Parties

Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon [Hell in a Cell] Triangle Chokes were weird and terrible. Should have guessed from Shane’s training montages that this would be fake MMA early. So much laughably bad matwork here. So many audibly called spots. Taker completely gassed out five minutes in. Like AJ-Jericho, Taker had to behave like an idiot to put over the idea of Shane outsmarting him. This improved once they started throwing monitors at each other’s heads and going through tables. People on Twitter were joking that you’ll ge get to see this match again at Mania 50, and that feels disappointingly possible. Shane’s dive was amazing in its own way. Really happy he didn’t kill himself, even if he killed kayfabe. I was laughing out loud at the finish in disbelief. Wow.

Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch This match has had a better build on TV than anything else on the show thus far, and proved to be MOTN. Haters will call it "rehearsed", as if that's not true of 90% of all Mania matches. Sasha's tributes to Eddy were great. Killer Frog Splash. Charlotte looked awkward in two different armbars, but that's the only petty crit I had with this. Her moonsault was awesome. Loved Lynch dragging Banks to the ropes to save the match, only to have Flair later mirror it with his interference. Didn't really mind the finish as it felt like true heel heat, but this was Sasha's night to win and it won't mean as much at like, Extreme Rules or whatever.

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose (No Holds Barred) Underwhelming. Brock's Germans were on point, but Kendo sticks, fire extinguishers, and a chainsaw in a Lesnar match felt really lame and out of place. Saxton and JBL's commentary was notably bad during the quiet moments here. That said, I liked a lot about Ambrose's performance: he was a fun in his reactions. I even liked the cheap nut shot. Whole thing felt like a huge waste of Lesnar in a year where he could have main evented with Reigns. No Wyatts appearance either. They booked nothing more than "Jon Moxley takes a Jon Moxley beating" and tried to get out of there without thinking too hard.

I'm as cynical about the writers/booking/publicly traded impotence of this company as anyone here, but I'll say straight up that this show has totally exceeded expectations and been quite fun. I expected to hate Jericho-Styles going in, so unlike some watching it's not for me as if such misfires (or Woods eating a stunner) are going to turn the tide in the wrong direction for me.

The New Day vs. The League of Nations ND get the biggest reaction of the night to the surprise of no one. Why isn’t this for the titles? I smell shenanigans. I’d forgotten how great Rusev is: his trash talk and standing plancha ruled. What a FIP performance from Woods: looked to be trying hard to prove himself as a worker and did, and he got to live the boyhood dream of getting comical air off a Stunner. Sheamus’ chanting forearms were fun. Really bad Kofi-Del Rio misfire doing that dumb needlessly complex curb stomp spot. The Legends trio felt lame to me but I was relieved that the big moment Meltzer teased was that and not a New Day breakup. Austin’s been hitting the Double IPAs too hard, but I like that he let Rusev beat on him for a while for at least something of a rub. I really didn't mind the Xavier beatdown: they're comedy heels and it worked in the moment better than a lot of Austin semi-burials have in the past.

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles Most choreographed match on the show and it was still mediocre. Way too many spots wedged in to make Jericho seem like "the wily vet" genius. Reminscent of 2000s HBK being depicted as the agile cat-like athlete while constantly blowing spots. So many moments where Styles had to hit awkward flimsy offense just so that Y2J could counter it. Calf Crusher was good: Styles Clash always getting countered wasn't. Finish was obviously terrible: hopefully Styles can now exit this feud and move on. Dome setting is great for this show: way better than broad San Francisco daylight last year. Feels like the biggest show of the year, and the lackluster card has over-delivered so far.

7-Man Ladder Match [iC Title] Sami-Owens faceoff initially made this seem like it'd be them and five other supporting characters along for the ride, but everyone delivered. Zayn's fired-up run was stellar. Cara's big bump to the floor and later dive through the ladder was incredible: he wins hardest worker kudos here. Loved Owens' big frog splash and that for once there was a believable faceoff struggle at the top of a ladder (Zayn and Owens throwing bombs). The Ryder win is not only a surprise, but in the running for biggest upsets in Mania history. Feels like Owens could win it back tomorrow night, but interesting pop for Zack nonetheless.

You know what? If your biggest show ever starts with Michael Cole saying, "It is the evening that upstarts show youthful exuberance...", then you guys are right: this commentary is notably bad.

People even still getting mad about the terrible commentary eludes me. I agree that it's awful, but half the time I'm listening to something else while watching, and the other half I'm just totally ignoring/tuning out what the announcers are saying. Emma was hands down the best performer on the two-hour pre-show. Good on her for getting the Mania payday.

The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz Surprisingly decent match even with that weirdly abrupt superkick finish. Bubba was showing some Bully Ray heat in there and even with the face-heel dynamic off there was a lot of nice action. Could have been early on the Pontiac Silverdome show in ‘87 and worked just as well (tables aside). Usos getting booed was lame: so far I have no love for this smark troll crowd.

