elliott

James Dolan is Dixie Carter

My reaction was the same it's been for every Exile on Badstreet so far: Holy fucking shit!

Bill Simmons' latest mailbag had an NBA-Pro Wrestling Comparison I figured I would share: Q: I believe that Tim Duncan can go on playing at this level for a few more years. But instead of retiring, why not follow the trail that The Undertaker is currently blazing? What if he stayed in shape, but only played a few regular season games per year to stay sharp, then saved himself for 20-25 playoff games (i.e. WrestleMania). Couldn’t he extend his career by another five years by doing this? This is a win/win situation for all! —Chris F, Port Colborne, ON, Canada BS: I love everything about this. First, the Undertaker has defied the aging process and extended his prime for reasons that have never really been explained … kind of like Tim Duncan. Second, the Undertaker’s 21-0 WrestleMania streak was wrestling’s equivalent to Duncan being the best big man on Finals winners 15 years apart and/or making All-NBA teams 18 years apart2 and/or averaging 21 and 12 for his first 17 years of playoff games and 16 and 11 in Year 18 of the playoffs. Third, neither of them say much and spend a ton of time looking around with a weird look on their faces. Fourth, Undertaker was the behind-the-scenes leader of WWE’s locker room for years and years and was loved by everyone who worked with him (like Duncan with the Spurs). And fifth, if anyone could successfully pull off the NBA’s version of “Just show up for WrestleMania and we’re good,” wouldn’t it be the Spurs? OK, so what if Duncan were to retire this summer … and the Spurs use their available cap space to sign, say, LaMarcus Aldridge … and then Duncan “miraculously” un-retires on April 1 and comes back Undertaker-style for three months? And he just keeps doing this until he turns 45? There’s probably some dumb salary-cap rule that rooster-blocks this idea, but screw it — let’s fix the cap. I WANT 25 YEARS OF UNDERTAKER DUNCAN!!!!!

Billy Donovan is 1992 Bill Watts.

Trying to come up with a good Robert Horry. Arn Anderson? Masa Fuchi?

John who would be a good Baba comp?

Wasn't Johnny Ace in charge of the divas at one point or did I make that up? I wanted to throw him out as another Laimbeer possibility. My Kawhi-Misawa comp is 100% based on Misawa circa 1991. He's not the undisputed ace yet. 6/8/90 would be the equivalent of winning the finals MVP last year. I went with Jun at first with late 90s Akiyama in mind with Timmy as Misawa, Tony as Kenta and Kawada as Manu. Then I got depressed because I love SA and Kawhi and the early 90s MIsawa comp made me happy. If Duncan goes one more year and then Kawhi turns into a real MVP candidate (btw, I can't wait to argue Kawhi as MVP and talk about how the game changed) it will be like taking the triple crown from Hansen as the new undisputed ace. You're right though, its hard to project with Kawhi because he is so young. I lean towards early 90s Misawa because the Spurs booking (think Front Office stuff/Coaching) has been so great for his career. Its difficult to see the signs of them crumbling provided everything breaks well. HOWEVER, you could also argue "staleness on top" for so long combined with what could be major roster turnover coming up soon, that the Jun comp works better. We'll have to wait and see. As a long time Spurs fan I'm hoping Timmy as Jumbo and Kawhi as Misawa and Pop as Baba the Booker end up being the best comps. Also, just have to say how disappointed I am that you overlooked my Jumbo/Magic late night tv comedy workers joke.

I would say Laimbeer is like a poor man's Greg Valentine.

I'm struggling to come up with a good comp for Wilt. I didn't think of Flair, but you could absolutely say that Wilt slept with 20,000 women like Flair wrestled 100,000 matches.

I agree with everything you said about Kobe/Kenta. That is all precisely why I thought about it. Since I tried to include some sillyness in all of my comparisons, I also would have said "Later Chop-Fu Kobashi is the equivalent of Later All Offense No Defense Kobe." You could even draw a comparison between Kenta's long losing streak to start his career and Pre-Phil Kobe jacking airballs in the playoffs against Utah. I would also like to revise my Kawhi Leonard as Jun Akiayama comment and say that I hope it is more like Kawhi Leonard is 1991 Mitsuharu Misawa. That would be phenomenal. Jumbo would be Timmy in this scenario which would also be a good comp.

