WWF/WWE worst matches ever - a depressing journey

[tcg91]

For the last couple of years, I have been fully invested in rewatching the 1980s. As that project is almost complete, I want to focus on something else. While everyone has made a list of their favourite wrestlers/matches at least once in their lives, very few people (if any?) have ever made a list of bad matches to review. We all love great wrestling, but I actually enjoy watching the 'so bad it's good' matches too. I have 10 rules for this little crazy journey:

Spoiler

1. This project only involves WWF/WWE, as it is the only way for me to make a comprehensive list. I cannot pretend to have seen (or have access to) everything that has ever taken place around the world. It is also not fair to compete a bad backyard match with a WWF production, it is a totally different ballgame.

2. I will only watch matches that were broadcasted by the company (TV, PPV, PLE, YouTube, etc.) or released on a later date (DVD, WWE Vault and so on). This ties into the “WWE only” rule, since the company itself has made the footage available and I do not have to dig around for it.

3. I will watch 10 matches per year, from 1979 to 2025 (and beyond?).

4. I will rate matches using the star system, with the worst possible rating being -*****.

5. This is not simply a review of matches that other people rated poorly, as I will base everything entirely on my own views. For example, John Cena vs AJ Styles from last year WILL be on the list, despite most people loving it, while Hogan vs André from 'Mania 3 will not, because I do not think it is an atrocious match, despite everyone else believing otherwise.

6. I will not watch “cinematic matches” because I do not consider them to be wrestling.

7. I will not watch matches contested under another sport’s rules (for instance, the infamous Mr. T vs Roddy Piper boxing match).

8. I will not watch matches where the whole bout, or part of it, is a shoot (for instance, the Brawl for All).

9. There are no minimum-length requirements for a match to qualify for this list, but there are some obvious exceptions. For example, Bryan Danielson vs. Sheamus at 'Mania 28 is too short to be considered. I don't consider it to be a bad match, it was a bad decision. Which brings me to...

10. This is not a booking assessment. I hate when people judge matches depending on who went over and that argument appears to be very popular today.

Worst match of the year
 

Spoiler

1979. Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson (10/22/79)
1980. Dominic DeNucci vs Baron Mike Scicluna (10/11/80)

Worst matches of all time

 

Spoiler

1. Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson -**1/4 (10/22/79)
2. Joyce Grable & Vivian St. John vs The Fabulous Moolah & Kitty Adams -*3/4 (7/30/79)
3. Dominic DeNucci vs Jimmy Valiant -* (9/12/79)
4. Dominic DeNucci vs Baron Mike Scicluna -* (10/11/80)
5. Rene Goulet vs The Hangman -1/2* (8/9/80)
6. Dominic DeNucci & Steve King vs Afa & Sika -1/4* (1/23/80)

 

[tcg91]

SD Jones vs Nikolai Volkoff (6/20/1979)
The crowd was so shy here, Volkoff (despite having Freddie Blassie in his corner!) received no heat and SD got very few cheers. This actually started somewhat logically, as Volkoff focused on SD's back (in a rather clumsy way, though), before completely forgetting about it and constantly trying to smother his nose and mouth for some reason. It looked quite rotten. SD didn't shine either. At one point, he started a comeback and Volkoff probably forgot to cut it off immediately, because there were 5 uncomfortable seconds of Volkoff selling an irish whip while SD just looked at him, panting. My favourite spot was Blassie hitting SD with the cane and the referee not even bothering to turn around, he just didn't care. Somehow, Volkoff reminded himself about SD's back and won after a weak-looking backbreaker, even though SD was up before his opponent. 1/4*

The Colombian Jaguar vs Jose Estrada (6/20/1979)
I know Estrada, but I have no idea if Jaguar was supposed to be a jobber or not. The crowd, once again, stayed silent. Twenty seconds in, Jaguar botched a headscissors by almost kicking Estrada in the face and making it look like an enzuigiri-headscissors combination that would have been incredibly revolutionary in 1979, if done on purpose. Bruno Sammartino himself, on commentary, admitted he has no clue how to call that move. Estrada actually tried to save this, consistently hitting Jaguar on the chin and using a chinlock, but the crowd didn't care one bit. They did a bad looking Savage/Steamboat style near-fall reversal sequence that was about ten times worse and looked incredibly choreographed. I feel for Estrada, as Jaguar messed up literally everything he did in this match and still went over with a clumsy sunset flip. DUD

[Ricky Jackson]

Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson from MSG 10/22/79 was the gold standard for crap Backlund matches back in the day. If you can find it, I'd be interested in your thoughts 

[tcg91]

4 hours ago, Ricky Jackson said:

Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson from MSG 10/22/79 was the gold standard for crap Backlund matches back in the day. If you can find it, I'd be interested in your thoughts 

That one is on the list!