Total Divas (Brie Bella/Natalya/Paige/Alicia Fox/Eva Marie) vs. Bad and Blonde (Lana/Naomi/Tamina/Emma/Summer Rae) Emma was the MVP here with the badass Max Max look, the wheelbarrow suplex, and serving as the ring general who kept everything in check. Also liked Naomi’s kicks and Natalya’s stomp. Fox should have been in more. Even Lana was fine, with Tamina looking like the only clunky one here. I maintain that Eva Marie will be a good worker a year from now and that the crowd is wrong on her. I genuinely enjoyed this as I am a mark for 5-on-5 stuff even when it’s pretty short/elementary, and am always rooting for a good women’s division. I concur with the sentiment that Booker is terrible, but in a way that’s familiar to me as a guy who watches NFL/NBA/MLB stuff where you need one retired player on every panel who speaks in nothing but cliches and meandering non-predictive hype.

Ryback vs. Kalisto [uS Title] “Michinoku Driver?” “...Modified.” The extended superplex was awesome. Also: Mauro is stellar. Pulling the Bob Orton ref in that moment was so on point. Lawler heeling on Hayabusa was kind of shitty, but I assume he didn’t hear “the late” part of Ranallo’s line and that Lawler has no idea who Hayabusa is. Surprised to see Kalisto retain. Solid if totally uneventful, forgettable stuff.

Bull made my list, Aja didn't. Strongly agree with OJ's points above, esp. the note of seeming like the more generous worker. Kong's resume feels repetitive to me, in large part because she eats up opponents. Bull is also one of the coolest looking people in wrestling history, warming the cockles of my Brooklyn hipster heart.

Joe is not on my list and when I really think about the montage of good times, he may end up being a regrettable absence. It's sparked by having the miracle Balor match, but I was also just thinking about how Cassandro is on my list because he's the best live performer I've ever seen (having caught him a few times now). But Joe-Kobashi is the best match that I've seen live, and when you add it to a strong NXT run, being the best TNA worker ever, and his top stuff in ROH/indies, that's a perfectly suitable top 100 resume.

Most wrestlers, especially in a HOF setting, "love wrestling" the way one loves a domineering mother with whom one has never had a cross word. I'm speculating entirely based off his speech and his attitude in recent years, but I would guess Sting "loves wrestling" the way a lot of people love a spouse: ups and downs, passionate times and tough ones, a critical eye delivered with pragmatism and ardor at once. It isn't that he dislikes or resents it. He's just not a fanboy about it the way many workers are. There's always that locker room adage about "the boys being bigger marks than the fans are". Sting's more into church and buying up land these days, because he's a wealthy, pious 56 year old man. He delivered that HOF address last night the way a corporate executive would give a retirement speech. (I thought he was absolutely great, by the way, even if the sunglasses and bat were weird.) The irony is that Sting is what Vince/WWE are trying to condition today's wrestlers to be, even if there's a sentimentality that comes out at these events where the truer, messier Michael Hayes spirit of pro wrestling emerges. It's a somewhat mixed message in that Vince wants everyone to act like a board member, while also placing the job at the core of their emotions. Be professional, but still create maudlin moments, so as to depict wrestling as the most important aspect of your life. Tear up once in a while as you get older. In other words: be Vince.

C&Ped from the Voting Thread: Just turned in both ballots - hopefully not too late as end of Mania is the deadline, yeah? Sorry to Grimmas if this is under the wire. My singles list is awesome and the result of some heavy viewing in recent months. A few workers who I'd never seen 6-9 months ago are on there now. My tag list is much more "one from the heart", mostly going off memory and old favorites. Anyway, this was awesome - thanks to those putting it all together!

Just turned in both ballots - hopefully not too late as end of Mania is the deadline, yeah? Sorry to Grimmas if this is under the wire. My singles list is awesome and the result of some heavy viewing in recent months. Some workers who I'd never seen 6-9 months ago are on there now. My tag list is much more "one from the heart" in terms of being mostly going off memory and old favorites. Anyway, this was awesome - thanks to those putting it all together!

1) The last five nerds on Earth still wondering why Cena's the ace of the company found out in his delivery of that intro. 2) Snoop talking about smoking weed with Cena in the recording studio was the face turn of the century.

I was initally going to say the peak of the Freebirds speech was Garvin talking about Hayes peeing on him, only to have the camera pan over to Reigns' wife making a face of disgust while Roman smirks. But then there were like thirty even more awesome things that happened after that. I have not laughed so hard at anything wrestling in forever. The fanny pack. Performing the entirety of "Badstreet USA" over a backing track of himself. Kevin's remarkable "These New Gay Guys" flub. Garvin's dancing. Did they go an hour? Dear God, that was amazing.

