WWE Hollywood: Wrestlers Aren't Wrestlers

[S.L.L.]

In what has to be considered incredibly shocking news, WWE announced at a press conference in Los Angeles today a major rebranding of WWE Studios as "WWE Hollywood", shifting it's focus from the producing and distribution of feature film properties, to the production and distribution of a weekly professional wrestling show to be filmed on the studio lot. WWE Chairman and CEO Vince McMahon explained that WWE Hollywood would distinguish itself from WWE's main brand and it's developmental branch NXT by focusing on a roster of celebrities from outside the world of wrestling.

 

"For years, WWE has been synonymous with the same kind of glitz and glamour and excitement and action as Hollywood itself, and we thought, wouldn't it be great if we had a show with an entire roster with that kind of star power? I mean, we try to give the fans a taste of that at WrestleMania, but the other 364 days of the week...seriously, it's like pulling teeth, people. These millennials, I tell you. I mean, what you want me to do? Promote them? What am I, some kind of 'wrestling promoter'?! FUCK YOU! YOU THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO DO MY MY JOB BETTER THAN ME, GRIMMAS?! WELL I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, YOU'RE FIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEED!!!!!!!"

 

He then produced a bottle of Johnny Walker from under the podium and stumbled off through the crowd while "No Chance In Hell" blared over the PA system.

 

It was further explained by WWE's EVP of Talent, Live Events, & Creative Paul Levesque - who will be overseeing the project - that the idea stemmed from the popularity of writer/director Max Landis' YouTube video "Wrestling Isn't Wrestling", as well as the positive reception of Jon Stewart's appearances on WWE television in recent months.

 

"The concept is simple," explained Landis, who will be Head of Creative* for WWE Hollwood, and will also have an on-screen role as an authority figure. "Wrestlers aren't wrestlers, just like wrestling isn't wrestling and Triple H is The Honky Tonk Man."

 

Landis went on to explain that the first cycle of WWE Hollywood episodes would be built around an eight-man tournament to crown the inaugural WWE Hollywood Champion, with future former Daily Show host Jon Stewart being the first announced entrant.

 

Levesque closed the press conference by reassuring everyone that while he was overseeing the project, he would be taking a "hands-off" approach to WWE Hollywood. "The beauty of the system is that one man has final say-so on everything...but if you actually like it, remember it's my project, and I should totally get all the credit."

 

*Rumors that this job is actually being farmed out to some dope on a message board are, at press time, unsubstantiated.