El-P

Damn ! Don't blame me, but I actually thought 'viola' when I heard 'cello', which is why I thought it was ridiculous. Hey, the fact I even know all these instruments name in another language is good enough. Maybe Brian Alvarez knows music after all...

The most interesting things here are not in the match itself, which is a mostly snoozefest. What strikes me is that the same exact match could be presented today, in 2018. Eight years later. There's almost zero difference in the presentation, the announcing (except it's way worse now with the social media shit and Orwellian corporate talk) and even most of the workers, who already have been champions a thousand times by that time. It really paints the picture of how stale the company has been in the last 10/15 years. Stale also describe this match. Orton, in full Viper mode (meaning he does ridiculous overplayed maneurisms). Sheamus, who was the World champ back then already (!!!). Ted DiBiase Jr. (yeah, sorry, can't call him just Ted DiBiase). Three guys with zero charisma, dull look, dull work. The noughties black hole in all its glory. Kofi Kingston is there to bring another flavor I guess. He's like a worst RVD there. Crazy he's been in the company that long and having his best years with the New Day. Not too good sequence with Sheamus. HHH comes in and gets a big pop. He's clearly the biggest star next to Cena. Otherwise, the crowd really doesn't give much of a fuck. Trip is also the second best guy here. Behind Cena. Orton. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz DiBiase. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz No blood hurt. No sick bump. No use of the gimmick really (except for that time where Orton & Dibiase tried to... hang Kofi on the fence ? Mmkay... that was awkward). Trip is taking the biggest bumps on the steel too. Old-school trooper. Cena finally brings life to this debacle of nothingness. Who cares about the order of elimination at this point. He wins. Then they re-do the old "Cena has to face a guy after winning the Chamber and lose his title". Wow. Creativity zero. Worst chamber match easily. Boring as fuck. Cena was the MVP. Followed by Trip, who put him over at the end. Post match was stupid and rehashed. (this is also the first time I really noticed annoying camera work... and Cena looking at the Mania sign... yeah, the 10's are there, for bett... well, for the worst)

Cool. I think I had not watched more than one or two, including the ECW one, before going through them right now. It's been mostly quite fun to see how the gimmick has been worked. Clearly a success until that point.

That's what has been implied on several shoot interviews, yes. As far as Lawler goes, it's kinda crazy the guy mostly got a pass forever, really.

Stumbled onto RAW. Sasha vs Bailey was quite good. Nia Jaxx promo wasn't. And those awkward pauses.... I gotta admit, Braun and the upright bass (which Alvarez called a cello, meaning he doesn't know shit about music either) was quite funny. Especially with the French announcers who are obviously not being produced and freestyling as all hell. Elias has to be one of the most charismatic guy in the company right now.

Your signature Gif can be interpreted in a whole new way now. Lawler : "Well, I didn't force those little sluts... " Bix throws chair : "You fucking liar !" All joking aside, you should keep digging. I find that all very interesting.

So Edge is throwing himself in after losing in the previous EC match. Tricky booking here. More to come. Jericho has switched to short tights and Code Breaker heavy sleazy veteran work. Slower pacing despite working with Rey Rey, who's doing the Spiderman spot innovated by RVD in the very first Chamber match and reprised by Jeff Hardy. So, good sequence to start. There's really something to be said about how Jericho is the Arn Anderson of these EC matches. Kane gets in. Well, he does his job before doing the job, to Rey mind you. Nothing bad, nothing thrilling. Actually, Mike Knox does a better job playing monster heel, working stiff and gritty. He looks like a proto-Wyatt Family member, really. So basically more of the same as the Kane stuff, only better, before getting out of the way too. Rey jumping on Edge as soon as the pod opens has to be a highlight. These three work well together, including a typical X-division/3-way goofy tower of doom spot. It's truly an orgy of Edge comical facial features, especially when he manages to beat John Cena who only gets to work a short burst of offense. Tricky business like it's been said. Jericho is out next. Crowd is molten for Rey, even more than they were for Hardy earlier on. Him and Edge work a terrific ending stretch culminating by a brutal plastic bump courtesy of Rey, who's having maybe the best EC performance of all time thus far. Edge wins. Holy shit. This one was a slow builder, with the two kinda useless but not bad monster sequences, Knox's being better than Kane's, until a real frenzy of cool work with a big upset in Cena going out and Rey almost, almost winning. Edge has to be one of the goofiest main event guy ever. His spear looks like shit too. All in all, excellent match with a great second half. Interesting, if anything else, 09 edition booking wise, with a cool interplay between both matches. None of the crowd's favourites won though...

