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Quotable wrestling

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Guest TheShawshankRudotion

Ripped from TOA. Classic Crazy Flair.

 

"Now I am going to give the world my take on Russo, you see Russo, the way I see it, you are a skinny little Italian kid growing up in the Bronx. In New York, and your papa said like every young man in New York, you wanna be like Bruno Sammartino, the champion of the WWWF, and you said, Papa, I like Bruno, but he's a little too slow, and Papa said, you gotta be like Bruno Vinny, and you said papa Papa papa, Then daddy bought you cable, TBS, and one day your daddy heard you going PAPA PAPA, and Daddy ran in, horrified, and said TURN THAT OFF, and you said Papa, I wanna be JUST LIKE HIM, WHOOOOO! Your Papa said NO VINNY, YOU CAN'T BE LIKE THE NATURE BOY, YOU CAN'T STYLE AND PROFILE, YOU GOT NO MUSCLES VINNY, YOU GOT NO GIRLFRIENDS, You CAN'T be like the Nature Boy! WHOOOO! Oh Papa, please daddy, let me be like Ric Flair, no, no! I'm going to be like him some day! So NOW, it's all rolled around, you're a big skinny little punk with no muscles with a check book, and you think you've got the power to make people's lives come and go... So you walk in the door and write the checks, in reality you're just a kid who wants to be like the Nature Boy! You wanted to a kiss stealing wheeling dealing limo riding jet flying son of a gun who kissed all the girls in the neighborhood and made the cry. Instead you were a skinny little boy with no muscles, no girls, [and] you haven't got me."

Ric Flair

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Guest Alfdogg

"Helen Hart got her tongue stuck in a toaster because she was trying to make french toast." - Jerry Lawler

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Guest KingPK

"Uh oh, he's waxed another jacket from the souvenir booth" - Bobby Heenan on Stu Hart's Bruins jacket at the last Survivor Series in Boston Garden ('94?)

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Guest Some Guy

PK, that was from Survivor Series 93 at the Garden. I was there and had just about the shittiest seats you could imagine. They were $6 face value, last row under the balconey and behind the entrance way.

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Guest Cam Chaos

"I don't think much of Jeff Hardy. He can't wrestle" - Kevin Nash

 

"If our cross should ever path again" - HHH to Arnold Schwarzenegger

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At the opening of the WCW Nitro Grill ...

 

Sting: "The biggest point I have to make is that a food involving my name better be on the menu somewhere!"

 

Later in the press conference ...

 

Kevin Nash: "I must say, I tried the Stinger Lima Bean Casserole, and it's delicious!"

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"Greetings to all of our fans in Memphis! As we all know, there are two types of Elvis' - there was fat Elvis, and really fat Elvis! But the sad thing is - none of us will ever get the chance to find how fat Elvis really would have been - because, he ended up like this town -- Dead!!!!" -- Christian.

 

"Now, speaking of sore-losers, how fitting is it that we are in the capital city of sore-losers, Buffalo, New York! Now, I'm talking, Superbowls, Stanley Cup Finals, O.J.! It 'so' doesn't get more depressing than right here." -- Christian.

 

"You never really know a woman till you meet her in court." -- Jerry Lawler

 

"Don't you ever, and the Rock means EVER, come at the Rock and ask him a question like that again, or else the Rock will knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll stick a toothbrush up your *ss to brush 'em!" -- The Rock

 

"...On top of all that, look at this guy? I mean he's a idiot, he's 7 feet of pure idiot. You put his brain in a parakeet... zing! It'll fly backwards." -- The Rock

 

"It doesn't make you bad losing to Rob Van Dam... it just makes you like everybody else." -- Rob Van Dam

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"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your ass your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" -- The Rock

 

"Take her g-string, pull it up over her head and poke her in the eyes." -- Test to Trish before her match against Lita

 

"Hardy Boys, Boyz with a Z. Is that Z supposed to scare us or something?" --Christian

 

"You want ME in the ring? Now I know you've been drinking" -- Kurt Angle to Essa Rios

 

"Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past the expiration date. Now THAT is Extreme!" - Kurt Angle

 

Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: "I always say, 'Once is not enough'."

Rob Van Dam: "Yeah, I heard that about you."

 

"If your Olympic Hero were to use the Worm in the 1996 olympic games, it would be so embarassing to all the other atheletes - and our country, mind you- that the USA would have finished behind Guam." -- Kurt Angle

 

"I became the first ever Euro-continental champion in WWF history. Well, besides D-Lo Brown, but he doesn't count." -- Kurt Angle

 

"Welcome to Anaheim, California, my fellow broken-down, washed-up wrestler." --Mick Foley to Shawn Michaels

 

"If I were someone named Mr. Ass, I'd be really worried about doing time." -- Vince McMahon talking about DX going to jail

 

"Very, very good Pavlov, all your dogs have barked when you rang the bell. Your test was successful." -- Triple H to Rock after he said one of his catchphrases which caused a huge pop. (Damn! Hunter CAN be funny when he wants to be.)

