps complaining about the counts he gets when trying pin attempts. The referee obliges his request the next time around, but he's always in the opposite position and he gets furious. This match is 100% stalling and bullshit, but it's entertaining stalling and bullshit.

 

We also get a funny Marc Lowrance quote:

 

"Jerry Lawler has been known to store can openers, slugs and other paraphernalia in his trunks."

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Valiant is slowly starting to turn into the sickeningly emaciated Boogie Woogie Man of the '90s and '00s. Lowrance pushes that Lawler has held the Unified title since SuperClash III, which doesn't make sense in real life or in kayfabe. Valiant makes out with Tony Falk beforehand in a visual I didn't need to see, but Lawler cracks me up insisting that that be a disqualification. Total clown show to start, which isn't befitting of a World title match but has me laughing out loud multiple times, and that's better than watching Handsome Jimmy wrestle. Valiant making out with the cameraman and the cameraman getting his own "KISSED BY VALIANT" chyron is about the most glorious thing ever. They work about as good of a match as you can possibly have with Valiant, as he can at least bump a little and sell in his own convulsing way. Falk takes kind of a weak ref bump and Lawler misses a diving headbutt (!) for a visual pin. After playing hide-the-object for most of the match, Lawler pulls ANOTHER object out of his boot and knocks out Valiant for the win.

 

Lowrance is utterly incredible throughout all of this. I don't know how the soon-to-be Baptist minister kept it so straight describing the action of Valiant. This was everything Lawler vs. JYD wished it could be, because in his own way Valiant was a much better in-ring worker than the Dog at this point.

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Glorious bullshit and aescalation of the JYD match. Everyone that listens to my podcast knows I have a love for Jimmy Valiant and damn if he didnt get me to laugh out loud around 4 times during this match. Lawler was also great insisting he be declared the winner by dq. Just fun stuff all around.

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Valiant is slowly starting to turn into the sickeningly emaciated Boogie Woogie Man of the '90s and '00s. Lowrance pushes that Lawler has held the Unified title since SuperClash III, which doesn't make sense in real life or in kayfabe.

None of the Unified title changes that took place in Memphis after SuperClash were recognized in the Texas USWA, so in this part of the world, he had been recognized as champion for over a year.

 

This was some great bullshit, and I love me some great bullshit. Valiant is pretty limited by this point and I suspect Lawler tried to get out of Texas while doing as little as possible (which feels backed up by the stuff I've seen on the Yearbook so far - we will see if that continues) so they build the match around Memphis staples like the hidden chain trick. My guess is even today, Lawler and Valiant could do this match in their sleep.

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Staling to start with Valiant playing some mind games on Lawler. They finally lock up for the first action but quickly go to commercial break. Ha. Lawler quickly goes to his tights to get an object. Lawler with the flying headbutt! But it misses. Foreign object finally gets him the victory.

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I enjoyed this as it was the fun match that you would expect between these two. You could probably count the amount of bumps in this match on one hand, but it is still better than a lot of the matches where the guys damn near kill themselves today.

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I would rather watch a match like this that is just two guys knowing how to do schtick and work a crowd while barely taking any bumps than some fast paced spot fest with a bunch of flashy moves that don't get sold. Marc Lowrance seemed lost trying to call this match at times, which only added to the charm.

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Whether you like tis match or not depends on how much comedy you like with your wrestling. Fortunately, I like a lot, especially when it's as well done as this. A major difference between this bout and the JYD bout is the absence of Terrence Garvin; Marc's solo call of the bout adds to its entertainment value immensely. No, this isn't one of Lawler's best performances; it's the Boogie Woogie Show from start to finish, and all Lawler has to do is react properly, which he does. I like that the postmatch stuff goes right up until the show signs off, and if Jimmy doesn't get the title, he at least gets some revenge.

 

From a wrestling standpoint, the worst match of the year so far. From a pure entertainment standpoint, it's in the top half, and I'm not kidding in the least.

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Valiant takes an age with his entrance, much to Lawler’s chagrin, seemingly wanting to slap the hands of every fan in the Sportatorium. He kisses referee Tony Falk before the bout even commences and Lawler wants him disqualified and his hand raised. Valiant walks over to ‘The King’ and starts thrusting his pelvis at him leading Lawler to once more wanting him disqualified, before tickling Falk on the backside, and yes you’ve guessed it, Lawler wanting him disqualified again. Valiant turns his attention to the cameraman, kissing him, and they eventually then lock up. Lawler complains about Falk’s slow counts, so on the next fall he speeds up, only on this time it is ‘The King’ who is being pinned. He’s not happy and Falk tells him that if he puts his hands on him he’ll be disqualified. Lawler pulls an object out of his tights, but despite Valiant and the crowds best efforts Falk can’t find it, with Marc Lowrance claiming that Lawler is ‘a master of concealment!’ He nails Valiant with the chain and resorts to using it a second time when ‘Handsome’ Jimmy is starting to gain some control. Valiant with a sleeper and ‘The King’ shoves him into Falk knocking them both down. Lawler misses a diving headbutt (!!!) off the middle turnbuckle, Valiant covers him, but Falk is still down. He goes over to revive him, Lawler pulls another chain out of his boot, clocks the Handsome one and gets the pin. As Lowrance is wrapping up Valiant gets hold of the chain from Lawler and starts to get a bit of retribution as the show goes off the air.

 

I’m sure I’ve seen this finish somewhere? This wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I was expecting. Heavy on schtick (especially the early portion of the match) and that was without doubt for the better. Valiant throws a lousy punch and can do little but sort of bump, so heaven knows what he’d be like in a straight up wrestling match. I don’t think this feud is over just yet either. A very pleasant surprise!

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