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"And this is exactly what I was talking about last week. You two giant slugs have been out here for what, three, four minutes? And already you've forced these poor people to drift off into their own little worlds, completely oblivious to what you're saying, and completely oblivious to you. I mea, you two morons couldn't string together two intelligent words... and I was forced to come out here and save this segment! Personification of evil... HA! I say personification of BOREDOM! The only thing scary about you two is the amount of TV time you get which causes the people to pick up the remote and change the channel, looking for a hero. Well STOP changing the channel because your hero has ARRIVED! Chris Jericho has come to save the WWF... Finally, there's a man who's entertaining enough and exciting enough to bring this company back to prominence and make some money for this beleagured promotion... and I'm here to say that 'RAW is SNORE' is now dead and buried and long live 'RAW is JERICHO!"

 

"Tazz... Raisin... would you please SHUT THE HELL UP! You know, for the last couple of weeks, I've had a table broken over my stomach, I've had a pair of nunchuks whack me over the head, I've been smashed in the face with a glass bottle, but none of those things were half as painful as sitting back there and listening to your brutally boring speeches! What *about* you? What *about* Raisin? I mean, you might as well ask 'What about the plight of the African anteater?' Or, 'what about the price of back bacon in Saskatoon?' Or how about 'what about the fact that nobody cares about any of those questions and nobody gives a damn about either one of you?' "

 

What's the wrong thing to say when you're standing near Danny Hodge? ... "Ah. shoot!" - Billy Wicks

 

[Terry Funk on why he refused to press charges against fans who tried to injure or kill him]: "I mean do I want to put someone in jail because I convinced him or her that I needed to die? That's how I look at it and that may be sick, but it's also beautiful."

 

Sabu, near the end of his barbed wire match vs. Terry Funk: "My eye! My eye!"

 

“Space Mountain may be the oldest ride in the park, but it has the longest line.”

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The Rock doesn't care about the history of the WCW Title??? Well The Rock knows damn well the history of the WCW Title. The Rock knows that the title traces back to Frank Gotch, Lou Thesz, Ricky Steamboat, and WHOOOOOOOO Ric Flair! ... The Rock also knows damn well, what in recent years the WCW Title has come to...Diamond Dallas Page? Booker T? The guy from Scream 2, the dog from Married with Children, the maid from the Jeffersons! Shane McMahon, this title is just like your sister, everybody gets a turn!

 

 

 

 

Intense pain is a wonderful thing, Gene Okerlund. Your life flashes before your eyes, things that are the most important to you become crystal clear. You start to begin to learn the meaning of life. Last week when they stuffed me in that ambulance and I looked across and I saw Flair, Sting, Woman, Bagwell and myself, I realized that we were people brought together not by philosophy, but by necessity. And I started to think, New World Order, New World Order, where have I heard that? And I remembered in the Good Book it says, 'When the new world order is put into place it signals the beginning of the end of time.' Well, WCW is our world, it's where we live and breathe. And if you want to destroy it, Hogan and The Outsiders, you've already made a mistake that jumps off the page. If you're gonna take a baseball bat to a Horseman, finish the job. Because there's one rule of gang fighting. See, we are the original gang and we're the most vicious in all of professional wrestling history. They send one of yours to the hospital, you send two of theirs to the morgue. - Double A

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"My father, many years ago, died in my arms after a professional wrestling match. I don't remember a lot of what happened right afterward, and I don't really remember the funeral. But I do remember visiting the grave frequently, and when I was all alone, just me and the Texas wind, on the tombstone were the letters F-U-N-K. I vowed at that moment to make that name synonymous with wrestling, and that's what I'm going to do, Ricky Steamboat. Even if I have to step on you or your half-breed, pig-nosed, punk kid to do it." -- Terry Funk

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"I'm good at Roman numerals, no, that's not true, I'm great! I used them on my tax returns of 1988! They brought me in for questioning and wow were they impressed! Imagine what they'd think if I had really done my best." -- "The Genius" Lanny Poffo