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Guest Cam Chaos

"This man is something special" JR on Chris Masters minutes before he broke Stevie Richards nose and orbital bone

 

"I am a man with talent on loan from God" Shawn Michaels

 

"These people find themselves dead by the age of thirty. The thing I'm mad about is when they die at such a young age of an overdose or whatever they are taking, people like me have to take care of their family through hand outs" - JBL about rappers, not wrestlers surprisingly

 

"I don't pay to see you people. You people save your money and you pay to see me." JBL forgetting about the drop in ticket sales and PPV buys

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Guest Alfdogg

JR: "Nidia could use a long, hot shower."

 

King: "I bet you wish you were the one taking that shower with her, don't you?"

 

JR: "Oh STOP! She's young enough to be my daughter!"

 

King: "What's wrong with that?"

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Guest Some Guy

"I am a man with talent on loan from God" Shawn Michaels

When you start stealing lines from Rush Limbaugh it's time to get a new writer. I think Shawn is starting the Institute for Advanced Pro. Wrestling Studies next.

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Guest riflewilly

Here a re a few that I found including the best RVD line ever....plus I added my favorite Jeff Hardy line at the end.

 

 

"Let me make that simple for ya. I'm gonna throw a man over the top rope, then another, then another, then another, then another, then another, then another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another, another... How many is that? You get the picture."

-- Steve Austin on the Royal Rumble, Raw 1/07/02

 

I personally am quite taken by the way that you display your abilities. I am, I watch you. I watch you Triple H and everybodys got to admit, man nobody can deny you have proven time and time again that brother, you can spit some water....

What I'm not impressed by that? Of course I am, hey everybodys got to admit that that takes talent. (claps)

- RVD thinks Triple H's only talent is spitting water

 

 

You come out here every week and you like to play the ignorant jackass.

Hey, don't get me wrong. You do a great job. You're the best ignorant jackass we've got here.

- Triple H to Kurt Angle

 

 

Chris Benoit: "You know Kane, no matter how you look at it, tonight, you and I have to function as a team - a tag team. Regardless of who becomes #1 Contender, tonight is aboot you and I working together. Hey, I understand you don't play well with others. Maybe that started at an early age. Maybe you weren't the most well-liked on the playground, maybe your report card read 'does not get along with others,' maybe you were the last one picked at kickball - but that doesn't matter, 'cause tonight is aboot the Rock and Undertaker - and us tearing them apart. Understand?"

Kane: "Benoit - I was NEVER picked last."

Benoit: "What?"

Kane: "In kickball. I was NEVER picked last!"

 

 

 

 

-"Look at the pretty poinsettias."

 

-"Price check on jackass!"

 

"What exactly is a Nature Boy? Do you like nature? Do you like boys?" - Stone Cold Steve Austin to Ric Flair (Raw, 6/3/02)

 

 

 

Why don't you use your famous oral skills and tell me where your little boyfriend Jamie Noble is.

- Hurricane to Nidia

 

Oh really. Boyfriend. Singular, I hear. So you're limiting yourself to just one now.

- Hurricane to Nidia

 

 

I'm out in the ring, Shawn Michaels turns to me and says, 'Hey, I got a couple of vertebrae out. Would you mind puttin 'em in with that chair?' He turns his back, I whack him and all of a sudden I'm a bad guy."--Kevin Nash

 

 

 

"Taker......I'm not dead yet!!!" ---Jeff Hardy after his ladder match with The Undertaker

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Guest The Metal Maniac

Owen Hart, explaining why he attacked someone (Marc Mero maybe? I honestly forget) with his cast after he lost a KotR match:

 

"Hey, I was just going to shake his hand after a hard-fought match, but I slipped off the apron!"

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Guest Hunter's Torn Quad

Jim Cornette to Dusty Rhodes - "That's a nice hat you've got there Mr Dream. Did you get a freel bowl of soup with it ?"

 

Steve Austin to Woman - Hey, I could rustle up five dollars in a minute, and if I had a clothespeg for my nose, I'd give you a try.

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Guest Paranoid Nudnik

"Undertaker, if that is your real name..." - Kurt Angle

"I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot?" ~ Kurt Angle, reffering to the ridiculousness of his title defense becoming a triple threat against the Rock and Triple H

?I just want to say to everyone that, even though I suplexed an eighty-two-year-old pregnant woman, I am still a role model for children, not to mention elderly people as well. At the time, I actually thought it was Mark Henry.

