Wrestlecrap's 10-Year Anniversary

[Bob Morris]

http://www.wrestlecrap.com/newinductions.html

 

RD, Blade and Triple Kelly listed their 10 favorite inductions on the Wrestlecrap site... not all of them covering wrestling, but given that RD has covered bad Christmas movies each year, you could probably figure they'd pick a couple of those inductions.

 

But this brings up a topic worth discussing: What would be the worst wrestling gimmicks and angles of all time? I'll share mine later, but this can be a fun topic to discuss, as much of those gimmicks and angles are ones we can look back and laugh at... only there are those that really caused damage to a promotion.

[Death From Above]

Oh all right, I'll start right at the top.

 

David Arquette is forever etched in my mind. Wrestling legend. Maybe TNA should bring in Patricia and let her win the Knockouts title, they've done everything else to recapture the old days.

 

Hell, Patricia would probably pop the ratings more than David. It wouldn't be near the craziest thing TNA has tried.

 

The funny thing is I remember actually liking that ridiculous 3-tier cage match with Jarrett, DDP and David that resulted of all of that, especially with the ultimate Russo-riffic ARQUETTE HEEL TURN at the end being just so ridiculous it wasn't even worth hating on.

 

That had to be the head-exploding angle of them all for me.

[floyd]

I'd have to think about a Top 10. There's so many great (bad) moments.

 

Some that come right to mind:

 

The Ultimate Warrior invasion of WCW. OWN whatever, tune in next week, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel. His speeches were almost as crazy as WWE but just went on too long. Also Didnt he steal Brutus beefcake, take in to the back and brainwash/rape him or something? I seem to remeber in the late 90's after beating a jobber he'd pick them up over his shoulder and take them to the back too. Creepy. Also don't forget Renegade who was a Ultimate Warrior rip-off.

 

Speaking of rips off. The Fake Razor Ramon & Scott Hall's from 1995.

 

Kevin Sullivan's Dungeon of Doom. The island of wrestling misfits. Let's see you had Kamala, The Yeti, The Giant, Brutus Beefcake and The Shark John Tenta. Plus that old wrestler who was the father. As bad as it was it was really entertaining (to me).What WASN'T entertaining was the oddities in the WWE.

 

Dolls. Chucky hounding Rick Steiner in WCW and Rocko managing the Road Warriors in WWF. We never did get that Rocko Vs. Paul Ellering grudge match.

 

Wrestlecrap in the early-mid WWF 90's was mind boggling stupid. Most gimmicks only lasted a match or a promo on RAW then were wisely scrapped. Like Manateur. Wish they had created a stable of Clash of the Titans guys like Medusa or Manbearpig. That Who guy. Think there was a magician too. And all the sports ripoffs (Hockey player, baseball player, Nascar Sparky Plugg)

 

Billionaire Ted skits. Vince can be pretty mean.

 

That Midgit Cheatum and the WCW movies. First he taunted Sting in Spin the Wheel make the deal. Then he was Vader's little buddy in the White Castle ala the little dude in Island of Dr. Moreau. Finally he planted a bomb on Sting and Davey Boy's boat to prevent them making the PPV.

 

Celebrities David Arquette. Dennis Rodman, Jay leno etc... This would be thie shitty instead of cool Wrestlecrap. Speaking of shitty, the best moment was when Savage put Rodman in a portapotty and toppled it over.

 

Wasn't there a Viagra on a pole match with Shane Douglas back in the Russo era?

 

Then there was the stupid gimmicks that kinda got over: Dusty Rhodes, Doink, Repo man and I.R.S.

And the stupid gimmicks that did NOT: The Red Rooster, OZ, Skinner.

[Death From Above]

I swear if I ever meet Terry Taylor I'm going to try and strike up a conversation, then randomly start doing that horrible imitation pecking thing he had to do when he was in the Red Rooster gimmick, just to see what he does.

