KB8

I forgot Dynamite was still working in '91. For the longest time I just assumed he'd packed it in after Survivor Series '88. He looks a bit rough here, with his thinning hair and Mike Miller moustache, like an ex-copper in a BBC drama who spends all his time down the boozer. He didn't work like he was completely broken down physically, though I imagine he would've been close to it. I actually liked him a lot in this. Most of his offence was headbutts and a jawbreaker (so still head-based offence), but I thought it was cool how he'd regularly sell his own head after delivering blows. I liked how Hansen sold for him as well. Gone were the days of Dynamite Kid v Tiger Mask being a money match-up, but the people still remembered and Hansen treated him like he'd been a big deal once upon a time. He never gave him TOO much, never bumped too big, but made it look like those headbutts were taking their toll and that Dynamite was still dangerous. I guess the match was kind of built around Hansen trying to grab Dynamite and beat on him in close quarters, while Dynamite tried to stay out of his reach, looking for openings to pick his shots. There was one bit where Hansen threw him to the floor and went straight out after him, but Dynamite was still fresh and instantly rolled back in. Hansen was unamused and had a kick out at the guardrail. For the follow up later, when Dynamite wasn't in any shape to roll back in, Hansen broke a chair over his back. Hansen remembered. Hansen always remembers. This was about eight minutes tops and I enjoyed it a bunch.

Funk was in total crackpot mode again here, him and Dory coming out to the ring to 'Mammas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys' (fucking amazing), swinging his chaps and picking fights with fans, being absolutely HAMMERED with trash from all angles. His crazy Puerto Rico run is honest to god one of my favourite things ever in wrestling. He's just completely out of control any time he shows up and doesn't give a shit about anything. I don't think he could get away with it anywhere else. This feels like a pretty big dream match on paper, but other than Terry I didn't think anybody was particularly good in it. Hawk wasn't quite sandbagging folk, but he wasn't really in any mood to be selling. That actually led to a few cool bit where he got super pissed off and just started DRILLING Dory with chair shots. I mean Dory is lying there like a wee old homeless man and Hawk is trying to snuff him. The Roadies aren't too hip to Terry's shtick either and don't play off it very well. Terry will go upside down in the corner and Hawk will stand there waiting for something to happen, when Terry clearly wants Hawk to go over and MAKE something happen. Terry gets his clock cleaned and stumbles punch-drunkenly into the Roadies corner waiting to be dinged by Animal, but Animal doesn't really want to play ball so Terry has to go find someone else to play with. Post-match Hawk is swinging a chair around like a lunatic and there is no way I'd want to be anywhere near him while he does that. I'll take every second of Terry in Puerto Rico I can get, but this was pretty disappointing.

This probably could've done with being trimmed by five minutes or so, but it's easily the best Ayala performance so far, and one of the best Colon performances. Purely from a selling perspective I thought it was his best, actually. He's not as expressive a seller as Invader, being more about conveying gritty toughness than sympathy-garnering, but his blood loss selling in the back half of this was truly outstanding, and at times made the beating he was taking pretty harrowing. It's also the craziest blade job he's done. I mean dude is an absolute mess by the end of this, blood streaming out his forehead, his face and chest covered; it was horrifying. In the last few minutes he keeps trying to stand up and fight, but he's out on his feet and Ayala just keeps battering him with punches and stomps. The visual at the end with Colon lying there lifeless as Ayala punches him in the head was like something from a horror movie. He's already dead, just let it be over! I'm still not really sure how good Ayala is, but I get the sense he's at least someone who's easy to work with. He did a lot of nasty shit in this, including choking Colon with the edge of a table and then jumping on said table while it was placed over Colon's face. I also liked him using Colon's own tricks against him by going to the figure four, and that led to Colon breaking it by heeling Ayala in the balls, which is probably the best escape from a figure four I've seen. These two have a barbed wire match coming up and I'm looking forward to seeing how Colon exacts revenge, because if there's one thing about Colon it's that he'll exact revenge in the grizzliest ways possible.

I didn't care too much for this, but there was some clipping going on in there at points and that sort of took me out of it a bit. You'd have them going in one direction, then there'd be a jump in the tape, and the direction would shift pretty abruptly. I also thought it was worked a bit strangely in that they had a fairly hot opening, but then Fuyuki would make his comebacks and in the back half of the match they started working in nerve holds and armbars. Felt kind of arse backwards. I don't have a clue who El Rebelde is and a quick google search is proving fruitless. He was inoffensive enough, I guess, if not very compelling. Fuyuki got real good a couple years after this, but he wasn't at that level yet as a singles wrestler and it showed. If nothing else he was versatile, and it's neat to see him work in this setting. He certainly wasn't afraid to get thrown out and roll around in the dirt.

