NintendoLogic

I looked at the card, and yikes. There's not a single announced match that looks like an acceptable PPV main event. I guess the women's Chamber match would be the pick by default. Shayna seems like the obvious choice to win, but she's not exactly Vince's type. And he's already changed his mind once about pushing her (she was the original pick to win the Rumble), so I wouldn't be shocked if he ended up pulling the plug completely after her first match on Raw went over like a lead balloon.

Yuji Nagata vs. Togi Makabe (NJPW, 7/6/07) They ran an IWGP title match at Korakuen, so it was clear New Japan had fallen on hard times. Nevertheless, this is a blast. It’s basically the best possible Dump Matsumoto match with lots of weapons, interference, and brawling all over the place. Makabe clocks Nagata with a chair, stabs him with scissors, and strangles him with a chain. His GBH stablemates also interfere liberally. Oh, for the days when Toru Yano was a serious heel. I find the use of stabbing implements as weapons in pro wrestling to be inherently distasteful, but the fact that Makabe used safety scissors makes it unintentionally hilarious rather than macabre. The fact that all this occurred in plain view of the referee was a bit off-putting. I understand the mindset of showing some leniency so the match can be decided in the ring by the wrestlers, but the ref has to maintain some semblance of authority. When the heels are running roughshod to this degree with no repercussions, that authority is completely undermined. Refusing to count a couple of pins after weapon-assisted moves was as far as he went in enforcing the rules. I don’t need wrestling to always be presented as pure sport, but I’d rather it not be this much of a circus. As a one-off, though, this worked as a morality play by showing that cheaters never prosper. And Nagata snapping and opening Makabe up with elbows that made Orton/Lesnar look like a paper cut was a great ace moment. This is a bit rough around the edges to say the least, but it’s neat to occasionally see something so far outside the box. ****1/4 Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Mistico (CMLL, 7/27/07) Due to stricter adherence to weight classes in Mexico and luchadores being on the smaller side in general, a high-profile singles match like this with a significant size disparity between the competitors in a Mexican promotion really stands out. Wagner here looks like the coolest and most badass wrestler on Earth. He gives a cameraman a too sweet on the way to the ring, beats Mistico from pillar to post, and terrorizes a group of female Mistico fans in the front row. Much of his offensive repertoire is standard New Japan junior offense, but it looks devastating in a lucha libre context, even more so due to Mistico’s strong selling and bumping. There’s a pose-off at the beginning of the third fall that nearly killed the match for me, but they got back to business shortly afterward. One important detail is that for most of the match’s pin attempts, the wrestler being pinned makes a continuous effort to kick out the entire time. That makes the pins where the wrestler lies motionless before kicking out at the last second even more impactful. That sort of progression in nearfalls is sorely missed in modern wrestling. Wagner powerbombing Mistico on the floor in front of his female fans at the end was both amusing and shockingly brutal. It wasn’t a Hansen-style release powerbomb, either. It was a full-on Vader/Cactus Jack powerbomb, the kind that usually results in a stretcher job. It was actually believable that the referee and ringside doctor would be so concerned with checking on Mistico that they wouldn’t notice the Ultimo Guerrero run-in. ****1/2 Bryan Danielson vs. Takeshi Morishima (ROH, 8/25/07) Danielson is considered to be the greatest of all time or close to it by many fans, while Morishima is considered to be the greatest of all time or close to it by nobody. So when there’s a match between the two that’s received close to universal praise, it’s natural to focus on Danielson’s performance. I’ve even seen this described as a Danielson carry job, which is ludicrous. Make no mistake, Danielson delivers an outstanding performance in every respect and is the key driver of the action. But Morishima more than holds up his end. Watching this so soon after watching a few of his matches in NOAH pre-excursion caused me to view his performance in a new light. He starts out calm and collected, not a runaway freight train like in the NOAH matches. It’s as if earlier in his career, he wanted to take his opponents out as quickly as possible because he was afraid of being taken into deep water. Now that he’s grown as a wrestler, he’s not afraid to let the opponent dictate the pace because he knows he can weather the storm. Danielson employs the same strategy that Kiyoshi Tamura tried against Vader: go after the leg and have him so worried about protecting it that it opens him up for potential knockout blows. However, just as in Tamura/Vader, the fatal flaw of that strategy is that being close enough to do damage to the big man means that he’s close enough to do damage to you. That damage comes a little more than four minutes in when Danielson suffers a detached retina. Morishima then starts teeing off on Danielson’s face even more, and many of the shots are undoubtedly wince-inducing. But as much as I hate to say it, the match wouldn’t have been nearly as memorable without them. If Morishima had shied away from Danielson’s eye, it would have stuck out like a sore thumb and probably brought the match down. Morishima’s selling of the leg work is more understated than some might like, but that makes it even more epic when his leg finally buckles and he collapses like a demolished skyscraper. Danielson tries to finish him off with a back superplex, but Morishima reverses into a crossbody and comes down on Danielson’s head. Danielson still has some fight left, but that’s a wrap as far as there being any doubt over the outcome. ****1/2 John Cena vs. Randy Orton (WWE, 8/26/07) To think, there was a time when this was a never-before-seen dream match. I remember hearing that in the wake of the Benoit tragedy, WWE made a conscious effort to re-educate the fans to accept slower-paced matches with fewer high-risk maneuvers. And when you need to slow things down, of course you turn to Orton. But in all seriousness, this is actually pretty spectacular, like a WWE version of Tenryu/Hashimoto or Choshu/Hashimoto. There’s nothing fancy, but their absolute commitment to getting every hold and strike over as meaningful makes this more than the sum of its parts. There’s even a big beefy lock-up at the beginning. Cena thrives on momentum, so Orton’s gameplan is to slow things to a crawl and shut Cena down whenever he tries to pick up the pace. I’ll concede that a match built largely around chinlocks has a pretty hard ceiling, but if this match doesn’t reach that ceiling, it comes close. For one thing, Orton works his chinlocks like he’s trying to rip his opponent’s head off. In addition, he had RKOed Cena onto a chair on Saturday Night’s Main Event eight days beforehand, so he had extra reason to target the head region. Cena’s selling is amazing, particularly of Orton’s punches. It’s not just the stumbling around, it’s the look on his face that gives the impression that he’s been genuinely knocked loopy. Just when it seems that Cena is on his last legs, Orton can’t help himself from going for the punt. He had gotten to that point by playing small ball, and swinging for the fences ends up costing him when Cena reverses into an STFU (a move name that sounded stupid at the time and is positively embarrassing today). Orton makes the ropes and lands an RKO when Cena tries to press the advantage. But he can’t cover immediately due to the damage to his leg (which the STF also targets). Moreover, he can’t execute a proper cover and simply drapes his arm over Cena’s body, enabling Cena to barely get his shoulder up. Amazing how that one risk by Orton ended up backfiring on multiple levels. That’s the kind of subtle nuanced storytelling you hardly ever see in WWE. Orton’s completely thrown off his game at this point and makes the cardinal mistake of trying to pull Cena to his feet, allowing him to hit the FU out of nowhere. This match probably deserved a better ending, but it seemed to be intended to set up a Cena/Orton gimmick match that we never got due to Cena’s injury. Thanks a lot, Mr. Kennedy. ****1/4 Kensuke Sasaki vs. KENTA (NOAH, 7/18/08) This is like a thinking man’s version of Ishii/Shibata, which sense because Sasaki and Ishii are both disciples of the Choshu/Tenryu style and KENTA was a huge influence on Shibata. You know, KENTA deserves more recognition as one of the most influential wrestlers of the modern era. Pretty much every smaller wrestler who throws kicks draws from him to a degree. Hell, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan in WWE were practically KENTA cosplayers. This particular match has all the high-impact action of a typical NEVER Openweight title match without any of the dumb shit like endless forearm exchanges and popping up to trade German suplexes. Plus, the junior vs. heavy aspect gives it an extra dimension. To put it in boxing terms, KENTA is a swarmer while Sasaki is a slugger. As such, Sasaki mostly dominates (at one point, he simply picks KENTA up and bullrushes him into the corner), but KENTA gets to show enough to look credible. He even has his finisher somewhat protected. It looked like he didn’t quite hit the GTS flush, so it ended up being a great near sports-style nearfall. Sasaki was being built up for a GHC title match, so the outcome is never really in doubt, but it still manages to be a hell of a ride. ****1/2

Allow me to present a play in three acts. Act I: https://www.webisjericho.com/michelle-mccool-upset-after-being-left-out-of-wwe-com-greatest-women-champions-gallery/ Act II: Act III: Some intern is about to get fired for not paying Taker's wife the proper respect on some stupid listicle. Mean Mark, indeed.

Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles (TNA, 12/11/05) Most people who don’t share my visceral hatred of triple threat matches would probably rank the triple threat at Unbreakable as the greatest match in TNA history, but this will always be my pick. At the very least, it’s the greatest singles match in the history of the company. It’s unfortunate that Joe’s rampage through the X Division coincided with all the Planet Jarrett bullshit, because that was the closest TNA ever came to being legitimately good. AJ’s Fosbury flop to Joe on the outside is an iconic spot, and justifiably so, but it’s the storytelling that makes this match tick. This is close to perfect big vs. little action with AJ’s high-risk approach contrasted with the straightforward brutality of Joe. AJ ends up with a bloody mouth along with almost getting dropped on his head on a powerslam, and seeing him crash and burn repeatedly makes it even more rewarding when he’s able to get anything going on offense. He’s so out of it that even when he lands the Styles Clash, he’s not able to execute a proper pin, which ends up costing him. When he rolls Joe over for the double leg cradle, he doesn’t drape his right leg over Joe’s left arm, and Joe ends up lifting his left shoulder. Shortly afterward, Joe resorts to shortcuts by shoving the ref into the ropes to knock AJ off the top turnbuckle and getting AJ in the coquina clutch by pulling on his trunks. Joe is still a dominant force, but those two spots keep AJ credible in defeat. ****3/4 Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Takeshi Morishima (NOAH, 3/5/06) For my money, this is Misawa’s last bona fide MOTYC. Given how unimaginably broken down he was at this point, it’s a miracle he was even ambulatory, let alone able to participate in a match this hard-hitting. This ends up being largely carried by Morishima, who in this match at least looks like the best superheavyweight to come down the pike in ages. He looked like a runaway freight train when he was throwing lariats. He’s also a tremendously giving bumper and seller, even taking a Tiger Driver from the apron to the floor. This isn’t a squash by any means, but it consists largely of Misawa being obliterated with lariats, clubbing forearms, and backdrops before making his final comeback. This match shows that just as an awesome finishing run can elevate all but the very worst matches, an underwhelming finish can deflate all but the very best. As cool as it was to see Misawa snap and murder an opponent with elbows, an epic extended comeback would have taken this to another level. This may not have anywhere near the depth of Misawa’s most storied matches, but the physicality is something else. ****1/4 Yoshihiro Takayama/Minoru Suzuki vs. Yuji Nagata/Naofumi Yamamoto (NJPW, 10/9/06) Believe it or not, the future Yoshi Tatsu was involved in a classic match. And he wasn’t just along for the ride, either. First of all, the tagline for this match is TACTICS VS. TYRANT, which alone is almost sufficient to make it a MOTYC. On top of that, it combines veterans disrespecting a young lion, outsiders disrespecting the home promotion, and shooters disrespecting pro wrestling. Somewhat surprisingly given their history together, Nagata/Takayama is by far the least important pairing. Rather, the centerpiece of the match is Suzuki and Takayama delivering a sickening beatdown to Yamamoto. The young boy whose role in a tag match is to get his ass kicked and then eat the pin is a time-honored puro trope, but even by that standard, this is an extreme beating. What makes it unique is the way they mix in comedy with all the violence. Suzuki shows a mischievous side throughout, like tagging in to boot Yamamoto off the apron and immediately tagging back out and counting along when the referee gives Nagata a five-count to return to his corner. But when he casually sidesteps Yamamoto’s strike flurries before unloading with knees, he makes it clear that it’s not all fun and games. Like the Joker or Freddy Krueger, he can have you laughing at his antics one moment and horrified at his brutality the next. Yamamoto’s selling is sublime, and his persistence in the face of overwhelming odds is admirable. Nagata doesn’t have much to do before the hot tag, but he provides some amusement when he breaks up a Takayama/Suzuki double submission and then stomps on Yamamoto to encourage him to fight back. Nagata and Suzuki trying to out-feint each other was entertaining as well. Takayama mainly serves as cleanup hitter, which was probably the best use of him post-stroke. To top it all off, Takayama and Suzuki settle who starts the match with a game of RPS, although Yamamoto jumps them before the bell to render it a moot point. ****3/4 John Cena vs. Umaga (WWE, 1/28/07) It’s amazing how much things can change in a little over a decade because there’s absolutely no way the Umaga gimmick would fly today. But him being a jungle savage who needed direction from Armando Alejandro Estrada actually worked to the betterment of the match because it meant that he focused on simply demolishing Cena rather than setting up the pointlessly convoluted spots you usually see in WWE gimmick matches. The most complicated spot he set up was placing the ring steps in the corner. I’ve said before that Cena’s two greatest strengths are selling and bleeding, and he does plenty of both in this match. He’s also probably the only person who can make picking up the ring steps seem like a genuine feat of Herculean strength. What makes this such a great babyface champion vs. monster heel match is that Cena ends up eating shit whenever he tries a standard comeback. Perhaps most notably, he punches his bloody forehead to fire himself up and then runs right into a Samoan drop. It’s only by using Umaga’s size and momentum against him, like the Samoan wrecking ball into the steps and the splash through the announce table, that he’s able to get anything going. Cena’s tough as nails, but he’s not invincible, so he has to rely on his wits to survive. Some might wonder why Estrada undid the turnbuckle at the end rather than simply giving Umaga the wrench to use as a spike, but anyone who has seen the 1992 Wargames match knows how much damage the turnbuckle connecting rod can do. Flawless big vs. little psychology and the lack of overly contrived spots means that for my tastes, this is not only the greatest WWE gimmick match of all time, it’s the best possible WWE gimmick match. It should be noted, though, that the referee’s count for Umaga was clearly faster than the one he gave Cena. Estrada should have filed a formal complaint. ****3/4 Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Yuji Nagata (NJPW, 4/13/07) This is Nagata’s first title shot since the end of his first reign in 2003, and he delivers a superbly constructed and worked title bout. This is a match where knowledge of their previous history helps immensely. They had met in the New Japan Cup in each of the previous years, with Nagata destroying Tanahashi before getting disqualified in 2005 and beating Tanahashi in 2006. This year, Tanahashi isn’t in the Cup due to being IWGP champion, and Nagata earns a shot at the belt by winning the tournament. In each of those matches, Nagata targeted Tanahashi’s arm with kicks and submissions. Also in each of those matches, Tanahashi countered Nagata’s kicks with dragon screws, but only to give himself a breather rather than a setup to leg work. Since that last meeting, Tanahashi has adopted the High Fly Flow as his finisher. He thus has extra incentive to go after the leg since the most obvious counter is to put the knees up. In fact, I believe this is the first instance of Tanahashi incorporating heavy leg work into a match. Tanahashi knows that Nagata will go after the arm, and he also knows that Nagata can be baited into catching his leg on the top rope. So after making the ropes on an armbar, he sets the trap by rolling to the apron. He then lands a dragon screw and begins a full-fledged assault on Nagata’s leg. With a new finisher and a more focused attack, it appears that Tanahashi may have finally solved the puzzle. But although Nagata sells the leg impeccably, he's still more than capable of fighting back with a bad wheel. Tanahashi can’t help himself from getting into a strike battle, and Nagata ends up taking his head off with a kick from his good leg. Cool finish as Nagata performs a bridging backdrop with a unique bridge that takes the pressure off his injured leg. ****1/2

I'm guessing it's an angle. If Ricochet thinks this is going to get him over, someone needs to smarten him up.

