El-P

Well, not quite, but still. It's been 30 years since Yoko first won a Royal Rumble whose price was facing the champ at Mania. Since then, it has become basically the #2 PPV of the year and a tradition of pointing at signs. What's interesting is that we as wrestling fans take so many things for granted as "making sense". Not just irish-whips, limb-selling and such, but also the fact the Royal Rumble is the pathway to main event the biggest show of the year as a challenger for the biggest title in pro-wrestling (fuck, Vince is back) sports-entertainment. But when you take one or two step back and think about it for more than 5 seconds, it appears this is actually quite ridiculous. Take NJPW for instance. They have made a similar stipulation with the G1 in the last decade. So basically, to main event the biggest show of the year and challenge for the biggest title, you have to participate in a grueling one-month round robin tournament that includes basically the biggest stars and best wrestler in the promotion (and often the world, really, for the later), you have to win your block and face the winner of the other block and win. That's fucking A cred. Meanwhile, in WWE, there is two requisite that gives you the equivalent status and right : the ability to not get thrown over the top rope (and have *both* your feet touch the floor, because I guess one foot on the floor means you haven't touched the floor or something, which is way odd); be lucky. I mean, let's get real. The stats tells us that almost 60% of the winners have entered between 20 and 30. So basically, luck is the biggest factor. Which in a way, is actually totally realistic. But still, in term of kayfabe, the person who main event Mania basically is mostly lucky and their biggest actual pro-wrestling ability warranted is staying inside the ring. Mind explodes. It's utterly ridiculous, and it's a trope that has spread onto every other american promotion, sadly. Of course that comes from the fact that the Royal Rumble, at the start, had nothing to do with actually main eventing Mania. It was just a special attraction, like every Battle Royal were. And most of these special attractions, in WWE territory at the very least, was mostly a showcase for the freakishly big guys aka Andre. Hence the idea that big guys are the most dangerous in these type of match when in fact, they actually never win it. If you think about Yoko-like monsters, who else ever won the Royal Rumble to go to Mania ? Well, I can give you Lesnar, although a different type of monster in a different era, who won twice, Taker I will concede although he's really not the same kinda monster either.... and that's it (yeah, Braun winning the Blood Money Rumble doesn't count). And really, the entire thing is build on idiotic tropes. Not only the "abilities" in questions, but also the fact actual monster never win despite always being represented as big menaces, the fact you can walk on the barricade and not be eliminated because you have not touched the floor (which is totally the equivalent of a child game where you can't touch the floor because it's lava or something, but as long as you're jumping from chair to your bed, you're ok), the fact there's stereotyped roles that are now part of the pretty aimless "now it's your turn to do it" booking (the Diesel role, the Flair role, the Bushwhacker Luke role) and so on... And since all leads to the Mania main event, the fact that oh well, pretty much only 2 or 3 people out of 30 can really win it, making the whole thing easily either super boring or rather entertaining in a very contrived, overly scripted way. And then of course, pointing at sign. Which hopefully won't catch fire this year. All of this to say that really, everything is on rails, and the only thing that can make a Rumble really interesting are the surprises, either cool because actually surprising (aka not the same old same old "surprise" you see every three years) or because totally unexpected debuts (AJ style) or returns (Cena). This year, the only surprise that would do it would be some name from AEW (I don't see who, honestly) or, of course, The Rock working everybody in the media. That would blow the roof off (and would also blow for Cody). Anywoo. The Rumble was the only WWE show I watched last year, and neither Rumble were good, the men's was a complete bore and the women's only was fun because of figuring who they would bring back (and Mickie James showing up as IMPACT champion). Well, the same this year on paper, really. I'm guessing whoever they bring as a surprise from the Diva eras haven't signed an NDA. I wouldn't be surprised to see Lana, honestly, considering how much she kissed their ass lately. So there. My former favorite PPV of the year (until 1999, which killed the WWF fan in me, and for that I'm forever grateful considering the turn everything took in the long run). Roman Reigns vs Kevin Owens (probably the highlight of the show, unless Rock's shows up) Bianca BelAir vs Alexa Bliss Hopefully Bliss vomits some fluorescent goo and goes straight to LORELAND. Bray Wyatt vs L.A Knight Bullshit LORE for dummies ? YEAH Men's Royal Rumble Either Cody wins, either The Rock shows up and proves that there is, after all, only one pro-wrestling royal family Women's Royal Rumble Ronda Rousey won last year's Rumble. Seems like something from before the pandemic right now