 

The Ultimate Warrior invasion of WCW. OWN whatever, tune in next week, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel. His speeches were almost as crazy as WWE but just went on too long. Also Didnt he steal Brutus beefcake, take in to the back and brainwash/rape him or something? I seem to remeber in the late 90's after beating a jobber he'd pick them up over his shoulder and take them to the back too. Creepy.

That old classic thread from ages gone by containing quotes by Meltzer on WCW had a ton of great moments (in the wrestlecrap sense of course) around that whole time.

 

http://board.deathvalleydriver.com/index.php?showtopic=294

 

Anyone that hasn't been through it simply must do it once.

 

Warrior-specific highlights. Ah, memories:

"Warrior got lost in mid thought and walked around silently for nearly one minute of dead time, and then said something about patience being a virtue" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: August 31, 1998

 

"This is not meant to be funny, because it really isn't, but next time you see Warrior, look close at his face, particularly the mouth area. I don't know what he's taken in his life but whatever it is, it has caused his facial structure to change to where his face resembles a baboon" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: August 31, 1998

 

"A bunch of steam came out so Warrior was supposed to come out, but the steam got out too fast. The NWO guys came out, and right before we were going to see the Hogan vs. Hart showdown, more steam came. When it cleared, Hart had disappeared" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 07, 1998

 

"They found Ed Leslie in the locker room hung upside down from the ceiling and asleep" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 14, 1998(Pretty sure this was related to it, I seem to remember something about Warrior trying to steal Disciple from Hogan or something.)

 

"The cage lowered. The steam came flying and when it cleared, Giant was asleep, Warrior was sitting in a chair in the ring and Hogan ran away, although not before Warrior hit Hogan with a chair shot that looked right out of a bad first day of wrestling school" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 14, 1998

 

"After the main event, the live crowd was pissed about the match, the Warrior gimmick which is dying in every city, and the night in general, booing heavily and throwing things at the announcers. This was one for the record books. -****" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 21, 1998

 

"Warrior took disciple under the ring. After hearing about Curt Hennig two weeks ago (went to the bathroom under the ring which was so gross it made two of the wrestlers hiding under the ring with him throw up) I don't even want to think about what Hellwig and Ed Leslie were doing down there. Probably they brought their portable VCR so they could study the latest Japanese moves to incorporate into their future matches" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 21, 1998

 

"When the show ended, the crowd was furious and chanting 'refund'." - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 21, 1998

 

"Nitro opened with Hall showing up acting like he was loaded and Doug Dillinger trying to sober him up. They went to the ring. It filled with steam. Disciple was there when the ring cleared asleep on the mat. Hogan and the NWO B&W showed up trying to recapture the prisoner but the dreaded, and I do mean dreaded, steam came. It must not have been the crippling variety of the nerve gas since nobody else fell asleep this time. The Disciple was gone when the smoke cleared. Warrior was then in the rafters with this blow-up doll dressed up like the Disciple. This was lame. We were supposed to think, since they didn't do close ups, that this doll was the same Disciple that was just in the ring...Actually I think at this point Bischoff was using the show as a model for his new book 'How to Kill the most rabid live crowd" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 28, 1998

 

"Hogan went to his dressing room. Warrior had it spray painted and there were small fires everywhere. Disciple was passed out in the bathroom. At this point, Bischoff was retitling his book 'How to Kill the Biggest Wrestling Company in the World" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 28, 1998

 

"Warrior came out with Disciple,who at this time was awake and wearing an OWN insignia on his jacket. After the show went off the air, they finished with Disciple hitting the ring and beating up Hogan while the crowd booed both guys and chanted 'Nitro sucks'." - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: September 28, 1998

 

"Warrior showed up without the steam, as I hope they've learned that nerve gas kills ratings. Unfortunately, as this reaction showed, it wasn't the nerve gas, it's Warrior himself. He immediately was being booed out of the place with loud "Warrior Sucks" chants. A fan hit the ring in the middle of his interview and again he forgot what he was supposed to say" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 05, 1998

 

"Hogan and Hart laughed together. Luger & Konnan came out for the save but it just got weird and fell apart at this point. The lights went out. Warrior was supposed to do a run-in. They never got him in the ring to begin with due to massive miscommunication. The show just went off the air three minutes early" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 05, 1998