What chance have you got trying to follow Colon/Hansen? This was actually a pretty fun scrap, but I was still on a high after the last match. Monster Ripper is Bertha Faye of WWF fame and she managed to seem fairly imposing and dangerous in this. She drops big legdrops and sold Richter's stuff okay. Richter was giving off some Mayumi Ozaki vibes only not in insufferable ways. Some of her offence looked rough, but it was frantic and at points it felt like she was just trying to claw herself free of Ripper's GIRTH. I actually liked the finish as well, and because this is Puerto Rico I fully expected someone to get chucked down a stairwell post-match.

How great was Stan Hansen? It's not like his rep needed a boost or anything, but I think this series shows him in a light we never really got to see him in elsewhere, at least not to the same extent. When I think of Hansen I think of that whirlwind of redneck fury, the guy who shows up, wreaks havoc, then leaves. He did all that in Puerto Rico, but over the course of this feud he progressively started to show ass like I've never seen before. This is probably my favourite of his Puerto Rico performances, because he got to be both those guys: the Hansen we all know, but also the Hansen who was prepared to just cut and run. There's a discussion going on in another right now about selling in the broader sense of not just selling pain or how much something hurt, but selling a character, a wider situation -- a reaction from the wrestler that's supposed to convey an emotion and in turn elicit a reaction from the crowd/audience/viewer. Well, Hansen was amazing at all of that here. It might honestly be his best selling performance ever, in that broad, all-encompassing sense. First half of the match is more of a straight up brawl, with guys getting their face raked against the cage, forehead biting, bleeding, everything you'd come to expect from a cage match in Puerto Rico. Colon is just all over Hansen, jumping off the ropes with headbutts and punches, so Hansen punches him in the dick to take over. Like the last match he's only on top for a little while before Colon makes his comeback, but this time you get Hansen hitting a kind of desperation lariat to Colon's forehead, and afterwards both guys are left lying in a bloody heap. Then Colon goes after the leg, and the back half of this is just phenomenal. I've never seen a better build to the figure four. Everything Colon does is geared towards putting on that hold, while Hansen decides he's had quite enough of this and simply wants to be gone. Everything HE does is geared towards escaping. The best thing he can do now is get out of there before Colon breaks his leg. Colon is relentless and won't be denied. Hansen's offence is basically limited to pot shots to try and create some distance, but they're the stiffest fucking pot shots you'll see, whether it's a punch to the temple or a knee to the face. If he can't get out the door he'll try and scramble up and over the cage, and I really can't stress how amazing he was at putting across how desperately he wanted out of there. While selling the damage to his leg. Colon deserves credit for all of this as well, because if Hansen is gonna run for his life then the opponent better make it look like it's warranted, but man was Hansen unreal here. The bit where he takes off his boot and tries to bludgeon Colon with it was amazing on its own, but the fact he just tried to run out the door afterwards made it stick out all the more. It's Hansen. He just wellied somebody with a cowboy boot. And now he's running away?! That right there should tell you the kind of badass Colon is. Fucking hell this was great.

Another incredible match between two guys who can do no wrong together. One of the things I really love about this series - and there are many - is how they build upon previous matches in fairly obvious ways (they don't mess around with the "learned psychology"), while adding layers to the overarching story every time out. In their first match Hansen jumped Colon at the bell and went on a big run of offence, so in the second match Colon made sure it was he who got the early start. He learned quickly that you can't let Hansen get settled. It worked for him in the second match, so he does the same this time. Except this time he goes at him even harder. Hansen gets almost no respite in the first six/seven minutes and can't even take off his chaps. He fought much of the bullrope match on the back foot, but he's on defence for even more of this, practically fighting the whole second half from his back. I think it's time we talk about Colon's headbutts. He has some great headbutts. His punches can sometimes look a bit like they're with the heel of the hand, but his headbutts are always forehead square on forehead. There was one awesome bit during this early stretch where he dragged Hansen out the ring and just started battering his head off the stage. It was a real mauling, and a position we rarely see Hansen in. The transition to Hansen going on offence was really great. He takes Colon down with a double leg and tries to roll him up with the feet on the ropes, which is pretty crazy in and of itself because when the hell do we see Stan Hansen resorting to that inside ten minutes? but when the ref' calls him on it Stan just blatantly drops the knee on Colon's balls. What's also great about that is the fact it'll lead to a revenge ball shot later on, because this is Puerto Rico, and in Puerto Rico no good ball shot goes unpunished. Hansen's only on top for a little while before Colon takes over again, and this is where we get the next building block of the feud. They tried to kill each other with the cowbell in the last match, so now Colon thinks maybe if he breaks Hansen's leg he'll finally be rid of him. Both guys were really awesome during this stretch. It starts with Colon throwing a few kicks to the leg to sort of create some distance, then Hansen misses a high knee in the corner and a knee drop on the canvas, so Colon zeroes in on it and makes it his one point of attack for the rest of the match. Hansen's selling ruled. He's always dangerous because of who he is, but he's wounded with his back to the wall and that makes him even worse. At one point he disappears limping into the crowd, and as Colon goes out to look for him you hear a shriek from a pocket of fans as one of those non-foldable chairs comes flying at Colon. Another thing I really like about Colon is how tenacious he is. That's probably something WWE commentators have said about a thousand wrestlers over the last few years, but I can't imagine many of them capturing a sense of tenaciousness like Colon. He's a street brawler and he'll do whatever he needs to to survive, like biting Hansen's fingers or blatantly grabbing the ropes while applying the figure four. He's in there with Hansen after all; sometimes you need to take liberties. I thought the finish was a tiny bit flat, but the build to Colon finally putting Hansen in the figure four was great, coming a little closer each time with Hansen getting more desperate in fighting him off, and you knew the place would go apeshit when it was finally locked in. I might have four Hansen/Colon matches in my top 10 by the end of this.