Kenta Kobashi/Go Shiozaki vs. Genichiro Tenryu/Jun Akiyama (NOAH, 4/24/05) Somebody must have pissed in Tenryu’s Cheerios that morning, because he’s even grumpier than usual. When he wasn’t roughing up the rookie Shiozaki, he was going out of his way to pick fights with Kobashi. He starts off by chucking a table at Kobashi and then throws a water bottle at him when both men were in their respective corners. Throughout the match, Kobashi has a “What the hell is this guy’s problem?” expression on his face. Once Kobashi gets his hands on Tenryu, he sells the machine gun chops in hilarious fashion, even blading his chest to put them over. There’s a great subtle moment after Tenryu breaks up a Kobashi pin on Akiyama. Tenryu and Kobashi start trading chops, but once the referee turns away to check on Akiyama, Tenryu starts throwing punches. Shiozaki shows plenty of spunk throughout, but he’s obviously in way over his head here, so the outcome is never in doubt. But in a match like this, it’s the journey that counts, not the destination. In his role as mentor, Kobashi mainly hangs back and exhorts Shiozaki to keep fighting, only intervening directly to break up a double-team on the outside. My only real complaint is Akiyama’s lack of assertiveness. Unlike the other three wrestlers, who have clearly defined roles and play them to perfection, Akiyama’s part could have been played by just about anybody. He’s never bad, but he’s mostly just kind of there, which is par for the course for him. He was in plenty of all-star dream match tags during this period and didn’t stand out in any of them. It seemed like his role was to eat up time and then take a back seat while the real stars went at it. Watching this match, it’s obvious why Tenryu is a legend and Akiyama never reached that level despite being far more gifted technically and athletically. ****1/2 John Cena vs. JBL (WWE, 5/22/05) This might be the ultimate example of the stars aligning and two wrestlers producing something far beyond their normal capabilities. Cena would eventually become a fine worker, but at this stage of his career, he was terrible at pretty much everything except selling and bleeding. And JBL was always limited and reliant on smoke and mirrors to produce decent matches. Stick the two of them in a match with a gimmick that accentuates both of their strengths and you end up with something shockingly great. The first few minutes are a bit dodgy (some crappy mat wrestling followed by some crappy crowd brawling), but it picks up after JBL tries to strangle Cena with the timekeeper’s belt. I always mark out for heels using the belts of ringside officials as weapons. You know, Cena might actually be the best of all time at selling being strangled. I don’t think anyone coughs and wheezes quite like him. Cena bleeds an absolute gusher after getting hit with a chair, and JBL kicking and stomping a bloody Cena was easily the highlight of the match in my book. I also really liked JBL’s use of Krav Maga tactics like low blows and thumbs to the eye to cut off Cena’s comebacks. The last third or so of this match is Austin/Dude Love-style brawling through props, but I thought it felt far more organic than is typical for that style. I even thought the I Quit stipulation added to the match. It's important to note that Cena never asked JBL to quit. Rather, he did it of his own volition. It got the babyface over as a total badass and the heel over as a total coward when the chips are down, which is the ideal outcome for this kind of match. If Cena had worked more matches like this during his first reign, crowds never would have turned on him. ****1/4 Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE, 6/23/05) I remember there was a time when some would argue this was as good or better than their Halloween Havoc match. That’s obviously nowhere near the consensus today, but this is still their best WWE match. The opening matwork is solid if rather incongruous with where their feud was at that point. Rey hits a plancha and Michael Cole asks if he can keep it rolling right before going to commercial, so WWE has been doing that crap for even longer than I thought. Shoving Rey off the top turnbuckle to the floor off a rope break was a fantastic transition to Eddie in control. The Eddie beatdown probably could have been a few minutes shorter, but Eddie’s impressive variety of offense along with Rey’s brilliant selling meant that it never dragged. It reminded me of Rey/Ultimo at WW3 in that regard. Mockingly slapping Rey on the ground and then unloading with stiff kicks when he tried throwing kicks from his back was a classic rudo bully move. Rey countering a camel clutch by dumping Eddie out of the ring only for Eddie to roll right back in and drop a Greg Valentine elbow on Rey’s back was another great sequence. All of the 619 teases and cutoffs were really well done. Toward the end of the match, Rey went for a pin after Eddie missed a frog splash. Rey’s overly theatrical “NOOOOO~!” after Eddie kicked out was an unfortunate precursor to the modern shocked face after a kickout, so that’s another terrible WWE trope that goes back even longer than you might think. Regardless, I’d say this is easily the best match in the history of Smackdown. ****1/2 KENTA vs. SUWA (NOAH, 9/18/05) Misawa had thought that the traditional All Japan booking style had become stagnant, so when he formed NOAH, he tried to open things up with more American-style angles. This match is a particularly extreme example. For reasons I’ve never seen explained, SUWA thinks the match is bullshit and wants no part of the proceedings. He brings an AV equipment case with him to the ring and tears up the parchment the figurehead authority figure (in this case, legendary former referee Joe Higuchi) reads from. Once the match begins, he clobbers KENTA with the ring bell and then the case, forcing the ref to call for the DQ. It’s practically impossible to get disqualified in a puro match, which pretty well indicates how far out of bounds SUWA’s behavior was. He celebrates like he managed to pull one over on NOAH, but Higuchi won’t allow him to get away with such blatant disrespect and orders the match to be restarted. I thought it was a neat way for a Japanese authority figure to do something other than deliver the proclamation before title matches without going full WWE. SUWA is all the way down the entrance ramp by this point, but KENTA drags him back to the ringside area. Once the match restarts, SUWA goes out of his way to get into it with Higuchi and KENTA’s second Kikuchi, but he tries to be a bit more subtle with the cheating. He turns away from the referee while strangling KENTA with his wrist tape, and he tries to make it look like an accident when he shoves the ref into the ropes to block a KENTA springboard dropkick. After a while, things settle down and it becomes a more conventional juniors match. I think the idea is that SUWA started wrestling more on the level because he sensed he might actually win. It’s a nice idea, but I didn’t find the action nearly as compelling as the earlier heel clinic. I like KENTA much more when he’s an underdog against heavyweights than when he’s trading highspots with guys his size or smaller. The two of them trying to knock each other out with shoot punches at the end was tremendous, though. I'd probably appreciate the match more if I knew the backstory, but even without that knowledge, SUWA’s heel work is easy enough to appreciate. ****1/2 Genichiro Tenryu vs. KENTA (NOAH, 10/8/05) A fiery young junior who loves to take it to heavyweights vs. a surly veteran who loves to put young punks in their place is a match made in heaven, so you better believe this delivers. There’s an obvious comparison to be made with KENTA/Takayama since both matches are worked in a similar style, are of similar length, and have similar outcomes. As much as I enjoy Takayama’s straightforward assault, I was more entertained by Tenryu’s more varied and chaotic offense, beginning when KENTA tries to jump Tenryu at the opening bell and walks right into a goo punch. In addition to his usual punches, chops, and kicks to the head, Tenryu employs chairs, the timekeeper’s table, and the ring bell hammer. There’s also some surprising subtle psychology. Tenryu temporarily stops throwing punches and chops because his hand hurts from throwing so many, which gives KENTA an opening to make a comeback. With all that said, it’s a bit too one-sided, so I found it slightly less satisfying than the Takayama match. However, Tenryu’s offensive tour de force makes it well worth watching. Tenryu tossing KENTA a water bottle to wash the blood out of his mouth was an amusing moment after the match. ****1/4

Jun Akiyama will be a guest coach at the Performance Center in May. If this is a precursor to AJPW becoming NXT Japan, this truly is the worst of all possible worlds.