 

"They taped a Warrior interview. Warrior was there, but after the previous week they didn't dare put him before a live crowd so everyone could see him get booed out of the place. Even taped and pre-produced, his interview still sucked" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 12, 1998

 

"Hogan ran around backstage looking for his estranged Disciple. He wound up in his dressing room and saw Warrior in the mirror. Hogan started talking to him. Now we all saw Warrior in the mirror as well, even though it was supposed to be Hogan's dream. Bischoff couldn't see him and thought Hogan was going nuts. Warrior disappeared, but Hogan still saw him" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 12, 1998

 

"Warrior came out, and was booed out of the place, and asked Sting to let him be his partner in a tag team match. Sting never even accepted before the segment ended, but they just pretended that he did" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 19, 1998

 

"Warrior nerve gassed all of them. For whatever reason, they didn't sell the nerve gas. So Sting came out with two baseball bats to clean house while Warrior was laying on the floor trying to catch his breath after all that exertion" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 19, 1998

 

"Both Hogan and Warrior merchandise can't even be given away" - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: October 26, 1998

 

"Hogan pinned Warrior. Warrior came out to 'Warrior Sucks' chants. He was acting like they were cheering him...Warrior came back with a series of mistimed punches. After more messed up looking spots, Hogan pulled this bag out of his trunks. It looked like drug paraphernalia but it was flash paper. Hogan was supposed to throw a fireball at Warrior, but after attempting to light the paper in slow-motion, he threw the fireball and nothing happened. The whole place groaned. Poor Warrior, who didn't have a clue to begin with, really didn't know what to do. Somehow the paper then ignited, nearly setting Hogan's hand on fire. He was supposed to throw a fireball and somehow Dave Penzer was supposed to put his jacket on Warrior, and somehow Warrior was supposed to make a comeback. Warrior improvised. Hogan sliced his forehead open and threw a messed up clothesline. Warrior came back with three mistimed clotheslines. Horace hit Warrior with a chair and Hogan got the pin. Horace poured lighter fluid on Warrior and they teased they were going to set him on fire. Hogan told Horace he'd passed the NWO initiation. -***** " - The Wrestling Observer Newsletter: November 11, 1998

[Bob Morris]

You know, I did compile a couple of top 10 lists, one for gimmick and one for angles, but I forgot all about the WCW Warrior stuff.

 

Anyway, though, these are my top 10 of each.

 

Worst Angles

1. The InVasion

2. WCW fingerpoke title change

3. Exploitation of Eddie Guerrero

4. nWo Nitro switch

5. Sgt. Slaughter, Iraqi turncoat

6. David Arquette wins WCW title

7. Undertaker vs. Underfaker

8. Undertaker resurrection at 1993 Royal Rumble

9. Billionaire Ted skits

10. Austin-Pillman gun angle

 

The ones that made my top five were ones that damaged the promotion's business, or potential damage. If I redid the list, I'd probably put the WCW Warrior storyline in the top six.

 

And the reason I don't have Arquette's title reign at the top is because WCW was dead in the water at that point, so while it was a bad idea, it wasn't like there were crowds to kill at that point. With the other five, the crowds may not have always been strong, but they were there and said angles just cost momentum.

 

Worst Gimmicks

1. The Black Scorpion

2. Zeus

3. Glacier

4. The Gobbledy Gooker

5. The KISS Demon

6. Outback Jack

7. New Diesel and New Razor Ramon

8. The Red Rooster

9. The Shockmaster

10. The Ding Dongs

[Death From Above]

Other random thoughts.

