WWF/WWE worst matches ever - a depressing journey

[Ma Stump Puller]

6 hours ago, Matt D said:

I don't want to give you grief for this. I think this is a fun project in theory, but in practice, you're basically complaining about stalling in every match. Sometimes just stalling. And I'd argue that stalling is a totally valid artistic choice and probably worked for the crowd in many of these matches, especially given how much the wrestlers were on the road. If Ventura has heat and he can get heat without working up a sweat, then he should be lauded for that. That's skilled pro wrestling. I guess I'd want to see more about the structural issues or why the stalling in specific didn't work for the crowd or didn't payoff well, etc. Or just... anything but "Another bad match full of stalling." That can't be any more interesting to you match after match after match than it is to me reading. There seems like there has to be better use of your time, maybe looking at bad matches in a style that you like a lot more to see why they might be bad. 

I'd hope you'd maybe come out of this with more of an appreciation for why stalling can be fun, but it seems like you're just getting more and more annoyed by it.

stalling is so effective as a heel tactic that it's even working people 40+ years later, who knew!

 

[tcg91]

16 hours ago, Matt D said:

I don't want to give you grief for this. I think this is a fun project in theory, but in practice, you're basically complaining about stalling in every match. Sometimes just stalling. And I'd argue that stalling is a totally valid artistic choice and probably worked for the crowd in many of these matches, especially given how much the wrestlers were on the road. If Ventura has heat and he can get heat without working up a sweat, then he should be lauded for that. That's skilled pro wrestling. I guess I'd want to see more about the structural issues or why the stalling in specific didn't work for the crowd or didn't payoff well, etc. Or just... anything but "Another bad match full of stalling." That can't be any more interesting to you match after match after match than it is to me reading. There seems like there has to be better use of your time, maybe looking at bad matches in a style that you like a lot more to see why they might be bad. 

I'd hope you'd maybe come out of this with more of an appreciation for why stalling can be fun, but it seems like you're just getting more and more annoyed by it.

Why would that give me grief? I've cited plenty of other factors that made some of these matches bad in my eyes. That said, stalling does seem to be the most common theme at the moment and that's probably because of the era and territory I'm covering.

I should also mention that I'm basing the list on a mix of my own memories and other people's thoughts, and there simply aren't that many reviews available for the early '80s. As a result, the selections are probably skewed a bit toward the "long, dull match" type. A terrible 5 minute All Star Wrestling match that nobody has ever written about simply isn't going to end up on my radar. Nor am I going to watch every single show that ever took place just to make sure I don't miss anything, so some imbalance is inevitable.

[tcg91]

Laurent Soucie vs Swede Hanson (5/22/82)
I had never seen Soucie wrestle before and he didn't seem terrible, but this didn't have a good structure and the crowd was dead, so it was kind of doomed from the start. They locked up a couple of times and traded armlocks; Hanson gave Soucie a clean break on a few occasions, before eventually getting tired of it and taking over with some strikes. Not only did the strikes look quite weak, but this never really evolved into Hanson having to switch gears because of Soucie's limb work; it just felt like an abrupt change of pace and made all the lockups feel like fillers. Hanson then no sold a dropkick and won with a cold backbreaker submission. 3/4*

[tcg91]

Vivian St. John & Peggy Lee vs The Fabulous Moolah & Leilani Kai (7/31/82)
This was not as bad as some of the women's tag matches I have seen so far, mostly because Vivian and Leilani tried hard at the beginning and the crowd was more involved than usual. However, the timing of several spots was completely off, some of the women were not very experienced, and Moolah wasn't exactly smooth either. They did a spot where Moolah hid behind the referee during an Irish whip, but she did it long before the whip even started, so it ended up looking silly, and the referee didn't even sell being run into. The finish was awkward as well, as there seemed to be some miscommunication during a pin attempt by Moolah on Vivian, forcing them to improvise with a sudden small package. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Salvatore Bellomo vs Pete Sanchez (7/31/82)
This went a bit too long and never reached the next level, resulting in an 11-12 minute babyface vs babyface match where nothing they did was particularly good or interesting. The most engaging element was Bellomo getting tired of the stalemate and teasing to punch Sanchez, but it never escalated furhter. In fact, things actually became a bit more choreographed, they started shaking hands often and the crowd wasn't very vocal during all of that. The flashy finish at least made sense, but this felt very flat overall. 1/2*

[tcg91]