I have a better idea. The Fiend is basically a shitty Doink, so replace him with Matt Borne. Yes, I'm aware that Borne has been dead for years. He'd still be better than Bray.

Just think. A decade from now, Seth Rollins and Bray Wyatt will be the legends WWE brings back to add star power to big shows. And the main event of Wrestlemania will be Aurora Rose Levesque pinning Simone Johnson clean with one Pedigree after kicking out of three Rock Bottoms.

That match was a bunch of smoke and mirrors and not much else. The thing about Cody is that he's great at the big picture stuff but not so great at the little things that take it to the next level.

Why is Cody doing an elaborate HHH jerkoff entrance for a grudge match?

Oh, geez. A wrestler, especially a babyface, forcing himself on a woman is not a good look in 2020. Especially for a promotion that goes out of its way to present itself as woke and inclusive.

He's not the only one who's unhappy.

Mitsuharu Misawa/Yoshinari Ogawa vs. KENTA/Naomichi Marufuji (NOAH, 4/25/04) This starts out as a massacre of the young junior team and turns into an exciting competitive tag contest. The match is neatly divided into three sections (KENTA in peril, Marufuji in peril, finishing run) of roughly equal length. Misawa’s camel clutch where he bent KENTA in half backwards looked especially torturous. Whenever KENTAfuji tries to get something going, Misawa shuts them down with a single elbow while Ogawa opts for the scientific approach with a Greco-Roman eye poke. Close to the 20 minute mark, with their opponents still having yet to even manage a pin attempt, Misawa and Ogawa unleash an amazing array of double-team manuevers. But they spend too much time playing with their food, as just when all seems lost, Marufuji hits Misawa with a shiranui on the entrance ramp while using Ogawa as a stepping stone. KENTA then takes out Ogawa with a busaiku knee, and in the blink of an eye, we have a real match. It’s one of the most incredible momentum shifts I’ve ever seen. In the ultimate show of disrespect, KENTA delivers Kawada-style kicks to Misawa’s face, getting a rise from both the crowd and Misawa. Near the end, Misawa tries to counter a Marufuji shiranui on Ogawa with an emerald flowsion, which would have been awesome if it had landed. They cover up for it pretty well, though. Marufuji probably recovered a bit too quickly from the emerald flowsion, as did Misawa from the top rope C4, but they basically cancel each other out. Even if I didn’t already know the outcome going in, I know there’s no way a pair of sub-200-pounders would have won the GHC heavyweight tag titles in 2004. But the drama down the stretch still always sucks me in, which is an incredible feat. ****1/2 Kenta Kobashi vs. Yoshihiro Takayama (NOAH, 4/25/04) Takayama has to be the only man in history who can wear a No Fear t-shirt and not look like a massive dork. Once again, we see a Takayama opponent try to keep things on the mat in the early going rather than go blow-for-blow. Reversing a vertical suplex into a guillotine choke was a great way for a guy with a shoot background to gain control. Takayama wasn’t exactly Volk Han, but he still had the ability to gain submissions seemingly out of nowhere, making him doubly dangerous. Going after Kobashi's leg to bait him into relying on chops and opening up his arm for punishment was brilliant psychology. I was most impressed by how much mileage Takayama got out of basic offense. He does land a few suplexes, but he largely sticks to knee strikes and kicks and punches. I loved how Kobashi put over the damage to his arm by throwing left-handed chops and even headbutts. I can see having a problem with Kobashi still being able to use his right arm effectively after all the work Takayama did on it, but it’s not like he ever had completely unfettered use of it down the stretch. Plus, Takayama wasn’t quite laser focused in going after the arm. It was simply a facet of his attack rather than the focal point, and that lack of focus ended up costing him. The fact that Kobashi felt the need to drag his moonsault out of the mothballs was a strong indication that his arm was perhaps giving him more trouble than he was letting on. This was my pick for 2000s MOTD going into this project, and I’d be surprised if anything ended up supplanting it. ***** Takeshi Morishima vs. Daisuke Ikeda (NOAH, 6/1/04) Brawler vs. shooter is a natural matchup, and they don’t get much better than this. The referee gets wiped out multiple times, and this has the same underground martial arts street fight atmosphere as Nagata/Sasaki. There’s also a surprising amount of depth. For one thing, this is a WLW (Harley Race’s promotion) heavyweight title match, so there’s a 10-count on the outside of the ring rather than the customary 20. As such, it made sense for Morishima to try to steamroll Ikeda right off the bat rather than try to pace himself since Ikeda wouldn't be able to spend as much time recovering on the outside. In addition, Morishima comes in with a damaged right knee, which Ikeda targets with kicks and a kneebar. For the most part, though, this is total Morishima domination in the opening minutes. When his lariats and slams aren’t enough to finish Ikeda off, he decides to go full ECW. He nails Ikeda in the head with a frightening JBL/Eddie-level chairshot and then tries to backdrop him off the apron through a table. Ikeda is able to block it by going back to Morishima’s injured knee and ends up putting Morishima through the table with a death valley driver. Given how one-sided the match had been up to that point, that was probably the most believable way to close the gap. After being brained with that chairshot, Ikeda returns the favor by teeing off on Morishima’s head with shoot punches and kicks. Given the punishment they were inflicting on each other, limiting this to 12 and a half minutes was a smart move. ****1/4 Yoshihiro Takayama vs. KENTA (NOAH, 6/27/04) This is part of a series of trial singles matches for KENTA, and NOAH certainly didn’t ease him into the singles ranks. In fact, Takayama might as well have been built in a laboratory to be the worst possible matchup for him. Hard kicks are KENTA’s stock in trade, but Takayama hits even harder, can absorb an inhuman amount of punishment, and has an overwhelming reach advantage. The match consists of KENTA being treated like a heavy bag but never throwing in the towel and managing a few offensive flurries before succumbing to the inevitable. I always love it when Takayama’s opponents take it to him with his own arrogant cover. A Takayama squash wouldn’t have done anything for either guy and a long competitive match would have been ridiculous given their respective sizes and standings at this point, so a match that was just long enough and gave KENTA just enough to look credible without straining credulity was the best possible outcome. It’s important to note that Takayama didn’t go for the Everest German when he had the opportunity and opted to finish KENTA off with a running knee, so he wasn’t truly pushed to the limit. KENTA looks competitive at the outset but still has room to grow, which is all you can ask for with a match like this. ****1/4 Hiroshi Tanahashi/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Minoru Suzuki/Kensuke Sasaki (NJPW, 12/11/04) The IWGP tag titles had been held by Suzuki and Yoshihiro Takayama, but they were forced to vacate when Takayama suffered a stroke after his match with Sasaki in the 2004 G1. At first, Takayama tried to award his share of the belts to Sasaki, the man who put him on the shelf. But New Japan doesn’t recognize the Freebird Rule, so Suzuki and Sasaki have to face the team of young rising stars Tanahashi and Nakamura in a battle for the vacant belts. Nakamura is such an explosive athlete here that he seems like a completely different wrestler. He even does a moonsault and a corkscrew plancha. He actually reminds me of a young Eddie Guerrero in that he was lacking in the charisma department and relied on his athleticism to carry him. It’s interesting how Suzuki engages in some feeling-out matwork with Nakamura but takes it right to Tanahashi. I think the idea was that unlike Nakamura, Tanahashi has no background as a shooter, so Suzuki has no respect for him. Tanahashi tweaks his knee after a drop toehold, and from that point on, it’s open season on his leg. He eventually manages to tag out to Nakamura, but he soon gets cut off by an illegal Suzuki sleeper in the ropes. Suzuki and Sasaki complement each other incredibly well, with the former stretching his opponents with carny holds and the latter bludgeoning them with brute force. The Nakamura in peril section lasted over ten minutes and felt twice as long, but I guess it was necessary to give Tanahashi’s leg time to recover. The dynamic here is similar to Misawa/Ogawa vs. KENTAfuji, but there’s more of a gradual shift in momentum than a sudden reversal. I really liked how after Nakamura managed to land a triangle choke out of nowhere while being worked over, he still had to tag out and recover. Far too often these days, landing a sudden submission is treated as a license to no-sell. I also appreciated that Suzuki kicked out of the small package at the end and Tanahashi had to get the win with a dragon suplex. After everything that had come before, a win off a small package would have been incredibly unsatisfying. Bonus points for Tanahashi continuing to sell the leg after the match. ****1/2

