Wrestler names

[NintendoLogic]

We've all heard complaints about how wrestling has become increasingly bland and homogenized. Many of us have even made those complaints ourselves. We can debate the extent to which this is true from an in-ring standpoint, but it's unquestionably true when it comes to the names they use. In the past, wrestlers have generally operated under a few rules when coming up with names.

 

1. Not the creative type? Just use your real name. Examples: Lou Thesz, Bruno Sammartino, John Cena

 

2. Alternately, you could go in the complete opposite direction and go by something completely fanciful. Examples: Sting, The Ultimate Warrior, The Undertaker

 

3. You can split the difference and add some razzle-dazzle to your real name. Examples: Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Chris Jericho

 

4. A snappy nickname never hurts. By themselves, Shawn Michaels and Buddy Rogers are pretty bland. But combine them with The Heartbreak Kid and Nature Boy, respectively? That's more like it.

 

5. When all else fails, you can't go wrong with alliteration. Examples: Hulk Hogan, Bruiser Brody, Killer Kowalski

 

You can get more bang for your buck by combining two or more rules. Take Bret "The Hitman" Hart (rules 1 and 4), Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat (rules 3 and 4), or Jake "The Snake" Roberts (rules 4 and 5). Taking the cake is Ravishing Rick Rude (rules 3, 4, and 5).

 

I would classify gimmicked foreign names like Fritz Von Erich and Nikita Koloff as a variant of rule 2.

 

This isn't to say that every name in the old days was a winner (The Handsome Half-Breed? Ugh). But I'd say the hits far outweigh the misses. Which is why I find it so baffling that the WWE currently seems so hell-bent on disregarding all of those rules. Dolph Ziggler? Alex Riley? Daniel Bryan? (Admit it, the name sucks) To see what the future holds, let's take a look at the WWE's farm system:

 

http://www.fcwwrestling.info/talent.html

 

Wikipedia tells me that none of these guys are using their real names. Which makes it all the more shocking to see how bland and colorless most of these names are. Being born with a boring name is one thing, but using a boring pseudonym is just stupid. Again, having a snappy nickname would mitigate this, but from looking at their profiles, the only ones who have nicknames are "Showtime" Percy Watson and "The South African Super Studd [sic]" Leo Kruger. Let's explore a few of these names in greater detail.

 

-Corey Graves: Some Googling tells me that he wrestled in the indies under the name Sterling James Keenan. That's not a great name, but at least it gives you some idea of what his character is supposed to be. Calling him Corey makes him sound like a washed-up teen idol.

 

-Remember how I said that you can't go wrong with alliteration? Well, whoever is coming up with the names for developmental talent is trying their hardest to prove me wrong. Jason Jordan? Kenneth Cameron? Jesus. Then there's Husky Harris. Look at the alliterative names I mentioned earlier. Hulk. Bruiser. Killer. Snake. When I hear those names, I think of toughness and physicality. When I hear Husky, I think of, I don't know, the Iditarod or something.

 

-Eli Cottonwood: This is an example of someone being shoehorned into a preconceived gimmick. I've seen some of his earlier stuff on Youtube, and he was working a psychotic redneck gimmick. But if you've ever heard him speak, you know that he sounds like he belongs on Prairie Home Companion, not Deliverance.

 

Loss has spoken plenty of times in the past how today's top stars not being perceived as tough guys is a problem. I think a bigger problem is that none of them come across as larger-than-life figures. A big part of that is the naming system, which makes guys blend in rather than stand out. As a result, all you're left with is guys fake fighting in their underwear.

[Tim Evans]

I blame Brock Lesnar and Bobby Lashley for the reason the guys have all these shitty names.

[Chess Knight]

WWE's hang-up with not using real names has always been so stupid to me. Would it REALLY have hurt to call him Bryan Danielson? Whoever the fool is coming up with names like Dean Ambrose and Derrick Bateman should be fired without a second thought. Even "Alberto Del Rio" sounds silly to me.

 

Is there a worse one that Michael McGillicutty?

 

 

On a side-note- Looking at the photos of half of that roster made me die laughing. Can't wait to see this guy on WWE programming.

[ohtani's jacket]

I don't think it matters what your name is if you become a star. If you get over, they'll give you a bunch of nicknames. Nobody wants plain workers, but on the other hand they don't want stupid gimmicks. The problem is that guys look cheesy as shit as that picture depicts. Calling him Nick "the Hammer" doesn't work in 2012, but he can stop smiling like a dickhead.

[Ricky Jackson]

I'm partial to the Norse God of Sports Entertainment, Erick Rowan, myself:

 

[Jingus]

Don't forget to take into account the WWE's all-encompassing obsession with owning all of their wrestlers' names and gimmicks. They can't copyright Bryan Danielson, because it's the dude's real name; but they can certainly own Daniel Bryan. Why they're so ridiculously OCD that they demand to own everything they ever touch, I have no idea; well, aside from Vince's general control-freak issues, anyway.

[Chess Knight]

I'm not sure why Vince doesn't think he'd benefit from it. Does he think that kids are going to Google "Bryan Danielson," se he was from ROH and then turn on the 'E and start following them instead? Woudl having the name "Bryan Danielson" on you program not make the ROH fans want to see it? They're not exactly going to turn away if it is "Daniel Bryan" on there, but still, it's head-scratching.

 

Gotta wonder where exactly it started. I mean CM Punk isn't a WWE-original name and Punk debuted only 5 1/2 years ago.

[Jingus]

Gotta wonder where exactly it started. I mean CM Punk isn't a WWE-original name and Punk debuted only 5 1/2 years ago.

Punk seems to be a weird exception to a whole lotta rules. They didn't just let him keep his name; he showed up on WWE television with his indy gimmick, look, and moveset largely intact. They never let guys do that! I can only imagine that his debut was a pet project of Heyman's, and that nobody in the office was paying too much attention to ECW midcarders at that time. He got over pretty quick, to the point of being cheered over both DX and the Hardys in that Survivor Series match; so maybe it was just too late to give him a gimmick makeover by the time management even noticed that this guy existed.

[Negro Suave]

It's all about money, as far as I have been told and It works both ways really. If you get signed to an 'E deal they want to own your name if they can so they can continue to make money on it and make money on you using it if they have to. Since being signed to the WWE is no longer a sure fire gravy train ticket it is a good idea for just about anyone that get's signed to not use their own gimmick name because if and when you get cut, you can easily go back to the old gimmick name and have some recognition with that AND recognition from being on TV. Also if you don't pan out in development, you dont have people saying that you sucked and sullying your reputation in outside circles.

 

As far as the bland naming I blame kayfabe being dead. People just won't take Chest "The Boulder" Rockchin seriously and the legit tough guys people relate to are just using regular names.

[cm funk]

I don't really have a problem with names like Daniel Bryan or Wade Barrett (Stu Bennett) which take the original name and twist it slightly.

 

My problem is they have no ear for what sounds good and cook up these absolutely ridiculous fake sounding names, and not in a good way like a name like Savage, Slaughter, Rude or Styles which have connotations that accentuate the character. Some of these names sound, for lack of a better label, really metrosexual. Briley Pierce and CJ Parker might work as names for divas, not tough guys. Kenneth Cameron? Colin Cassady? Leo Kruger? What are these names meant to evoke?

 

The worst without question though is slapping crappy fake names on guys who wore born to be wrestlers like Joe Hennig and Windham Rotundo. No real rhyme or reason to it either, as they've brought up plenty of 2nd or 3rd gen guys under their own names, and even have Richie Steamboat working under his real name in FCW.