Salvatore Bellomo vs Swede Hanson (9/18/82)
This started rather slowly and, just like in the Pete Sanchez match, Bellomo teased throwing a punch but didn't. They insisted on locking up time after time, and it wasn't very good, in terms of smoothness and intensity of the grappling. Hanson applied a full nelson, then released it and turned his back on Bellomo, daring him to put one on himself... which is a questionable strategy and it went nowhere anyway. Bellomo used some flashy offense and Hanson landed a few strikes later on, but every time they got back to their feet, they just went back to locking up like nothing happened. It felt like the match never evolved, much to the crowd's boredom. At the end, Bellomo finally threw a punch and the match was over within a minute with a flashy roll-up that wasn't as bad as the rest of the bout. -1/2*

[tcg91]

Jules Strongbow vs Swede Hanson (10/16/82)
This was dull, but it wasn't very long thankfully. Strongbow wasn't over on his own and the crowd didn't show him much support, despite Hanson dominating most of the bout. The heel's offense wasn't very good, as he spent a long time sitting in an uneventful armlock, and his punches weren't very impressive either. The announcers even ignored the match for a while to talk about other stuff. Hanson had Strongbow beaten after driving a knee into his chest, but he stopped his own pin attempts, to no reaction. Strongbow then came back out of nowhere and won within seconds, after a weak-looking chop. DUD

[tcg91]

Penny Mitchell vs Joyce Grable (10/16/82)
I had both this and Pedro Morales vs Billy Graham in contention for a spot here, and this made the cut because the crowd was heavily invested in the other match and somehow made it watchable despite the mediocre action. Here, the two women only got a pop during the referee comedy spots, even though it didn't make much sense for the official to pull the ropes away from Grable or raise Mitchell's hand in the middle of the match. Other than that, this was quite dull, as they exchanged holds without any real focus or quality. It just felt like a random collection of spots that never came together. Mitchell at least had some decent facial expressions while selling and came across as a dislikeable heel. 3/4*

[tcg91]

Bob Backlund vs Superstar Billy Graham (11/22/82)
This could have been so much worse, but it was saved by a decent MSG crowd. I don't think Backlund did particularly well here, but Graham was just terrible. All of his offense looked weak and his uncoordinated knee strikes made me cringe, as he had to pat Backlund on the back to coordinate them before delivering the blows. To his credit, Graham worked on Backlund's back fairly consistently for a while,  but then he simply forgot about it and moved on. Graham's selling wasn't very good either. It reminded me of a line from Chris Jericho's book, where he said WWF officials told him not to stay down after taking a single move, but to keep feeding the babyface. I guess nobody gave Graham that memo here. The referee also comically ignored Graham hitting a low-blow and then aggressively showing him, only to throw the match later for a sillier reason. DUD

[tcg91]

Chief Jay Strongbow vs Superstar Billy Graham (11/25/82)
The crowd was good, but this was so bad that it couldn't be saved. Once again, Graham looked very clumsy, with uncoordinated knee strikes and some awkward selling. He repeated some of the spots from his match against Backlund 3 days earlier, but his bearhug went nowhere, just like Strongbow's long armbar. This mostly felt like the two of them doing random stuff without any real purpose, with a few badly coordinated spots mixed in, including a clumsy-looking double knockdown collision. Graham threw a karate chop to stop the babyface's momentum and Strongbow launched himself out of the ring, falling victim to one of the quickest count-outs I have ever seen. -1/2*

 

[tcg91]

Tony Garea vs Charlie Fulton (2/19/83)
Not a very smooth one. Garea sat on a side headlock for several minutes, which felt like total filler and also managed to generate complete apathy from the crowd. Monsoon said Garea "always thinks two or three moves ahead," which was very amusing considering the state of the match. Fulton did some average work on Garea's ribs, then switched to his back with a weird-looking bearhug, only to go back to the ribs again, which made his offense feel unfocused. The referee also botched the finish by counting Fulton down for 3 on a sunset flip and ignoring his kickout,, forcing them to redo the ending. DUD

[tcg91]

Salvatore Bellomo vs Baron Mikel Scicluna (4/25/83)
Pat Patterson calling Monsoon "Vince" a few times was funny. This could have been a complete disaster and somehow managed to be better than expected, as it didn't go too long and the crowd stayed fairly engaged. Scicluna was clearly very limited here. His strikes looked awful and he didn't bump unless it was absolutely necessary. At times, it actually looked like he was trying to get Bellomo to slow down, as it took 3 dropkick attempts for him to sell one. On the other hand, Bellomo oversold a few things, like doing a flip after having his foot stomped on or acting as if a weak kick to the stomach had hit him like a bullet. The crowd liked the flashy finish. It was perhaps a bit too abrupt, but I can't complain about this not going over 10 minutes. 1/4*