There's a big difference between bringing in special attractions to add pizzazz to big shows and presenting them as far more important than the full-time main eventers. I think the modern part-timer era can be traced back to WM26. All the big matches had strong builds based around either championships or well-established personal issues. Even Bret/Vince was rooted in a decades-old grudge. The buyrate ended being majorly disappointing, which was probably due to UFC 111 taking place the night before. But WWE apparently decided that none of their current stars were big enough to carry a major PPV. The next year, they brought in The Rock to serve as Mania host. The Miz was ostensibly in the main event, but he was completely overshadowed by the verbal jousting between Rock and Cena. The second-biggest match on the card, Taker/HHH, was promoted around the idea that they were the only worthy opponents for each other since none of the other geeks on the roster were in their league. The buyrate improved significantly from the previous year, and WWE has never looked back.

I don't remember any of the Cena/Wyatt matches being any good (although I'm pretty sure I've only seen the cage match). And Bray has somehow gotten even worse since then while Cena is a shell of what he was even a few years ago. On the plus side, concentrating their collective suck in a single match means one fewer unwatchable match on the Mania card.

Anything that takes the belt off the Fiend is an unqualified good in my book, but Goldberg at this stage of his career is painful to watch. He can't even do a jackhammer properly.

Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker (WWE, 10/20/02) In theory, Hell in a Cell matches should be the best of both worlds, having the violence of a cage match without the excessively claustrophobic atmosphere. Unfortunately, HIAC matches have tended to be built around stunt bumps on the outside of the cell rather than bloody brawling inside it. This incredibly gory slugfest is the exception. The pre-match promo video was quite useful in bringing me up to speed. All I remembered about the build was that they had a match the previous month that ended in a no contest so now they’re in a cell and Brock broke Taker’s hand so he’s wearing a cast. But that apparently wasn’t enough to carry a month of TV, so there was also a subplot involving Taker’s ex-girlfriend showing up and accusing him of cheating on his pregnant wife with her. And Paul Heyman demanded that Taker’s cast be removed but was rebuffed by Stephanie McMahon, the wise and benevolent GM of Smackdown. It goes without saying that this all sucked, but it was easily forgotten once the bell rang. One of the nice things about the Smackdown Six era is that they were usually good about not letting the soap opera crap infringe on the actual matches. Taker busting Brock open with the cast was a great spot early, and bringing back the Heat Seeking Missile later in the match was awesome as well. Overall, though, Taker on offense was almost as plodding as Kevin Nash. This is where the gimmick hurt the match. Nash’s matches with Bret and Shawn showed that plodding offense can be entertaining if the opponent can move around and force the plodder to close the distance. But being trapped in the cell meant that Brock couldn’t do much more than lie there while Taker sized him up. There was some cool psychology involving the hand that I wish had been more fully developed. The cast meant that Taker’s punches were more powerful (as with the aforementioned shot that opened Brock up), but it still hurt his hand, which meant that he could only use them sparingly. The struggle over Brock trying to rip the cast off and Taker trying to stop him was incredible, and once Brock succeeded, the hand became an obvious target. Taker’s hand selling was pretty spotty, though. There were spots like not being able to lift up the ring stairs, but he also threw punches and did a chokeslam with no apparent difficulty. He did go back to selling the hand near the end, so it could be chalked up to a temporary rush of adrenaline. I thought Heyman was incredibly annoying overall and seemed to be doing everything he could to put the focus on himself, although he was thankfully mostly silent down the stretch. Of course, no writeup of this match would be complete without mentioning Taker’s sickening bladejob, which basically made the match. I’ll admit that needing both a broken hand and copious blood loss for him to do a clean job is pretty ridiculous, but at least it only took one F5 to put him down. ****1/4 Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri vs. Team Angle (WWE, 5/22/03) Although this didn’t have the violence or hope spots necessary to reach truly elite status, it’s still the classic tag formula executed by some incredibly charismatic performers. And Team Angle. The general consensus on Eddie during this period is that he was physically shot and got by on charisma and character work, but he still had plenty of athleticism left in the tank. When he countered a leg sweep with a headscissors takedown, I had to rewind the video to make sure I saw what I thought I saw. And that was just a random throwaway sequence and not a showcase highspot. Speaking of athleticism, Shelton Benjamin had some serious hops. I don’t even think Doug Furnas ever approached the height Benjamin got on his leapfrog in this match. The FIP segment with Team Angle working Eddie over was overall pretty dry, but Eddie and Tajiri added some veteran touches to keep it interesting. Eddie desperately dove toward his corner whenever he had the opportunity, and Tajiri’s frequent saves made it look like Eddie was in real trouble and needed his partner to bail him out. The finishing stretch was very well put together and exciting, which leads to believe that was their main focus and the FIP section was largely an afterthought. It’s a troubling trend that has become even more egregious in recent years. There aren’t many more reliable sources of drama than someone fighting to get to their corner while being isolated and double-teamed, so it’d be a real tragedy if wrestlers stopped exploring its potential. I’ll concede that the ending here didn’t really make sense. Did the referee think that Charlie Haas was trying to break up his own team’s pin? Then again, WWE referees have never been presented as the sharpest crayons in the box. ****1/4 Kenta Kobashi vs. Yoshinari Ogawa (NOAH, 11/1/03) Blood, punches, ref bumps, foreign objects, and low blows are the last things most people would associate with a Kobashi GHC title match, but they’re all present here. You could hardly script a more perfect babyface champion vs. smaller heel match. Ogawa is obviously dead meat in a straight wrestling contest, so his goal at the outset is to goad Kobashi into making a mistake that opens him up. When that doesn’t work, he plays possum to give himself a shot at Kobashi’s Achilles heel: his notoriously bad knees. From there, the match takes various twists and turns, including Ogawa pulling down Kobashi’s kneepad to inflict more damage, the referee being taken out, Ogawa taking the ring bell to Kobashi’s knee, and Kobashi busting Ogawa open by ramming him into the ringpost. Kobashi repeatedly punching Ogawa’s bloody forehead was an epic moment, like a Lawler comeback in Memphis after dropping the strap. In addition to his weasel tactics, Ogawa’s selling is what makes this match work. Putting over the offense of a much larger opponent without coming across as sympathetic is a tough tightrope to walk, but he pulls it off. On that note, I thought Kobashi’s leg selling was close to perfect even if he didn’t spend the match hobbling around. For one thing, he had plenty of time to regain his bearings after posting Ogawa. In addition, most of the damage inflicted by Ogawa came after he pulled down Kobashi’s padding, so it stands to reason that his attacks would be less effective after Kobashi reapplied it. Most of this match’s appeal is due to the novelty of Kobashi working a totally Americanized title match, but his ability to work US-style shtick into his usual approach is a real feather in his cap. If you can accept that the match is geared more toward getting the viewer to want to see Ogawa get his comeuppance than generating suspense over the outcome, this is a total blast. ****3/4 Yuji Nagata vs. Kensuke Sasaki (NJPW, 1/4/04) In 2002, as New Japan was going down the tubes, Sasaki left to join Riki Choshu’s fledgling World Japan promotion. That promotion went belly-up in short order, and now he’s back in New Japan as a freelancer. Nagata, who stuck with the company through thick and thin, isn’t exactly in a welcoming mood, leading to this bloodbath. They combine quasi-UWF offense (kick, submission, suplex) with more traditional brawling tactics like punches and chairs, which along with all the blood makes it feel like an underground kumite fight to the death. Both men bleed profusely, and Sasaki even bites Nagata’s forehead and spits the blood into the air like Kabuki mist. They do a variant of the Slaughter/Patterson finish where a bloody Sasaki refuses to give up but is trapped in the Nagata Lock III, so the referee stops the match for his safety. I liked the idea, but they took too long to get there. If you want to do an MMA-style referee stoppage, you can’t have the guy in a submission while lying in a pool of his own blood for over two minutes before calling for the bell. Even so, this is one of the bloodiest and most intense brawls you’ll ever see. ****1/4 Eddie Guerrero vs. Brock Lesnar (WWE, 2/15/04) I don’t think there’s any match that works on as many emotional levels as this one. You’ve got David vs. Goliath, the personal redemption arc, the veteran trying to win the big one for the first time aspect, and the ethnic hero aspect. As a result, this is one of the few times where the big emotional moment WWE always likes to go for feels earned rather than forced. It wouldn’t mean nearly as much if the wrestlers didn’t hold up their end in the ring, but they more than deliver on that front. On this viewing, I was struck by how similar Brock is here to post-UFC Brock. He does more pro-style power moves like spinebusters, but knees and suplexes are his bread and butter. The guy just gets pro wrestling. He even does an AWA-style king of the mountain segment. I thought it was really cool how Eddie’s leg work consisted of gradually chopping Brock down rather than one big move that gave him the advantage. With all that said, 30 minutes was a lot to ask of these two, and there’s quite a bit of dead time with Brock working chinlocks and gutwrenches. A wrestler trying to smother a hyperactive opponent with holds can work as a story, but if that’s what they were going for, I don’t think they executed it well. And the crowd largely sat on their hands because they knew nothing mattered until the inevitable Goldberg run-in. But that made it that much better when they came alive when Eddie went up for the frog splash. You can tell that’s the point they started to think Eddie might have a genuine chance of winning. I’m not ashamed to say that the post-match scene makes me a bit misty-eyed. ****3/4

