Parties

I don't mean to derail this thread, as this is a worthy topic all its own, but what are the best examples of this? I'm trying to think of workers who sucked that over time "got it". The only ones that immediately come to mind are Big Show and Mark Henry, and those seem unfair as those were giant dudes who got brought up too early due to their size, and in both cases I suspect they weren't as bad as they were criticized for being at the time. I've recently seen performances from both of them as early as '98 that I liked.

I realize this is a question that I should go answer for myself by watching something other than WWE this year, but has CMLL been lousy or something of late? Where's the talk of Casas, Hechicero, Rush, Dragon Lee, Barbaro, Cachorro, Virus, and everyone else who was so awesome last year? Or for that matter, any other luchador?

Obviously it's a pile-on by this point, but the answer is Vince, and it's not even remotely close. Vince is a very natural performer. He could have been at least semi-successful as an actor, or a politician, or a serial killer. Linda was horrible onscreen. Her peak was kicking Vince in the balls to culminate a sub-soap opera angle where she was comatose in a wheelchair. She always came off like a battered Stepford Wife who disliked being on TV. The failed political run was just sort of icing on a depressing cake. Pity the Millionaire and all that, and it's totally unfair for me to judge, but she's always come off as a sad story to me. Shane had moments: the Mean Street Posse was a fun angle. But he never found his place in the company, and he knew it. Shane is the only one of the bunch who on and off-screen came off as a good person. He had the Fredo thing where he was too nice a guy to be running the seedy family business. (Not that Fredo was a nice guy, but you get the point.) Steph is the worst act in the company right now. That anyone still thinks she's a good promo is ridiculous. She's been toxic on TV for a year now, cuts embarrassingly long, dull speeches crafted by sycophants, and gets a ton of credit online for what seems to amount to little more than that one-night angle where the cops arrested her and she did a good job of showing exasperated humiliation. Week after week after week of burials. A character that never changes or develops, and makes everyone else look worse in her company. I'm sure some people would say that I'm "falling for her brilliant heel trolling", but it's just not that brilliant. She's the kid in your grade school who insisted on being the Queen in every game of make-believe. That's not a strong villain whipping us into the frenzy that will be her comeuppance. That's a paranoid narcissist who thinks little of her employees, and wants the Rock and Ronda Rousey to hoist her over the sandbox. (And Hunter's no better, and he gets no free pass for NXT.)

What was the last time New Japan had women working a match? I'm sure it's happened, but I can't name anything I've ever seen.

“TV time remaining”. Fanciful jackets that dudes wore to the ring in JWA/NJ/AJ, 1971-1975. Heenan’s bedazzled shirts. #1 contender’s matches. Roberto Clemente Stadium. Shield vs. Wyatts, a feud that should return sporadically for the next 10 years. Wrestlers with their own sponsors, a la Otsuka’s “Diet Butcher” or Brock’s “Jimmy John’s” gear. Vince McMahon: inexplicable Sandman fan. Teenage crowds giving nuclear reactions to 80s Joshi. Old ladies hitting rudos with their purses.

The weird thing is that there's no one who both should lose to Wyatt and can withstand losing a feud to him right now. They did Cena once and it blew, and Cena should be US champ for at least a couple more months. Bryan and Bray have had one great match, but Bryan needs to win as badly as Wyatt does right now. He's beaten Ziggler repeatedly this year and it got him nothing. Ryback shouldn't lose a feud right now. This is one of the many problems with booking all of your babyfaces as weak cowards: losing big matches stings more than it should. With Wyatt as a singles act, they've already blown through Jericho (Bray wins a bad feud), Cena (Bray loses a bad feud), Ambrose (Bray wins a bad feud), and Taker (Bray loses a bad feud). I know this is a broken record online, but breaking up the Harper/Rowan trio seems all the worse now that they have nowhere to go with any of them. He needs a new flock of NXT callups, but I don't know if the likely candidates (Solomon Crowe, a repackaged Blake & Murphy) would benefit at all. The answer might be giving him a feud against someone so under the radar that a competitive loss to Wyatt would actually elevate the jobber. Like turning Heath Slater into a Floridian ghost hunter type who's convinced he can save Bray's soul. Or a feud with Goldust over who's the weirder dude. Or even Neville. That's how far down the pecking order you'd have to go to find someone worth feeding to Bray.

Meltzer reported two different ideas: he talked w/ Austin, and Austin claims there's no heat and that it's all been blown out of proportion. But then someone internally gave him the impression that they weren't happy with the Chyna questions. So split the difference. It's a company that deals in passive-aggressive moves: they went with Jericho for one podcast that was far less meaningful than the Vince or HHH versions with Stone Cold. But does anyone really think any of this will have longterm damage? Austin says he's watching WM32 from home because they haven't yet pitched him a good idea. Most realistic option still seems to be that he's involved in some angle, doing his usual Stone Cold deal of guest ref/enforcer/opening promo/McMahon family tormentor. I don't see him jumping into the Rock N' Rousey Connection, but he would make quite the ref in a tag against Steph and Hunter. Having him be the guy who makes the three count in Taker's last match is interesting. If he doesn't do anything on the show, it'll be because of some serious (and as now unknown) heat, or them just presenting him terrible creative options, which has been a problem in the past.