I think Ron is incredibly impressive in the same way guys like Arn Anderson and even Terry Funk are, where they go from complete stooge with sort of comedic bumping to stone cold killer at the drop of a hat. He's done that in a few matches on the set. That six man tag with him, Chicky and Abdullah against Colon and the Invaders on disc 2 is probably the best example of it so far. And yeah, also brawls like an absolute motherfucker. He was really, really good.

Like the first Colon/TNT match, this was saddled with the unenviable task of trying to follow Colon/Hansen. This is also Invader working a straight wrestling match with armbars, arm wringers and standard babyface hope spots, which isn't quite the same as him bleeding and brawling and throwing guys down stairwells. It's not really fair to criticise something for not being what you wanted it to be, but it is what it is. Still, Invader is Invader and I'll take what I can get. I'm not sure who Jason actually is under the mask, but he moves okay for a big dude even if he's not the most compelling in control. His big cross body looked a bit Bray Wyatt-ish, at least. Chicky Starr running around ringside being a nuisance reminds me that we've got an Invader I/Chicky match coming up on the next disc. I bet it's good.

There was pretty much no way this could live up to the hype I had for it. I first heard about the Hansen/Colon series - specifically this and the cage match - a few years back, but I held off on watching it because I knew there would be a Puerto Rico set eventually. I'd never read an actual review of this match because I wanted to go in fresh when I finally got to see it, but it was hard to miss the general point that it was great. Then I saw the lead-in matches and the hype only grew. I'd built this up without ever having seen it. It was unfair, because it couldn't possibly live up to what I'd made of it in my head. But then it did. And it was god damn incredible. I don't remember ever seeing Hansen take this much of a drubbing. I know Colon is the boss and everything, but Hansen really gave him a ton, and Colon certainly made the most of it. I mean, if you're going to beat on Stan Hansen for extended periods of time then you better do it like you mean it, and Colon did it like he meant it. It felt like whatever Colon had tapped into was beyond anything Hansen ever expected. He knew Colon would bring it, just not like this. I don't think anybody expected him to dominate, but there were points where he did just that. Colon had an answer for everything, and Hansen was phenomenal playing off it. At one point he even grabbed the referee's leg to keep himself from being dragged out the ring, and as the ref' was on the mat trying to scramble away Colon took Hansen's head and rammed it into the ref's boot. There was one sequence in the match that encapsulated the whole story. Hansen had touched three turnbuckles and was about to touch the fourth, having dragged Colon around the ring with him to get this far. Colon, in the opposite corner, wraps his legs around the bottom rope and holds onto the bullrope for dear life. It turns into a tug of war, Hansen trying to push forward, Colon trying to drag him back, the crowd at total fucking melting point. This is probably where a friend of mine would drop a Dragonball Z reference about Goku doing the Spirit Bomb or something. I mean these people are just living and dying with every single thing Colon does. And he eventually succeeds. They all do, Colon and his people, by yanking Hansen back and staying alive in the match. The scene after it, with Colon lying in the corner utterly spent, Hansen cussing out the world with his blood-coated face, the crowd going bananas...that is the motherfucking pro wrestling. I also loved how this was a gimmick match where the gimmick carried tremendous weight. They punched each other and headbutted each other and bit and scratched and tried to gouge each other's eyes out, but they absolutely slabbered each other with that cowbell. If one guy got within rage of the other, they were getting dinged in the head. If the cowbell wasn't on hand, they were getting strangled with that bullrope. The rope wasn't just a means of keeping them tied together -- in those guys' hands it was a weapon, and it got used again and again. They actually reached a point towards the end where I thought the drama might've peaked and they wouldn't be able to get it back for the finish, but they shut my mouth with the finish they did do. It was perfect. Look at that crowd. That is drama. And this is my new #1.

How about Stan Hansen and Chicky Starr for a dream team you never dared dream of. Like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid if the Sundance Kid was a cheapshotting little weasel bastard (I mean, he might've been). Chicky was a really fun toady in this, relying on Hansen to bail him out at a couple points but never being above fouling someone when Hansen wasn't on hand to offer immediate assistance. It led to a great payback spot later when Colon double punted him in the balls, and really, nowhere else does revenge ball shots like Puerto Rico. Huracan Castillo Jr. is the guy I thought was the commissioner or something from the last Hansen match where Stan kicked the shit out of him. I don't know whether he actually is the commissioner or not, but I certainly never recognised him before as the same guy from Los Boricuas. He mostly works the apron, but towards the end he gets into it with Chicky and bites him in the forehead a bunch. I loved Colon's comeback in this, untangling himself from the tree of woe position and cartwheeling over to save Castillo from a Hansen/Chicky mauling. Hansen wrapping the bullrope around Colon's neck and hanging him over the top rope was pretty wild as well, and it all goes towards setting us up for the bullrope match.

