[2005-05-14-NJPW-Nexess VI] Satoshi Kojima vs Hiroyoshi Tenzan

[Superstar Sleeze]

IWGP Champion Satoshi Kojima vs Hiroyoshi Tenzan - NJPW Tokyo Dome 5/14/05

This is one of the most boring matches I have watched in a long time. It was excoriatingly boring at 20 minutes. Fucking Inoki gave them an HOUR, ONE FUCKING HOUR earlier in the year. Kojima won the title in a match that went 59:30. Are you fucking kidding me? I kinda sorta knew that long match existed because these two might be the most bizarre pairing to ever be given an hour. Going through the IWGP Title Defense history, Nagata/Nakanishi is also weird as fuck to go an hour and Nagata/Chono, I get the booking rationale, but fuck I do not want to see Chono go an hour in 2002. Kojima only other defense of the IWGP title was against Nakamura for an hour so yep not watching that. In a sick twisted way, I am morbidly curious what the fuck TENZAN DID FOR AN HOUR! We all know Kojima hit 60 different Ace Crushers and Lariats. Did Tenzan Mongolian Chop and Headbutt for 60 minutes straight?!? Hiroyoshu Muthafuckin Tenzan wrestled for an hour...like it is settling in now and what a what the fuck!?!?

Alright the actual match. Look it is Kojima vs Tenzan, I was not expecting Misawa vs Kobashi here, but this was pretty fucking bad. Sasaki vs Suzuki was bad. I am not sure which of these was worse. Sasaki/Suzuki you know they can do better. Kojima has had great matches with Tenyru and Hashimoto. I have enjoyed Tenzan in his run and really enjoyed his Tanahashi match and I bet if I rewatched that Akiyama match I'd grade it higher. But man did this suck!

You knew it was bad right off the bad as Kojima hits what else Ace Crushers. I have not seen Kojima wrestle in probably five years and it was just so nice to see the first move he hit was an Ace Crusher. There was no heat behind it. He did not hit out of nowhere no was their struggle. The issue with the match was not so much what moves they did or the order, it was how they were doing them. They were going through the motions. Ice cold wrestling. Hit a couple Ace Crushers. Dive to the floor. They chop on the floor. Back in the ring, they reset into standard New Japan mat wrestling. It is like what the fuck. So those Ace Crushers did not even pop the crowd and they did not mean anything to the story. 

Tenzan does what Tenzan does. Clubber. Kojima gets a back body drop flying elbow. Tenzan gets a back body drop and a top rope diving headbutt! Symmetry! Their transition is garbled, but make a long story short, Tenzan goes for the Tenzansault but Kojima meets him up there and hits an Ace Crusher because he is Fucking Kojima, bitch. Kojima goes for his big Lariat, but Tenzan hits the Side Effect and Tenzan applies the Anaconda Vice and then Tenzan Driver back to Anaconda Vice. Crowd does not give a shit at all. This is one of the weakest, most pathetic finish runs in history. KOJIMA COUNTER TO THE ANACONDA VICE IS A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! It is both pathetic and kinda awesome! He applies a weird top wristlock/crucifix I dont know if he was using or if this was just his counter to the Anaconda Vice. 

The one interesting that happens in the match is Kojima hits an Axe Bomber and Tenzan sells it like he is OUT FUCKING COLD! I saw that Kojima won the belt at 59:30 via KO so I am assuming this a play off that finish. They even do the ten count but Kojima interrupts it by turning to pin him, but he kicks out. Kojima blasts him with another lariat, kick out at one because you know Japan. 

Kojima goes for a suplex, once punch and Tenzan hits a Tenzan Driver. What a lame transition! Tenzan went from being almost KO'd to being in control. Now Kojima hits an Emerald Flowsion. Was it this shit? Kojima misses a lariat, Tenzan wild swing misses, but Kojima sells it. Tenzansault hits and sitout TenzanDriver ends it anti-climatically as Tenzan takes forever to cover him.

What a shitburger...how bad must that 60 minute match be?