So, this is for the title. One of the two. Not sure which one. Jeff Hardy is over like hell. Edge is the champ. Pretty good starting sequence, despite neither being particulary smooth. Interesting bit of booking here as Edge loses immediately in a small package spot. Another proof we need more of this as opposed to kicking out of finishers. More on that later. The guys in the pods grinning at Edge losing was a nice touch. Kozlov. Whatever happened to this guy ? He definitely had potential in a Goldbergian way. Looks green but also menacing. Good beating up sequence on Hardy, who's being thrown around like a rag doll. More beating up incoming with the Big Show. Again, nice booking with the two monsters playing oneupmanshpip with Hardy as a crash test dummie, before getting to it themselves. Not the smoothest work, but efficient enough and it's a simple and logic story to tell. HHH is next. He pretty much clears the ring because he can. Looks good doing it too. At this point he really knows the deal, and although there won't be any blood (anymore ?), he takes his share of usual brutal bumps. Taker gets out. House of fire. MMA punches. Taker gets a whole lot of pass for a lot of stuff that actually don't look good. Same thing here. He's old, he looks that way, his stuff looks sloppy (awful snake eyes). He does beat the undefeated Kozlov too. Odd to finally beat Kozlov that way in that context. Big spot of the match, Taker doing a superplex on Big Show and Hardy going swanton off a pod on the big guy. Crowd is CRAZY for the guy, who is having a really good night from my perspective (of someone who haven't seen much of his vaunted "great main event stint"). Clear MVP of the match and... fuck. He loses to Trip. The crowd deflates big time. They wanted to have Hardy win the thing. Tone deaf booking. So, it's Taker vs HHH, "the two biggest stars in the WWE" says JR. What, in 2009 ? John Cena says hello. And so they have this "ending Mania stretch" match, which means reversals, kicking out of finishers (or almost in case of the tombstone, feet on the rope will do) and self-cousciousepicery, which doesn't fit the format to me. Twice now Taker has delivered this kind of stuff here. And really, it's annoying because neither guy is really selling the finishers per say. They sell the *exhaustion*, but after a fucking tombstone and a pedigree, you should have your neck all fucked up. But they never sell that way. To me this is way more "video game pro-wrestling" than doing a tons of move actually, because the hugest move really don't matter that much, the damage is not localized, if you will. Anyway, Trips wins the title. Fuck me. His work was good, but this is 2009. How many did this guy win already ? Overall, very good match (could have clearly been better with a non self-conscious epic finishing stretch) with some interesting twists, but the ending stretch is clearly not of my taste at all and the booking was totally tone deaf and turned toward the past when you had the crowd hot for a newer star. Yeah, patterns...

Half of this is quite the classic line-up. Jericho vs Micheals to begin, of course. Good wrestling for a change. Short hair for Jericho. Lazy eye for Michaels. Yep, this is getting contemporary. Umaga is next and the match heats up a bit (crowd is dead for a while, maybe the effect of watching two EC matches on the same card, which is not a good idea at all). Cleans up the space. Good looking work. Then JBL comes in and it's really like a Wargame match. More stiff offense, this is really keeping on a steady pace of really good solid work on all front. Soon Micheals is bleeding. Classic shit indeed. Trip gets next and delivers a great clean-up all fired up offensive stretch. JBL gets eliminated and proceed to bash Jericho's head with a chair (and to the other guys too, after teasing he won't do it to Umaga, because "heel solidarity"). Good shit here. The audience wants Hardy, who's reaching the peak of his overness soon I guess. He's pretty much protected by the gimmick and the number of guys here, he just has to do his offensive stuff and bump hard, which he does. And then we get the classic bump into the plastic door, from Umaga into Jericho. Leading to a great sequence of all guys hitting their finishers on Umaga, including Hardy doing the crazy dive from the top of the cell. Then more cool rapid-fire shit with finishers/elimination galore until it's Trip vs Hardy. Gotta give credit to the Man, Trip does a terrific job with Hardy here, even giving him a Pedigree kick out, which was a great false finish. At this point I'm convinced Hardy will win, and so does the crowd, but they keep working at a fast pace into a swift counter for the finish, Pedigree onto a chair. Yep. Trip wins another one. No idea what the concensus was at the time, there it didn't look bad although Hardy was the hottest guy in the ring for this audience. Hard to pick an MVP, it's the very first match without a bad part/worker (well, Jeff Hardy kinda is but it didn't show here). Maybe Micheals as he was extremely effective all along. Jericho was Arn again. Umaga did his part perfectly and his stuff looks great and brutal. Trip did a terrific job during the ending stretch. Overall, as far as pure work goes, it's the best EC. Maybe not the most epic though as it went a bit quick (again, having two of these in the same show hurt), but that's booking. A top tier EC without a doubt. Jericho, Michaels & HHH are the EC classic players indeed.

