USWA TV @ The Civic Center, Knoxville TN 7-31-85
Highlights are shown from last week's TV as Vinnie Valentino wins the battle royal to get a USWA title match with Jerry Lawler.
Lance: Hello again wrestling fans and welcome to another edition of USWA wrestling here on the USA network. Big show lined up as Jerry Lawler will defend the USWA title against Vinnie Valentino. Central States 6 Man champs, The Elite will be in action. Leilani Kai will be here with her newest acquisition, Ripper Morgan. Siva Afi is back in action. The Grapplers will be in the ring as well as the Central States Champ Dick Slater. Fans as I mentioned last week, the USWA's next big event will be the Labor Day Star Wars on September 5th. The first match has been signed and it will be Carlos Colon going one on one with Tiger Jeet Singh! That will be an incredible night of action. Fans. let's get to tonight's action.
"Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly vs. William Hillman
Kelly beats his opponent down then gets a lot of boos as he spends a good amount of time flexing. Kelly clamps on the full nelson and it's all over. Kelly keeps it applied then swings his opponent around and tosses him as the fans boo.
Kelly cuts a promo and says he looks forward to beating up DJ Peterson again. He ends the promo with a double bicep pose.
Duke Myers vs. Vic Dutro
The fans have taking quite a liking to Myers because he keeps on beating Timothy Flowers. Myers swings Dutro to the ropes and puts him down with a back elbow smash. Myers hops on the middle ropes and crashes down with a knee drop for the pin. Myers heads for the podium.
The fans cheer as Myers is joined by The Technicians, Bob Roop and Brad Rheingans.
Lance: Big news for the three of you as you get an upcoming 6 man title shot against The Elite. Duke I bet this is a nice break from one Timothy Flowers.
Duke: Yes it is. I'm done with Flowers and it's time to focus on some gold. I'm looking forward to teaming with two of the best wrestlers this business has to offer.
Roop: Lance, I told you Brad and I were teaming to win and now along with Duke, the three of us are going to do just that against the so called Elite.
Brad: That's right. Skaaland better have his boys ready because we're coming after those titles!
House show footage is shown as Gerry Morrow nails Porkchop Cash with a lowblow then cradles him for the win.
Lance: Joining me now is Porkchop Cash. I know you're pretty upset about that cheap tactic by Morrow.
Cash: (Wearing blue jeans and no shirt) Oh Lance I'm boiling up brother! I mean what kind of a man uses such a cheap and cowardly move like that? I'm here to say I want Morrow in the ring and asap!
Boos as Gerry Morrow strolls out in a suit and bottle of champagne with two glasses.
Morrow: Ah Mr. Cash, life is to short to be squabbling my friend. You need to relax and enjoy the finer things. What do you say we let bygones be bygones. I'll tell you what, why don't you spend an all expenses day out with me. It's very obvious you need some clothes so I will help you pick some out. I can see that you defiantly need a clean shave and haircut so why don't I take you to my stylist. Now let's have a toast.
Morrow pours champagne into the glasses and hands one to Cash.
Morrow: A toast to the finer things.
Cash takes the glass then pours the champagne on the ground.
Cash: You heard what I said brother, you and me in the ring!
The fans are up and cheering.
Morrow takes a step back then smashes the bottle over Cash's head!!!
Cash is down.
Lance: Whoa! Hold on!
Morrow: Mr. Cash is a very foolish man.
Massive boos as Morrow casually walks out.
The Grapplers vs. Sam Smith and Dave Penson
Pure squash ends as Grappler 1 hoists Penson up and Grappler 2 just about decapitates him with a clothesline from the middle rope! Grapplers head to the podium.
Grappler 1: So Leilani Kai and the Medics want to fight dirty? Hey fine by us because we wrote the book on that!
Lance: I hate to mention this but people say you guys have lost a bit of focus because you've been calling out the Road Warriors. Is there any truth to that?
Grappler 2: We've proven why we're the best team in wrestling. We're the only team to hold both the USWA and Central States tag titles at the same time!
Grappler 1: We are the best! The Road Warriors got a fluke win at the Crockett Cup and we want it back. That doesn't mean we've lost focus and the Medics are going to find that out real soon!
"The Polynesian Prince" Siva Afi vs. Mark Reynolds
Siva's first match since that vicious assault by Tui Selinga a few weeks back. Siva looks sharp tonight as he dropkicks Reynolds down then body slams him. The fans cheer as Siva climbs to the top rope and crashes down with a big splash 1..2..3! Cheers as Siva heads to the podium.