 

The Warrior thing also contained something I didn't comment on above, when they ran a War Games PPV but instead of the usual team vs. team format they ran a 9 man every man for themselves thing (well actually it was sort of 3 3-man teams but it was more or less everyone on their own). With Hogan, Warrior, Nash, Luger, DDP, Sting, Piper, and Hart... Stevie Ray was in it because he was the only guy willing to do a job, pretty much. That was probably the worst war games match you could even conceive of if you drew one out on paper. That was also the night Davey Boy Smith had his back seriously fucked up by the trapdoor in the ring for Warrior's stupid ass nerve-gas smoke entrance thing, and Saturn was hurt on it too though less seriously. That would probably make it for me because it has three good factors (1) it sucked and blew at the same time, (2) it killed business off, and (3) it involved a setup so bad it managed to injure two guys not even in the match. Nice trifecta that hits some good key points for WCW. :-)

 

The one angle that comes to mind that I think is worse than some of that stuff would be that whole weird WCW cruiserweight title thing involving Madusa and Oklahoma feuding over the belt. That was so bad I could see why you'd block it from memory. Oaklahoma would probably also make my list of worst gimmicks, because insider jokes = instant fail, and that wasn't even a good one.

 

I didn't think Undertaker vs. Undertaker was *that* bad, all things considered.

 

Come to think of Undertaker-involved angles, I remember seeing the PPV where Paul Bearer was "killed", and that entire Dudleys vs. Undertaker/Paul Bearer is encased in oatmeal (I mean cement) segment may have been one of the biggest abortions of a wrestling segment I have ever seen on a PPV. The match was unbelievably shit, and the whole death absolutely did not get over at all. The crowd was even more dead than Paul for the whole thing. ;-)

 

Vince McMahon winning the Royal Rumble was pretty seriously masturbatory. It's hard to knock it for business because it was during the big run of Austin vs. McMahon mania so I'm assuming numbers-wise it did fine, but honestly that would probably make my own list.

 

There was a WWF angle during the Russoriffic period about Terry Runnels having a miscarriage that really put me off entirely for a while. It just seemed... out of place, for wrestling. And it went nowhere, didn't get over, blah blah blah. Typical Russo shock TV that was dropped as soon as he got bored and/or saw it was bombing horribly.

 

Fingerpoke of Doom itself was stupid but I still kind of like the angle in a perverse "I can't believe they actually did that" way. I just can't hate it as much as some. Nash taking the belt off Goldberg for no reason to begin with annoyed me a lot more. Nobody watching WCW wanted the belt off Goldberg at that time. And if Fingerpoke of Doom had actually led to Hogan getting crushed by Goldberg on a PPV, it would have been a non-fatal wound. I mean how bad do you have to book wrestling to not have the good guys win in the end someday, it's not exactly rocket science.

[El-P]

Vince McMahon winning the Royal Rumble was pretty seriously masturbatory. It's hard to knock it for business because it was during the big run of Austin vs. McMahon mania so I'm assuming numbers-wise it did fine, but honestly that would probably make my own list.

Yep. Me too. After being a WWF fan for nearly 10 years, I just didn't care anymore. It also killed the Royal Rumble for me, which I loved until then when I was a mark. I was beginning to not enjoy the product that much since the fall of 98, but Royal Rulble 99 is clearly when I ceased to be a WWF fan.

 

Terri having a miscariage was embarrassing too. Her whole angle with Val and Dustin was terrible since the heel/face structure was all fucked up. People cheered for Val because he was fun, but Terri was supposed to be this evil bitch who cheated on her husband. Despite the fact that he had been a heel for 10 months after dumping her on TV. Then DUstin turned into Goldust and people turned him face because Goldust coming back was cool. Then Val dumped Terri when she said she was pregnant, and the crowd cheered I believe, because a guy dumping his pregnant woman should be a face of course. Then she tried to get back with Goldust but the announcers acted like she was a manipulative bitch so when Goldust had none of it the crowd cheered Goldie. Then she formed that PMS faction, whose name wasn't mysoginic at all, and kicked men in the balls, to what the crowd cheered. Then she had a miscarriage and we were supposed to feel sorry for her, depsite the fact she was supposed to be a manipulative bitch. But then she said she was never pregnant after all. Yeah, Vince Russo sure knew how to write compelling characters and stories... Jeez, what an awful angle. Felt for sorry for Terri, which I like as Marlena. Watching her shoot interview, she said she thought the whole pregnant/miscarriage/PMS stuff was embarrassing and terrible. She hated it.

