El-P

Wow. Lawler comes off awful in this. The whole "blame on the girls who were "sluts" (and because of having sex with a black man and/or be bisexual ? wow) is so typical... BTW, I was just watching the post-match of Elimination Chambers 4, with Edge cashing in on Cena and pinning him for the world title. Lawler, who at that point had been a babyface announcer for years, had this to say about Lita "Behind every great man there's a.... slut."

So this is the era of the bastardization of the gimmick. A yearly PPV. The "right to fight the champ at Mania", which also weakened the Rumble. Two matches a card. And this one has the major sin or all : it's boring. Taker & Batista to start which is odd since they are the two biggest star. It's not very good, really. Not a huge fan of MMA Taker and the more I see of him the less I think of him. Things actually pick up when Mabel gets in. They say that Matt Striker is his "handler", which is not racist at all. Man, pro-wrestling needs a fat as fuck giant tomorrow. Plus he can do shit and it actually gets better thanks to him. Sadly he gets eliminated. Well, that will end up being the most fun part of the match to me. Great Khali. Gaawwwd. This guy is bad. Freakish, but really. More than two minutes are two much. Well, he's gone too. Finlay gets in and the match goes nowhere. Finlay is overrated BTW. He's a super solid worker. Kinda like Bob Holly, ya know. Can't get over either. I really begin to fall asleep watching this. MVP. Great gimmick. Taker fucks him up before he can get out, which is as much of a storyline you'll get. More boring acting until MVP gets thrown off a cell. Really, who thought any of these guys except Taker or Batista could win ? Man, Hornswoggle got into the chamber to pass the stupid baton to Finlay. That's what this match needs, silly shit. Finlay out soon. Takes a hideous bump on the steel, which Cole calls 'concrete'. Yeah, the announcing has sunk too at this point. So it's Taker vs Batista working the ending sequence of a Mania self-conscious epic, with finisher kick outs and reversals. How much can I blame Taker for this way of working BTW ? It's just not very good, although the final reversal using the ropes does look cool. Well. Best sequence was thanks to Big Daddy V. Best worker... well, no one shined, really. Boring match from start to finish. I'd call it the worst EC match because although the ECW one was terrible overall, it had its fun moments and crazy bumps. This was Taker vs Batista working a boring, plodding match while bodies served as distraction. Bastardization, like I said.

Again ?

Well, ok. The gimmick isn't bulletproof. This is a well known debacle. RVD starts with Holly, who took the place of Sabu in a first tone deaf booking decision. No heat. Pretty poor work. They had a really good match on TV, this isn't it. RVD re-does a bunch of his spots from the first EC match in 2002, but Holly isn't over. Has this guy ever been over ? RVD should never do running clotheslines, they look Ultimate Warrior level bad. CM Punk gets in and the crowd wakes up. They want him to win. Heyman did too, but that wasn't happening. He's the MVP of the match, turning it up a notch, doing the old Jerry Lynn double counter spot with RVD. That's the best and most heated the match will ever get. Then Test gets it with a crowbar. Inside joke I guess. TBH, he's not that bad here and actually is quite the trooper taking some good bumps. No-one cares apart from Stacy Keibler. What else ? Not much. CM Punk is eliminated by RVD, to deflate the disapointment a bit I guess, which doesn't work. Crowd boos and dies. Holly's elimination gets all fucked up by the ref. More boos. RVD gets eliminated by Test after an insane elbow from the cell onto a chair on his face, which looked like Concussion City. Crowd boos even more. How tone deaf can you get ? Now Test is by himself, alone, and no one gives a fuck about anyone. "Bullshit" and "Where's our refund ?" chants. Then Lashley can't get out because of Heyman's security. Yawn. Finally he uses the table inside the cell (well, weapons because it's EXTREME) to break the linked chain above. Looked crappy. Ok, so Test now bumps into the plastic like a maniac. Test goes away. MORE DEAD TIME. The final part with Lashley & Big Show, who was fat as fuck and coming off a godawful stint as ECW champ, was actually ok thanks to Lashley being a freak athlete hoss. Show sucked, and not just the wind, but it was watchable. Lashley winning actually got a pop. Mercy killing, really. Well. Terrible match, terrible, terrible tone deaf booking on all front. CM punk was the only real good worker. Test was a trooper. RVD and Show pretty much sucked despite doing some crazy stunts (including Show going through the plastic, which was expected and had not happened on the last EC match). Lashley was at least fun as a green-as-grass Batista-like jacked up hoss with no charisma but freakish athleticism. Yeah, finally, the Elimination Chambers gimmick layed an egg. Awful booking can kill anything.

Did you hate it so much that you're doing a live blog about it over at Segundo Caruda? You just cracked me up, man.

Yeah. Women's Revolution ! WWE is so ahead of the curve. Well, ok, forget it, you know it's bullshit from a family who's actively taking part in Donald fucking Trump's administration.

Who the fuck cares ? I mean, really. Reddit ? I thought reddit was only good to get the leaking sex videos. Well, apparently it is. (yeah, that's a running gag of sorts).

