WWF/WWE worst matches ever - a depressing journey

[Ricky Jackson]

So funny they ran Moolah v Richter here with Richter as the heel only 2 months before their big MTV match in the same building. Shows how late that whole deal must've been put together 

[tcg91]

Chief Jay Strongbow vs Paul Orndorff (7/23/84)
Wow, this was bad. It took Orndorff ages to get undressed, and that was by far the best part of the match, if you can ignore Strongbow being so antsy that even Monsoon told him to chill for a bit. It took them 3 minutes just to touch each other and that was followed by another 3 minutes of very uninspiring action. After a few rest holds, they collided and Strongbow fell out of the ring, ringing the bell as he fell down, which was hilarious and I wish the camera angle was better . Strongbow then proceeded to no-sell Orndorff's offense before the heel finished him off with an ugly clothesline that probably hurt like hell, but looked more like a strange forearm. 1/4*

[tcg91]

David Sammartino vs Mr. Fuji (10/14/84)
Yeah, this sucked. This was obviously designed to make Sammartino look like an underdog who would suffer against veteran before showing his skills, but the problem is that Fuji's offense looked so horrible that selling it just made David look weak. Apart from David selling Fuji's bad strikes like he was dying, this mostly consisted of meaningless rest holds that went nowhere and quite rightly drew a loud "boring" chant from the crowd. It wasn't completely terrible, as it at least had a purpose, but Sammartino's "flashy" win didn't do much for him when he had spent more than 10 minutes getting his ass kicked by an old, frail man. Monsoon even claimed that this had been David's strategy all along, which is such a stupid statement. 1/4*

[tcg91]

Rick McGraw vs Mad Dog Vachon (10/22/84)
Vachon couldn't really go here and this was a bit of a mess. Nothing much happened during the first few minutes as they traded dull holds, but the match became mildly entertaining once Mad Dog started biting his opponent. I don't think McGraw did much to save this, and there were miscommunications on both sides, such as during a dropkick spot, where Vachon clearly didn't want to sell the move that McGraw used as a babyface last lifeline. There were also several pinfall attempts with no heat or believability, as Vachon never made McGraw look like a legitimate threat when he was on top. Mad Dog went over with a piledriver, but he didn't make a good impression. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Swede Hanson vs Bob Orton (11/26/84)
Bless Orton, he tried, but not even Ric Flair could have dragged Hanson to a good match in 1984. The worst part of this was the complete lack of continuity and follow-up. Hanson went from a bearhug to a wrist lock to an armbar in the same minute, without any logic. Later on, he drove his full weight onto Orton's sternum, only to apply a chinlock instead of capitalizing on the chest damage in another way. Orton's offense was obviously better, but Hanson didn't bump enough for him, forcing the Cowboy to get creative. Orton's finishing splash looked quite weak, especially since Hanson had to slowly climb to the top rope by himself before taking it, which could have been avoided. 1/4*

[tcg91]

Rocky Johnson vs David Schultz (11/26/84)
Excuse my French, but this fucking sucked. The entire focus of the match was the referee stopping Rocky from throwing his signature punch, constantly getting between the two wrestlers, and spending half the bout arguing with Johnson. If this had been a heel referee angle, I would have had no issue with it, but that wasn't the case, so it just looked stupid. It was made even worse by the fact that the referee did nothing when Schultz assaulted Johnson in the ropes. Then, later in the match, Rocky finally threw his punch anyway, without being disqualified or even reprimanded by the referee. So he could have just done it all along. I've seen Rocky use those shitty punches countless times without getting disqualified, so... what was the point of all of that? This had heavy "bullshit" chants from the crowd. On top of that, Schultz won with a roll-up, and the announcers complained about the referee's fast count, but it was one of those Starrcade 1997-style counts that looked a slightly quick without being outrageously so. Avoid. -***

[tcg91]