Wow. Lawler comes off awful in this. The whole "blame on the girls who were "sluts" (and because of having sex with a black man and/or be bisexual ? wow) is so typical... BTW, I was just watching the post-match of Elimination Chambers 4, with Edge cashing in on Cena and pinning him for the world title. Lawler, who at that point had been a babyface announcer for years, had this to say about Lita "Behind every great man there's a.... slut."

So this is the era of the bastardization of the gimmick. A yearly PPV. The "right to fight the champ at Mania", which also weakened the Rumble. Two matches a card. And this one has the major sin or all : it's boring. Taker & Batista to start which is odd since they are the two biggest star. It's not very good, really. Not a huge fan of MMA Taker and the more I see of him the less I think of him. Things actually pick up when Mabel gets in. They say that Matt Striker is his "handler", which is not racist at all. Man, pro-wrestling needs a fat as fuck giant tomorrow. Plus he can do shit and it actually gets better thanks to him. Sadly he gets eliminated. Well, that will end up being the most fun part of the match to me. Great Khali. Gaawwwd. This guy is bad. Freakish, but really. More than two minutes are two much. Well, he's gone too. Finlay gets in and the match goes nowhere. Finlay is overrated BTW. He's a super solid worker. Kinda like Bob Holly, ya know. Can't get over either. I really begin to fall asleep watching this. MVP. Great gimmick. Taker fucks him up before he can get out, which is as much of a storyline you'll get. More boring acting until MVP gets thrown off a cell. Really, who thought any of these guys except Taker or Batista could win ? Man, Hornswoggle got into the chamber to pass the stupid baton to Finlay. That's what this match needs, silly shit. Finlay out soon. Takes a hideous bump on the steel, which Cole calls 'concrete'. Yeah, the announcing has sunk too at this point. So it's Taker vs Batista working the ending sequence of a Mania self-conscious epic, with finisher kick outs and reversals. How much can I blame Taker for this way of working BTW ? It's just not very good, although the final reversal using the ropes does look cool. Well. Best sequence was thanks to Big Daddy V. Best worker... well, no one shined, really. Boring match from start to finish. I'd call it the worst EC match because although the ECW one was terrible overall, it had its fun moments and crazy bumps. This was Taker vs Batista working a boring, plodding match while bodies served as distraction. Bastardization, like I said.

Again ?

Well, ok. The gimmick isn't bulletproof. This is a well known debacle. RVD starts with Holly, who took the place of Sabu in a first tone deaf booking decision. No heat. Pretty poor work. They had a really good match on TV, this isn't it. RVD re-does a bunch of his spots from the first EC match in 2002, but Holly isn't over. Has this guy ever been over ? RVD should never do running clotheslines, they look Ultimate Warrior level bad. CM Punk gets in and the crowd wakes up. They want him to win. Heyman did too, but that wasn't happening. He's the MVP of the match, turning it up a notch, doing the old Jerry Lynn double counter spot with RVD. That's the best and most heated the match will ever get. Then Test gets it with a crowbar. Inside joke I guess. TBH, he's not that bad here and actually is quite the trooper taking some good bumps. No-one cares apart from Stacy Keibler. What else ? Not much. CM Punk is eliminated by RVD, to deflate the disapointment a bit I guess, which doesn't work. Crowd boos and dies. Holly's elimination gets all fucked up by the ref. More boos. RVD gets eliminated by Test after an insane elbow from the cell onto a chair on his face, which looked like Concussion City. Crowd boos even more. How tone deaf can you get ? Now Test is by himself, alone, and no one gives a fuck about anyone. "Bullshit" and "Where's our refund ?" chants. Then Lashley can't get out because of Heyman's security. Yawn. Finally he uses the table inside the cell (well, weapons because it's EXTREME) to break the linked chain above. Looked crappy. Ok, so Test now bumps into the plastic like a maniac. Test goes away. MORE DEAD TIME. The final part with Lashley & Big Show, who was fat as fuck and coming off a godawful stint as ECW champ, was actually ok thanks to Lashley being a freak athlete hoss. Show sucked, and not just the wind, but it was watchable. Lashley winning actually got a pop. Mercy killing, really. Well. Terrible match, terrible, terrible tone deaf booking on all front. CM punk was the only real good worker. Test was a trooper. RVD and Show pretty much sucked despite doing some crazy stunts (including Show going through the plastic, which was expected and had not happened on the last EC match). Lashley was at least fun as a green-as-grass Batista-like jacked up hoss with no charisma but freakish athleticism. Yeah, finally, the Elimination Chambers gimmick layed an egg. Awful booking can kill anything.