"The possibilities with that Terry/Starr tandem are endless. Maybe Dory will be okay as well." That was what popped into my head when this match came up on the screen (I don't really comb through match lists for these 80s sets, preferring to go in blind so that when something like this shows up I get all giddy like a superdork). You see that team and on the opposite end you have three guys in masks, two of whom are wearing identical gear, and you can't help but expect to see Terry Funk lose the rag at some phantom babyface tag shtick. Ron Starr has been a waaaay more fun stooge than I ever would've imagined (you know, from those whole two Ron Starr matches I'd seen before watching this set), but he's not quite Funk. I expected him to be good, and he was, but this is Terry Funk in Puerto Rico so naturally I'm gonna be drawn to him first and foremost. And of course Terry was great. It's like being in Puerto Rico let him cut loose his chains and be as much of a screwball as possible. He wants a boxing match with Invader to start, and obviously he loses, but the sell and face-first bump he takes off Invader's right hook is just beyond words. They also do the bit where Invader rams Terry's head into the turnbuckle a bunch, then when he stops Terry keeps rocking back and forth, head bouncing off the turnbuckle, until big brother comes in set him right. Dory was fine enough, mostly as the recipient of the early babyface shine, taking a few really cool Ted DiBiase-ish bumps off Invader's double chop, but when you look at that heel unit he's not the guy you want in there the lion's share of the time. I would've liked to have seen a longer FIP spell and a proper finish, but I'll take absolutely everything I can get of Terry Funk working Puerto Rico. You'll hear no complaints from me that this made the set.

One thing about Colon that I haven't really seen brought up yet is his unselfishness as top dog/ace. You watch that Abby match where Colon slaughters him for twenty minutes in isolation and you might get the impression he would just guzzle guys, especially when you consider Abby's status, but that's very much an outlier. He could've easily taken more of this match given the fact Rivera is in his first year as a pro, but he was on a mission to make TNT look legit. This was one of those matches that started out okay and built and built and before you knew it you were watching something really damn good. TNT is still pretty raw around the edges, but for a guy who hasn't even had a full year of working under his belt he handled himself well. He has lots of energy and bumps big, especially off of backdrops, and he will absolutely take your head off with a superkick (he hit two in this as Colon was running off the ropes, and they both looked brutal). He also hits a lot of chops and uppercuts to the throat and he isn't above flat out choking a guy. Structurally he was in control for most of this, working the arm for a bit early on, then Colon would make sort of mini comebacks. But TNT would always find an answer, whether it was through shutting Colon down with a superkick or eventually going to the cobra clutch. When Colon hooked in the sleeper hold around midway through it looked like it was only a matter of time before he'd win, but TNT found an answer to it and worked his way back on top. When Colon cartwheeled and got the crowd going (and boy did they go) it looked like he'd finally go on that big run and put the match to bed, but again TNT managed to regain control. By the time it spills to the floor and they brawl to a no contest it feels like TNT has solidified himself as a genuine threat. He had plenty to do with that himself, but Colon really gave him a ton and went the extra mile to push him over the line.

This probably wasn't done any favours coming after some absolute corkers on the disc. It's hard to top Invader/Perez or Colon/Hansen, you know? That said, this wasn't trying to be either of those; it was a short TV match and if nothing else a fun look at TNT, the future Savio Vega. He was really game in this, threw some nice uppercuts to the throat and leveled Colon a couple times with big thrust kicks. He headbutts Colon at one point and I'm wondering if Colon has been doing a Fujiwara-ish hard head gimmick this whole time where it's pointless trying to headbutt him, because he just stares at TNT like he's a dummy before throwing a headbutt of his own. They're treating TNT's cobra clutch as quite the death kill here and it leads to the grizzly post-match visual of Colon lying KO'd and foaming at the mouth, which coincidentally is another Fujiwaraism.

