WWF/WWE worst matches ever - a depressing journey

[tcg91]

For the last couple of years, I have been fully invested in rewatching the 1980s. As that project is almost complete, I want to focus on something else. While everyone has made a list of their favourite wrestlers/matches at least once in their lives, very few people (if any?) have ever made a list of bad matches to review. We all love great wrestling, but I actually enjoy watching the 'so bad it's good' matches too. I have 10 rules for this little crazy journey:

1. This project only involves WWF/WWE, as it is the only way for me to make a comprehensive list. I cannot pretend to have seen (or have access to) everything that has ever taken place around the world. It is also not fair to compete a bad backyard match with a WWF production, it is a totally different ballgame.

2. I will only watch matches that were broadcasted by the company (TV, PPV, PLE, YouTube, etc.) or released on a later date (DVD, WWE Vault and so on). This ties into the “WWE only” rule, since the company itself has made the footage available and I do not have to dig around for it.

3. I will watch 10 matches per year, from 1979 to 2025 (and beyond?).

4. I will rate matches using the star system, with the worst possible rating being -*****.

5. This is not simply a review of matches that other people rated poorly, as I will base everything entirely on my own views. For example, John Cena vs AJ Styles from last year WILL be on the list, despite most people loving it, while Hogan vs André from 'Mania 3 will not, because I do not think it is an atrocious match, despite everyone else believing otherwise.

6. I will not watch “cinematic matches” because I do not consider them to be wrestling.

7. I will not watch matches contested under another sport’s rules (for instance, the infamous Mr. T vs Roddy Piper boxing match).

8. I will not watch matches where the whole bout, or part of it, is a shoot (for instance, the Brawl for All).

9. There are no minimum-length requirements for a match to qualify for this list, but there are some obvious exceptions. For example, Bryan Danielson vs. Sheamus at 'Mania 28 is too short to be considered. I don't consider it to be a bad match, it was a bad decision. Which brings me to...

10. This is not a booking assessment. I hate when people judge matches depending on who went over and that argument appears to be very popular today.

[tcg91]

SD Jones vs Nikolai Volkoff (6/20/1979)
The crowd was so shy here, Volkoff (despite having Freddie Blassie in his corner!) received no heat and SD got very few cheers. This actually started somewhat logically, as Volkoff focused on SD's back (in a rather clumsy way, though), before completely forgetting about it and constantly trying to smother his nose and mouth for some reason. It looked quite rotten. SD didn't shine either. At one point, he started a comeback and Volkoff probably forgot to cut it off immediately, because there were 5 uncomfortable seconds of Volkoff selling an irish whip while SD just looked at him, panting. My favourite spot was Blassie hitting SD with the cane and the referee not even bothering to turn around, he just didn't care. Somehow, Volkoff reminded himself about SD's back and won after a weak-looking backbreaker, even though SD was up before his opponent. 1/4*

The Colombian Jaguar vs Jose Estrada (6/20/1979)
I know Estrada, but I have no idea if Jaguar was supposed to be a jobber or not. The crowd, once again, stayed silent. Twenty seconds in, Jaguar botched a headscissors by almost kicking Estrada in the face and making it look like an enzuigiri-headscissors combination that would have been incredibly revolutionary in 1979, if done on purpose. Bruno Sammartino himself, on commentary, admitted he has no clue how to call that move. Estrada actually tried to save this, consistently hitting Jaguar on the chin and using a chinlock, but the crowd didn't care one bit. They did a bad looking Savage/Steamboat style near-fall reversal sequence that was about ten times worse and looked incredibly choreographed. I feel for Estrada, as Jaguar messed up literally everything he did in this match and still went over with a clumsy sunset flip. DUD

[Ricky Jackson]

Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson from MSG 10/22/79 was the gold standard for crap Backlund matches back in the day. If you can find it, I'd be interested in your thoughts 

[tcg91]

4 hours ago, Ricky Jackson said:

Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson from MSG 10/22/79 was the gold standard for crap Backlund matches back in the day. If you can find it, I'd be interested in your thoughts 

That one is on the list!

[tcg91]

Joyce Grable & Vivian St. John vs The Fabulous Moolah & Kitty Adams (7/30/79)
Fink announced the ladies, then corrected himself by saying this was a 2-out-of-3 falls match, and the MSG crowd booed hahaha. Very basic and mediocre stuff here, as we saw the same Moolah/Vivian armbar sequence three times in a row. They did a bad looking human pile spot, with everyone jumping on the referee for no apparent reason. The babyfaces did some weak work on Kitty's leg, which at least kept Moolah away from the action, but at some point Joyce started hitting the wrong leg and I just couldn't take it anymore. This gradually went from being a bad match to a complete joke, as the referee ignored two different long sequences with both babyfaces in the ring at the same time, so they could use some amateur-looking submissions and try to pin the non-legal Moolah. Needless to say, the leg work went nowhere and was just a time filler. This went almost 20 minutes and it was bad. -*3/4