[tcg91]

Joyce Grable & Vivian St. John vs The Fabulous Moolah & Kitty Adams (7/30/79)
Fink announced the ladies, then corrected himself by saying this was a 2-out-of-3 falls match, and the MSG crowd booed hahaha. Very basic and mediocre stuff here, as we saw the same Moolah/Vivian armbar sequence three times in a row. They did a bad looking human pile spot, with everyone jumping on the referee for no apparent reason. The babyfaces did some weak work on Kitty's leg, which at least kept Moolah away from the action, but at some point Joyce started hitting the wrong leg and I just couldn't take it anymore. This gradually went from being a bad match to a complete joke, as the referee ignored two different long sequences with both babyfaces in the ring at the same time, so they could use some amateur-looking submissions and try to pin the non-legal Moolah. Needless to say, the leg work went nowhere and was just a time filler. This went almost 20 minutes and it was bad. -*3/4

[tcg91]

Chief Jay Strongbow vs Moose Monroe (8/1/79)
I won't be too mean to this one, because it was only a TV squash after all, but they went 7 minutes and this was about 4 minutes too long. It felt like an eternity. I haven't seen enough of Monroe to compare him to others, but he definitely had super lame offense and some of the weakest punches I have ever seen in a wrestling ring. It didn't help that Strongbow was just walking and strutting while getting hit, giving no credibility to his opponent. Strongbow also missed both a kick and a knee shot during his comeback, which was hilariously bad. Again, this would have been an inoffensive squash if it had only lasted a couple of minutes. DUD

[tcg91]

Bob Backlund vs Johnny Valiant (8/18/79)
This has some decent reviews, but I thought it sucked and they had no business wrestling for 20 minutes. Valiant keeping his jacket on while Backlund attacked him was fun, but this had like 5/6 minutes of Backlund taking a single shot every 20 seconds and Valiant selling it like he was dead every time. The crowd bought it, at least. Backlund's leg work somehow elevated this, as it at least gave the match a purpose, while Valiant's rest holds made me drowsy and cooled down the crowd as well. Backlund going over with a sudden small package was also weird, as it looked like he had Valiant's number for minutes and just decided not to beat him. This felt like a Hulk Hogan match at times, as nothing really happened for minutes on end. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci vs Jimmy Valiant (9/12/79)
This was something else. Valiant stalled forever and it took ages for this match to get started, but once it got going, the action was actually worse than the stalling phase. Valiant used some object to rake DeNucci's eyes on three separate occasions and even Vince McMahon was shocked by how blind the referee had to be not to see that. DeNucci tried to hold on to the ropes while selling and looked like an old, immobile turtle on its back. They did a bad double knockout spot and then DeNucci started his dreaded comeback, finally using Valiant's gimmick on him (it looked like a plaster for kids?), before the 12-minute time limit expired. Well, screw you guys. -*

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci & Pete Sanchez vs Jerry Valiant & Johnny Valiant (9/12/79)
The crowd was rightfully dead for this. Apart from the babyfaces doing a fake tag sequence for some reason, this was more 'boring' than 'horrible' while Sanchez was in, despite his bumping not being anything special. DeNucci was very bad when he got involved, and the Valiants didn't impress with their frequent tags and shenanigans, including arguing with their own manager, Lou Albano. Actually, Sanchez got a decent pop for his hot tag, but he was cut off immediately and defeated by a shitty-looking double clothesline. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci vs Jerry Valiant (10/3/79)
"This should be a fine match." - Vince McMahon. To be fair, it was much better than the DeNucci vs Johnny Valiant bout from the previous month, but that's not saying much. Valiant actually tried here and bumped around in a decent way, but DeNucci was terrible once again, as he was very slow and clearly didn't have a good idea of how to pace a match, likely calling it on the fly without a clear plan. He just did random stuff. It wasn't much better with Valiant on top, as DeNucci didn't sell properly and did the "turtle hanging on the ropes" spot again, probably just to piss me off nearly 50 years later. Johnny interfered for the DQ after 10 subpar minutes. 1/4*

[tcg91]