Though it's quite possible that the reason MJ shaved his head was... Hogan was a great worker in his own way. But only one of them was smart enough to shave their heads and make bald cool. The other two are stubborn/oblivious fools about it I agree Hogan was a great worker. But he wasn't MJ. MJ could pack the arenas, draw in new fans, "work effectively" to send them home happy etc. But he was also Mitsuharu Misawa having 5 star classics blowing the minds of all the hardcores. MJ was Hulk+Ric. LeBron is more like John Cena if Cena was seen as the next top guy from the very start instead of almost getting fired. But they do have a lot of parallels.

I actually thought about Kobe-Kenta. But I recently read Meltzer's big Kobashi retrospective from a couple of years ago and I decided against that comp because Kobashi wasn't a star athlete in high school like Misawa and Kawada. Obviously Kenta was great from the start. I went with Terry Funk leaning on 2nd generation stars, great work, and just having totally unique and bizarre lives even within their profession which is full of people with unique and bizarre lives. None of these are perfect. But all of them are fun

The key point for my Lebron/Hulk comparison is the hair MJ had the common sense to shave his head making bald cool. MJ was a better worker than Hulk too.

We've all seen Tenryu do exactly this. Flair would have taken a huge bump off the elbow, had his punch no-sold, flopped, climbed the hoop and been thrown off the top landing just past the free throw line.

Here is the problem with Kareem as Flair...Flair is one of the most charismatic and exciting people who ever lived. Kareem is boring as fuck. Although if you were going to make the Kareem-Flair connection how could you pass up the opportunity to say Kareem only took one shot his whole career and Flair wrestled the same match over and over again. It was right there!

So long Eastern Conference. Try again next year.

Had some fun with the comparing NBA players to wrestlers game. LeBron James is Hulk Hogan. Biggest star in the world, delusional, steroids, hair. Always uses his immense drawing power to obtain creative control. Steph Curry is early 90s Jushin Liger with great technical skill and breathtaking highspots. He will age really well because he’s so smart and bitch slap people with deep 3s forever. Blake Griffin is John Cena the worker. Some undeniably great performances/years but some people will always hate them just because. Dwayne Wade is Nobuhiko Takada. Overrated in some circles underrated in others. Some really great seasons and performances and certainly amongst the most popular of their generation. Not afraid to completely dog it even though they aren’t working a full schedule. Kawhi Leonard is Jun Akiyama. Incredibly talented, hard working next generation stud that looks poised t keep a dynasty alive. Hopefully this turns out better for the Spurs than it did for All Japan. If Kawhi chooses to defect when his elders move on, Portland would be a lovely spot to start Noah. Baron Davis is Dick Togo. Short, fat, awesome, shockingly athletic. Charles Oakley is Meng/Haku. Because they are both cool as fuck and will break you. Magic Johnson is Jumbo Tsuruta. Undeniable all time great. Couldn’t help but love him even if he was on the rival team or beating up your favorite young boy. Careers tragically cut short. Made depressing comebacks as comedy workers for late night tv shows. Scottie Pippen is Bill Dundee. Amazing all time great player who was best as a sidekick or clear #2. Couldn’t get you to the promised land by himself but pair him with someone ever better and he will help make magic. Jerry West is Buddy Rogers. Undeniable all time great worker/player/draw who could never break through because some other guy was dominating the scene and winning all the titles (Russell/Thesz). The symbol for greatness for their respective sports (West because of the Logo, and Rogers because look at how many greats ripped him off directly). Kobe Bryant is Terry Funk. 2nd generation star who became bigger than his father. Unquestionable all time great that is overrated by some and underrated by others. Basketball/Wrestling lifer who will never stop working. Career’s/lives that could not be replicated. Kareem is Tenryu. Great forever, showed no emotion, will casually walk up and punch you in the face as hard as he can. Bill Russell is 80s Ric Flair. Most decorated champion, arguably the best ever, made everyone around him better, known for defense, though had underrated offensive games (at least until Flair quit doing everything). I bet Bill Russell was smart enough to invent flopping against Wilt paving the way for Flair and future nba players to use this tactic to the delight of some and the dismay of others. Was consistently great working brutal cross country schedules and could still up their game when it matter most. . Vince McMahon is Phil Jackson. Helped build a tremendous dynasty with Michael Jordan/Hulk Hogan that changed the sport and ushered in a new era. Lucked into later success because Kobe/Shaq/Stone Cold/The Rock took their games to the next level and further strengthened the Phil/Vince “genius” narrative. Phil was more aggressive than ever with his verbal jabs and mind games; definitely embracing his role as Mr McMahon in this new attitude era. Lucked into further success because John Cena became John Cena and the NBA gift wrapped Pau Gasol to LA. The Post WrestleMania 30 is definitely New York Knicks Phil Jackson. Instead of rebuilding through the draft, he is focused more on free agency and trades to bring in the big names to eat up cap space and minutes for guys who will realistically be past their prime. Meanwhile winners at WrestleMania 31 include: Big Show, Randy Orton, HHH, John Cena, Undertaker. Vince Russo is Donald Sterling. Obviously. Jay Williams is Magnum TA because they were both bad drivers.

