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El-P

The grand and pathetic journey of the Undertaker at WrestleMania

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To be fair to Wyatt (who I find to be absolutely terrible inside the ring too), wasn't he injured going into that match? 

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1 minute ago, C.S. said:

To be fair to Wyatt (who I find to be absolutely terrible inside the ring too), wasn't he injured going into that match? 

An ankle injury the morning of the show I think

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6 minutes ago, Ricky Jackson said:

So, the Brock match was a "draw"? 

Kinda. Can't figure if the whole thing worked just enough to make it a W or failed just enough to make it a L.

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I remember fucking loving some of those Taker/Lesnar matches. The one in which Taker taps, but the ref doesn't see is after WM, right? Same as their BRUTAL Hell in a Cell match?

I give it a pass. If nothing because it really cemented Lesnar's spot as THE big motherfucker in WWE.

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WrestleMania 32 (2016) – Undertaker vs Shane McMahon

Because apparently, having two terrible Hell in the Cell matches at Mania wasn’t enough. Talk about wanking off your ego and power. This 44 years old non-wrestler who made a career out of taking huge stupid bumps because he did not have to actually work every day of the week for a living has now managed to get his Taker match at Mania. And he’s there parading with his already annoying offsprings, those spoiled little brats who won't have to work a day of their lives because they are born rich thanks to grandaddy (because you dad is a failure as a businessman, kids). Speaking of awful people, here’s Linda in the crowd, Miss Let’s Re-elect Donald Trump. Ok, I’m going off topic, but still, this is the theme of this match, it’s less about Taker than about the McMahons and the fact the idiot son and godawful performer (at least Stephy has been useful at some points and actually fun to watch) gets a Mania match with Taker instead of say, John motherfucking Cena ? Yeah, who want to see this, people are dying for Shane-O Mac jerking off in public instead.

I mean, every other wrestlers including Shawn Micheals and Triple H were intimidated by the perspective of facing Taker at Mania, but not Shane, oh no. He’s here doing his stupid-ass pseudo MMA bullshit and running around while looking blown up and red in the face after only a few short minutes. Shane has always sucked, nothing he ever did looked any good, he’s just good for throwing himself into shit (that's called osmosis). Taker, who has grown his hair back, doesn’t really give a fuck. He’s old, he’s fat, he’s getting the money, he’s getting potatoed by the rich son-of-CEO and is trying to make a late 90’s Attitude Era match out of it. Shane not looking scared one bit is a complete disgrace, it pretty much negates the entirety of Taker’s career, especially at Mania. Last Ride after a few minutes only and Shane kicks out, why the fuck not, *everything* about this match his a disgrace. Shane gets Taker into his own kinda crappy MMA Submission and makes it looks even worse. The announcers talking about Shane possibly defeating Taker is downright pathetic, really. Chokeslam on the steps and guess what, Shane kicks out of course. Shane is the toughest motherfucker in the WWE Universe, Triple H and Shawn Micheals ain’t shit. Taker actually takes a bump on the steal too so it looks like he really wants to make it something. What would you not do for your bosses, uh ? Shane is also not phased at all by the zombie sit-up. I mean, even THIS he won’t sell one bit, he’s just punching Taker in the face. Then Shane the MMA expert reverses Hell’s Gate into a... sharpshooter. I mean, why not, at this point watching this match is like being high as a kite.

We’ve finally reached that point were both look gassed as fuck and Shane still wants to do his RVD spot. Because he’s a wanker. Everything has to be about HIM, as demonstrated by the announcers going all SHANE MCMAHON SHANE MCMAHON SHANE MCMAHON all the time. Enough, you already have a job. The replay is funny as fuck though as basically the Coast to Coast spot ends up with Shane kicking a garbage can who is laying on Taker’s beer gut, so yeah, total death spot. Oh wait ! There’s more ! Shane gets a bolt cutter to open up the HitC, like this gimmick had not been abused enough yet. Speaking of which, Taker is pushing Shane *through* the cage now. I have no idea why the crowd is chanting « This is awesome », because this is only one thing : dumb as fuck. And it gets truly pathetic as we’re rearranging tables now. In a Hell in the Cell match, which is like the most open bar cage match ever at this point. Slo-mo brawl toward the crowd now and I miss the Big Boss man getting hung.