Johnny Rivera vs Johnny Rodz (10/22/79)
They spent the first two minutes just looking at each other, in a clear attempt to waste time. Truth be told, Rodz's heat segment wasn't even that terrible, as he focused on Rivera's throat with a few strikes and then relied on a couple of rest holds. Rivera had a quite decent comeback and this was shaping up to be a decent 7/8 minute bout after all. But, of course, they had to bring it back down and basically do the match all over again, starting with the stalling phase and then Rodz taking over again, without targeting the damaged throat anymore for some reason. They botched a crossbody spot and then just went through the motions toward the end, pacing around the ring for a bit and clearly waiting for a cue to perform the final spots before the 20 minute draw. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Bob Backlund vs Swede Hanson (10/22/79)
The WWF Title was on the line. Hanson was really slow and worked on Backlund's back with a very persistent bearhug that lasted about 7 minutes, while Backlund made silly faces trying (and failing) to get a lot of crowd support. My biggest issue wasn't even the boring hold, but the fact that Backlund started bodyslamming and back body-dropping his larger opponent as soon as he freed himself, not selling his back one bit. Things didn't get any better when Backlund used a chinlock for another 5 minutes, watering the match down even more. Backlund continued no-selling the back, hitting two atomic drops on big Hanson to win. On the first one, Hanson was standing on the wrong side of Backlund, who had to comically run in a circle to get behind the challenger and lift him. Ugh. -**1/4

[Ricky Jackson]

-** 1/4 sounds about right

[tcg91]

Rene Goulet vs Johnny Rodz (1/12/80)
The crowd was pretty dead and, by the time the match got going, so was I. They squabbled for a solid 2 minutes after the bell rang just to kill time, then Rodz started some very mediocre limb work on Goulet's arm. To Rodz's credit, he had to be veeeeery sloooow here to keep the pace at Goulet's level. Rodz was supposed to catch his opponent's leg on a dropkick, but Goulet ended up kicking Rodz's sleeve instead, so Rodz bumped anyway and then got back up immediately, while Goulet stayed down to sell... what, exactly? The tempo was really off and weird at times, including after a phony looking double knockout spot that got zero reaction from the crowd. Goulet won with a sunset flip and the referee counted the pinfall quite fast, he clearly wanted to get out of there too. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci & Steve King vs Afa & Sika (1/23/80)
Ugh. The stalling was so annoying and it took them 3 minutes to touch each other after the bell rang, I'm not even joking. The referee started counting the Samoans out before stopping the count when he realized they weren't going to make it back. Poor King tried here and bumped for the Samoans' bad offense, but DeNucci was the fucking worst again. He didn't sell nearly any of the heels' attacks, not even in 2 on 1 situations, instead pulling their hair and pacing around the ring while getting hit like he was King Kong or something. He also used the timekeeper's hammer twice right in front of the referee and nothing happened for some reason. King got back in and was beaten by Afa, bringing an end to the worst 11 minutes of my day. -1/4*

[DMJ]

EDIT - Sorry! I thought you were seeking recommendations when I posted this. BUT if you are interested in watching a shit match, try the one reviewed below: Crush vs. Tatanka (05/23/1994).
 

Spoiler

Just found this unpublished gem from my blog. Its part of an incomplete viewing of the WWE home video release German Fan Favorites...

Crush vs. Tatanka (05/23/1994, WWE): How did this match end up on a compilation of German Fan Favorites? This is a Lumberjack Match/King of the Ring Qualifier and has Randy Savage on commentary. As soon as the match begins, the lumberjacks come inside and square off. The ref sends everyone out and the match begins for real. The best and maybe only good part of this match is seeing some of the characters hanging around outside the ring - Doink, The Smoking Gunns, Bob Holly in his Sparky Plugg days, and even Kwang The Ninja. The Bushwackers were still around too. As one would expect with these two, the action isn't too great. I thought by watching a "Best Of" collection from 1994 I'd escape Brian Adams, but sadly that was not the case. Around minute 4-5 (or what feels like 8-9), Crush applies some sort of resthold in the center of the ring and it feels like he's draining the life out of me rather than his opponent. Tatanka rallies, but ends up put back on the mat with a sloppy atomic drop. Crush re-applies an awful-looking body scissor/arm-lock combo while McMahon references the Pacers/Knicks Playoff Series (answering the question "Can this match feel any more dated?" with an enthusiastic "Yes!"). Tatanka gets distracted by the heels on the outside and then Crush connects with a "superkick" that doesn't even get past Tatanka's muscle gut. He then puts on the bodyscissors for a third time. This is anti-psychology. Why is he trying to wear down Tatanka in the middle of the ring when he, as the heel, should be actively trying to toss him to the outside to get beaten up by his comrades? Tatanka gets some offense in, though, and Crush momentarily ends up tied up in the ropes. He breaks free and is back in control soon enough. Crush hits a weak elbow from the second rope and then its back to the mat for a front headlock. Eventually Tatanka is sent outside and the lumberjacks start pushing and shoving...Bam Bam Bigelow and Razor Ramon's jawing is more entertaining than anything that Crush or Tatanka had done in the previous 10 minutes. No wonder WCW saw an opportunity to overtake the WWE as this match feels endless. Tatanka sends Crush to the outside, but instead of the babyfaces being able to work together to beat him down, Crush actually gets all sort of offense in before Lex Luger shows up and knocks him out with his steel-plated elbow. Crush is rolled back in the ring and Tatanka, who had fell to the mat out of exhaustion, crawls over to pin him. This was terrible.