A step below their first match, and I guess it kinda sort of maybe feels more like feud progression than a fully formed match, but fuck it. It's these two, and it was good, and it was very different from that first match. This time Colon jumps Hansen at the bell, and in one of the few occasions I can ever remember we get Stan Hansen very much on the back foot to start a match. Colon busts him open and throws his awesome headbutts while Hansen tries to rid himself of his chaps and jacket. It's this kind of thing that makes me think Hansen is the best to ever do it. If you've seen one Stan Hansen match then you've seen him beat the crap out of somebody. If you've seen several Stan Hansen matches then you've seen him beat the crap out of several somebodies. He might be the best ever at that particular aspect of pro wrestling. But his selling and ability to show vulnerability or, in those rare instances, even fear; those are the things that really put him over the top. I hadn't watched any Hansen outside All Japan in ages, and that was never an environment where you were likely to find Hansen outright begging off or borderline stooging. But he wasn't afraid to here, and Stan bastarding Hansen asking for a bit of reprieve made Colon seem like a badass in his own right. There was some dueling limb work in this, and it didn't last long or anything, but I liked how it came about. First Colon goes for a high knee in the corner and hits the turnbuckle, so Hansen jumps on this opening and goes after the leg for a little bit. He soon drops it in favour of throwing Colon into a fence and mushing his face into it, but it was cool while it lasted. Shortly after this Hansen tries to lariat Colon on the floor, but Colon moves and Hansen lariats the ring post, so Colon works the arm for a short spell, wrapping it around the post and bashing it off the dugout. That doesn't last long either, but both felt like examples where an opportunity presented itself for one guy to inflict some extra damage on his opponent, before eventually going back to the more attractive option of beating his head off something solid. Hansen kicking the shit out of the commissioner post-match ruled as well. I don't remember ever seeing him lariat somebody while they're on all fours, but he did it here and of course it must've sucked being on the receiving end of that.

This is the best thing Al Perez ever did in his career, right? This was another awesome wild brawl, right on the level of your crazy Jim Duggan Mid-South alley fights (in a lot of ways this is probably the Puerto Rico equivalent of Duggan/Sawyer). It's becoming trite to say it at this point, but holy fuck was Invader great. This had all the blood and face-punching and nut-punting you'd expect, but Invader's selling holds it all together. Maybe that's doing a bit of a disservice to Perez, because he was really good in this and I'd be shocked if he was ever better, but Invader in this kind of match is one of the surest things of the 80s. The progressive toll of Perez's shots, the blood loss, the desperation he puts into his comebacks, with his running punch and double thrust to the throat -- it was all awesome. He has the crowd eating out the palm of his hand as well, the way he beats on his chest when it's time to REALLY kick somebody's butt and the crowd responds by going mental. Perez tried to throw him over the side of a stairwell and he was literally hanging over the edge of this drop by his legs while the crowd were screaming and losing their minds, and this is Puerto Rico so you know it's plausible that he might actually fall. Then he came back with a chair and the people were right there with him for every shot, and of course he threw Perez down the fucking stairwell because every single fan in that building would've done the same. And what is Invader I, if not a man of the people?

And now for a look at a completely different kind of crazy person. Where Terry Funk is unhinged and liable to do something nuts at any moment, he IS pretty goofy. It doesn't mean you should be any less wary of him, but you can laugh at him sometimes (just make sure he doesn't notice). Hansen...there's nothing funny about Hansen. There are no goofball antics with him, no instances where you go, "that guy's a maniac, but it was funny that time he got his pants pulled down and bounced around bare-arsed." He's just a whirlwind of chaos and violence and there's no building up to it. There's no simmering, no bubbling below the surface before it erupts. It's front and centre for everyone to see the second he hits the scene. And it's infectious. The way he carries himself, his demeanour, everything about him sets off everyone else around him, to the point where the whole arena ends up rabid. It's like when one dog on the street starts barking. It sets off the neighbour's, which sets off the other neighbour's, and before you know it every dog on the block is howling. That's what Hansen brings with his presence. It's a chain reaction of palpable fucking craziness. I'll be honest, my expectations for this feud were through the roof, and that was before I'd gotten a handle on how good Colon was. After those Colon/Abby matches they were even higher. The best brawler of all time coming into THIS territory, working against the ace...of course I was expecting something special. And fuck, how about this for a place to start? Hansen was so amazing in this. He takes out the referee inside half a minute, then wraps the bullrope around Colon's neck and swings him into the ring posts. Security literally have to follow Hansen around the ringside area because he's kicking barricades and getting in fans' faces and generally being a madman. He breaks a foot stool or something over Colon's head and jabs the broken corner of it into his face. Hansen's energy is seriously something to behold. He never stops; it's just constant crazy. At one point he picks up one of the many pieces of garbage lying in the ring, shows it to the crowd like "thank you for this crushed up Coke can, I'm now going to stab your hero in the head with it" and stabs Colon in the head with it. Colon's selling through all of this was great as well. He's fighting the odds from the very beginning and at times it feels like all he can possibly hope to do is slow Hansen's momentum rather than actually gain an upper hand. But the more he does stop the momentum, the more he can chip away at him. Every time Hansen loses control, it takes him a little longer to regain it. Stan sold that cumulative damage in a way that made it look like Colon's attacks were mounting up, and it made everything Colon did feel truly earned, because Hansen never gave him anything easily. It all got the crowd behind their boy even more, so by the end they're just losing their mind. When he finally managed to take firm control - after a good old kick in the balls - it was like he'd climbed a mountain, despite the mountain trying to throw him off at every turn. Then Al Perez had to come and spoil his party. Awesome first installment in this feud. I'm ready for everything else these two did together.