Did you hate it so much that you're doing a live blog about it over at Segundo Caruda? You just cracked me up, man.

Yeah. Women's Revolution ! WWE is so ahead of the curve. Well, ok, forget it, you know it's bullshit from a family who's actively taking part in Donald fucking Trump's administration.

Who the fuck cares ? I mean, really. Reddit ? I thought reddit was only good to get the leaking sex videos. Well, apparently it is. (yeah, that's a running gag of sorts).

I though reddit was only good to get the leaking sex videos and shit. Well, it is actually.

Yep, look interesting. Again, Pro-wrestling badly needs different presentations, and LU changing the look a bit after only 3 seasons is great. Keeping things moving.

Which ones of these names are not like the other ? Damn, the match already sucks and we're only about the intros. Ok, it'll only get better. Cena vs Michaels to open the match, which is quite the great match-up. Damn, the crowd HATES Cena at this point. He still displays way more poise and charisma than Roman Reigns though, not to mention he works way, way better. Either of these two guys end up being the MVP of the match. Carlito comes in. Seriously ? Well, he does try to kill himself a few times in the structure, so that kinda makes up for the fact he's a goon and not a main-eventer by any stretch of the imagination. He's ok here. But who can believe he can win ? Angle inside his cell works better than Carlito. When he gets in, he gets into a frenzy of suplexes which gets tons of heat. Well, the match can only go down from here. Especially when Angle actually gets eliminated. Damn. So, Kane, without the mask, gets in and do what he does best, kills his opponent, the match and the heat. Then does the job. Hey, this guy made a career out of putting the fire out, which is kinda ironic considering his gimmick. So basically we get Masters & Carlito putting heat on the two tired babyfaces. Shawn also bleeds like it's Mid-South. Well... Masters & Carlito actually display ok work, but again, what's the point ? Ok, so Shawn actually does the job for Carlito. Holy shit. He has so much to be forgiven for. Cena does a masterful job out of selling (and bleeding too) for these two, as we're informed that they are the three youngest in the match also. Ok, so, New Generation and shit. Cena really is getting a real Hogan moment here, being double teamed by two goons who have no chance in hell of winning. I get why it can work though. Finish is actually pretty fun with Carlito betraying Masters and getting pinned in a craddle move himself too, a-la Bret Hart, by an exhausted Cena. Refreshing in an "only finishers matter" era. Well, really when you put everything together, despite the useless Kane spot and the lack of star power on the heel side, it was pretty well thought out. Especially since it leads to Edge cashing in on Cena and getting the title, which really came off as a hot moment. So yeah, I'd say overall, maybe the third best as a match but certainly was much better booked than the Goldy/HHH debacle, so I'd put it above this one. Surprisingly good, with two strong showings by Michaels & Cena and Angle delivering the hottest sequence. This gimmick can't seem to go wrong. Right ?