Man, I really forgot how weird The Godfather character was. Nice speech though. And a decent if corny Will Ferrell imitation from JBL in the intro. Isaiah the Little Pimp forever.

EVOLVE 59’s stream was brutal, but what I saw was very cool. Barely could see any of Hero-Yehi unfortunately, but what was there seemed awesome. The wristlock wars of Riddle-Sabre were cool. Early on Ricochet and Ospreay clowning around did nothing for me, but in the home stretch it became a really entertaining spotfest. Trading reverse ranas, Phoenix splashes, Death Valley Driver on the apron. It was over the top, but I will be the first to give it to them in saying it was all well executed and really fun.

I rarely watch matches twice and never in such short order, but I wanted to see the top 3 here again in the morning light. In Nakamura-Zayn, what stood out the second time was that Zayn was really working hard. His stuff is at times a bit telegraphed for my tastes and I wish his flying offense hit harder, but he’s a different type of worker and he excels at his own game. In particular his footwork in this match was so good, as you have moments where he’s running backwards to outfox Shinsuke, times where he has to move quickly to get into the right position, times where he has to launch himself into a kick, etc. His big plancha here also shows you how camera angles change everything. When I saw the live version I thought he kinda missed Nakamura. But seen from the replay angle, you get his wild facial expression as he goes over the rope, the textbook air he gets, and the landing from a different direction that made it look much more impactful. Zayn’s selling of the second-half beatdown, his comeback lariat, and his head stomping to escape the Triangle Choke were also badass. I’ve never seen a match quite like that, which is a rare feat of late. Bayley-Asuka: better on 2nd viewing, but still had some structural problems. To give Bayley her shine, she had to control the early part of the match, which felt off as the crowd just wasn’t there and Bayley’s execution wasn’t as strong as you’d like it to be. It got better once she started Dragon Screwing the legs of Asuka and we got the big counter into an armbar, though we’d just seen that spot w/ Nakamura minutes earlier. I don't think that crowd was expecting that finish at all and weren't really conditioned to it. I can’t believe it, but I still think Joe-Balor was MOTN. Joe’s performance was too good and it had the feeling of genuine chaos. Where Nak-Zayn was the dream match showcase, this was a war. Balor was largely along for the ride, but this is still the match of his career by default. I was even more in awe of Joe’s performance the second time: there’s been nothing like this in WWE since Reigns-Lesnar. Amazing that they got to do Diaz-McGregor in reverse after the Holm-Tate revamp we’d seen earlier. Joe gets Performance of the Night easily.

The booking was interesting in that it really feels like the clear end of one season and the start of the next. Zayn, Joe, and in time Bayley and Corbin gone. Probably more if the "Vince has six people he wants to bring up from NXT this summer" line is true. Nakamura-Balor as the next money match, with a Balor Club heel turn building up to Summerslam? Asuka at the top of the division, but who hasn't she beaten that's worth anything now? Maybe a Bayley rematch in Brooklyn, but can they wait five months? More likely booked for the Japan Takeover? American Alpha work with Anderson/Gallows? Or TMDK if they're in soon enough? Crews, Roode, Aries, and presumably Itami on his return filling out an upper midcard? La Sombra coming out of the Cruiserweight series the next star? Surely a couple other unexpecteds rise to the top.

Finn Balor vs. Samoa Joe [NXT Title] Before this match started I wrote, “This show feels like it needed some kind of fun, simple 6 or 8-man tag in between the two single title matches. Something to lighten the crowd up after Bayley-Asuka and help get the energy back.” To hell with that: this was match of the night and totally got the crowd going again. Hard not to love Balor’s entrance, even if he did steal Ambrose’s gimmick. The medics working on Joe was both lame and dramatic, but it was hilariously great that the cut just started pouring buckets immediately after they left. I didn’t love the Mania VIII throwback finish, but if you’d told me Samoa Joe would have the best performance of the show I wouldn’t have believed it. He carried Finn to something really good: so expressive here, and his offense looked fantasically violent. For at least one night, he was 04-05 Joe again.

Bayley vs. Asuka [NXT Women’s Title] They couldn’t follow the prior match, but this was better than the crowd’s reaction to it. Bayley flinching and bracing her arms together while taking Asuka’s kicks was interesting. In some ways this was worked too evenly as telling the story of Bayley taking an early beating and then getting a comeback would have been easier to execute, but I liked that they showed how Bayley’s no longer the underdog. She’s the champ who’s defended it often and has developed her own sort of killer instinct. Loved Bayley’s side suplex as her first badass move of the match. Asuka had an unenviable gig here as the crowd seemed to view her as the heel and weren’t reacting to her big offense the way they had for Nakamura or Zayn. The Holm-Tate tease was smart, but this crowd clearly didn’t buy it all the way.