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"Greetings to all of our fans in Memphis! As we all know, there are two types of Elvis... there was fat Elvis... and really fat Elvis! But the sad thing is... none of us will ever get the chance to find how fat Elvis really would have been... because he ended up like this town... Dead!!!!" - Christian

 

 

 

 

Before we begin this event, I just wanna say a few things to you foul people... This city is filthy! You Southerners live like pigs! So I'm going to teach you some lessons in hygiene... bring you out of your squalor... People, this is a bar of soap. Does it look familiar to you? If you wet it, it'll clean your hands. * crowd goes crazy with anger * And now, for your next lesson: This... ... ... is a roll of toilet paper! * Lawler storms in, knocks the mic out of Kaufman's hand *

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  • 4 weeks later...

"He just knocked the mousse out of Billy Gunn's hair!" - Jim Ross, commentating during a Hardcore Holly vs Billy Gunn hardcore title match from a spring 1999 episode of RAW.

 

"Above Mike Average Sanders has got him..." - slightly paraphrased Schiavone commentary during an episode of Thunder from 2000.

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Guest marchhaire

Bobby Heenan commenting on Hoagan's entrance music

Heenan: That's my second favorite song.

Monsoon: I'm almost afraid to ask. Whats your favorite?

Heenan: All the rest are tied.

 

"Dusty Rhodes wouldn't win a body building contest for best abs, MacMahon, he'd win for MOST abs."-- Jesse Ventura

 

"I can beat anyone, either male, female, animal, vegitable, or mineral." -- Jim Cornette

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Guest teke184

"Cornette is a mixed-doubles champion. I believe his partner's name is 'Jack.'" - Jim Ross, Capitol Combat 1990, Midnight Express vs. Brian Pillman and Tom Zenk

 

 

 

"Now onto 'Badd Ass' Billy Gunn. The Rock understands what took place. The night you won King of the Ring, you got down on your knees, put your little hands together and said a prayer, and it sounded like this: 'Oh Dear God, you see, my name's Billy. And I just won King of the Ring. But there's just one problem: everyone still thinks that I ABSOLUTELY SUCK!'

 

And then at that point Billy, your house started to shake, the heavens opened up and God Himself spoke to you and said: 'Bob...' 'But my name's Billy...' 'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! You are absolutely right. You do suck. But there is one thing an one thing only that you can do. You must go find the man that is simply electrifying. You must go find the Rock.' 'Oh but God, anybody but the Ro..' 'KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!'

 

And then as fear went through your body, tears went down your cheek and piss rolled down your leg, your house started to shake again, the clouds parted and the heavens opened. And what seemed like millions... of voices said to you in unison, jabronie, 'If ya smelllll what the Rock... is cookin'!" - The Rock on Billy Gunn, circa July-August 1999

 

 

 

"At SummerSlam I'm going to take care of that smelly, greasy, nasty animal...and I'm going get you too Rhyno." - Chris Jericho on facing Rhyno with Stephanie McMahon in Rhyno's corner

 

 

"The Rock could just imagine what you were like in High School! The oldest 27 year old senior the world has ever seen! Standing outside your house with your momma, and that short little yellow bus pulling up in front - beep beep, beep beep, beep beep!

 

You just walk in on the bus, go into class, get inside the classroom, teacher up on the blackboard 'Ok class, what is 2 + 2? Do you know Booker?' 'Oh yeah I know the answer to that, 2 + 2? Thomas Jefferson, sucka!" - The Rock on Booker T, circa August-September 2001

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest teke184

"If the Rock And Roll Express want to take a poke at Prince Karras, he'll kick Ricky Morton's ass and then pull out Robert Gibson's one good eye and make him give him a wink-job."

 

- Darryl Van Horne (Jim Mitchell, Sinister Minister) in the one promo he cut in Smokey Mountain Wrestling that got censored.

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