They were in PR ? Ok, I get the counting in spanish then. I had no idea WWE ever ran a PPV over there. So, they start with Benoit & Jericho. Wonder why. Damn, Benoit was good. *sigh* It's obvious though that these two are warm bodies at this point, playing the Arn & Windham of the EC gimmick. The real focus is on the Evolution guys. Which means HHH is next, because he has to teach these two how to work. Ah ah ah. Well, actually, Trip gives one of his best performance I've seen, bumping like a maniac on the steel, bleeding like a pig and playing off his relationships with his two Evolution (well, former for Randy) guys. Edge is next. And honestly, he looks good here. This match never slows down thanks to the workhorse. Then we get to the hard stuff with Randy, who's all fiery babyface, which looks odd today. He's also less over than his finisher. People just want to see Batista. This guy was the Next Big Thing. Fun spot where Trip is put in the Lion Tamer and the Crossface at the same time just before it's time for Batista to get out... and the ref can't seem to open the door. Let's pretend Trip ask the ref to do that on purpose so he could stay in both submission holds at the same time a wee bit more while not submitting. That would be so gloriously carny. So there, the warm bodies are being disposed by Batista, who's not as impressive as Goldy but still quite the presence. Orton is clearly not on the same level, meanwhile, special ref-Shawn superkicks Edge, setting up their program. No idea how Flair got in at one point to fuck with Orton, that was weak camera shit there. Tension built between Batista and HHH, which will end up culminating at Mania in a star making moment and another one of HHH high point. Likewise, he's really the MVP in this match, which ends up with him winning, this time in a climatic finish. Great match, best Elimination Chambers. No weak link really, although Orton was the worst guy in the ring overall, and that's counting Shawn as the ref who didn't take any attention before his spot with Edge. Well, this was N°3 and it's only got better and better thus far...

This. He makes Edge look like Kawada. Yeah, he should work on being a show-off heel, because I can't understand for the life of me how you can even like that guy as a character.

Yep. Ospreay reminds me of Styles at that age. I really look at Ospreay and see a guy who isn't good right now, but is very naturally gifted, very athletic, and just naturally talented. I think 10 years from now Opsreay could be one of the best in the world. There was an echo chamber in 2000, and more so in 2003, but I don't think it's entirely like what young wrestlers have to deal with today. Aj Styles was already a legit great wrestler by 2003/04. He was 25. Ospreay has all the worst tendencies imaginable of Millenials Wrestling. His potential to me is to be RVD, a poor wrestler that can have some really good matches with the right people because of all he *can* do. Thus far he's just a bad wrestler was does tons of real-life sentai shit. Ricochet, yeah, shitloads of potential. And he also looks like a star, not a geeky cosplayer.

No idea. I really was off the loop at that point. But this ending screamed sabotage. Goldy was the most over guy here by far.

The second Elimination Chambers match. Again for the WWE title. Again with Trip as the champ going in. Should tell you everything you need to know. On paper, doesn't look as good as the first match. In execution, was much better as a whole until the finish. Shawn vs Jericho as the Wargames workhorse opener. These guy know how to begin. Damn, Shawn was quite back in shape and style there. When Randy Orton gets in, he gets crickets. He's still a young guy with potential pushed to the main event scene because of the name and look. And he's already kinda bland. Kevin Nash gets the Kane spot. Except Nash in 2003 was still better at it than Kane the previous year. There's something badass about Nash demeanor + charisma, even with age and a shot body, he looks imposing. So it works well. Some blood and Jericho or Michaels, whoever gets there first. HHH's cell opens and... Shawn superkicks him. Cool spot. HHH remains hidden until the end. Why not, he's the Game. Nash gets out of the way before Goldy gets in. Good idea. Goldy would have killed him for ending the streak or something. So Nash jobs to the superkick of his best friend instead, although Jericho is getting the pin. The Goldy segment is the best stuff here and puts him over like crazy. Insane spear putting Jericho through the UNBREAKABLE glass (although Goldy has to give an added omphhh to his effort, which actually made it look even more painfull). Goldy clears the space. It's pretty great, really. Then HHH doesn't want to get out. Flair holding the door from the outside was neat. Goldy breaking the UNBREAKABLE GLASS with his feet and hands was kinda goofy really but also quite badass. Better this than a car window. And so he kicks HHH's ass, who's sporting Yoshiaki Yastu's pants. And then... oh man. It's 2003. The sledghammer. Damn. From nowhere. HHH wins, effectively killing the crowd. Totally anticlimatic shit finish to an otherwise excellently booked match. Evolution beating like there are some kind of lame Horsemen. Mmkay. You know, heels never won Wargames, Trip. Shawn & Jericho were clearly the workhorses (again). Goldy's segment was the best. Orton was there, like he always has been and always will, apparently. Yet, better than the first one despite a whole lot of no-heat for a long time because it's 2003. But while the finish of 2002 was terrific, this one sucked the life out of the crowd.

Ok, forget Red and put SAT °1 instead. You get my point, people.