That was an ideal reaction for Reigns. Can't tell if the Lesnar/Rusev matches changed them in fans' eyes or if it's a babyface-friendly crowd, but Cena and Reigns were both really over tonight. The segment was corny, but Kane is a thousand times better as put-upon impotent middle man stooge having to deal with wascawy wabbits than he is at working bad matches every week. Dude's always been solid at comedy, even if he should have stopped wrestling 10 years ago.

Looks like they're building to a heel turn, which means four more weeks of Xavier Woods jobbing to every other team. I guess it's good that they did some subtly nefarious double-team stuff, and Big E's always been a good promo, but I doubt they'll get any momentum. More likely it'll be dropped in two months and all three guys will continue to come off as awkward cuckolds.

On a barely related note, I just bought a ticket to Summerslam, which is making me that much more hopeful/curious about the booking through August. Fingers crossed on getting to see Brock slam dunk someone through a table.

Regarding Reigns: it seems more likely that it's a combo of Authority wanting to be the aces and incompetent booking. Tandem horrors rather than one or the other. Loss' theory makes a lot of sense, regardless of whether the truly galling stuff is intentional or only semi-intentional. While narcissism plays into it, I also think that the level of paranoia with regard to stars leaving the company is at an all-time high after Del Rio, Punk, and Brock's negotiations. McMahons are so fearful/resentful of anyone challenging them that they feel the only performers they can depend on are the lifers. Which is to say, themselves. They run the company, they'll be there forever, and they can say that about no one else - making it easy to justify pushing themselves above everyone else. True to a lesser extent of Kane, Show, and Cena: company men who have jobs for life. While conflating scripted promos with real life is often smark overthinking, there is a line from one of HHH's tirades against Sting that keeps coming back to me. It was the one where he said, and I'm paraphrasing, that "When everyone else left, I stayed here, at the top of this company." It seemed like such a butthurt, passive-aggressive statement, as a not-so-subtle dig against Rock, Batista, Brock, and everyone else who comes and goes. But it also speaks to the insulated Titan Towers idea that the McMahons trust no one but la familia.

Mountain Goats' Beat the Champ drops April 7th and is pretty incredible. I'd be hard pressed to name cooler art that anyone's made "about" wrestling. Even just musically speaking, this is the best Darnielle guitar of his career, and Jon Wurster's never sounded better on drums. Kind of an amazing achievement if you're a fan of both wrestling and good music. http://www.npr.org/2015/03/29/395108044/first-listen-the-mountain-goats-beat-the-champ "The Ballad of Chavo Guerrero" and "Heel Turn" are now both on Spotify.

Zellner deserves credit for referring to Rollins' cash-in as "the elephant in the room" on the Predictions show.

I agree with all of the praise heaped on here, but one additional thing I'm enjoying watching this right now is that Flair looks healthy/happy, and came off as a class act. For about five minutes there, he was the Nature Boy again. Also, Fujinami's neon blue reading glasses are badass.

Currently watching the Hall of Fame. I'm up to the Bushwhackers and so far it's been absolutely fantastic. It's weird to say that a HOF ceremony might be the best WWE show since last year's Mania, but this is my favorite thing they've done since Bryan's title win. For the show proper I'm going to a friend's house here in Brooklyn. He's a casual fan who bought the network just for this show. Dude really likes cooking and whiskey. Something like a dozen people are coming, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who follows WWE week-to-week. We all work in book publishing/journalism, so finding explanatory analogies to explain these angles to people who never watch wrestling has so far been... interesting?

Tag team 4-way: Cesaro & Kidd deserve to retain, and they will. Divas tag: AJ/Paige should win, and they will. Bellas are a better act right now, and AJ is the most obnoxious onscreen act in wrestling, but I like Paige and babyfaces will go over given the irrelevant nature of the match. 7-way ladder match: Bryan will win, and should. I remain hopeful that they're working to bring prestige back to the title and give Bryan the Nakamura push. I just can't see any of the other six winning it. Battle Royal: I guess the safe money is on Big Show, but I'll take a guess and say that they repeat Axel's angle from Rumble by having Sheamus jump him during his entrance, leading to a Sheamus win. Wishful Thinking: Mark Henry, joined in victory by his awesome son, who has replaced Cole on commentary and spends the rest of the show cackling. John Cena vs. Rusev: Cena will win, and should. Rusev can be moved into so many feuds right now. He could be a great world champ a year from now. They have to get the US title off him eventually, and there's more money in someone new beating Cena for the belt later this year than there is in Rusev retaining. Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton: I'll say Rollins wins (and should), because I don't think he's cashing in on this show. These two have a great match in them, but what a lame feud this has been. Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt: Undertaker wins, and should. Rebuild him to retirement at Cowboys Stadium. Sucks to be Wyatt right now, but he can still be in title matches by year's end. HHH vs. Sting: Sting wins (and should) a slow, weapons-filled brawl that ends up twice as long as it should be, to build to the double retirement match of Sting-Taker at WM32. Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns: My actual prediction: Reigns wins via double turn, with Brock remaining a silent killer tweener. That's what will happen, and it's probably the best option for now. My original prediction days ago was that Roman wins as a babyface and that the crowd is quelled by new champs Bryan and Cena joining him in the ring for the ultimate babyface finale. But for some reason it feels like they may have changed the finish this week. That Grantland interview with Heyman and Reigns felt very “blurred lines” worked shoot, brother.