Far be it for me to defend Mauro, but doesn't he limit his references to pop culture happenings rather than current events?

Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg (WCW, 9/17/00) Despite being set up by one of the all-time idiotic angles (GOLDBERG REFUSED TO FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!) and Vince Russo being prominently involved in both the storyline and the match itself, this bangs hard. They deliver exactly the kind of match you would want from these two, consisting mainly of stiff blows and freakish power moves. It would be easy to call this a big dumb hoss fight, but I think that’s selling it a bit short, as it was very smartly worked for the most part. Other than extreme overuse of the Irish whip as a setup, the transitions were on point, and the selling was strong throughout. I also really appreciate that Steiner didn’t try to do anything cute with the table. He just picked Goldberg up and slammed him through it. Pointlessly convoluted spots where someone sets a table up in a corner leading to a do-si-do sequence where the person who set up the table gets hoist by their own petard are guaranteed to instantly take me out of a match. Goldberg powering out of the recliner was a great hope spot late. I have no idea how Steiner didn’t tear his groin with the way he got dropped on the top rope. Nothing good can be said about the run-ins from Russo and Midajah, but I didn’t think their involvement was egregious enough to completely derail the match. It was just enough to subtract a quarter star or so from the final score. ****1/4 Steve Austin vs. The Rock (WWF, 4/1/01) This is yet another match that is legendary for both good and bad reasons. I honestly thought the brawling in the first half of the match was on par with any high-end brawl from Memphis, Mid-South, Crockett, or any other territory. Everything was delivered with an extra dose of hatred and viciousness, and the action on the outside was far more chaotic than typical Attitude Era walk-and-brawl. The punch-drunk selling from both men, especially Austin, was world-class. Rock usually worked pretty loose unless he was swinging a chair at someone’s head, but he looked like he was trying to break Austin’s jaw with his clotheslines. Of course, it wouldn’t be a late 90s/early 00s WWF/E title match without Earl Hebner going out of his way to draw attention to himself. There were two separate transitions initiated by a wrestler being blindsided by his opponent while arguing with Hebner. He was even admonishing them for throwing closed fists (in a no-DQ match, mind you). Hebner was the worst, but Austin and Rock going at it was the best. Then the WWF melodrama began. A million things could be and have been said about the Austin heel turn, but the main issue for me is that I didn’t think it was very well executed. Reenacting the finishes to the Bret/Austin matches in reverse order is the kind of overly cinematic storytelling I don’t particularly enjoy seeing in wrestling. And the Austin/Vince double-team on Rock after the ref bump and Vince distracting the referee after Rock landed a Rock Bottom both would have had much more impact in a straight wrestling match. I get the impression that they worked out how the turn would be executed and added the no-DQ stipulation afterward to make it a better match. It’s like they wanted to both get Austin over as a heel and deliver a classic main event and the two goals were at cross purposes. The finish, on the other hand, was perfect. Rock kept kicking out, so Austin simply pulverized him with a chair until he stayed down. That’s how you end a no-DQ match. It’s also nice to see a WWF/E match end with something other than a finisher or a surprise roll-up. ****1/2 Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho vs. Steve Austin/HHH (WWF, 5/21/01) It may have had the opposite effect on business, but the heel turn totally revitalized Austin in the ring. He and HHH are quite the ass-kicking duo here, almost like an American Holy Demon Army. Speaking of HHH, say what you want about the guy, but being put in the Walls of Jericho with a torn quad took an insane amount of guts. In fact, they all deserve a ton of credit for the fact that the match didn’t completely fall apart after HHH’s injury. I’ll refrain from giving Benoit any specific compliments and simply note that he did a good job as FIP. The action is strong enough to overcome my deep-seated hatred of the simultaneous tag, which sucks on every conceivable level as a hot tag. If the FIP hits a big move or counter and tags out so the fresh face can make a comeback on the depleted heel, that’s fine. If the heel tags out first and the fresh heel runs in to try to cut off the face’s tag, that’s also fine (Arn and Tully were masters of that spot). If both wrestlers tag out and the fresh wrestlers come in on equal footing, that’s fine as well. But a simultaneous tag leading to a fresh face making a comeback on a fresh heel is clearly suboptimal from both a logical and a dramatic standpoint. Despite that and Earl Hebner’s typical incompetence (he counts a pin attempt on Benoit at one point despite him not being the legal man), this is almost certainly the greatest match in the history of Raw and one of the top handful of tag matches in company history. ****1/2 Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle (WWF, 8/19/01) I’m one of those weirdos who thinks Angle was at his best in the early years of his career. He seemed on track to become the greatest WWE main event style worker of all time, like a more athletic John Cena with better execution. I’ve long maintained that working with Benoit turned him into the wrestler he became for better or worse. Their matches were fast-paced with lots of nearfalls and submission reversals, and they were so well-received that Angle apparently decided he should work that way with everybody. Of course, his workrate epics seem like paragons of minimalism and restraint compared to half the matches on a typical NXT card these days. Anyway, we do see some traces of later Angle in the opening minutes of this match when Austin works the leg for no real reason other than to allow Angle to do an ankle lock reversal. But for the most part, this is the story of Angle as a valiant never-say-die babyface fighting from underneath against the psychotic heel Austin. His selling, not normally a strong suit, was impeccable throughout, and his extended comeback was practically Misawa-esque. Those suplexes on the floor were pretty nuts. Austin delivers an all-time great offensive performance, as he brutalizes Angle to the point where the audience seemed to be getting squeamish. I really liked how he put over Angle’s Germans by selling his back after delivering a superplex. He also shows great character development in learning how to deal with the flip off the turnbuckle counter to the million dollar dream. When Bret did it at Survivor Series, he got pinned. When Rock did it at Wrestlemania, he escaped by releasing the hold. When Angle does it here, he manages to kick out while keeping the hold applied. This is one of the rare instances of a screwjob finish actually enhancing a match. Angle won’t stay down despite being beaten within an inch of his life, so Austin gets himself disqualified in a desperate ploy to retain the title he had sold his soul to obtain. In this match, Austin manages to be a cheater, a sadist, a bully, and a coward all at once. It’s probably the greatest heel performance in any match ever. ****3/4 Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Yoshihiro Takayama (NOAH, 9/23/02) Nobody played the role of final boss in early-mid 2000s puro quite like Takayama. With his intimidating size, shooter aura, and bleached blonde hair, he was like a Japanese proto-Lesnar. In this match, Misawa is so intimidated by Takayama’s striking power that he actually tries to keep things on the mat in the early going. Meanwhile, not only does Takayama hit like a ton of bricks, he arrogantly goes for ten-counts rather than pins. This has the disjointed feel of a real fight rather than the ebb and flow of a traditional pro wrestling title match. Both men are completely gassed down the stretch, which leads to a few unfortunate botches but also advances the story as Takayama’s haymakers become easier to block and dodge. There’s a real sense that Misawa didn’t so much win as survived. I’m no shrinking violet when it comes to stiffness, but I find the level of brutality in this match highly unsettling, especially considering how both men ended up. At the same time, I don’t find it thoroughly repugnant the way I do deathmatch wrestling, which I admit is probably more of aesthetic judgment than a moral one. With a stiff wrestling match or a bloody brawl, I can buy into it as wrestlers pushing it to the limit to win a championship or settle a grudge. Once broken glass and barbed wire enter the equation, I feel like I’m watching idiots mutilate each other for no good reason, and I just can’t get into stories with characters that are too stupid to be worth caring about. This isn’t something I’d want anyone to emulate, but it’s still a shocking and compelling spectacle. ****1/2