42 and looking not a day under 50. As far as the Rumble goes, well of course Cody wins. Anything else would be ridiculous, unless it's Sami. Which won't happen. The women's Rumble, well, who cares ? They obviously don't. Rhea sounds like a sure bet. I mean, who the fuck else at this point ? I fully expect Matt Cardona & Chelsea Green to be "surprise" entrants. I enjoyed Green in IMPACT as a heel. I fully expect her to end up like Emma (whom I also enjoyed in IMPACT as a heel) aka "totally lost in the shuffle after one week". Hopefully there aren't too many of them that I really care about.

Timothy Tatcher vs Bryan Danielson. HOLY FUCK. AEW remains the gift that keeps on giving. Big time lump in my throat during the post-match. This was really heart-warming though.

We'll see. I've heard the same thing about Damian Sandow (which, ironically enough, I just saw debuted in my TNA watch in 2016 in a very much lolTNA moment, as he cut a typical "shoot" interview and was presented as a main-event level guy), and considering what I've seen him do out of the WWE system, well, nope. He was right where he should have been. Damn. The fake Russian accent and all. "Different times" I guess...

This. He's the epitome of mid 00's style WWE comedy. Aka "don't enter the room while I'm watching this, please". Yeah... ya know, I tried to avoid the subject in the IMPACT thread, because as much as I really enjoy the promotion, this one did not make me happy at all (not to mention his first appearance was a miss in term of booking to me). D'Amore was so great in his role of babyface authority figure, which was realistic (because, well, he is) with just a little bit of dry sense of humor, the last thing I want in my IMPACT program is a WWE comedy product. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt (IMPACT has the knack for making things work), but I'm not thrilled about that one at.

Well, GOOD. Someone finally heard what time it was.

Well, at least a good news ! Much needed. That will probably also be positive for Mark's state of mind.

By the way, the Bellas did not come to the show because they were kinda pissed apparently. Brie is also retweeting Mandy Rose's latest special offer or something. That's quite unexpected from whom you'd perceived as more or less lifers (whether in the company or not). Case in point, they really did not bring out any women at all (well, expect the Bella's, who ended up not showing up). Food for thought in term of who you want to sell to or just your usual pettiness ? I dunno...

Well, if anything he could still show up at Mania to announce the attendance number then.

Cody wins the Rumble. Sami wins Elimination Chamber in Montreal (he has to, since Kevin Owens is doing the J.O.B at the Rumble, and not getting a huge win for the local crowd would be ridiculous when they have two Montreal boys at the top of the booking sheets). Then what you said. And Cody "former EVP from AEW" Rhodes can slither his way into crying after winning the biggest match at the biggest Mania ever, because Dwayne can't be bothered anymore. What a life !

Well, it says that the guy knows nothing about pro-wrestling, for one. But it also says something about how pro-wrestling fans are perceived, for sure. And you know, it's not exactly completely undeserved either, let's be real. The fact it's already a complete flop is kinda comforting though.

Nothing screams "Royal Rumble match actually don't matter" more than the fact we're 4 days before the show and only 7 women have been announced. Hard to not give less of a fuck in term of booking. As far as nostalgia goes, I think the question that should be asked is what does that kind of nostalgia even means. Racism and sexual assault notwithstanding, do people really are happy to see old guys standing there looking old while they are reminded or remind themselves of the "good ol' days" when "wrestling was good" and had "real stars" ? I mean, if that's your thing, then why don't you just watch some prime Flair, Hogan, Taker stuff. Is there a kind of schadenfreude to remind yourself that you don't actually consider pro-wrestling good anymore and that the people from 25, 30, 40 years ago are always be better in your mind ? Ins't this a little morbid to begin with ? If I'm a huge Roman Reign fan, I really don't care to be reminded that, hey, actually, John Cena is a much bigger star and he's going on the cover of the pro-wrestling game. If I'm a Sami Zayn fan, I really don't want to have old guys telling it's time to suck it like boomers edgelords on Facebook. And of course, you have the elephant in the room. Hulk "I guess we're all a bit racist" Hogan being celebrated. Ric Flair showing up at the same time Vince McMahon is taking back control of his company while paying ridiculous amount of money to women he absolutely did not sexually assault. Lawler's case is so old that most people don't even think about it anymore, since back then it was still the "groupies will be groupies" mentality, but if that happened during the #speakingout movement, I doubt he would be allowed on TV (then again, here goes Matt Riddle). And Taker, oh well, he apparently came on his bike, full on MAGA style, at least he's owning up his shitty views on life considering it was even part of his promo. So yeah. What's the point ? What's the message being sent ? What's the fun in this, expect blind validation of awful people from the past who also happened to be huge stars and great workers ? In 2023 ? Really ? (looking at the state of the world) Oh, of course. Obviously. Meanhwile, Mark Briscoe, who has not done anything wrong, won't be allowed on TV by WBD.

