Man, Cawthon's site *rocks*! There's no other way I would have possibly known dates on these.
Terry Funk v Junkyard Dog - 08/18/85
This match is slow and awkward at times, but Funk is doing everything he can to create movement, which gets big points from me, and even the smallest things (well, all they have is the small things, really) are sold enormously, with Funk taking a bump over the top rope and out of the ring four separate times. He attacks JYD at the opening bell and chokes him with his own dog collar before being shown the door, er, floor for the first time, and of course, we get that great Terry Funk Drunken Selling. JYD works over Funk's back, since he's fallen on it so many times, with a bearhug, which Funk gets out of with a headlock and a punch. It's quite amazing the heat they're getting here for doing so little. Funk's triple shot of elbow drops are great fun as well, as is his interplay with those at ringside, as he gets in a near-brawl with a fan while trying to take the fan's chair. Headbutts aren't going to work on JYD, because black wrestlers have hard heads, I guess. That was always the story they sold with black guys and Samoans, for whatever reason. Subtle racism? You decide.
Anyway, JYD eventually rallies back and chokes him in a revenge spot, and then adds in some comedy by headbutting the Funker in the ass and following that up with an atomic drop. It's only funny because of Terry's body language, but Terry ends up falling outside and crashing through the timekeeper's table! In 1985! In the WWF! The match ends in a double countout, and the last thing we see is Funk bumping on the ramp repeatedly and begging off before begging too far and inadvertently falling off the elevated ramp. This was almost a good match, and would have been had JYD been able to pick up the pace even a little. If this is any indication, Terry is the master of carrying slugs.
Hart Foundation v Lanny Poffo & Rick McGraw - 08/20/85
The Harts aren't too fond of Poffo's poetry, which prompts a brawl from the onset. This is a decent little five-minute match that sees Leaping Lanny (who I'm figuring out is probably the most overlooked wrestler of the 80s) act as the face in peril, with lots of Hart cheating behind the ref's back. McGraw gets the hot tag and cleans house with some dropkicks, but eventually falls prey to a Hart Attack after Bret makes a blind tag to Neidhart. Why are there so few blind tags these days? It used to be a staple. Anyway, this isn't a waste of time, even if it's nothing new.
Ricky Steamboat v Mr. Fuji - Kung Fu Match - 01/12/86
Everybody was kung fu fighting in this match, but Fuji's kicks aren't exactly fast as lightning. Steamboat is a little bit frightening, however, going crazy on him like Ann Wilson on Dreamboat Annie (could this be any worse in terms of dated references?). Fuji gets offense, which surprises me, considering that Steamboat is the star. They do a fine job getting over the karate stuff, and Fuji, unsurprisingly, works a VULCAN NERVE GRIP to lead to Steamboat's comeback. A flying bodypress gets a nearfall, believe it or not, before Steamboat schoolboys Fuji out of a belly-to-back suplex attempt and gets the pin. This isn't something I'd show my children or anything, but it's fun seeing what Steamboat can do with a guy who has pretty much nothing to offer at this point in time, if he in fact ever did.
Ricky Steamboat v Don Muraco - 08/18/85
Muraco is living on a prayer at this point, but at least he doesn't give love a bad name. You start to think this match will never say goodbye, but it eventually goes down in a blaze of glory as its obvious Steamboat is pissed and Fuji and Muraco are wanted ... dead or alive. Sarcasm out of the way, this is actually a good match, just because Steamboat could wrestle a bottle of Evian and he'd still sell it's refreshing taste compared to that of tap water. I'm assuming this is either no DQ, or the referee's being the total opposite of stringent, because he's whipping him with his belt -- not a leather belt, but a cloth one. It's not quite as bad as Kevin Nash destroying Randy Savage with a Slim Jim in 1996, but it's close enough. Steamboat has some really nice variety in his kicks, and totally dominates the first half of this or so with his flying karate chops, jumping fistdrops and a swinging neckbreaker, eventually using a neck vice as the match continues. The referee tries to restrain him from killing Muraco, so Steamboat decides to leapfrog over the ref and chop Muraco anyway, to a huge pop. Muraco, despite being past his peak, can still sell, as he does the Hulk Hogan leg quiver off of Steamboat's vertical suplex. Fuji interferes behind the ref's back, which gives Don a small opening to headbutt Ricky in the groin and post his shoulder. I'm all for heels bending the rules and cheating, but it's usually a nice idea for the heel to have *some* offense that doesn't revolve around that. Offense wouldn't be an issue soon enough, though, as Steamboat reverses a tombstone piledriver by kicking both sides of Muraco's face. Eventually, "The Dragon" would win by DQ when Fuji threw powder in his eyes, but the way they got there was fun enough, even if the match doesn't exactly look modern.
***
Hulk Hogan v Tiger Chung Lee - 08/06/85
Even if you haven't seen this match, you really have, as it's just Hogan's big boot and legdrop after some early overpowering, only it's missing the heel domination in the middle. I've already said more about this than it deserves, considering it only goes three minutes.
Adrian Adonis v Lanny Poffo - 12/29/85
Well, this was fun. This match had more wrestling than you saw in WWF rings around this time, and starts out really fun with Poffo repeatedly taking Adonis to the match with a headlock, which Adonis would reverse to a headscissors. They do it three times before Adonis realizes it isn't going to work and switches his focus to Poffo's arm, and does a few cool spots, including reversing the cross armbreaker into a hammerlock. That doesn't work in the long run either, as the story remains intact of Poffo beating Adonis at his own game every step of the way, as Poffo now decides to work over Adrian's arm himself. There's one thing virtuous babyface Lanny Poffo won't do, and that's cheat, and that's what finally creates an opening for Adonis, as he pulls Lanny's hair to get out of the armbar. They work a fun enough abdominal stretch sequence, and Adonis takes the Shawn Michaels bump in the corner (which is impressive considering his weight gain at this point) before coming back and finishing off Poffo with a DDT. Fun match; I wish they would have had more.
British Bulldogs v Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake - 02/09/86
Dynamite Kid was so advanced for this time period, and between that, Davey Boy not being shabby himself, Greg Valentine knowing a thing or two about wrestling and Brutus Beefcake being willing to sell, this match wasn't half bad, but it's cut off before it really gets going, probably to tease what the match would be like at Wrestlemania without giving it away. Johnny Valiant pushes Kid off the ropes for a DQ, and just like that, the match is over. Too bad.