Lance: Great to see you back Siva. I'm sure you heard all the disparaging remarks by Tui Selinga and Leilani Kai.
Siva: I have and I can't tell you how angry I am. I take my heritage and culture very seriously and take pride in it. I went through a lot of sacred rituals to become a prince. Tui Selinga not only attacked me but put myself and my heritage down. I will not stand for that and I will settle this.
Lance: Well you will get your chance. I've been told that the two of you will meet at the Labor Day Star Wars event on September 5th.
Siva: Tui made a big mistake and on Labor day he's going to pay dearly.
The Lone Stars vs. Gary Williams and Willie Lopez
The Lone Stars head to the ring.
They're jumped from behind by the Sweet Ebony Express! The fans are up and cheering as the Express take it to the Lone Stars! Norvell body slams Deaton on the concrete! Sugar swings Young into the steel post! The Express pick up the bull rope. Deaton staggers up and the Express clothesline him down with the bull rope! The fans are cheering as the sweet Ebony Express stand tall holding up the bull rope!
Lance: Oh my that was something else as the Sweet Ebony Express give the Lone Stars some sweet payback. My guest at this time is Steve Olsonoski. Steve, you left myself, Mike George and all the fans a bit puzzled last week. Would you care to elaborate?
Steve: (Very calm and monotone) It's all very simple Lance. After my miraculous healing from that broken arm I realized who I am and my purpose in wrestling. The USWA needs a true and blue superhero and I'm just the right man for the job. Right now you're talking with Steve Olsonoski but in that ring I'm Super Steve O. And Super Steve O is going to rid the USWA of all the bad guys and villain's. Let me run them down for you. The Japanese Fury, Sunny War Cloud, Duke Myers. Those names are scary and they're very bad people and must be stopped. The first name on my list is the Electrifying Ben Bassarab. He's a real menace and next week on TV I will defeat him. Take care Lance and fear not because Super Steve O has arrived.
Boos as Steve walks away.
Lance: (pauses) I..ok, ah we'll be right back
"The Real Thing" Ripper Morgan w/Leilani Kai vs. Todd Rooney
Kai is holding Ripper back with a chain around his neck. The bell rings and Kai unhooks the chain. Ripper just destroys his opponent and finishes him off by swinging him to the ropes and putting him down with a big boot to the head! Kai shouts something at Ripper. Ripper presses Rooney up and throws him over the top rope!
Kai hooks the chain back around Ripper's neck and pulls him to the podium.
Lance looks a bit nervous as Ripper stomps and yells while Kai yanks on the chain.
While this is going on footage is shown from a house show as Ripper storms the ring and attacks Hercules Ayala and sends him out of the ring with a big boot!
Lance: (eyeing Ripper) Just why has this man targeted Hercules Ayala?
Kai: Just relax Lance, (pulls on the chain) I'm the only one who can control this beast. However when I release the chain there is no controlling him. I'm here to show why Ripper Morgan is the real thing. He stands alone at the top of the mountain. Everybody told me that Hercules Ayala is the toughest man in the USWA. Not anymore! Ayala I believe you're a smart man so listen carefully to this warning. When I release the Real Thing on you there is no turning back.
Ripper stomps and yells as Kai pulls him away. Lance seems relieved.
Central States 6 Man Champs The Elite w/Arnold Skaaland are at the podium with Lance.
Arnold is in a cheap suit holding his towel while the Elite are wearing matching sweat suits.
Lance: Alright, just what is going on? Your men have a match scheduled.
Skaaland: Not today Lance. My men are champions and they wrestle on their watch.
Gagne: Arnold is correct. We have a title defense coming up with that goof Dookie Myers and that bottom of the heap tag team. What's their names again?
Hart: I don't know. They claim to be real wrestlers but they're not elite.
Sammartino: Not even close. These titles prove that we're the best unit in wrestling.
Skaaland: You see Lance, my boys are more than ready so they deserve the night off.
The Elite walk out to boos.
Lance: Oh brother they're something else. I'm sure Jerry Jarrett will have something to say about this.
A montage video is shown of the Carlos Colon/Tiger Jeet Singh rivalry. Those two will meet at the Labor Day Star Wars event!
Central States Champ "The Unpredictable" Dick Slater vs. Carl Romer
Slater is all over Romer and quickly finishes him off with a swinging neckbreaker! The fans cheer as Slater holds up the Central States title and heads to the podium.