[Johnny Sorrow]

As awful as that was, it did lead to the hilarious "D-Lo Brown has to buy Terri tampons" vignette that cracked me up.

[kjh]

You forget the part about Dustin Runnels killing the Goldust gimmick just four months earlier in a worked shoot angle, where he blamed Vince McMahon for losing his father and wife, which was completely forgotten about within a fortnight, and eventually becoming this religious do-gooder, in a role where it was hard to decipher whether he was a babyface (given that he was still largely booked against heels), tweener or heel (given that the gimmick was obviously mocking religion). But it was all just to set up the nonsensical surprise of Dustin returning to the gimmick that destroyed his marriage before Val even stuck his oar in. Boy, the midcard storylines that Russo and Ferrara had free reign in 98/99 were such a mess. Thankfully for them, no-one in WCW paid attention to that.

[El-P]

Oh, I didn't forget about it. The Evangelists Against Television Movies and Entertainment.... E.A.T.M.E.

Because what would a Russo gimmick be without a sleazy retarded acronym ?

I'm baffled that this guy had a job anywhere in wrestling. I'm baffled he hasn't been fired from TNA yet. I'm baffled Dixie Carter is so fucking stupid. Why do stupid people get so many opportunities and money ? Fuck...

[Al]

Yeah, it seems to me the Russo era pretty much exploded all the Wrestlecrap out of proportion to the point where I can't even begin to fathom a top ten anymore. I might give it a shot though.

[Strummer]

You forget the part about Dustin Runnels killing the Goldust gimmick just four months earlier in a worked shoot angle, where he blamed Vince McMahon for losing his father and wife, which was completely forgotten about within a fortnight, and eventually becoming this religious do-gooder, in a role where it was hard to decipher whether he was a babyface (given that he was still largely booked against heels), tweener or heel (given that the gimmick was obviously mocking religion). But it was all just to set up the nonsensical surprise of Dustin returning to the gimmick that destroyed his marriage before Val even stuck his oar in. Boy, the midcard storylines that Russo and Ferrara had free reign in 98/99 were such a mess. Thankfully for them, no-one in WCW paid attention to that.

 

The gimmick was mostly a Shotgun exclusive and I didn't get Shotgun in my market at the time so I missed most of this stuff. Wasn't he working a side program with Terry Funk (on Shotgun of course) during this period?

[Bob Morris]

Oh, I didn't forget about it. The Evangelists Against Television Movies and Entertainment.... E.A.T.M.E.

Because what would a Russo gimmick be without a sleazy retarded acronym ?

I'm baffled that this guy had a job anywhere in wrestling. I'm baffled he hasn't been fired from TNA yet. I'm baffled Dixie Carter is so fucking stupid. Why do stupid people get so many opportunities and money ? Fuck...

Well, with Russo, it's pretty easy to see. In WWF, he liked the entertainment side, so did Vince McMahon. In WCW, the higher-ups believed he was the reason things turned around in WWF. And in TNA, he's buddies with Jeff Jarrett, and it seems he's now friends with Dixie, so that's how he gets his job.

 

Wrestling has always been a business in which the guys who get the opportunities are either the ones who think the way the guy charge does, or who have "past success" and people think that's what matters.

[Death From Above]

WCW trying to be edgy (talking pre-Russo) I don't think ever really played to their strengths. My impression as a viewer at the time was that their network was a lot less willing to allow "controversial" stuff (in the eyes of censors) than WWF at the time. After Russo came in it got so weird and its been so long since I've seen most of it that it's not clear to me on if that remained true.

 

I mean during the foul language brigade of the WWF Attitude period, WCW was still making guys say "kick your butt" instead of "kick your ass". Nobody has ever sounded tough saying "kick your butt", and frankly I doubt anyone seriously wanting to fight has said it since the days of John Wayne, because Dirty Harry killed that shit dead in the 1970's. It's kind of hard to be edgy that way. WCW trying to compete in that category constantly resulted in them looking second string because they were handcuffed before they began.

