William Bologna

Hacks wouldn’t have imitated him if he did it badly.

December 6, 1984 Hiroshima prefectural gymnasium Super heavyweight battle royal Fujinami and Murdoch are pulling double duty! Later in the same evening as their epic double count-out showdown, both are here for the Super Heavyweight Battle Royal! This is my kind of battle royal. It's five minutes long, they get the chumps out of there quick, and it tells a story which despite its brevity is full not only of twists but also of turns. Inoki sees KY Wakamatsu (whose name is Japanese for "Jimmy Hart") and a couple Strong Machines outside the ring and is so incensed that he eliminates himself going after them. The swole ref in the WWF polo really has to put his foot down about Antonio getting back in. It's like, yeah I gave you a pin on a two count last time, but the rules of the battle royal are sacred. I'll have to keep an eye out for this guy - we may never see him again after he crosses the boss like this. I gather that there's an issue between Fujinami/Kengo Kimura and Murdoch/Adrian Adonis. Kimura and Adonis eliminate each other like they're Eteocles and Polyneices before one of the seven gates of holy Thebes. The rest of the match tells the tale of Murdoch, Fujinami, and the near-literal elephant in the figurative room, Andre T. Giant. Andre is down, and Murdoch takes the unexpected but expedient route, motioning for Fujinami to cooperate with him in dumping the giant. The crowd is thrilled. But can Captain Redneck be trusted? You will not be surprised to learn that he cannot. He betrays his momentary ally but comes close to eliminating Andre accidentally as Fujinami ducks a double team maneuver. Murdoch recovers to dump Fujinami, only for Andre to bring things to an abrupt end by dropping Murdoch atomically with such force that he springs over the top rope. It hurts more when you're a giant. My heart sank when I saw there was a battle royal on the docket. The last one I saw was that time the Rock tried and failed to convince everyone that Roman Reigns was extremely tough and cool, so I'd soured on the whole concept. But this was a hoot. Five minutes. Told a story. Made Inoki look stupid. A triumph.

1984 Other matches December 6, 1984 Hiroshima prefectural gymnasium Tatsumi Fujinami VS Dick Murdoch Finally we get some Dick Murdoch! He's been hanging out in the margins of this project, even giving Fujinami a postmatch handshake at one point, but this is the first time we see him in action. He's awesome, of course. The match is built around his peerless punches. Fujinami gets a transition off blocking one and complains to the ref (resplendent in a WWF polo shirt) about them. The crowd is good but unusual. They're just loud in general. There's a high level of background noise, but they don't always react to the things you'd expect them to. There's a repeated chant that I don't understand, but at least they're enjoying themselves. Murdoch is a perfect opponent for Fujinami. Consider: Fujinami is at his best when he's getting hit really hard. Hashimoto, Tenryu, Dynamite - these are the guys who bring the fighting spirit out of him. He's a pretty colorless guy unless he's getting pasted in the face, and Murdoch is happy to oblige. He has a tendency to get overshadowed and eaten up when he's in the ring with a dominant personality. I love the Hogan matches, but you don't remember Fujinami's performance in them. Against Flair he's the proverbial broomstick. Murdoch, however, complements him. He's got all kinds of personality, but he uses cartoonish selling to make his opponent look like a badass. He's physically imposing in spite of his physique (he towers over Fujinami), and his offense is as believable as fake fighting can be, so it really means something when he switches gears and starts staggering around after getting punched. This is a lot of analysis for a ten minute match with a typical 80s non-finish (DCOR), but man is Dick Murdoch good. I liked this a lot, but I'm not objective about this guy. He's the gaijin Tenryu - I'd watch him order lunch and give it four stars.

1984 Other matches November 30, 1984 Aichi Prefectural Gymnasium MSG Tag League Antonio Inoki＆Tatsumi Fujinami VS Strong Machine No.1＆Strong Machine No.2 This may look like a mismatch in the ring - you have a couple IWGP champions vs. Junji Hirata and some Korean guy - but the Machines have backup. KY Wakamatsu is yelling into his megaphone, and Hiro Saito is ready to make his presence felt. The good guys, meanwhile, have only a young, pimply Masa Chono in their corner. There's plenty of heat; the crowd is going banana as they brawl among the streamers, and the enthusiasm doesn't really let up. Not even when Inoki wraps a towel around his hand to punch a Machine. Must have been extra fighting spirit in it or something. Inoki is just not any good except when he's brawling (when he's really, really good). He lacks ring awareness or something. There's a spot where he gets one Machine (either 1 or 2) to run into the other one (either 2 or 1), and instead of following up, he just strolls in the direction of his corner while the Machine waits for him to do something. But it's far from the worst Inoki experience, since he keeps things moving and throws a lot of punches. The finish is very mid-80s sloppy. Whichever Machine loses (presumably the less Super Strong one) lands kind of under the ropes on an enzuigiri, so he has to move his hand and Inoki has to move his ass to stay in bounds for the pin, which I swear is only a two count. Different rules for the guy who owns the place. Hiro Saito immediately runs in, and we brawl again. One other thing about Inoki - in kayfabe, he's just an awful tag partner. Fujinami hit a dragon suplex, which got a huge pop from the crowd, the announcer, and me, and Inoki could barely be bothered to get into the ring to protect the pin attempt. Even worse is in the post-match brawl. Saito is choking Fujinami with a rope, and Inoki completely ignores it. He at least waits until Saito stops to raise his hands in triumph, but his partner's suffering is obviously not troubling him.