I doubt she has 43 writers scripting her Japanese promos.

Kenta Kobashi/Jun Akiyama vs. Stan Hansen/Akira Taue (AJPW, 12/3/99) On paper, Hansen/Taue looks almost as overpowering as Hansen/Vader. But the ravages of time have finally caught up with Hansen, and he’s actually a weak link for his team. He starts out hot, but he eventually becomes overwhelmed and needs Taue to save his bacon. He’s still plenty capable of doing damage, but it largely comes in the form of run-ins and double-teams. There’s a real poignancy to him struggling to hold his own in a strike battle with Akiyama when he would have squashed Akiyama like a bug in previous years. He’s such a sympathetic figure that Burning actually gets heel heat for double-teaming him and breaking up his tags. It thus falls on Taue to carry the load, and he’s practically a one-man wrecking crew. He single-handedly fights off both Burning members, counters Akiyama’s elbows with a double overhook suplex, and even cuts off Kobashi’s hot tag. The closing stretch starts out like a typical high-end All Japan tag. Hansen and Taue start going for their killshots, and Akiyama fights for his life to block them. It looks like it’ll only be a matter of time before he’s buried by the avalanche. But it ends up being a reprise of the 1998 RWTL final with Burning snatching victory from the jaws of defeat at the last minute. I’m so used to All Japan tags built around a team developing an insurmountable lead and never looking back that a sudden reversal of fortune really stands out. Having a move like Kobashi’s lariat that can be landed in the blink of an eye helps tremendously in that regard. ****1/2 Vader vs. Jun Akiyama (AJPW, 1/23/00) One of my favorite things about Vader is the way he forced his opponents to wrestle with an increased sense of urgency. You have to take it to him right away because he’ll run you over if you try to start things with a slow feeling-out process. I loved Vader taking control with a chokeslam through a table followed by a powerbomb on the floor. Him barking “Count him out!” at the referee after the powerbomb was especially awesome. He runs through his offense rather methodically while working over Akiyama, but it hardly ever drags, which is especially impressive because Vader looks even heavier than usual. Down the stretch, we see the Vader standbys of a powerslam catching an opponent coming off the top and a release German. We also see Vader’s penchant for sloppy covers coming back to bite him again, as Akiyama is able to reverse a pin into a cross armbreaker. This seems to be about how far Akiyama can push Vader rather than creating any genuine doubt about the outcome, which limits the ceiling. Still, Vader gives enough to Akiyama to make him look like a million bucks. If there are any other classic Vader singles matches after this one, I haven’t seen them. ****1/2 Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Jun Akiyama (AJPW, 2/27/00) This is the biggest win of Akiyama’s career up to this point, and they really make it count. The opening minutes mostly consist of fairly routine Misawa domination, but Akiyama gets the break he needs when a drop toehold sends Misawa throat-first into the guardrail. Akiyama brings his customary laser focus in doing all sorts of horrible things to Misawa’s neck for the remainder of the match. Some people have blamed Akiyama never reaching the heights initially projected for him on Misawa never giving him the kind of rub Misawa received from Jumbo, but it’s hard to imagine how he could have put Akiyama over more strongly than he did here. It's notable that Akiyama is never in any real danger of being put away. After Misawa makes his initial comeback, he mostly sticks to trying to grind Akiyama down with facelocks. It’s as if he doesn’t respect Akiyama enough to unleash the heavy artillery. His second comeback is more energetic, but by the time he realizes how big a hole he’s in, it’s too late. His rolling elbow doesn’t have enough on it to put Akiyama down, and he runs into a pair of exploders that give Akiyama the lead for good. If Akiyama could be faulted for anything, it would be his insistence on going for neck submissions in the middle part of the match. It’s good psychology in a vacuum, but they largely killed the crowd. Even so, this stands out as the last King’s Road classic All Japan produced before the NOAH exodus. ****3/4 Toshiaki Kawada/Genichiro Tenryu vs. Stan Hansen/Maunakea Mossman (AJPW, 7/23/00) The prodigal son returns. Misawa taking almost all of All Japan’s native roster with him to form NOAH apparently caused Hell to freeze over, as the company turned to the one wrestler Giant Baba vowed never to use again. For the main event of their first Budokan show following the mass exodus, they ran a quasi-rematch of the classic 1988 RTWL final with the future Taiyo Kea in the Terry Gordy role. Tenryu is surlier (and lumpier) than ever, and Hansen can still bring the violence despite being virtually immobile. The match consists mainly of all four guys hitting each other really hard and brawling on the outside with plenty of double-teams and run-ins. It’s also a lot more competitive than I remembered it being. My recollection was that Tenryu and Kawada beat Mossman down for the bulk of the match, but everybody spends a fair amount of time getting worked over. There’s a hilarious moment when Mossman tries to save Hansen on the outside and Tenryu simply tosses him over the guardrail like Uncle Phil tossing Jazz out of his house. There’s not much in the way of depth or structure, but it’s all action and a testament to how far stiffness and star power can take you. ****1/4 HHH vs. Chris Jericho (WWF, 7/23/00) Generally speaking, I don’t care for gimmick matches. Wrestling to me is about prevailing in combat through superior skill and/or toughness, and matches where the primary goal is something like climbing a ladder or escaping a cage feel too far removed from that premise. Last Man Standing matches are the exception because knocking out an opponent so they can’t answer a ten-count still adheres to combat sports logic. There’s lots of stuff from the Attitude Era that has aged horribly, and this feud beginning with the babyface Jericho forcing himself on Stephanie certainly qualifies. But I’m always pleasantly surprised by how well this match holds up. At its core, this is a heated brawl with the gimmick accentuating the work in the ring rather than overwhelming it. The absurdly long ten-counts that WWF referees give are thankfully kept to a minimum, and while several of the spots were clearly planned out beforehand, I thought they did a better job of setting them up organically than is typical in WWE gimmick matches. Jericho wasn’t much of a brawler at this stage of his career, but his babyface fire is enough to carry him here. Also, much of the damage he inflicts is with weapons like a chair and the stupid sledgehammer (the dumbest signature weapon in wrestling history). HHH takes some pretty big bumps to get Jericho over as a threat, and his sick bladejob makes passing out from blood loss seem like a legitimate possibility. All of HHH’s rib work was great as well. I didn’t have problem with it being largely forgotten down the stretch since it wasn’t supposed to be a path to victory. HHH was trying to make Jericho suffer for what he did to Stephanie, so it made sense for him to abandon it when the match started to slip away. The ending is certainly questionable, but we’re far enough removed from Hunter’s reign of terror to be able to evaluate the matches on their merits and not get too wrapped up in the booking. ****1/4

He booked himself in a match where he beat God.