Lance: Dick, you heard the challenge made by Dr. Dream Machine.
Dick: Oh yea I heard it alright and I have no problem beating him from one side of the ring to the other! (holds up his fist) I'm going to inflict some serious pain on him! It's a damn good thing he's a Doctor because when I get through with him he's going to need a lot of medical attention!
The camera zooms in on the pink "Beauty Shop" sign then pans down to Brenda Britton.
Brenda: Hi everybody and welcome once again to the highest rated segment on TV, the Beauty Shop. This week's guest is a far cry from the classy guests I had on last week. I mean Les Thornton and the TV champ Tony St. Clair are just so classy. Well anyways my guest this week is the Crippler Rip Oliver.
Cheers as Oliver comes out. Oliver smirks at Brenda.
Brenda: Ah ok, so why do they call you the Crippler?
Oliver: I've been in a lot of fights and I've hurt a lot of people. That's why!
Brenda: Whoa take it easy. It seems you've gotten on the wrong side of Wildfire Tommy Rich and his bodyguard, the Memphis Mafia Man Johnny Rich. I don't think you can hurt them.
Oliver: Oh right, Tommy is so tough he needs a bodyguard. That don't matter because if his goon wants to get involved I'll put him down along with his yellow cousin! Tommy Rich I'm going to put out your fire brother and all that will remain is the wildfire's ashes!
Brenda: Well I hope I have a more civilized guest next week. Until then tooooodles.
American Made vs. Trent Watkins and Royce Jones
Kirchner hits the Fallaway Slam on Watkins then tags in Kernodle. Kernodle finishes the match with a fireman's carry slam! Cheers as American Made heads to the podium.
Lance: You guys have really been giving the champs Karachi Vice some tough matches and there's yet to be a decisive winner.
Boos as Karachi Vice head out.
Gama: Just one second! We are the champs and this should be our time!
Makhan: We've destroyed these patriotic flag waving morons and there's no reason why we should have to do it again!
Kirchner: It sounds to me like you boys are a bit scared.
Gama: We are scared of nothing!
Kernodle: Ok, then how about we settle this once and for all, next week here on TV!
Gama: You want another severe beating! Is that what you want? Consider it done!
Lance: Ok, looks like we have a big USWA tag team title match for next week's show. Should be a great one. Fans our big USWA title match is next!
Lance is suddenly joined by Vinnie Valentino and his entourage of beautiful ladies.
Lance: Come on shouldn't you be focused on Lawler and the USWA title?
Vinnie: The Vin Man is always ready Lancey! I just wanted to invite you to my victory celebration tonight. Just look at these ladies. Oh Leaping Lancey it's going to be a lot of fun. I'll see you there.
USWA Title Bout
Jerry "The King" Lawler (C) vs. "The Vin Man" Vinnie Valentino
Mega pop as Lawler enters the ring. Vinnie waves Lawler back then gives each of the woman a peck on the cheek. They applaud him then step out to the outside. The bell rings but Vinnie is showboating in front of his ladies. Vinnie smiles then turns around. Lawler clotheslines him over the top rope!! The woman all run to Vinnie and try to help him up.
The fans are cheering as Lawler smiles and blows kisses to all the woman.
Lance: Oh my goodness that's
The fans are shocked as Terry Funk puts the boots to Lawler! Funk is yelling at Lawler and calling him a pig! Funk stomps on Lawler then hoists him up and piledrives him down! Funk hoists Lawler up again and piledrives him down! Funk piledrives Lawler a third time!
All the woman escort Vinnie to the back.
Funk gets his branding iron and sticks it on Lawler's chest and pushes it down!
Prelim wrestlers and officials run in as Funk slides under the ropes and heads to the podium.
Lance: I can't believe this...
Funk: (snatches the mic) You better believe it! Did you miss me Lance? I sure as hell didn't miss you. I sure as hell didn't miss that jackass Lawler! Hey Lawler! You jackass! Did you think I would forget about you? You have something that belongs to me. That USWA title! And I'm here to take it back!
Boos as Funk throws the mic at Lance then yells at the booing fans.
Lance: I can't believe my eyes. Terry Funk is back and Jerry Lawler is laid out in the ring. Fans, I'll see you next week.
Labor Day Star Wars 9-5-85
Matches already signed
Carlos Colon vs. Tiger Jeet Singh
"The Polynesian Prince" Siva Afi vs. "The Tidal Wave" Tui Selinga w/Leilani Kai
The Sweet Ebony Express vs. The Lone Stars