Absolutely. They're clearly taking the long view on this, willing to put unknowns in the spotlight and resisting the urge to hotshot. It speaks well to management.

Pulling out the “those other guys are fanboys!” card isn’t the best tactic after you’ve argued that your favorite promotion lost just cause WWE fans are teetotalers who stay at home knitting.

Wardlow’s tie is a great touch.

Was that the first actual squash in Dynamite history? Dark Order has go away heat.

Interesting to compare this to the Omega/Janela dark match. Longish, lots of plunder, clear underdog. The big difference is that this was good.

I never realized how much Omega works like Michael Elgin. Which is to say that he’s awful.

Riho’s amazing. She gets over by having people watch her wrestle. Novel concept. I can’t imagine anyone thinking a bunch of Isaac Yankem shit is going to get Baker over. Weird misfire.

The people behind me were absolutely marking out about Swagger. I don’t know if that’s representative.

That was great. Crowd was thoroughly roped in by the end.

Here’s Britt Baker. I’m going to start an argument with the people sitting around me about whether it’s OK not to know who she is. Get that PWO experience.

Hebner getting some “you screwed Bret” chants in the building.

1984 Other matches November 1, 1984 Tokyo Gymnasium WWF International Heavyweight Championship Tatsumi Fujinami VS Cowboy" Bob Orton This is the first time I've seen Bob Orton since my Hulkamania-plagued childhood. I liked him! He did these theatrical, Curt Hennig-style bumps. They weren't quite smooth enough to be described as Perfect, but still they were interesting. I like his offense. His super deliberate elbows to the throat were cool. He brought more high-flying than I would have guessed. He prefigured Gran Naniwa by getting on the second rope at the turnbuckle and shuffling to the middle, whence he dropped a knee on Fujinami. He also tried a Vader Bomb, but Fujinami got his knees up on that one. And he hadn't even wrestled Vader yet - how did he know? The thing about Cowboy Bob Orton is that the crowd just did not give a damn. Did he not have a pedigree in Japan? He did a bunch of cool stuff, Fujinami did some cool stuff, Orton emoted largely, all to tepid reactions from the Tokyoians. They tease a couple countouts, but we do get a finish as Fujinami throws Orton off the top and procures a scorpion deathlock for the win. This was a pleasant exercise worked at a very nice pace. I don't understand why the people watching it didn't like it as much as I did.

1984 Other matches September 7, 1984 Fukuoka Sports Center Tatsumi Fujinami VS Abdullah the Butcher We spend some time doing clean breaks here until things pick up. Fujinami hits Abdullah with some kind of flying chop, which of course gets the Butcher to bleeding. I didn't see him blade, but he must have, right? I'm sure Abdullah's better at cutting himself than I am at noticing it. Fujinami presses the advantage with an enzuigiri and a God-bless-him-he-tried bodyslam. Then the gentlest dropkick I've ever seen sends the Butcher outside. Abdullah drags Fujinami outside with him, and the ref waves it off almost immediately. There definitely wasn't time for a countout, but I guess Abdullah's reputation preceded him. The ref knew they weren't getting back in, so why tax his brain counting to twenty? I was expecting more of a madman vibe from the Butcher. He didn't move with any urgency, and other than a couple throat chops (followed by his little Abdullah dance), most of his offense was holding Fujinami real close. The bell-to-bell part of this wasn't the worst four minutes, but the post-match was really bad. All Abdullah did was hold Fujinami against something and bleed on him, and this was before we knew how dangerous it was to get that guy's blood on you.

I'll keep that in mind. On the one hand, this project has made me realize that Masa Saito is really great and I need to watch more of him. On the other, I was fully intending to go seek out more Fujinami from other sources before they doubled the number of matches I need to get through. So we'll see if I can stomach any more of the old bastard after I get through this.

1984 Other matches March 30, 1984 Korakuen Hall Seiji Sakaguchi＆Tatsumi Fujinami VS Masked Superstar＆Don Muraco Super hot crowd. During the milling around after the introductions, they launch into a deafening "Muraco" chant. Don is eager to maintain heel status by dismissing this enthusiasm, so they respond by chanting "Sakaguchi" but somehow cramming it into three syllables. I've been sitting here trying to do it with limited success. I'm glad I have the place to myself. The trick is to barely enunciate the "gu." SA-KA-(gu)CHI! This is a fun trip down memory lane. Remember that swole referee in the skin-tight polo shirt? He's back! And Fujinami is all young and dynamic again. I forgot how fast he used to run the ropes. We even get a terrible, obvious 80s finish. Mr. Superstar comes in to save his partner from Fujinami's octopus hold. Fujinami tries to cross bodyblock the two of them out of the ring for the countout, but of course it doesn't work - one of the biggest difference between wrestling now and wrestling then is simple execution. So they kind of pull each other out, everyone brawls, and Fujinami rolls in for the win. Sakaguchi is a pretty impressive physical specimen, but he seems to have gotten old early. He's only 42 here, but he's all hunched over. Neither of the foreigners made much of an impression except for the audience's unrequited love for Don Muraco.