 

Their hardcore matches felt second tier as well, when they finally got onto that bandwagon. Like, they felt as if they sent Bigelow and Raven out there and there was a meeting somewhere that went something like "hit each other with weapons but look polite about it and for fuck's sake don't bleed". In fact speaking of unworkable language restrictions in WCW, they couldn't even say "blood" apparently at one point, I remember that being a running gag of some kind going into a Flair/Hogan first blood match where they kept saying on TV they had a special stipulation that they couldn't say. Maybe it was just an angle but if it was then it was badly executed and didn't make any sense.

 

But at least their hardcore matches resulted in a couple of totally bizarre/awesome Terry Funk moments. One, his PPV match with Norman Smiley that involved among other things throwing cardboard boxes at each other and Ralphus doing the Big Wiggle causing Tony Shiovone to nearly die on air, and two the time Funk and Candito had a match on Thunder that involved Funk being kicked in the head by a horse and still finishing the match. I guess being a rancher, being kicked by a horse is old hat to Terry or something.

 

I guess that long ramble is just a wrestlecrap point about WCW trying to compete in areas they were never going to be able to compete in. Trying to go head to head on edginess when the other team's censors are letting them do more is just not going to end well.

[Loss]

One area where I always thought WCW should have tried much harder was entrance music. They just found random stock music. I don't think they needed to go the Jim Johnson route necessarily, but I'm sure that being under AOL/Time Warner, they could have secured rights to some actual commercially successful songs they could have used without too much trouble.

 

They also didn't mic Dave Penzer, so he always sounded a million miles away, which was annoying.

[kjh]

Trying to go head to head on edginess when the other team's censors are letting them do more is just not going to end well.

Even if the censors weren't there, it wouldn't have been a wise strategy. It's better to differentiate your product, than copy what's working for the other side.

[Bix]

One area where I always thought WCW should have tried much harder was entrance music. They just found random stock music. I don't think they needed to go the Jim Johnson route necessarily, but I'm sure that being under AOL/Time Warner, they could have secured rights to some actual commercially successful songs they could have used without too much trouble.

They did it for about a year starting around the Spring of '89. Always wondered why that was, as it definitely contributed to the much different atmosphere that 1989 had from all other years of WCW's existence, as well as the previous year or so of JCP (which had switched around Starrcade '87 to worse generic music than WCW ever used later on)

[El-P]

Terry Funk coming up to Ennio Morricone was grand. The SST coming up with the Halloween theme I believe was pretty nice too.

I liked WCW's ripoff version they did for DDP, Chris Jericho anc I believe Raven too. And how can you not love Chris Benoit's porn theme ?

They had pretty cool themes for the Horsemen, but most of the music was rotten and sounded so random and dull. Not that Johntson didn't deliver his share of stinker too.

[Bix]

One of my favorites was when they used GnR's cover of "Live and Let Die" for Halloween Havoc ads.

[KrisZ]

Lex Luger had the coolest of the stock themes ever until Sting got his theme in 1989.

[floyd]

I remember Dusty Rhodes using "Purple Rain" and Ric Flair "The Wanderer" (By Dion).

 

Speaking of Halloween Havoc, this is Wrestlecrap but still awesome. Could Micheal Cole pull this off?:

 

[KrisZ]

They used a lot of commercial songs at house shows until like late 1987.

 

Flair coming out to Easy Lover by Phil Collins & Phillip Bailey against Nikita at the Omni in 1985 was still the all-time best.

[Bix]

He used "Easy Lover" at Battle of the Belts 2, as well.

[KrisZ]

Dusty would use various Bob Seger & Hank Jr. songs also with the best being the live version of Old Time Rock & Roll teaming with Ronnie Garvin as The Risky Business Boys.

[Johnny Sorrow]

I was at a Philly Civic Center Crockett show in the Mid-80's where the Rock n' Roll Express came out to Starship's "We Built This City" instead of ELO's "Rock n' Roll Is King" and lot's of people turned on them with boos, including my 16 year old punk ass.