If comic books are to believed, and I see no reason why they shouldn't, there's probably an alternate universe somewhere/sometime in which Terry Funk only toured Japan once every few years, and the majority of his peak was spent on the island of Puerto Rico. Don't get me wrong, I love Funk in Japan as much as the next guy. He had a ton of great stuff there. But imagine those Funks v Abby and Sheik matches happening in Puerto Rico? Imagine Funk getting to wrestle Carlos Colon or the Invaders or even Hercules Ayala every week? I wonder what kind of names they could've brought in with the drawing card of a former NWA World Champion being there full time. Fucking hell, never mind Abby and the Sheik, imagine Funk v Hansen happened in Puerto Rico?! A man can dream, I guess (those Funk/Invader matches from the early 80s are Holy Grail material at this point, btw). This is the final of the Universal Title tournament, which Funk reached by somehow getting past Windham and Martel despite literally wrestling parts of those matches with his pants down and/or a wooden chair around his head. His pre-match interview was incredible here. He calls Puerto Rico a giant pig farm again, says Colon is a yellow coward pig, then says he knows how to speak in a foreign language the crowd will understand. "Oink oink," he says, while you take a second just to thank the wrestling gods that we've been blessed with Terry Funk. Savinovic uses his sleeve to wipe his face of Funk's spittle so Funk just outright spits on him and this match is twelve stars before anybody's even gotten in the ring. This was actually a slightly more subdued Funk performance than his last two. Maybe it's because it's the final for all the marbles, but he was a little more businesslike. We still get some awesome shtick early on, though. This time he tries to back pedal from Colon and trips up over his own discarded chaps, then he takes a Flair Flip in the corner before seamlessly moving straight into his seesaw bit in the ropes as Colon peppers him with punches. Pretty soon he takes over, and as usual he goes to the piledriver outside, this time doing it on the stage. I'm a dork for guys working a chinlock and pulling the referee out of position by grabbing the hair, then using the other hand to blatantly choke while the ref' is looking out for more hair pulling. We got that here, and Funk even makes the hair pulling look like he's trying to give a guy a permanent bald patch. I'm not the first person to bring up Terry Funk's selling, but man is Terry Funk great at selling. He takes a punt to the balls (he did it to Colon first, so it was warranted) and it may be the best sell of a ball shot I've ever seen, and he even tries to turn it into a distraction spot by feigning a ruptured testicle so he can grab a foreign object. His sell of the figure four, while in the hold as well as afterwards, is really awesome as well. Nobody throws headbutts on jelly legs like Terry Funk. Not quite up there with the Windham and Martel matches, but it's good and something you won't regret watching.

Might be my favourite Colon performance yet. At first I figured this was going to be his Jerry Lawler performance, where he starts slow, gets beaten up for a while, then cartwheels (drops the strap) and makes his big comeback while the crowd goes nuts. And in a sense that's what we got...but at the same time it was much more than that. The first half was all Abby, jabbing Colon in the throat with a pencil, throwing big headbutts, biting Colon's forehead open and generally dominating. Then Carlos made his big comeback, complete with cartwheel and crowd going nuts. And THEN he went full caveman on Abby, and I've never seen Lawler blatantly punt a guy in the balls - repeatedly - or attempt to scalp someone with his teeth like Colon did here. He was rabid; not quite as savage as he was in the June match, but he was out for blood and wouldn't be satisfied with a mere trickle. Abdullah ruled on the back foot. Some of his weeble-wobble selling before finally going down was Blackwell-esque and he really milked his bumps for everything they were worth. It's one thing to go down for a leaping headbutt, but it's another to time it so that the crowd goes full on badger shit when it happens. In true Abdullah fashion, though, you could never count him out. He's always hiding a fork or a plain old jaggy stick somewhere, and this time he had Gary Hart with him so that made him even more dangerous. Case in point: we reach peak Puerto Rico level when Hart hands Abby a shiv and Abby STABS COLON IN THE DICK! I couldn't believe it when he did that. When Colon went and stood over him I thought, "he could stab him in the dick here. Wait...surely he wouldn't do that." But then he did! He actually stabbed him in the dick and I outright shouted "holy shit he stabbed him in the dick!" This match-up has delivered every time out, and there haven't been two that follow the same pattern yet (other than the pattern of blood and stabbing), which blows my previous "these Abby/Colon matches all probably have a similar formula but it feels like they'll throw just enough different wrinkles in there to keep it fresh" theory to bits. This was completely different to the June match, which was completely different to the March match, which was different to the very first match on the set (complete with post-match riot). And I think it's time I stopped comparing Colon to guys like Lawler or the Von Erichs or any other territory babyface mainstay. You can draw parallels, sure, but I've seen enough of him now that I think he absolutely stands on his own. This wasn't Carlos Colon doing a Jerry Lawler. This was Carlos Colon doing a Carlos Colon. And I hope he doesn't change for anybody.