...... WBD really comes off sleazy and hypocritical as fuck, ESPECIALLY while at the same they have fucking Dana "I slapped my wife in public in front of cameras" White promote SLAPfighting (which in itself is sleazy as hell anyway).

Although this is not NJ, I'm gonna post this here. The Great Muta retirement match was everything you possibly wanted from a Great Muta retirement match in 2023. SO much improbably great elements, like Sting being a part of it (they played his old theme too, with stills of his matches with Muta), the fact Hakushi came to the 1995 WWF Hakushi music theme, Darby Allin getting over in Japan because of course he can, AKIRA doing an amazing 56 years old superfly splash, Hakushi being a ghost (he's been killled by Taker in 97 in a match announced by Sunny at the Ryogoku Kokugikan, gotta love pro-wrestling facts) and looking *exactly* like he did 25 years ago, Hakushi trying to one-up Darby in term of taking a death bump, Hakushi drinking his own blood, an exchange between Marufuji and Darby (a match between those two would be so awesome), the fact they brought Great Kabuki who did the nunchakus trick (despite really looking like a legit zombie now, aging sucks), Muta doing calligraphy with Hakushi's blood... In term of maximizing what everyone could do, and that's including in term of character presentation, you can't ask for more in a match were the second youngest guy was a frisky 42 years old youngster, as Gorilla Monsoon would say. Yeah, there was one blown spot toward the end, but after all it humanized the one character that did it, and he did pay for it quickly enough. I'm still stocked to having seen the Great Muta retire against Hakushi, another of my all-time favorites, teaming with Darby Allin, a current absolute favorite of mine. I am so lucky. Also, and it was very apparent already at the January 1st show, NOAH's production values are ridiculously great. The undercard also has a terrific Timothy Thatcher vs Mochizuki match, and also a women tag team match that was the very first on a NOAH card. Considering they'll do that again at the Tokyo Dome (Maki Itoh at the Tokyo Dome !), it's quite interesting to see if that will end up being a more regular feature on NOAH shows. They also had way more time to showcase their stuff than KAIRI and Tam Nakano had at WK. Well, bye bye to the Great Muta, legit one of the greatest character in pro-wrestling history. The career of this guy is absolutely fascinating when you stop and think about it. Now, one last stop and Naito's plate is something else, considering in what shape Muto is right now (he really looked banged up as hell after this match, despite doing really not that much at all).

Awesome. They can bring so much to the table with the expensive promoting experience they have gathered in the meantime.

Actually, he debuted the "all black" outfit at the Tokyo Dome as a tribute to Inoki. But yeah, what an awesome angle, terrific execution, totally Maeda/Choshu inspired. There's nothing like puroresu interpromotional cards. I guess then waited for the cheering crowd to be back to have that actual legit interesting card after the so-so proposition las year. It's gonna be HUGE for Kiyomiya, facing Okada at the Dome under Mutoh's retirement match. That's a make or break it night in term of star making performance. You know Okada is gonna be the all-time great big match wrestler he is, so here goes everything for NOAH's great hope. It will probably be quite intense too. And speaking of intense, Takagi vs Nakashima was ridiculous. Nakashima is such a hard hitting mofo, and kind of a douche too (that horizontal choke spot), so there's nothing more satisfying that seeing him get hit really hard. Crazy that guy is only in his early 30's. Debuting at 16 and being really good early will do that to you. Kenoh vs Naito was very good too. Kenoh is certainly a mood. Not overly familiar ('ve seen a bunch of his big matches over the last few years), but he doesn't disappoint. Naito was his brillant self and gave a lot to Kenoh. He's really the perfect opponent for Mutoh's retirement, in more ways than one. This is gonna be big. The last of the Musketeers, the biggest star of all, the last of the mainstream generation and really, when I think of it, a guy I became a fan of as soon as I saw him on Eurosport in the mid-90's (I'm guessing around 93/94).