New Year Golden Series January 27, Aichi Prefectural Gymnasium, 1984 Antonio Inoki＆Tatsumi Fujinami VS Hulk Hogan＆Iron Mike Sharpe As I step out of my time machine and back into 1984, I'm thrilled to see the Hulkster. It makes up for also seeing Inoki. We also get Iron Mike Sharpe, who's a lot of fun here. He just heels like crazy. He hits Fujinami with the semi-foreign object around his wrist; he whines to the referee; he grabs hair and generally cheats. It's a little confusing, because his partner is, if not the good guy, certainly not the bad guy. Hogan does all the stuff he always does in Japan, but neither I nor the crowd is tired of it. What they really want is a showdown between Hogan and Inoki. They get it after Fujinami puts Sharpe in the scorpion deathlock. Hogan comes in and axe bombers Fujinami out of the ring. Inoki comes in, and the two illegal men have a sequence hot enough to bring the crowd to its feet. It is the 80s, though, so the bell rings halfway through the confrontation: Fujinami has been counted out. This worked because the crowd was so hot for it and because it felt like the silly-ass 80s finish was building to something. I don't know if the Hogan vs. Inoki payoff happened. If it did Fujinami wasn't in it, so it's really not any of my business.

Wrestle Kingdom II in Tokyo Dome January 4, 2008 Tokyo Dome Sixth game ONE NIGHT STAND ~ LEGEND vs V・B・H ~ Choshu force AKIRA Jyushin Thunder Liger Masahiro Chono Tatsumi Fujinami vs "brother" YASSHI Shuji Kondo TARU heresy heresy Pre-match prediction: The indie dirtbags do a bunch of disrespectful stuff, and then the old guys kick their asses. Let's see if I'm right. Post-match analysis: I was right! One of the dirtbags got on the mic and said something over and over; something disrespectful enough to get him booed. Then they got some heat and finally got their asses kicked. It was actually more fun than I thought it would be. The bad guys did some cool stuff, like holding AKIRA up by his legs and axe kicking him the dick. They then did a commendable job getting their asses kicked. The dude wearing the Jamaican flag as a headband in particular earned his paycheck. So, I thought I was done. I was going to watch the Choshu retirement match and go do something else. But once again Gedo snuck in and added a bunch of content. As a paying customer, I guess I should be grateful. I'm not. So it's once more into the breach (in this case, "breach" means "1980s"). We get some Dick Murdoch, which should be fun. Sadly, I have to watch another Bruiser Brody match. Also a weirdly large amount of Jimmy Snuka. King Kong Bundy. A number of Strong Machines. All the greats, coming soon.

Lance Archer was the best guy in the tournament. Not just the most surprising, although certainly was that, but if I had to watch one guy's matches straight through, I'd pick him. He got over, too - there were dueling chants when he was wrestling Tanahashi! NJPW didn't know what they had going in, but they figured it out - Archer getting up from a kamigoye before going down to Ibushi must have been an audible. It's nice to have a few guys (like Archer) who don't work the house style. Tomohiro Ishii is my favorite wrestler, but when you see dudes doing his routine a couple times a night for a month, the effect weakens. I always like ZSJ, but he's invaluable in this context because he does something different. This is also the argument for Yano, but he's never done anything for me. Kenta was lousy. I haven't seen much of his work in NOAH or WWE - maybe it worked better if you knew the guy. But they positioned him as the new Shibata, a super intense super dangerous ass-kicker, and he didn't have the ability, demeanor, or physical presence to pull it off. We wound up with this bored-looking dad bod midget. The Bullet Club angle was not only great, it was necessary if they're going to continue to use him. Sanada's super popular all of a sudden, and he's actually learned to respond to it. It's time to do something with him. Jeff Cobb turns out not to be a very good wrestler. I don't watch WWE so Moxley was an unknown, but goddamn that guy's a star. The G1 was great, and I'm glad I managed to stick with it all the way through (I only had one match spoiled!). Ibushi winning really was a wholesome, feel-good moment.

They should put Cobb in a tag team, because he can't do 15 minutes on his own. Put him in with a better worker, let him do his big spots and maybe learn something.

This is definitely an issue with Cobb. He's got great presence, and he does a lot of cool stuff, but he's not very good at filling a match. In this match, I particularly noticed that he kept throwing strikes for Ishii to counter, and they were not convincing as attempts to hit someone. They really looked like he was throwing his arm up and waiting for Ishii to do something. They were like Flair going to the top rope. I'd still rather watch him than a lot other people, but I'm always a little let down by his matches.

I will say the CEO match felt like an in joke that I wasn't in on.