Fucking hell, Terry Funk in Puerto Rico might be one of my favourite wrestlers ever. It's like Walt Goggins in Sons of Anarchy or Timothy Olyphant in Archer, where they show up for an episode or two and just absolutely steal the show (man I miss Justified). This was another incredible Funk performance, maybe even better than the last one. The whole first half is basically one big Terry Funk comedy stooge showcase. He slaps Martel before the bell and runs away, so Martel elbow drops Funk's cowboy hat and Funk's chaps fall down. He gets back in the ring and wants a boxing match, so Martel obliges and Funk ends up throwing midair punches before falling flat on his butt. He climbs the ropes, but he's unsteady up there and just falls and crotches himself on the top rope, and I cannot possibly describe his sell of this. I couldn't do it justice. Everything Funk does in this first half is designed to make him look like an idiot and it was god damn beautiful. People at ringside laugh at him so he starts throwing chairs into the audience! I never noticed the safety net in front of the crowd so when he threw the first one I expected a fan to literally be killed. Then he grabs the security guard by the scruff of the neck and threatens to ding him, but this is motherfucking Puerto Rico and security in Puerto Rico aren't scared of shit, so Funk backs up apologetically. Then he threatens a fat guy in a green t-shirt instead. He almost falls out the ring running the ropes again, so Martel pulls his trunks down and Funk obliviously walks around with his bare ass out. When he eventually realises he's been humiliated (again) he picks another a fight with the fat guy in the green t-shirt. Concluding that his current strategy is getting him nowhere fast, he takes over by changing tact and luring Martel into that dreaded false sense of security. He breaks clean a few times and applauds Martel's efficiency at working the headlock, but as soon as he gets his chance he goes to the low blow. At this point he takes all that anger at being laughed at and directs it at Martel, piledriving him on the grass, choking him with a chain, throwing him into stacks of chairs. When Martel comes back we get more of Funk walking around with the chair over his head, but this time they turn that into an utterly insane spot with Martel piledriving Funk on the floor with the chair still around his neck! In very un-Terry Funk-like fashion he barely sells this and basically goes straight to the spot where he gets his head/chair stuck in the ropes, but I'm astounded they did a spot like that in the first place. I mean, you know Funk is a lunatic, but wow. I also love how Martel can't hit his slingshot splash even in Puerto Rico. In fact, I loved all of this. All of it. I'd put it a hair below the Windham match, but it still ruled and I want to see every single thing Terry Funk ever did on this glorious island.

So, in one of my more shitheaded moments, I had Terry Funk at #11 on my greatest wrestler ever ballot. After watching a fair chunk of Terry Funk matches the last couple months, #11 now feels at least twelve spots too low. He was absolutely incredible in this, just having the time of his life coming into Puerto Rico and doing a greatest hits of Terry Funk shtick. In the first few minutes he gets Flair Flipped in the corner and tries to yank the nearby cameraman off the apron, then he nearly falls out the ring running the ropes and picks a fight with another cameraman at ringside, who of course runs away like a sane person. He launches a wooden chair in the ring out of frustration, but Barry is cool as ice and plucks it out the air with one hand. Eventually Funk takes over with an awesome transition. He spits on Windham and bails to the floor, and as Barry chases him out Funk grabs him and rams him into the post, then hits two piledrivers on the floor. I don't know if he pointed to his head afterwards like he was smarter than everyone else, but it was one of those moments where you knew the crazy guy wielding the branding iron had been around the block a few times. Barry is great selling the ensuing beatdown and Funk is clearly having fun being in a territory where it's not as frowned upon to mule kick someone in the balls. When Windham takes over again he gets his revenge by hitting a couple piledrivers on the concrete, and Funk then spends the rest of the match on the back foot doing something amazing every thirty seconds. Windham was already super great in 1986 and this isn't even remotely a carry job, but it's really Funk being Funk with Barry playing along. Terry is so great at setting things up here, usually stringing multiple comedy spots together seamlessly. Barry rams his head into the turnbuckle as the crowd count to ten along with him, then Funk grabs the ropes in a daze and staggers over to the adjacent corner, so Windham follows him over and does it another ten times. Then Funk comes out the corner rocking back and forth as if Windham is still bonking his head off the turnbuckle, like the motion has been permanently seared into his muscle memory. At another point he punch-drunkenly falls out the ring and tries to crawl away, stands up with a chair wrapped around his head, then gets stuck trying to climb back in the ring because the chair won't fit through the ropes. It may honestly have been the hardest I've laughed - like genuinely, heartily laughed - at a spot in a wrestling match ever. There was about fifty other things he did that ruled, too. He fell into the laps of pensioners at ringside, recklessly fell headfirst out the ring in an almost reverse Buddy Rose bump, went for a neckbreaker but ended up only hurting himself because Barry was holding onto the rope (and you could see Funk set it up by forcing him over to the ropes as he was about to do it), did an AMAZING double pirouette off a punch that Simone Biles probably stole for a floor routine, and in his post-match interview he called Savinovic a pig and Puerto Rico as a whole one giant pig sty. I'd seen this match before years ago, but I really didn't remember a whole lot about it. Turns out it was grade A awesome. Who would've thought?

