Death From Above

Don't give in. Keep living the dream. You can do it.

Half of Onita's big FMW matches are firecrackers going off while guys lay around getting their wind back. The other half is him crying like a girl and screaming like a lunatic, cutting these bizarre promos I didn't understand a word of but just couldn't look away from. It's bullshit taken to such an extreme that it actually becomes sublime. I don't recall Onita ever doing anything as stupid as taking a dozen unprotected chair shots in the face to get over (well, other than that ridiculous fire death match with the Sheik and Sabu that they had to call off in like 4 minutes before everyone died). He was too much into Hollywood stunt work for that. Onita would use fireworks and silly bullshit like that "I hold up part of a table, Pogo stabs it with his scythe BUT I TOTALLY COULD HAVE DIED" to give the illusion of violence like some sort of bizarre movie. Foley, for all the good matches he did have at one point, is really a different animal. He could have faked the violence but instead he decided that it's still real to him. So he gets tossed off a Hell in a Cell and gets his brains actually bashed in. I know which one I think is the smarter guy.

I'm a bit foggy on how it went as I haven't read about this in years, but if I remember right, Mick was supposed to go down at some point but was so dazed and out of it he literally didn't realize he was supposed to just fall over so the match would stop, so Rock just kept hitting him waiting for him to go down because that's what was agreed on. I seem to remember something in one of Foley's books about him not realizing how being handcuffed would totally alter his ability to absorb a chairshot, I guess because of how it forces you to alter your posture, and he was in serious trouble pretty much from the first shot. Lord knows after that there were many many more. The whole thing got completely out of hand. I haven't watched it in years but it's terribly uncomfortable viewing, at best. It's one of those things on my list of "never revisit".

If someone made a chess joke relevant to the chess world in 2013, would there be more than 5 people on earth that would understand it?

It's not even an issue of being closeted. If someone else brings it up, I'll talk. I make a few (quite dated, admittedly) wrestling jokes, including making fun of celebrities that tan to the point they become "Hulk Hogan Orange". I just don't directly bring it up and go "hey who wants to discuss the pro wrestling". Hell, I can't even imagine a social situation that I'd want to do that. It's not as if this ever comes up in conversation with normal people to begin with. I mean in general if you know someone doesn't like something, why discuss it with them? "I hate basketball" you don't follow that up with an attempt to justify basketball to them. You talk about football or baseball or whatever instead. It's not important enough to need to convince people about anything.

Yeah but there are plenty of small (compared to WWE) companies in wrestling history that are actually good. It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion on the ocean. Or so I've been told.

As a bizarre aside, I'm genuinely curious what the pay for soap opera actors and writers is compared to a "normal" show. Those people work a pretty insane schedule, and I'm guessing it's not for big money in TV terms at all. Meanwhile up at the top of the ladder some guy will get a couple million an episode to do 20 shows.

I haven't watched TNA in ages but one of their trademarks when I did was this weird thing where a wrestler would say something and the announcers would instantly repeat it. Samoa Joe: "I'm going to take out Kurt Angle." Tenay: "I heard Samoa Joe say he's planning to take out Kurt Angle." Gee, you heard that? So did every other fucking person watching the show. It had to be some sort of decree from their creative forces at the time, because it was almost like a running gag. I don't know if they still do that, but I'd hope not.

I honestly treat wresting like a Mafia activity and have for years. I don't discuss the Family business with people outside the Family. ;-) There is literally nothing to be gained by the attempt at all. It's not even that I'm embarrassed about it. I think TV is around 98% shit, it's just a matter of which shit amuses you. There's no reason to point fingers. It's more that I'm 31, nearly 32, and I really don't give a shit anymore about having to justify doing the things I enjoy, whatever those may be. Why even open myself up to having to have "that argument" with people? It's just a waste of energy. Granted, I barely watch wrestling anymore at all, but still. You can't hang out on DVDVR and Pro Wrestling Only without some due cause. Even if, really, Doomsday Preppers is the real pro wrestling of the 2010's. What a TV show that is.

The part where he basically gives a shout out to VHS bootleggers is hilarious.

I realize that talking about racism in wrestling is a complete lost cause, wresting is what it is. But I always wondered how Tatanka was perceived within the native American community. Hell I'm not even talking about the thing where he turns heel by selling out to a rich white man, or the half assed tribal dance he did all the time. But there was that constant "he represents the blood of all native American peoples" thing they kept bringing up as a talking point about his character, and since when do all the native tribes think of themselves as one group? I always thought that alone must have rubbed some people the wrong way in a "they all look the same to me" kind of way. I mean there's got to be a few good rants on the internet somewhere. In hindsight it seems like a gimmick that borders on just trolling people for the sake of seeing what the reaction is. But they did push the guy, he had that long undefeated run, so you do get the feeling they must have actually thought he was something. Then they just fed him to Ludwig Borga of all people.

Paris: "I give up." Chakotay: "After only two minutes? Tuvok, how do you do it?" Tuvok: "I wait until his own illogic overwhelms him."

El Dandy, since he couldn't get off Saturday Night anyway and they turned that belt into the Saturday Night Championship.

3 Count were easily my favourite thing about WCW from here until the end, along with Scott Steiner's big heel run. They had entertaining matches which obviously was pretty important, but I was in love with the gimmick too. Three 20-something, waxed chest greasy haired assholes who look like "those three guys that show up at every college party trying to steal your girlfriend", doing a really good version of a "how can you not love us" boy band gimmick for added levels of hatred. It was the perfect gimmick for those guys and they were easily the highlight of many a show for me.

I'm really good at typing long winded nonsense so if Loss needs a spin doctor who knows some words bigger than marmalade, I'm in. Hell getting paid to troll the internet would probably be my dream job. I should look into writing political speeches as a b-choice as it's virtually the same job but you just can't say shit or ass or donkey dick. But otherwise I figure the skills cross over.

Did it help? Also, I don't get why there seems to be a whole group of workers that have run DDP down over the years. I always thought he was pretty good at building a big match for WCW.

There seem to be several hall of fames attempting to give the Rock and Roll HOF a run for complete irrelevance and strange decisions.

I wouldn't blame you if the pace slowed. I mean, you're absorbing a week's worth of Russo per day. There has to be some sort of inoculation you should take before doing that to protect yourself from the radiation.

Juvi's win was the unauthorized title change thing wasn't it? I always wondered why Liger even went along with it.

WWE would just stereotype it and have it come out retarded, like The Goon.

Luger just straight up doing a Wile E. Coyote gimmick is something that never occurred to me until just now, but after reading these last few weeks they really should have just made that a thing.

Did the lack of Canadian expansion have something to do with WWE having deals with arenas? Or am I just making up a bad theory here.

I remember how forced Jarrett's push felt for a long time. I mean, it's not like he was a guy fans were crying out to be pushed then suddenly Russo comes in and he was suddenly everywhere. I don't dislike the guy, he's had his moments, but it felt really weird and artificial.

That's one hell of a visual. The telling, not the eating I mean.

Hooray! It's back! Also this seems the time to drop one of my favourite Metlzer-isms ever, from that old glorious "Meltzer WCW quotes megathread" thing: "Madusa came out in a bikini. The implants looked ridiculous but this is a business of excess. She came out with Nitro cologne. It was the weirdest thing as Heenan was getting over just how horrible smelling the cologne is. It is a WCW product and they were pushing how bad it smelled. Madusa started screaming it was bullshit and threw the cologne on Heenan, who reacted like it smelled like cow manure. In fact, they actually used the word manure to describe the smell of the cologne. This was weird to say the least" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: November 1, 1999. "