Swede Hanson vs The Magnificent Muraco (1/21/85)
This had a somewhat fun beginning, as Hanson slammed Muraco a couple of times and the heel sold his frustration well. However, it quickly got watered down as they started wasting time and attempt some bad lockups. Hanson no-sold everything Muraco did for several minutes, which was very annoying. Hanson then worked a long armbar, which they completely forgot about the moment Muraco escaped the hold. Muraco took over, and Hanson rolled rather clumsily during a snapmare. He looked even worse when Muraco dropkicked him, taking such a ridiculous bump that it became unintentionally funny. The finish was quite impressive, though, as Muraco managed to counter Hanson's piledriver attempt and pick up the win, despite not being given much throughout the match. A fun beginning, a noteworthy ending, but everything in between sucked. 1/4*

[tcg91]

Tony Atlas vs Moondog Spot (2/16/85)
Atlas is now completely bald and looks even more ripped. They opened with some goofy-looking running and leapfrog sequences that weren't very well coordinated, before Spot took over with a long chinlock. I actually think Atlas looked bad here, as Spot was simply dominating him without any real justification, such as cheating or taking advantage of an injury. Atlas then ran the ropes and went to the outside, jumping awkwardly through them in a very confusing spot. I couldn't tell whether he simply tripped or if Spot was actually supposed to hit him at the ropes. Anyway, a clearly upset Atlas returned to the ring, and they suddenly they went home about 20 seconds later. Atlas's press slam looked impressive, but Spot was back on his feet before Atlas, which was rather silly. 1/2*

 

 

[tcg91]

Swede Hanson vs Nikolai Volkoff (2/18/85)
By this point, Hanson's matches had become all about the heels bumping for him, so if the heel was Volkoff, you knew this was going to be trouble. They traded some bad-looking strikes and Hanson didn't even bother selling them to begin with. Volkoff took over with some horrible kicks that barely connected, followed by a lifeless rest hold. There was no drama or coherent focus, as Hanson briefly worked on Volkoff's leg for about 20 seconds before they both shrugged it off as if it had never happened, making it feel like nothing more than a way to kill a bit of time. Volkoff then went for his big backbreaker, but couldn't fully lift Hanson and ended up awkwardly lowering him to the mat for the softest landing imaginable before pinning him anyway. It made for an incredibly weak-looking finish. -*

[tcg91]

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (3/31/85)
I wanted to give this a pass because I'm a fan of Andre, and this was more of a short angle than a match in many ways, but God, it looked terrible from bell to bell. Andre choked Studd from the opening moments and gave him absolutely nothing, making the heel look quite bad. Studd tried to bodyslam Andre, which was a strange strategy on his part, considering all he really had to do was avoid taking the move himself. Andre followed up with a long bearhug and then a chinlock, neither of which did anything to build toward his eventual bodyslam. He also threw some truly awful-looking kicks and no-sold a couple of Studd's elbows before suddenly setting up the bodyslam as if nothing else before mattered. DUD

[tcg91]

Tony Garea vs Jesse Ventura (5/20/85)
Ventura took his time with every spot to generate more heat, but the crowd wasn't very vocal during this. They spent minutes upon minutes with Ventura repeatedly punching Garea in the back while pretending he was using an open hand. Not only did this assume the referee had no clue how to do his job, but it was also made completely pointless when Garea finally retaliated with a punch of his own and faced no consequences. Garea worked on Ventura's arm for a couple of minutes, and it wasn't too bad, before they completely forgot about it, just like all the damage done on Garea's back went absolutely nowhere. An abdominal stretch reversal on the apron made them look rather clumsy. Ventura cheated a bit more before winning with a simple elbow, which made for a very anticlimactic finish. This lasted 16 minutes and felt like an hour. 1/4*

[tcg91]

Desiree Petersen vs Judy Martin (6/21/85)
Dead crowd here and the announcers weren't taking this seriously either. After some subpar lockups, Martin took over, and the entire match consisted of her sending Petersen to the outside six or seven times, with Desiree landing badly on the floor or the announcers' table. For some reason, the referee simply refused to count her out on any of these occasions. Martin took her time and didn't capitalize on Petersen's injuries. Petersen basically spent the whole match on the floor before making a short comeback and stealing the win with a flashy pin. I get what they were trying to do here, but this was way too long and poorly executed. The crowd only came alive for the finish. DUD