It recently occurred to me that the main thing still holding Roman Reigns back is his chest protector. I mean, think about it. How are fans supposed to buy into a guy who needs body armor to face Dolph Ziggler? I can't help but think about that one Hell in a Cell match where Rusev was hitting him in the chest with a kendo stick and the announcers were trying to sell them as devastating blows even though he was protected by the padding and it was just the dumbest thing ever.

Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Vader (AJPW, 5/2/99) When I think “big fight feel,” this is what comes to mind. It doesn’t get much bigger than the greatest ace of the modern era trying to pay tribute to Giant Baba by reclaiming the Triple Crown from the greatest foreign monster of the modern era at the Tokyo Dome. I’m convinced that Misawa was Vader’s second-best opponent, which is pretty remarkable given how broken-down they both were when they first met. He just clicked with Vader in a way he never really did with Hansen. Part of that was due to Vader being a much bigger bumper than Hansen, enabling Misawa to perform his suplexes and Tiger Drivers. They also benefited from having shorter matches, so Misawa didn’t have to kill time with front facelocks and the like. Vader’s strike combo on a cornered opponent was one of his trademarks, and the one he unleashed on Misawa about three minutes in was like George Foreman demolishing a tomato can. I thought it was nifty how after Misawa’s initial comeback, he turned the tables with a release German, which was over as a death move in Japan thanks to the Inoki match. Misawa was such a lunatic that he even bumped huge while delivering offense. That springboard splash to the floor had to have been murder on his knees. This does drag at points, and Misawa no-selling a butt splash to throw mounted elbows at the end was disappointing. Overall, though, this was a heavyweight bombfest worthy of the Tokyo Dome. ****1/4 Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Kenta Kobashi (AJPW, 6/11/99) Although it’s a significant step down from their psychological masterpiece on 1/20/97, this is my favorite of the Misawa/Kobashi epic bombfests. They don’t break any new ground from their 10/97 and 10/98 matches, but that’s what makes it work. This is a more refined version of their earlier epics and feels like their definitive statement on the style. Needless to say, there’s a lot to like here. Headlocks in the opening minutes are usually the most tedious thing in wrestling, but the way Kobashi worked it along with Misawa’s selling made it feel like a legitimate submission. The pacing and escalation are nearly flawless throughout, as they never cease to be interesting despite the first credible nearfall taking place more than 30 minutes in. Other than a few annoying pop-ups, the selling is impeccable throughout. And there are plenty of great individual moments, most notably Kobashi lariating Misawa off the turnbuckle in a callback to the famous Hansen match. Still, I can’t deny that the finishing stretch left me somewhat cold. It was all bombs and attempted bombs and countering bombs and lying around selling the impact of bombs. It can be thrilling when watching live, but it loses a lot of its impact on subsequent viewings, and it isn’t sustainable in the long run. In particular, it’s clear that they shot themselves in the foot by devaluing submissions. Even the mid-90s standby of a facelock or stretch plum causing the opponent to pass out and leading to a pin attempt would have been a nice change of pace. This is tremendously entertaining overall, but it’s also kind of depressing because it’s apparent that they had worked themselves into a stylistic cul-de-sac. ****1/4 Aja Kong vs. Meiko Satomura (GAEA, 9/15/99) This is almost certainly the most well-known match in the history of GAEA, which by this point had surpassed AJW as the premier joshi promotion. The opening minutes are a total one-sided demolition as Satomura can’t seem to get anything going. She tries going to the mat, Aja reverses. She tries throwing strikes, Aja comes back twice as hard. She tries to pick up the pace, Aja cuts her off. All she has going for her is her never-say-die attitude, and it gradually takes more and more to keep her down for any length of time. She finally catches a break when she lands a koppo kick that puts Aja down for a ten-count. Aja pops up at the count of eight to show that she’s fine. But she’s clearly in more trouble than she wants to let on, as shown by how she struggles to get up after hitting a German suplex. That’s the kind of subtle storytelling you hardly ever see in wrestling matches because it’s hard to convey using the tools of pro wrestling. I do wish Satomura’s arm work had played a bigger role in the match. There were some cool moments like Aja having to switch arms while applying a sleeper, but there weren’t enough of them. Aja did sell the hell out of her arm during the postmatch ceremony, so it wasn’t simply a matter of her blowing it off to get her shit in. It’s accepted in joshi to fight through the pain during the match and then register the damage afterward, which is something I’ll never be able to fully accept. It just leaves too many dramatic possibilities on the table. ****1/4 Kenta Kobashi/Jun Akiyama vs. Yoshihiro Takayama/Takao Omori (AJPW, 10/30/99) Rare footage of Kobashi actually angry. It’s unusual for him to be pissed off in a match rather than fired up, but No Fear are such pricks that he can’t help himself. At one point, he’s so enraged that both the referee and his partner have to restrain him from pounding on Takayama in the corner. This leads to Omori running in and nailing Kobashi with a dropkick and then laying out Akiyama with an axe bomber. I usually find Omori to be pretty useless, but he brought it here. Winding up his arm before throwing a European uppercut is unquestionably the coolest thing he’s ever done. This is by far the performance of Takayama’s career up to this point as he absolutely brutalizes Burning, including a few knee lifts that had to have scrambled their internal organs. It’s also incredibly refreshing to see a late 90s All Japan title match worked as an intense sprint rather than a bloated epic. Big moves and nearfalls lose their luster as the years pass, but violence is timeless. I wish this had a better ending than Kobashi hulking up and hitting a lariat, but I suppose No Fear had it coming. ****1/2 Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Vader (AJPW, 10/30/99) Triple Crown matches in the late 90s were notorious for having dead crowds in the opening minutes because they knew the finish was a long time coming. It turns out that the solution to that problem is to start dumping Misawa on his head three minutes in. A big part of this match’s appeal is the way it subverts genre expectations. You don’t expect a Triple Crown match to only last 12 minutes, and you don’t expect a wrestler of Misawa’s stature to be dominated like this in a fair fight. When Misawa does his throw elbows and then fall to his knees routine, that’s usually a signal that one of his trademark extended comebacks is about to begin. But then Vader just decapitates him with a Vader hammer, causing a few of the fans in the front row to react the same way I did when I saw a cat get run over, and then finishes him off with a powerbomb. This has all the hard hits and big bumps of their Tokyo Dome match and none of the downtime, but it doesn't feel as complete. The main issue for me was that Misawa’s initial comebacks were a bit too easy, although it was cool to see Vader bump his ass off for Misawa’s offense. It was also cool to see Vader be the one to catch an opponent coming off the top with a powerslam for a change. This is hard to watch at points even for those not aware of Misawa’s eventual fate, but if you’re in the mood for a 12-minute car crash, I can’t think of a better pick. ****1/4