Taker is now jumping through a table with Shane on his back. Because that damn sleeper was too tightly applied or something. Shane O-Mac, the master of the sleeper, you can’t break it at all, you have to throw yourself through a fucking table to hope he’ll break the hold. He’s also the master of the toolbox in the face... Is this shit happening ? Any other two guys doing the same godawful, pace-less, awfully executed bullshit would get slaughtered, but here the crowd is chanting for Shane-O Mac because he bashed a toolbox in Taker’s face. You know what, these people deserved to watch this godawful Mania, which has been infamous for being maligned as a complete chore. And now of course you know how this ends, Shane O-Mac wants to do « better » than Mick Foley in 1998. Because he’s a wanker. So he does that stupid-ass jump (in front of his spoiled brat children and wife, so he also wants to outdo Foley in the "terrible irresponsible parent" category apparently). I would not have showed any pity whatsoever if he had killed himself, really. Not only was this whole thing only designed to feed his fragile ego of rich kid, but it sent the worst message possible to performers : that this kind of dangerous shit was still « relevant » in 2016. People chanting « This is awesome » are complete idiots (and they were the same shitting on Roman Reigns later on ? Really now ? That’s food for thoughts...).

This is easily some of the worst shit I’ve seen in 30 years of watching pro-wrestling. If I had been watching a Shane-O Mac sextape with him jizzing all over the screen, I would have felt less dirty than I did watching this.

12-1-11

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It's interesting, Bray supposedly twisted his ankle shortly before the show and had he been unable to wrestle, they would've had Sheamus replace him who was set to make his return the following night.

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While it's...difficult to defend Shane at WM32, his return two months earlier was a big deal (or at least well received) and he has somehow stuck around for the next five years. Including having the best second-best match at the following years Wrestlemania. But yeah, WM32...good for you not attempting to describe the storyline going into the match and its stipulation.

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1 hour ago, El-P said:

Yeah, who want to see this, people are dying for Shane-O Mac jerking off in public instead.

Actually, ticket sales had been sluggish for Mania that year and picked up significantly after Taker/Shane was announced. As inexplicable as it may seem, Vince's large adult failson was a genuine draw.

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Yeah I remember that was a pretty big factor for ticket sales. And seeing the bump live (I attended that year) was pretty awesome even though the match as a whole was lame.

That lockbox story was dumb as hell though.

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12 minutes ago, NintendoLogic said:

Actually, ticket sales had been sluggish for Mania that year and picked up significantly after Taker/Shane was announced. As inexplicable as it may seem, Vince's large adult failson was a genuine draw.

Am I supposed to believe for one second that Cena vs Taker would not have gather more interest ? Come on.

The fact that Shane-O Mac was any kind of draw for the WWE audience says everything you need to know about the WWE audience as a whole.

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41 minutes ago, Cowboy Hats 4.0 said:

Including being in the ring while AJ Styles was having the having the best second-best match at the following years Wrestlemania by his own self.

There, I stand corrected. What is supposed to be the best match BTW? because from where I stand, this Mania was the complete shits too.

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3 minutes ago, El-P said:

There, I stand corrected. What is supposed to be the best match BTW? because from where I stand, this Mania was the complete shits too.

I would have said it was the best match, but then remembered Lesnar/Goldberg in a meaty sprint.

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That Shane McMahon drew so much interest is still completely inexplicable to me. I have never worked a match, never trained, never noticed a thigh slap and I can still tell that his work is completely awful. And I don't think he has the charisma to cover it.

