Cross Face Chicken Wing Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 Attention members of PWO: What you are about to read is extremely dorky and insane. Swallow any beverage that might be in your mouth -- I don't want you spitting it onto your naked lady device after reading what I'm doing. Cover your hands with something soft -- I don't want you getting concussed when you smack your head after comprehending what I'm up to. Make sure you have a mirror nearby -- I want each and every one of you who reads this to look into it after you're done and recite the following 20 times: "I will never do anything this dorky. I will never do anything this dorky. I will never do anything this dorky..." Now that I've got the warnings required by law (thanks Obama) out of the way, I can reveal that I have created an institution called the Squared Circle Football League. The NFL has basically morphed into a cockeyed version of professional wrestling these days. Each and every day the offield antics of its players gets more outrageous and the manufactured storylines created by the league PR machine, ESPN and the bloviators on sports talk radio get more tiresome. So, since the NFL is now, basically, a more popular and mainstream version of pro wrestling, why not model a football league after the NFL and fill with with teams made up entirely of pro wrestlers? That's exactly what I've done with the Squared Circle Football League (SCFL). I've put together six teams made up entirely of pro wrestlers. These six teams will play a 10-game season (they'll all play each other twice) with the top three teams making the "World Heavyweight Championship Bowl." The top seed receives a bye straight to the "SCFL World Heavyweight Championship" game and will face the winner of the "Intercontinental Title" round (the No. 2 vs. No. 3 seed). The winner of the "SCFL World Heavyweight Championship" game will take home the SCFL Title Belt. To make all this happen, I will be using a pro football management simulation called Action PC Football. I'll provide weekly recaps of each game and follow the storylines of the SCFL as they develop throughout the season. Below, you will see that I've created rosters for each team. The next step is to input the rosters into the game and rate the players, which will take some time. I'll be posting season previews for each team as I finish inputting them into the game. Meantime, if you, the kind (and slightly warped, like me) readers of PWO could give the rosters a review and let me know if I missed including any obvious wrestlers, I would appreciate it. I focused mainly on pre-2000s American wrestlers to build each team. You'll see I sprinkled in a few foreigners and modern workers throughout, but the heavy focus is on the 80s and 90s era of American wrestling rosters. I tried to place each wrestler on a team that corresponded best with where they wrestled, but it's not always perfect. Some adjustments needed to be made to balance out each 50-man (and woman) roster. Will the WWF Superstars, led by their controversial coach Vince McMahon, use their star power and massive talent to win it all? Can hard-partying QB Ric Flair help the NWA Grapplers overcome a lack of team speed and a roster filled mostly with white dudes? Can the ECW Extremists avoid getting called for roughing penalties on every other play and string together a few wins? We're about to find out. Get ready for season one of the SCFL! WWF Superstars QB “Macho Man” Randy Savage RB Dynamite Kid WR Shawn Michaels WR Jeff Hardy WR Own Hart TE Hulk Hogan LT Andre the Giant LG Yokozuna C Mark Henry RG King Kong Bundy RT Earthquake QB John Cena QB The Fabulous Moolah RB Bob Backlund FB Jim Neidhart WR 1-2-3 Kid WR Chris Jericho TE Bruno Sammartino TE Razor Ramon T Mabel T Pat Patterson G/C Gorilla Monsoon OL Hillbilly Jim DE Undertaker DT Big John Studd DT Big Boss Man DE The Rock OLB Bret Hart MLB Stone Cold Steve Austin OLB Ultimate Warrior CB Tito Santana CB Superfly Jimmy Snuka SS Rowdy Roddy Piper FS Jake the Snake Roberts DE Bradshaw DT Rikishi DL Davey Boy Smith LB Bad News Brown LB Demolition Ax LB Demolition Smash LB Triple-H CB Marty Janettey CB Road Dog CB Pat Tanaka S Repo Man S Tatanka CB/S Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff K Barry Horrowitz P Brooklyn Brawler KR/PR Doink the Clown Head coach: Vince McMahon NWA Rasslers QB Nature Boy Ric Flair RB Great Muta FB Kevin Sullivan WR Rick Rude WR Rickey Steamboat TE Giant Baba LT Blackjack Mulligan LG Abdullah the Butcher C Nikita Koloff RG The American Dream Dusty Rhodes RT The Barbarian QB Tully Blanchard QB Baby Doll RB Jay Youngblood RB Beautiful Bobby Eaton WR Robert Gibson WR