Favourite style of wrestling? This is like the “whats your favorite style of music” question. “It depends on what I’m in the mood for.” My gut reaction was “Memphis Brawls or Lucha Brawls” though so I’ll go with those Favourite way wrestling is presented? The Memphis way. Although I like Zoo’s answer of “poorly lit.” That was great. Favourite type of match? Singles match as part of a feud. Favourite gimmick match? Hair/Mask match Favourite wrestler? Sangre Chicana Or Stan Hansen Favourite match? Sangre Chicana vs MS-1 9/23/83 or Stan Hansen vs Andre 9/23/81 Favourite feud? God these last few have been difficult even while cheating and giving myself a 2nd pick. I’m going with Flair vs Funk 89 because I watched everything from that feud recently. Lawler vs Dundee is my favorite “lasted forever” feud. Favourite angle? Ric Flair comes to Memphis, gets tricked into putting the belt up on TV in the studio against Lawler. Terry Funk attacks Flair after WrestleWar match with Steamboat. Favourite promotion/period of wrestling? I can actually give just one answer for this. Early 80s Memphis is easily my favorite all around promotion. You have a strong ace of a territory who was both one of the best workers and best talkers of all time who also drew money and had the crowd emotionally invested in what he did. You had the best working top rival/2nd banana to the ace of the era (maybe 2nd only to Kawada, I’d have to think about it and I’m rolling).You had a top heel manager who was one of the best talkers of all time who could get anybody over in his pursuit to dethrone the ace. You had the best announcer in wrestling history who could give credibility to just about anything and come off as both intelligent and a folksy fan at the same time with a grace Jim Ross could never pull off. You had a terrific weekly tv show that could be both serious and comedic that led to a big weekly arena show where legendary matches took place in front of (usually) big crowds. You had a legendary, influential and great working tag team that spawned a bunch of rip-offs including one that got bigger than the originals elsewhere but it didn’t happen in Memphis so who cares. You had the best wrestler/celebrity feud in history that was both serious at times and hilarious at times. Probably the 2nd best (after NWO) US invasion feud ever when the longtime rival promotion finally caved and worked with/put over our heroes. Memphis in the early 80s had all time great workers at their peak putting on great matches as part of legendary feuds that featured great angles, interviews, announcing, crowd heat, comedy, intensity, etc. What the hell else do we watch pro wrestling for? Little things that happen in wrestling that you always love? I’m limiting myself to 5 because I could go all night. Every time Dusty Rhodes talks either in an interview or on commentary. Every time Andre laughs. I love that Sangre Chicana, Baron von Raschke and Abdullah the Butcher all wear the same long black tights with a long red stripe down the side. What a bizarre trio. Haku and Barbarian kicking dudes in the face. I love every time the giant Memphis timekeeper’s bell is used as a weapon.

Holy shit is Kawhi Leonard incredible. I've said Golden State is gonna win for months now, but if San Antonio continues to play like that. Look out everyone. Blazers fans are in a legit panic about Aldridge leaving for SA this off season. Watch for the crowd to chant "STAY LA!" while he's shooting free throws.