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I don't have much to add, but I am having a shitty day, and I read that last review on my lunch break, and it's the first thing all day that's made me laugh, so Thank for that @El-P!!

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33 minutes ago, Blehschmidt said:

I don't have much to add, but I am having a shitty day, and I read that last review on my lunch break, and it's the first thing all day that's made me laugh, so Thank for that @El-P!!

Oh yeah, this was the review I've been waiting for since day one of this mission. Hilarious stuff here. I like to think nobody hates Shane more than me, so this was one of the best things I've read in ages. Fuck Shane. Fuck his inexplicable drawing power. Fuck his absolutely horrible looking work. Fuck this shitty ass Mania and all the equally shitty ass bloated terrible Mania's that followed this one, totally killing whatever interest I had left in main roster WWE. Yeah, fuck modern WWE too and its million hours of unwatchable dreck.

Needed to get that off my chest. Felt good

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The only thing I remember from the Shane match was the jump, and Cole's hilariously bad "FOR THE LOVE OF MANKIND!!" call

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41 minutes ago, Matt D said:

Some of the most fun I’ve ever had in wrestling was watching the Shane match as it happened with you guys on the board.

https://forums.prowrestlingonly.com/topic/33777-wrestle-mania-32-live-as-it-happens/?page=10

That's a good idea. Here's Taker/Bray from the year before:

(if the link directs to the first page, match-talk begins on page 11)

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4 hours ago, Al said:

That Shane McMahon drew so much interest is still completely inexplicable to me. I have never worked a match, never trained, never noticed a thigh slap and I can still tell that his work is completely awful. And I don't think he has the charisma to cover it.

It has to be nostalgia. Shane was gone... looking... what? only 7 years? I would have sworn he was gone at least 10 years. Anyway, he was a part of the Attitude era and (1) people were having fond memories of his matches against Test at Summerslam 00 and Vince at Mania 17 plus (2) the way Shane left, him coming back was a bit of a cold day in hell (nothing like Bret coming back obviously). So I can see why he got the initial pop. That said, this match should have been a squash (slaughter) and Shane should have never gotten back into the ring after this. Instead, he has wrestled at 15 PPVs, was a tag team champion, won the "World Cup", was the last surviving member of his team at two consecutive Survivor Series, went one on one for 20 minutes with main eventers etc.

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6 hours ago, El-P said:

WrestleMania 32 (2016) – Undertaker vs Shane McMahon

(...) those spoiled little brats who won't have to work a day of their lives because they are born rich thanks to grandaddy (because you dad is a failure as a businessman, kids). (...)

At first I read this as Shane being the spoiled brat and Vince Jr. being the failure as a businessman who only ended up being rich thanks to Vince Sr. Which, if you think about it, might not be that far from the truth either. If you read Vince Jr.'s Wikipedia bio you might think that he was a successful promoter before buying (if you want to call that deal that) WWF, but he bankrupted at least one earlier business he founded. And we all know, how all Vince's non-wrestling businesses went later on (Ico Pro, WBF, WWF New York, XFL twice and I am sure others I cannot currently think of). So if Vince Sr. would have sold WWF to another buyer, Vince Jr. very likely would not have gotten filthy rich and Shane could not have ridden on his father's success.

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On 3/11/2021 at 11:07 AM, TheDuke said:

Man I had forgotten how long Bray Wyatt has been around. You would think he would have gotten better in that time. I wish they would have just made him into Harper and Rowan's manager who would only sometimes wrestle in 6 man tags.

Daniel Bryan fooled everyone with that Rumble match in 2014.

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As for Shane in 2016 I think you have to account for the fan base being so sick of the HHH and Stephanie characters at that point. The .Authority had dominated tv for 3 years at that point and I think a tease of something different got people interested. Of course it meant nothing as the stips were never adhered to and the .Authority would still be on tv for the next 2 years.

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