Jimmy Garvin WR Bobby Fulton TE Greg Valentine TE Thunderbolt Patterson G Bugsy McGraw T Killer Kowalski G Dick the Bruiser G/C Masked Superstar DE Lex Luger DT Ole Anderson DT Road Warrior Animal DE Road Warrior Hawk OLB Barry Windham MLB Harley Race OLB Magnum TA CB Mike Rotundo CB Ricky Morton FS Arn Anderson SS Terry Funk DT Samu DT Fatu DE Ox Baker MLB Tommy Rich LB/DE Lou Thez LB Ronnie Garvin LB Ivan Koloff CB Terry Taylor CB Stan Lane CB/S Pez Whatley S Lou Thez S Jimmy Valiant P Bill Mulkey K Randy Mulkey KR/PR Tommy Rogers Head coach: J.J. Dillon WCW Big Boys QB Sting RB Chris Benoit WR Eddie Guerrero WR Jushin Thunder Liger WR Norman Smiley TE Antonio Inoki LT Sid Vicious LG Cactus Jack C Steve Mongo McMichael RG Jim Ross RT The Giant QB Lord Steven Regal QB Stacy Kiebler RB Ultimo Dragon RB El Dandy FB Fit Finlay WR Johnny B. Badd WR Alex Wright TE Scott Steiner TE Bobby Duncam Jr. G Hugh Morris G/C Tex Slazenger G/T PN News T The Shockmaster DE Ron Simmons NT Vader DE Bill Goldbert OLB Kevin Nash ILB Booker T ILB Rick Steiner OLB Dustin Rhodes CB Juventud Guerrera CB Norman Smiley SS Diamond Dallas Page FS Flyin' Brian Pillman DE Scott Norton DE Meng DL Stevie Ray NT Mr. Hughes ILB Buff Bagwell ILB Brian Knobbs OLB Chris Kanyon CB Earnest The Cat Miller CB Chavo Guerrero CB Billy Kidman S Konan S Dean Malenko K Disco Inferno P The Yetti KR/PR Rey Misterio Jr. Head coach: Eric Bishoff AWA Traditoinalists QB Nick Bockwinkel RB Rick Martell FB Dino Bravo WR Greg Gagne WR Jumpin' Jim Brunzell TE Baron von Raschke LT Sgt. Slaugher LG Superstar Billy Graham C Adrian Adonis RG Otto Wanz RT Larry The Ax Hennig QB Playboy Buddy Rose QB Mean Gene Okerlund RB Tom Zenk RB Bobo Brazil RB/FB Jerry Saggs WR Paul Diamond WR Doug Sommers TE Billy Robinson TE Boris Zukov T Col. DeBeers G/T Masa Saito G/C Wild Bill Irwin G Sheik Adnan Al Kaise DE Stan The Lariat Hansen DT Jerry Blackwell DT Jumbo Tsuruta DE Ken Patera OLB Chief Wahoo McDaniel MLB Da Crusher OLB Jesse the Body Ventura CB Curt Hennig CB Larry Zbyszko SS Mad Dog Vachon FS Brad Rheingans DT The Raging Bull Manny Fernandez DE Nord the Barbarian DE Mike Enos LB/DE Scott LeDoux LB Ray the Crippler Stevens LB Wayne The Train Bloom LB Pat O'Connor CB Pat Tanaka CB Steve Regal CB/S Red Bastein S Brad Armstron S DJ Peterson K Kenny The Sodbuster Jay P Buck "Rock 'n Roll" Zumhofe KR/PR Jerry Lynn Head coach: Vern Gagne ECW Extremists QB The Franchise Shane Douglas RB Super Crazy WR Rob Van Dam WR Stevie Richards WR 2 Cold Scorpio TE Al Snow LT Mike Awesome LG The Sandman C Tommy Dreamer RG The Blue Meanie RT Jack Victory QB Chris Chetti QB Francine RB/WR Super Nova RB Lance Storm FB Perry Saturn WR Wolfie D WR J.C. Ice TE Steve Corino TE John Kronus G/C Axl Rotten G Sal E. Graziano T Balls Mahoney OL Roadkill DE 911 NT Bam Bam Bigelow DE Raven OLB Justin Credible ILB Buh Buh Ray Dudley ILB Rhino OLB Mustafa Saed CB Chris Candido CB Little Guido SS New Jack FS Sabu DE Big Dick Dudley NT Pitbull No. 1 DL Pitbull No. 2 DL Rocco Rock ILB D-Von Dudley ILB Taz OLB Tommy Cairo OLB Tracy Smothers S Massato Tanaka S Yoshihiro Tajiri CB Mikey Whipwreck CB The Great Sauske K Joel Gertner P Tod Gordon KR/PR Spike Dudley Head coach: Paul E. Dangerously Territorial Outlaws QB Jerry the King Lawler RB Koko B. Ware FB Iceman King Parsons WR Steve Kerin WR Michael PS Hayes TE The Snowman LT One Man Gang LG Kamala C Dick Murdoch RG Plowboy Frazier RT Killer Khan QB Billy Joe Travis RB Mil Mascaras RB Rip Rogers WR Superstar Bill Dundee WR Gino Hernandez WR Mr. Olympia TE Pork Chop Cash TE Austin Idol T Lord Humongous G/C Eric Embry G Moondog Rex G Moondog Spot DE Dr. Death Steve Williams DT Junkyard Dog DT Terry Gordy DE Bruiser Brody OLB Kerry Von Erich ILB Hacksaw Jim Duggan OLB Butch Reed CB David Von Erich CB Kevin Von Erich SS Adrian Street FS Eddie Gilbert DE Atsushi Onita DE Hercules Hernandez DL Carlos Colon DT Giant Haystacks LB Dutch Mantell LB Buzz Sawyer LB Billy Jack Haynes OLB Ted Dibiase CB Jeff Jarrett CB Chris Adams CB/S Danny Hohdge S Dick Slater S Kabuki K Andy Kauffman P Jimmy Hart KR/PR Chris Adams Head coach: Bill Watts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricky Jackson Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 WWF's o-line has some serious beef on it. Great stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cross Face Chicken Wing Posted February 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 WWF's o-line has some serious beef on it. Great stuff They'll definitely open up some holes for the Dynamite Kid in the run game, but will they hold up in pass protection against athletic pass rushers like Butch Reed or Road Warrior