I though reddit was only good to get the leaking sex videos and shit. Well, it is actually.

Yep, look interesting. Again, Pro-wrestling badly needs different presentations, and LU changing the look a bit after only 3 seasons is great. Keeping things moving.

Which ones of these names are not like the other ? Damn, the match already sucks and we're only about the intros. Ok, it'll only get better. Cena vs Michaels to open the match, which is quite the great match-up. Damn, the crowd HATES Cena at this point. He still displays way more poise and charisma than Roman Reigns though, not to mention he works way, way better. Either of these two guys end up being the MVP of the match. Carlito comes in. Seriously ? Well, he does try to kill himself a few times in the structure, so that kinda makes up for the fact he's a goon and not a main-eventer by any stretch of the imagination. He's ok here. But who can believe he can win ? Angle inside his cell works better than Carlito. When he gets in, he gets into a frenzy of suplexes which gets tons of heat. Well, the match can only go down from here. Especially when Angle actually gets eliminated. Damn. So, Kane, without the mask, gets in and do what he does best, kills his opponent, the match and the heat. Then does the job. Hey, this guy made a career out of putting the fire out, which is kinda ironic considering his gimmick. So basically we get Masters & Carlito putting heat on the two tired babyfaces. Shawn also bleeds like it's Mid-South. Well... Masters & Carlito actually display ok work, but again, what's the point ? Ok, so Shawn actually does the job for Carlito. Holy shit. He has so much to be forgiven for. Cena does a masterful job out of selling (and bleeding too) for these two, as we're informed that they are the three youngest in the match also. Ok, so, New Generation and shit. Cena really is getting a real Hogan moment here, being double teamed by two goons who have no chance in hell of winning. I get why it can work though. Finish is actually pretty fun with Carlito betraying Masters and getting pinned in a craddle move himself too, a-la Bret Hart, by an exhausted Cena. Refreshing in an "only finishers matter" era. Well, really when you put everything together, despite the useless Kane spot and the lack of star power on the heel side, it was pretty well thought out. Especially since it leads to Edge cashing in on Cena and getting the title, which really came off as a hot moment. So yeah, I'd say overall, maybe the third best as a match but certainly was much better booked than the Goldy/HHH debacle, so I'd put it above this one. Surprisingly good, with two strong showings by Michaels & Cena and Angle delivering the hottest sequence. This gimmick can't seem to go wrong. Right ?

They were in PR ? Ok, I get the counting in spanish then. I had no idea WWE ever ran a PPV over there. So, they start with Benoit & Jericho. Wonder why. Damn, Benoit was good. *sigh* It's obvious though that these two are warm bodies at this point, playing the Arn & Windham of the EC gimmick. The real focus is on the Evolution guys. Which means HHH is next, because he has to teach these two how to work. Ah ah ah. Well, actually, Trip gives one of his best performance I've seen, bumping like a maniac on the steel, bleeding like a pig and playing off his relationships with his two Evolution (well, former for Randy) guys. Edge is next. And honestly, he looks good here. This match never slows down thanks to the workhorse. Then we get to the hard stuff with Randy, who's all fiery babyface, which looks odd today. He's also less over than his finisher. People just want to see Batista. This guy was the Next Big Thing. Fun spot where Trip is put in the Lion Tamer and the Crossface at the same time just before it's time for Batista to get out... and the ref can't seem to open the door. Let's pretend Trip ask the ref to do that on purpose so he could stay in both submission holds at the same time a wee bit more while not submitting. That would be so gloriously carny. So there, the warm bodies are being disposed by Batista, who's not as impressive as Goldy but still quite the presence. Orton is clearly not on the same level, meanwhile, special ref-Shawn superkicks Edge, setting up their program. No idea how Flair got in at one point to fuck with Orton, that was weak camera shit there. Tension built between Batista and HHH, which will end up culminating at Mania in a star making moment and another one of HHH high point. Likewise, he's really the MVP in this match, which ends up with him winning, this time in a climatic finish. Great match, best Elimination Chambers. No weak link really, although Orton was the worst guy in the ring overall, and that's counting Shawn as the ref who didn't take any attention before his spot with Edge. Well, this was N°3 and it's only got better and better thus far...

This. He makes Edge look like Kawada. Yeah, he should work on being a show-off heel, because I can't understand for the life of me how you can even like that guy as a character.

Yep. Ospreay reminds me of Styles at that age. I really look at Ospreay and see a guy who isn't good right now, but is very naturally gifted, very athletic, and just naturally talented. I think 10 years from now Opsreay could be one of the best in the world. There was an echo chamber in 2000, and more so in 2003, but I don't think it's entirely like what young wrestlers have to deal with today. Aj Styles was already a legit great wrestler by 2003/04. He was 25. Ospreay has all the worst tendencies imaginable of Millenials Wrestling. His potential to me is to be RVD, a poor wrestler that can have some really good matches with the right people because of all he *can* do. Thus far he's just a bad wrestler was does tons of real-life sentai shit. Ricochet, yeah, shitloads of potential. And he also looks like a star, not a geeky cosplayer.