Is it too late to get Mark Henry's son to replace Cole on commentary tomorrow?

I'm rewatching WM3 for the first time in years, and it's very entertaining. They fit more into this three-hour show than they will in five hours this Sunday. 11 matches, interviews and video recap segments. Almost every match had a storyline and feud that they were culminating, with a sense of justice: heels get served even when they win, and there's a “send 'em home happy” thinking behind the booking. Lots of novelty and variety here too: Tom Zenk, Lord Littlebrook, Harley Race, JYD, Butch Reed, Alice Cooper and Andre on the same show. What it lacks in good matches it makes for in every match being watchable. Not to mention the crowd and atmosphere, which looks more impressive today than it to me as a kid. Did someone on Good Will Wrestling say that Heenan's the MVP of this show? Him and Jimmy Hart are both really great throughout and give you a sense of how useful managers and stables were at the time. Most of all it's a show where you feel like they're using their time wisely. I also watched WM2 and 14 this week. WM2's a mess, but kind of an endearing one. It was clear that they were still trying to ride on celebrity cache, albeit lesser celebs than the ones they had at MSG a year earlier. I don't think I actually enjoyed a single match on the card, except maybe the battle royal for novelty alone. 14 is a really good show from start to finish. On one hand, the setup looks really modest by today's standards: Boston Garden with really almost no set constructed at all. Very barebones, but lots of entertaining matches, and it feels like a hot company. Best match is probably the tag title brawl just for Terry Funk's great lunacy at the end. His reaction to winning the titles is glorious and shows why he's the greatest of all time. But otherwise I was surprisingly impressed by Shamrock-Rock and even moreso by Austin-Michaels, which is really a better match than I'd recalled. Michaels is still a bump freak, and in some ways for me this feels like his last great performance. I could see people picking one of the Cena or Taker matches, but '98 was the blue chips HBK that never came back after injury. As an aside: this is a company that booked Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, Gladys Knight, and Run-DMC in back to back years. This Sunday you're getting Kid Ink and over the hill CSI-era LL Cool J. I'd have been happy with LL performing on on Wrestlemania 2, but Wrestlemania 31 is really pushing it.

The idea that you don't have time for nine matches on a five hour show is ridiculous, even with two music performances (LL and Kid Ink) and Hunter's elaborate yellow brick road entrance in full Dorothy regalia. A realistic ideal that balances company/fan priorities would be something like: Tag 4-way (12 mins), Battle Royal (12 mins), Ladder match (25 mins), Divas tag (10 mins), Taker-Bray (20 mins), Cena-Rusev (25 mins), Orton-Rollins (25 mins), HHH-Sting (25 mins), and Brock-Reigns (30-35 mins). That's 3 hours and 10 mins. Add another 35 mins of entrances and celebratory posing to that. You're still coming in at 3:45, and that's with pretty generous considerations. That gives you an extra 75 mins (or more!) for a stupid backstage promo, a cameo-filled backstage segment, two songs that no one wants, needless video packages, Hall of Fame wave-fest, and a post-main event angle. Am I missing something? How are they always so crunched for time on what should be their best produced show of the year?

Bruno-Piper was a hot program in late '85-early '86. Their cage match in Boston is a totally crazy hybrid: an extremely violent, bloody brawl built around comedy spots, Piper stooging, and Bruno punching Piper in the balls. Bruno was old, but still knew what to do and did it well. Reminiscent of present-day Negro Navarro or Satanico.

There was also that panel discussion that Austin hosted months ago that Meltzer keeps talking about. Reigns and Austin started cutting promos on each other in jest, and everyone was blown away that this dude completely held his own when toe to toe with Austin on the mic. He's charismatic as hell. Problem is that his real life persona is far cooler/more confident than the uptight, insecure doofus he's been scripted as since the Rumble.

Rock-Reigns at WM32 is infinitely more appealing. Brock re-signing means his WM32 opponent should be whichever young worker is hottest around say, Survivor Series - whether that’s Bryan, Ambrose, or someone entirely new. Legend v. Legend matches have run their course at Mania, and that show will have plenty of them already. Throwing together two guys who don't need the rub just because it's the "biggest match they have right now" is the short-sighted thinking they've had in the past, and it's led to lackluster shows and a lack of new stars. A crowd of legit 80-90K people should be the time to pair yesterday’s icons with tomorrow's. Pass the torch in a ceremonial way that subtly represents the early stages of Vince passing it to Hunter & Steph.

If the end result of all of this "Will he sign or is sitting cageside next to Dana just too much fun?" stuff is that Brock worked Michelle Beadle and co. into thinking he was announcing a UFC return, when in fact he was promoting Mania six days before the show for 10 mins on Sportscenter, then he is an all-time great con artist. The stuff Vince's dreams are made of.