Hawk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteF3 Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 I get the jobbers=special teams thing, but Tajiri really should do the kicking for Team ECW. And Paul Diamond (former pro soccer-er) for the AWA. Now, can we make a starting roster of guys who dabbled in wrasslin'? Note, eligible roster guys must have at least been college players of note, if not pros. QB Erik Watts RB Marcus Dupree RB Bronko Nagurski WR WR TE Russ Francis T Dr. Bill Miller G Bill Fralic C Vader T Bradshaw G Dick the Bruiser DE Jeff Gaylord DT Ron Simmons DT Ernie Ladd DE Reggie White LB Lawrence Taylor LB Wahoo McDaniel LB Kevin Greene CB Pacman Jones CB S Brian Pillman (even though he was a lineman in college and special-teams in the pros) S K P KR And...I give up for now. We have an embarrassment of riches for the lines, especially defensive lines, not so much at the skill positions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cross Face Chicken Wing Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Oversized WWF Superstars out to take over SCFL STAMFORD, Conn. -- You can learn a lot about the WWF Superstars by sitting and chatting with their head coach Vince McMahon by his pool at his mansion on a hot summer day. You'll learn that McMahon is confident quarterback Randy "Macho Man" Savage has finally learned to control his temper, and won't threaten to lock any receiver who drops a pass in a closet for the remainder of the game. You'll learn that tight end Hulk Hogan has a great chance to be the first tight end to take home league MVP. You'll learn that linebacker Bret "the Hitman" Hart still has a chip on his shoulder and always will. And you'll learn that the WWF Superstars are tired of talking about steroids. "Listen goddamit," McMahon snarls, immediately putting an end to his laid back, poolside mood. "What we've accomplished, we've accomplished through hard work. Everyone on that roster has stepped up and grabbed the brass ring." But with an offensive line weighing in at an average of more than 450 pounds, talk of performance-enhancing drugs will follow the WWF Superstars forever. Kind of like the deflated footballs story stuck with the New England Patriots in the old NFL, only this time we're talking about balls, aka testicles, and how they, too, can deflate from overusing steroids. "I do not know what you mean," said guard Yokozuna, who weighs in at over 550 pounds, through his interpreter, Mr. Fuji. Before this reporter could ask a follow-up question, Fuji threw salt in the reporter's eyes and ushered Yokozuna out of the room. Hogan was also asked about steroids. "Let me tell you something, brother," he yelled. "We train hard. We take our vitamins. We say our prayers. Ask all the Hulkamaniacs, they'll tell you we're clean." We may never now just what the WWF Superstars inject, snort or rub into their bodies. But we do know Savage, Hogan and running back Dynamite Kid will have to put up a lot of points to cover for a defense that lacks true playmakers outside of defensive end The Undertaker. Yes, middle linebacker "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is as good as they get, but he won't sack the opposing quarterback, sit straight up, then cause the stadium lights to flicker as part of his sack celebration like the Undertaker can. "Oooooh yeaaaaaah," Savage said when asked if the WWF Superstars have what it takes to win it all. "Diiiiig it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cross Face Chicken Wing Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 White and bloody: Grapplers fate rests on Flair's focus, sobriety CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Here's what you learn when looking at the NWA Rasslers team photo: · After another offseason filled with debauchery and tabloid headlines, superstar quarterback "Nature Boy" Ric Flair looks to be in as good a shape as ever. · Tight end Giant Baba is still the most awkward looking player in the SCFL. · The NWA Rasslers are white. Very white. Crazed guard Abdulla the Butcher, backup tackle Thunderbolt Patterson and defensive back Pez Whatley (who is high on cult fame but low on talent) are the team's only black players. There's an Indian (Jay Youngblood), a Japanese running back (Great Muta), tight end (Baba) and two Somoans (Samu and Fatu), but the fact remains that the Rasslers are one of the palest looking teams in professional sports. When asked about being one of the only black players on the team, Abdullah the Butcher pulled a fork out of his pants and tried to stab a group of reporters gathered by his locker. Adbullah's fellow starting guard, the "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, ended up taking all race-related questions. “It ain’t no thang, brutha,” Rhodes said in a dialect that kind of sounded black, but not really because it was being said by Dusty Rhodes. Their whiteness isn’t the only strange thing about the Grapplers. They also bleed easily. Routine tackles, even post-play celebrations that involve two teammates clanking their helmets together, often result in a Grapplers player bleeding from the forehead. “We call it wearing the crimson mask,” Flair says. “When we say it takes blood, sweat and tears to win it all – WHOOOOOO!!!!! – we ain’t kidding.” Rumors have been circulating that Grapplers players actually use small razor blades hidden in their wrist tape to cut open their own foreheads. But whenever a Grapplers player is asked about it, the response is always “kayfabe,” followed by the interview abruptly ending. On the field, the Grapplers are all about Flair. If the quarterback is healthy, sober and focused, the Grapplers are as good as any team in the league. If Flair is spending too much time styling and profiling instead of preparing for the an upcoming game, the rest of the Grapplers roster is too slow to pick up much of the slack. On defense, Terry Funk is one of the hardest hitters in the league at safety and middle linebacker Harley Race rarely misses a tackle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricky Jackson Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Thread of the year Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cross Face Chicken Wing Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 WCW's defensive line and Sting are freaking people out ATLANTA, GA -- Ted Turner's money hasn't been able to buy a great quarterback. It's also left the WCW Big Boys with mediocre running backs and an offensive line filled with holes. But take one look at WCW's defensive line, and you immediately forget about weak spots on the rest of the roster. Ron Simmons, Vader and Bill Goldberg might be the best defensive linemen in the SCFL, and they all play for Turner's Big Boys. And they yell a lot. Loudly. Their parents never taught them about the "inside voices" concept. "You're next!!!!" Goldberg asks rhetorically when asked about if WCW's d-line can carry it to the SCFL Title Belt. Then he randomly blows steam out of his nostrils. "It's time! It's time! It's Vader time!" Vader yells when asked the same question., Then the 440-pounder points at his shoulder pads, causing steam to shoot out of an attached helmet. "Damn," Simmons deadpans before cracking open his 17th Budweiser and digging into a 3-pound Angus steak. Even Norman Smiley, WCW's veteran possession receiver and starting cornerback -- making him the only two-way player in the SCFL -- is scared of Vader, Goldberg and Simmons. "Why do you think I play both ways?" Smiley said. Those three hate me and they scare me to death. If I'm not paying attention on the sideline, Vader will powerbomb me, Goldberg will spear me and Simmons will kick me square in the nads." Smiley is asked why his three behemoth teammates choose to pick on him. "Because I'm Norman Smiley," he says. "Everybody likes to bea--" Before Smiley can finish, Simmons comes up from behind and drills Smiley with a chair, ending the interview. Perhaps the three angry d-linemen should direct their rage at the Big Boys' quarterback, Sting, who hasn't lived up to the hype since joining the team. Sting also hasn't bee able to draw fans. WCW hasn't sold out a game in three seasons. However, rumors are swirling that WCW will be getting a new version of Sting this season. Sting hasn't been photographed, filmed or interviewed all offseason. Nobody has seen him around the WCW team complex, either. Well, kicker Disco Inferno claims he's seen Sting. But what he describes doesn't sound like the blonde-haired, painted-face, upbeat Sting we all know. "I saw him, man" Disco said. "It was Sting, no doubt in my mind. But he had white facepaint and long black hair. He was wearing a black trench coat and hanging out in the rafters of the practice facility. I was freaked out, but I waved to him. All he did was point at me with a black bat and disappear." Keep in mind, Disco has been suspended in each of his nine SCFL seasons for using LSD. Whatever version of Sting WCW gets, and whoever its defensive line decides to beat up, 2015 is shaping up to be an interesting season for Ted Turner's Big Boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Enthusiast Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 "White and bloody." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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