 

Edited Thursday at 08:56 PM by DMJ
my bad

[tcg91]

41 minutes ago, DMJ said:

EDIT - Sorry! I thought you were seeking recommendations when I posted this. BUT if you are interested in watching a shit match, try the one reviewed below: Crush vs. Tatanka (05/23/1994).
 

  Hide contents

Just found this unpublished gem from my blog. Its part of an incomplete viewing of the WWE home video release German Fan Favorites...

Crush vs. Tatanka (05/23/1994, WWE): How did this match end up on a compilation of German Fan Favorites? This is a Lumberjack Match/King of the Ring Qualifier and has Randy Savage on commentary. As soon as the match begins, the lumberjacks come inside and square off. The ref sends everyone out and the match begins for real. The best and maybe only good part of this match is seeing some of the characters hanging around outside the ring - Doink, The Smoking Gunns, Bob Holly in his Sparky Plugg days, and even Kwang The Ninja. The Bushwackers were still around too. As one would expect with these two, the action isn't too great. I thought by watching a "Best Of" collection from 1994 I'd escape Brian Adams, but sadly that was not the case. Around minute 4-5 (or what feels like 8-9), Crush applies some sort of resthold in the center of the ring and it feels like he's draining the life out of me rather than his opponent. Tatanka rallies, but ends up put back on the mat with a sloppy atomic drop. Crush re-applies an awful-looking body scissor/arm-lock combo while McMahon references the Pacers/Knicks Playoff Series (answering the question "Can this match feel any more dated?" with an enthusiastic "Yes!"). Tatanka gets distracted by the heels on the outside and then Crush connects with a "superkick" that doesn't even get past Tatanka's muscle gut. He then puts on the bodyscissors for a third time. This is anti-psychology. Why is he trying to wear down Tatanka in the middle of the ring when he, as the heel, should be actively trying to toss him to the outside to get beaten up by his comrades? Tatanka gets some offense in, though, and Crush momentarily ends up tied up in the ropes. He breaks free and is back in control soon enough. Crush hits a weak elbow from the second rope and then its back to the mat for a front headlock. Eventually Tatanka is sent outside and the lumberjacks start pushing and shoving...Bam Bam Bigelow and Razor Ramon's jawing is more entertaining than anything that Crush or Tatanka had done in the previous 10 minutes. No wonder WCW saw an opportunity to overtake the WWE as this match feels endless. Tatanka sends Crush to the outside, but instead of the babyfaces being able to work together to beat him down, Crush actually gets all sort of offense in before Lex Luger shows up and knocks him out with his steel-plated elbow. Crush is rolled back in the ring and Tatanka, who had fell to the mat out of exhaustion, crawls over to pin him. This was terrible.

 

Recommendations are more than welcome!

[tcg91]

Winona Little Heart & Cindy Majors vs The Fabulous Moolah & Vivian St. John (3/5/80)
This wasn't nearly as atrocious as the women's tag I reviewed from 1979, as Winona and Vivian looked somehow decent here. However, Cindy Majors seemed like one of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen (she retired in the summer of 1980 and I can understand why). She was only in for like 3 minutes and did her best to mess everything up, like botching a dropkick, throwing herself on the ground BEFORE getting kicked or running around the ring while her partner was getting attacked. They sadly repeated the annoying spot of all the women piling on the referee and unbuckling his belt to take his pants off, ugh. Moolah defeated Winona clean, adding insult to injury. DUD

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci vs Afa (3/24/80)
They stalled for a solid minute, and hell, it was the best part of the match. Afa engaged in silly faces while he was attacking DeNucci, including some 'Chono-like' whines and growling at the crowd, which was very weird. DeNucci at least sold his stuff this time, despite not looking good at all. 50% percent of the match consisted of a horrible nerve hold by Afa and it was so boring. Literally nothing happened in the central part of the match. DeNucci had a bad comeback, but he got pinned by Afa despite the Samoan missing his finishing headbutt by like 4 inches at least. A horrible finish to a boring match. DUD