I agree. Davis is incredible and the pace at which the Warriors play lends itself to Davis putting up big numbers. But the Warriors will just overwhelm the Pelicans' guards. Phil made a bunch of great points. One thing I was really glad he brought up was not being totally surprised by Pau's performance for the Bulls. I remember waking up at 5 am or whatever to watch the 2012 gold medal game and the US literally had no answer for Pau's post game. More than anything else the use of Pau really exposed D'Antoni to me as a gimmicky/system coach. I wasn't necessarily thinking Pau was going to be an 18 and 12 guy this year. But in the off-season, that struck me as a really great under the radar pick up.

I mentioned on the podcast that Bucks/Bulls was the Eastern Conference series I was most interested in watching. Phil made a good point about it being two defensive minded teams that sometimes struggle to score so we are probably in for some sloppy ball. He's right but I wanted to clarify my point a bit. Brooklyn doesn't interest me at all and I think Atlanta will sweep them. Cleveland is definitely interesting but from a basketball standpoint I think they'll just demolish Boston. Toronto vs Washington is series with two complete non-contenders that both need a shakeup. Bucks vs Bulls has a bunch of guys that I like watching even if the games won't necessarily be a joyous basketball experience like watching GS or SA play. Giannis, Jimmy Butler, Pau, Noah, Middleton, Henson, Mirotic, Taj Gibson are all guys I like watching. There's the added drama of just how quickly will Derrick Rose tear a ligament. This is the only Eastern Conference series that has a chance of an upset. So from an aesthetically pleasing basketball standpoint, I agree with Phil. But in terms of which Eastern Conference series am I most interested in, its Bucks/Bulls.

I'm sad I didn't see the news that the league will test for HGH next season until after we recorded because I would have brought it up and then raced Phil to getting out a joke about LeBron visiting a retired George Zahorian in Florida during LeBron's two week break.

Yes. People bought tickets to see Bock lose the title. Therefore Bock sold tickets. Who is your favorite working ace and why?

I don't think they necessarily have to be babyfaces. Buddy in Portland for example. I would also consider Ric Flair traveling NWA Champ an Ace. While each territory had their Ace, when Flair would come in he would be presented as the best in the buisness. But anyway, I can see not counting Bock due to Verne. That's fair. But we have a bunch of other examples. Who is your favorite working Ace and why? I'm trying to decide between Jumbo, Lawler, and Rose.

In no particular order... Tassels and Lariats. Wrestling and Romance Dusty Rhodes' voice Giant Bab's voice Great Muta's different mists and that they apparently mean different things. Ric Flair saying "WOOOOO" Lex Luger's 3.78 GPA Masahiro Chono kicking Muto in the Balls and getting cheered for it. Stan Hansen vs Andre from 81 The crowd for Kobashi/Kikuchi vs Kroffat/Furnas Everything about Titanes en el Ring Southern Tag Wrestling Vince McMahon shouting "WHAT A MANEUVER!" Little kids running up to Hijo del Santo and shaking his hand/patting him on the back between falls in the Espanto Jr hair/mask match Hulk Hogan vs The Grandma Mad Dog Vachon, Sangre Chicana, Terry Funk, Andre the Giant, Perro Aguayo, Mocho Cota, Buzz Sawyer, Randy Savage, Roddy Piper, Giant Baba, Abdullah the Butcher, Bobby Heenan, Haku, Volk Han, Stan Hansen, Tommy Rich, Tommy Rich in the FBI, Riki Choshu, Ric Flair, La Parka, Kaientai, Rey Mysterio Jr, Jimmy Valiant, Dusty Rhodes, Hulk Hogan, Ricky Morton, Masa Fuchi, etc etc etc etc The various wrestling Mummy's and Frankenstein's. The music video for Apocalypse before the Apocalypse/Adrian Street vs Lawler/Dundee match. The People's Elbow The Rock's Movies The selling of airplane spins, giant swings, and atomic drops All of Memphis wrestling really. Lawler, Dundee, Lance, Jimmy Hart, Kaufman, Fabs, Tommy Rich, Austin Idol, Phil Hickerson, Jackie Fargo, etc etc etc Pro Wrestling is awesome.