?Tonight, I have decided to treat all of you, and become the next European champion. Now, I realize we?re down here in Texas, and not a lot of people here know where Europe is?

Kurt Angle: "And who's the guy that brings happiness and joy to children all over the world every single day?"

Christian: "Kurt Angle."

Kurt Angle: "Exactly."

-- Raw 1/07/02

Triple H: "Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, quite frankly, could be the perfect woman. But yet, you stand in front of her and look at her every week and say 'I just wanna be her...friend.' Now what kind of a guy stands in front of a hot woman and just wants to be her friend?"

Kurt Angle: "What are you tryin' to say?"

Triple H: "I mean, you'd like to be friends with Steph. You'd like to hang out with Steph...you'd like to, maybe, go shopping for drapes with Steph. Hey, Kurt, look - don't get upset, okay? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. This is the year 2000 - alternative lifestyles are perfectly acceptable in this day and age! Kurt, if you're batting off the other side of the plate from the rest of us, that's okay! And I understand - Kurt, I can understand you're upset right now, okay? Maybe national television wasn't a good place for me to call you out on this, but it explains a lot, Kurt - all the looks ya been givin' me and the little smirks? I mean, who are you trying to get close to here?"

Kurt Angle: And Hunter, try to go a week without accidentally hitting your wife, ok?

Triple H: Ok. Try to go a match without hitting on me, ok?

 

I don't have a problem with gays. In fact, gay people love me. Everybody loves me. I'm freakin adorable.

 

I'm a fan

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Classic Bret Hart "I Quit" promo from 1-20-97, the night after Royal Rumble.

 

Just a note, everytime Bret referenced the WWf, he would say World Wrestling Federation. Not once did he say WWF. In this transcript, I am typing WWF.

 

Bret Hart: (to Vince) When I decided to come back to the WWF, you promised me that I would get an opportunity to fight for the WWF belt. You put me in the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and said if I could beat Steve Austin, Iwould be the #1 contender for the WWF championship belt. Don't you think ti's just a little bit convenient, that for some stupid reason, Shawn Michaels finds himself at ringside, announcing in my world championship match with Psycho Sid?

 

So Shawn Michaels jumps up and sticks his nose in my business and costs me the WWF championship belt. With blatant interference, the Boy Toy cost me the belt and they go "Oh, that's ok, Don't worry about it 'cos now you can go to the Royal Rumble to fight 29 other guys AND THEN you'll get your opportunity for the WWF belt. So I wait in the ring, and it's very, very clear to me that I won the Royal Rumble and I should be getting a WWF championship bout.

 

(looking to Vince) Where is my opportunity?!?! The way I look at things right now, Iv'e been screwed by Shawn Michaels the Boy Toy, Iv'e been screwed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, I've been screwed by the World Wrestling Federation, and I've been screwed by you!!!

 

I don't like to make idle threats, but the way I see things, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get my shot at the WWF belt.... SO I QUIT!

 

(Bret slams the mic down and leaves through the crowd)

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And this is Stone Cold's repsonse shortly after Bret left through the crowd.

 

Stone Cold: (Austin is talking but the mic is dead. He grabs a working mic from a tech.) You gonna get me a piece of equipment that works son or am I gonna have to whip your ass?!

 

Bret Hart, you can sit there and talk about how Vince screwed ya, how everybody screws ya, how I screwed ya. The bottom line is son.. When the going gets tough, the Harts get going... back home!

 

(Crowd cheers) Knock it off

 

Go on back to Canada, son, because the only person you could possibly beat is your wrinkled-ass old man in his little ol' basement. You talk about being jerked around. I've been jerked around for 7 years then I get here. I'm supposed to face Psycho Sid tonight and then some guy, a 350lb buffoon that calls himself Gorilla Monsoon the commissioner says, "No no no, Psycho SId is at home with a concussion." Psycho Sid may be at home with a concussion and an ice pack on his head but he's also got a big yellow stripe running down the middle of his back.

 

As far as Gorilla goes, I got a big bunch of bananasand Ican tell you where to stick each and every one of 'em.

 

You want me to face the Undertaker, you can bring his dead ass out here because Ithrew it over the top rope last night and I'll do the exact same thing right now so bring him on out. I got something for him.

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Unpinning this to make more room at the top. If anyone accidentally opens a new thread in the future with wrestling quotes, I'll just merge them.

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Make up your damn mind. Or better yet, don't. I'll do what I want and you'll accept it and smile in the meantime.

 

Glad this is settled.

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