[Ricky Jackson]

22 hours ago, tcg91 said:

Winona Little Heart & Cindy Majors vs The Fabulous Moolah & Vivian St. John (3/5/80)
This wasn't nearly as atrocious as the women's tag I reviewed from 1979, as Winona and Vivian looked somehow decent here. However, Cindy Majors seemed like one of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen (she retired in the summer of 1980 and I can understand why). She was only in for like 3 minutes and did her best to mess everything up, like botching a dropkick, throwing herself on the ground BEFORE getting kicked or running around the ring while her partner was getting attacked. They sadly repeated the annoying spot of all the women piling on the referee and unbuckling his belt to take his pants off, ugh. Moolah defeated Winona clean, adding insult to injury. DUD

Ok, technically this may be "bad" match, but holy crap is this is an entertaining disaster 

[tcg91]

11 hours ago, Ricky Jackson said:

Ok, technically this may be "bad" match, but holy crap is this is an entertaining disaster 

I agree, some of these matches are actually fun to watch because of how bad they are.

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci & Rene Goulet vs Afa & Sika (5/7/80)
Not them again. The bell rang and they stalled for 3 solid minutes as usual, doing absolutely nothing that is worth mentioning. What saved this from being a complete disaster was the comedy routine. It was bad comedy to be fair (the babyfaces stealing Capt. Lou's slippers and the Samoans retrieving them), but at least the crowd got into it, and it that weird stuff wasn't as bad as the actual wrestling. Goulet was actually decent here and did what he could, plus keeping DeNucci out of the ring was surely the right call. DeNucci showed some of his horrible offense once he got the hot tag, but he was thankfully counted out less than a minute later. 1/4*

[tcg91]

Rene Goulet vs The Hangman (8/9/80)
This had some extremely annoying studio commentary from Michael Cole and Mick Foley shitting all over the match, which fair enough, but it's really hypocritical when Cole spent his whole adult life acting like mediocre matches were masterpieces. So, yeah. The action itself was very far from being any good anyway, and this felt incredibly long despite lasting less than 10 minutes. Hangman worked on Goulet's arm in a very slow and methodical way, only for Goulet to use that same arm without any issues during his comeback, so he never really sold the damage. Goulet watered things down even further with a chinlock, before losing clean to one of the worst hanging finishers I have ever seen. -1/2*

[tcg91]

Dominic DeNucci vs Baron Mikel Scicluna (10/11/80)
This lasted 10 minutes and felt like forever, thanks to the usual stalling at the beginning of the match. Scicluna's gimmick was all focused on hiding a foreign object in his trunks so the referee couldn't see it, which was stupid enough, especially when he got away with using it on three different occasions in the same match! Even between those spots, the match sucked, as Scicluna dictated the pace in a very slow and inconsistent manner, while arguing with the 3 or fans that cared about this. DeNucci tried a "Hulk Up" sequence at one point and things got even worse, as he followed it up with a comedy leg work routine that wasn't funny. DeNucci won with a bad looking backslide pinfall. -*

Tony Garea vs Sika (10/11/80)
This was more 'boring' than 'bad', but they didn't manage their time correctly. It actually started well, as Garea took a great bump off a back body drop and Sika, instead of capitalizing on it, put Garea in the most conservative and boring nerve hold imaginable, possibly because it was the only one he knew. Sigh, okay. The hold was long and pointless, lasting about 4 minutes (out of an 8 minute match) and it didn't go anywhere of course. Once again, Garea showed some good stuff with a few solid punches during his comeback, but the match ended like 30 seconds later, as Sika got out of the ring and stalled until the referee counted him out rather quickly. 1/2*

[Matt D]

32 minutes ago, tcg91 said:

Dominic DeNucci vs Baron Mikel Scicluna (10/11/80)
This lasted 10 minutes and felt like forever, thanks to the usual stalling at the beginning of the match. Scicluna's gimmick was all focused on hiding a foreign object in his trunks so the referee couldn't see it, which was stupid enough, especially when he got away with using it on three different occasions in the same match! Even between those spots, the match sucked, as Scicluna dictated the pace in a very slow and inconsistent manner, while arguing with the 3 or fans that cared about this. DeNucci tried a "Hulk Up" sequence at one point and things got even worse, as he followed it up with a comedy leg work routine that wasn't funny. DeNucci won with a bad looking backslide pinfall. -*

Someone remind me to watch this.