Come on. I really don't see what's the issue here. (as I'm putting my baguette under my arm and my beret on my head, going out the door to the sound of the Amélie from Montmartre theme, crossing the Tour Eiffel straight away even though I don't live in Paris anymore, and all the people in the street saluting me with "Sacrebleu !") Blame Mick Foley. There's an entire study to be made about WWE "humor" over the years aka "Vince thinks this is good shit".

It certainly would fill up a sleaze thread. Gotta love that DDP (from WWF RAW fame) is back on RAW too now that Cody is back in the WWE (some people have noticed where those Cody promos were shot). What a hustler ! Oh, for sure. I cringe everytime I see one of those damn headbutts in Japan, I have no idea how they did not learn from Shibata. And some Naito vs Ibushi matches were uncomfortable to watch (I remember Meltz talking how about he hated one in particular because of how dangerous it was).

Sure he is. A few years back he was broke and about to retire, he's now probably making more money than he ever has, is being featured in the second biggest promotion in the world, working with incredible talent on regular basis and just had a match with his idol Jun Akiyama a few months ago. What a mistreatment. See also, Harwood, Dax. Was a heel turn needed ? Nope, but it gives him a new dynamic and he works great as a heel too. So, might as well enjoy him in that role anyway. A heel turn was certainly needed for Saraya though. That's the best thing they could have done with her, on every aspects. In other news, great week of AEW again. Loving the promotion so much again, after a more questionable 2022. (Willie Mack !!!!)

I've only watched a select few, mostly the women only PPV because it's interesting to see how the scene was evolving at this point, but nope, they were not related at all to the TV show. Not canon, if you will. The fact some were showed months after the fact made it impossible anyway to tie them with the ungoing product. I have no idea why anyone thought it was a good idea, and I'm pretty sure no one watched these back then.

I mean, at this point, what else... (if they had got Warrior and Yoko you'd knew they'd want to sell to the Saudis) (also, go back in 1996 and tell people that by 2023, Shawn Michaels will be by far the least offensive of the bunch, talk about something highly unpredictable)

Agreed. Him getting the perennial main event spot and working a bad NWA cosplay style certainly played a part in that evolution (see what I did there ?).

Yeah, I'm baffled honestly. I had no idea there was even discussions about *this*. Maybe it's different in those parts of Europe, I dunno, but like, it would not even cross my mind not to put on a seatbelt and I don't think I ever heard any debate anywhere about this. And yeah, fuck WBD.

We were talking about stupid shit like the chairshots to the head in the late 90's already. I hated Mick Foley doing the HITC jump and to this day considers it one of the worst thing that happened in term of influencial spot in modern pro-wrestling. It did not take Benoit murdering his family for people to actually think about these kind of issues 10 years before. I mean, this : As far as WWE style evolving into a duller style, it has everything to do with them going public and choosing advertisers for the entire family as opposed to protecting their workers. The 00's and early 10's was also a period of Money in the Bank every year, ladder matches galore, HITC becoming a staple of the promotion. The debate of "safe vs unsafe" is something that has a place of course. But it doesn't equal the issues of stylistic evolutions. Tanahashi and then Okada for instance, have clearly taken the Japanese (well, NJPW) style into a direction that is a whole lot safer than the previous peaks of NOAH and AJPW, while having arguably even greater matches. Also, safe is a matter of controlled risk and personal tolerance for what you can do. What is risky for some ain't so much for others. Some terrible injuries (or worse) happen doing pretty mundane shit (Perro Aguayo Jr.), or stuff you've done hundreds and hundreds of time (Hayabusa). In the end, pro-wrestling isn't safe. Roddy Piper had no hip left at the end. Roddy Piper.

The one thing I learned the other day is that McMahon's family shares did not had the same voting power as other shares. How the fuck is that even legal ? Capitalism as a whole is just a fraud, but this entire WWE thing reeks more and more of ridiculously carny shit. Also, the one mystery question remains : who from the board leaked the story ? I'm guessing he/she ain't on the board anymore, but still. Who did it ?