Wonderful match, with one of the most unfortunate, annoying clip jobs imaginable. What we have is a pre-commercial stretch that's awesome and a post-commercial stretch that's even better, but at some point in between then Ron Starr ends up tapping an artery and not seeing that middle portion of the match is one massive kick in the nuts. The pre-commercial stretch is way more tentative than the stadium match, but they traded the wild brawling for a really cool slow build. This is a title match, not a street fight, so they actually have to adhere to a rule or two...at least for a while. Invader goes to the hip toss early and Starr eventually counters one with an STO, but his control is always short lived as Invader keeps finding ways to come out on top of exchanges. I loved the bit where Starr blocks a few punches in the corner and Invader slowly backs up, refusing to engage him any further, staring him down with contempt. The coolest spot during this part was when Starr went for his DDT, really throwing his hips into it, but as he's about to fall back Invader slips out and takes him over with a slick hammerlock takedown. They go to the commercial break at this point, and I don't know how much we miss exactly, but when we come back Starr's Rambo vest has been torn off and the blood's flowing freely, so you know you want to see what led to that. Everything after the break is amazing, though. Almost right away Starr throws Invader out to the floor, and I have no idea who she is or why she was there, but some woman comes over and smashes a chair over Invader's head, then casually walks away as fans pelt her with trash. Invader hits yet another gusher and this might be his best selling performance yet, struggling to his feet before collapsing into a cluster of seats, staggering around selling the blood loss. It's a truly exceptional sell job, from a guy who makes lying on the floor bleeding utterly compelling. When they went into the finishing run I was thinking it was going to end the same way as the street fight, but they went another few minutes after that and everything they did felt like the last gambits of two warriors destined to die on the battlefield. The selling, the desperation, the nuclear crowd heat -- this was just tremendous stuff. And I loved the decisive finish, with Invader's attempted cross body being that one bridge too far and Starr caputalising with his DDT, the crowd in near shock. I think I'd already take Ron Starr over a bunch of his more highly pimped peers (I mean, I've never seen a Dick Slater performance I enjoyed more than Ron's in this or the street fight), and Invader is undeniable at this point. If we had this in full I could see it being my outright #1, but even as is it'll still go high.

On the one hand this had some really good stuff. On the other hand both guys were wearing identical ring attire and I couldn't tell who was who. I *think* Medico was the tecnico. The crowd were super hot for whoever the tecnico was, anyway. They popped huge for his punch flurry - and good grief what a fucking punch flurry this was - and they rallied behind him when the rudo took over. The rudo - I assume White Knight - was a bit chinlocky, but he hit a nice vertical suplex and his top rope elbow was first class. I may re-watch this if Boricua's history thread sheds some light on who's who (and maybe some backstory), but as it stands I still liked it well enough. Those white masks were absolutely dapper, btw.

If ECW had ever ran a baseball stadium show, this is about how I imagine it would've went. This was ECW before ECW was cool, baby! And it was awesome. They basically brawled all over the stadium, from the infield to the dugouts, through the crowd and into the stands, on top of what looked like a stage set up in the middle of the field, then eventually into the ring. There were bits where they'd end up disappearing amid pockets of fans, then Starr would reappear by running away as Invader tried to chase him down and throw stuff at him. It was like one of those cartoon scuffles where all you'd see is dust and flailing limbs, passing through one end of a building before reemerging from the other as you hear furniture crashing in its wake. I really haven't seen much of Starr, but he was great again in this and he's been one of the best guys on the set. He brawls, he bleeds, he bumps and stooges, and he isn't afraid to jump off the top rope and land balls-first across someone's knee. Invader continues to absolutely rule it in everything he's in. This was one of the rare occasions where his opponent actually out-bled him, but his selling was still outstanding and the way he fires back with strikes like it might be his one last chance of survival is always awesome. I understand why it's the case, but he really feels like one of the most underrated or least talked about great wrestlers ever. Last few minutes had guys getting whipped with a weightlifting belt, punch exchanges while both guys were on their knees (which led to Invader hitting his double chop from a kneeling position, and of course it was tremendous), nasty post shots and double knockdowns where they both just recklessly clattered into each other. And I don't have any problem at all with the finish being what it was. This was badass.

Watched this again tonight for the first time in five years. My thoughts on it now are the same as they were then. What I wrote about it at the time: Man this fucking ruled. Tamura is as fired up here as I've ever seen him and it really felt like he wanted to win this more than anything else in the world. His look of utter "fuck you" defiance when Maeda shoots in for the first time and tries to take his ankle is just amazing, and the crowd reaction at that moment is one of the best I've seen in a long time. Match is actually a bit spartan, but Maeda has an incredible aura and the charisma of both guys really makes it. I had also never seen this before and wasn't sure who won, so I was losing my shit at the end. I wanted Tamura to get to the ropes about as much as everybody else in that building did, and it's not often I get drawn into a match like that anymore. So yeah, it rules. I couldn't even come up with a comprehensive list just off the top of my head right now, but this might be one of the best sub-10 minute shoot style matches ever, right?