No idea. I really was off the loop at that point. But this ending screamed sabotage. Goldy was the most over guy here by far.

The second Elimination Chambers match. Again for the WWE title. Again with Trip as the champ going in. Should tell you everything you need to know. On paper, doesn't look as good as the first match. In execution, was much better as a whole until the finish. Shawn vs Jericho as the Wargames workhorse opener. These guy know how to begin. Damn, Shawn was quite back in shape and style there. When Randy Orton gets in, he gets crickets. He's still a young guy with potential pushed to the main event scene because of the name and look. And he's already kinda bland. Kevin Nash gets the Kane spot. Except Nash in 2003 was still better at it than Kane the previous year. There's something badass about Nash demeanor + charisma, even with age and a shot body, he looks imposing. So it works well. Some blood and Jericho or Michaels, whoever gets there first. HHH's cell opens and... Shawn superkicks him. Cool spot. HHH remains hidden until the end. Why not, he's the Game. Nash gets out of the way before Goldy gets in. Good idea. Goldy would have killed him for ending the streak or something. So Nash jobs to the superkick of his best friend instead, although Jericho is getting the pin. The Goldy segment is the best stuff here and puts him over like crazy. Insane spear putting Jericho through the UNBREAKABLE glass (although Goldy has to give an added omphhh to his effort, which actually made it look even more painfull). Goldy clears the space. It's pretty great, really. Then HHH doesn't want to get out. Flair holding the door from the outside was neat. Goldy breaking the UNBREAKABLE GLASS with his feet and hands was kinda goofy really but also quite badass. Better this than a car window. And so he kicks HHH's ass, who's sporting Yoshiaki Yastu's pants. And then... oh man. It's 2003. The sledghammer. Damn. From nowhere. HHH wins, effectively killing the crowd. Totally anticlimatic shit finish to an otherwise excellently booked match. Evolution beating like there are some kind of lame Horsemen. Mmkay. You know, heels never won Wargames, Trip. Shawn & Jericho were clearly the workhorses (again). Goldy's segment was the best. Orton was there, like he always has been and always will, apparently. Yet, better than the first one despite a whole lot of no-heat for a long time because it's 2003. But while the finish of 2002 was terrific, this one sucked the life out of the crowd.

Ok, forget Red and put SAT °1 instead. You get my point, people.

The tales of two matches. Well, three parts actually. RVD was clearly the MVP of the match, and kudos to HHH for taking those brutal bumps on the steel two. Blood. Wow, that was another era although it looks almost the same as today. RVD makes the most out of the gimmick, which also allows him to look better than he actually is. Jericho gets in and the match keep on focusing on RVD, with Jericho packing heat on him while working along HHH. Then Booker gets in. Well, he's not looking that good, but he's Booker. Then. Well, RVD gets eliminated and the crowd DIES. They didn't want that result at all. From there, after the crowd has died, so does the match and it's only fitting that Kane is getting in to suck like only he can. What a boring worker this guy has been for 25 years. The only thing that save his part is Jericho being thrown through the "bulletproof" glass, which is a gimmick spot but a rather cool one, although it kinda make the announcer look like fools. Also, fucking up your structure in the very first match, well. And also, it makes the Shawn bump later less effective. Crowd couldn't give a fuck otherwise. They just wants HBK to get in. And so he does, bad hair, awful pants (he didn't had his gear), small body. That's the 00's Micheals. Still looks pretty damn good though. HHH has been hiding forever at this point. Once the loads are out of the way, the match gets really good again. Micheals "saving" HHH doesn't make sense with the story the announcers were telling earlier about him only being there to make sure HHH would not win. HHH vs Micheals in 2002 almost feels like nostalgia already, but the final pop is crazy. Micheals in 2002 was a bigger star than anyone is today. Jericho was probably the best in-ring guy though, as the glue-worker, and RVD the most impressive as far as using the gimmick, but Michaels looked good considering it was his second match back in the company. HHH looked like his old solid self, picking his spots effectively. Overall, an up and down match with a crazy first part and a really good finishing stretch, but a very mild and boring middle part with the usual Big Red work killer. So, we can call it very good as a whole, with a great unexpected finish. Clearly a success for this new gimmick but far from a great match.

Ospreay isn't compelling for shits. Original ? Not even that, he's just a flippy guy doing flippy stuff, unlike say, RVD who at least was idiosyncratic (and still remains so, no one works like RVD). Creative as far as adding layers of crazyness yet also stupidity to his acrobatics ? Yes, straight from the Petey Williams/Amazing Red school of inventiveness in the early/mid 00's. Hardly something that should be heralded, unless Canadian Destroyer and Spanish Flies are your idea of great work.

I know. I remember when Gedo & Jado were cult favourites in some circles because they were overt US territory fans. Wasn't Gedo nicknamed "Superfly" in FMW in 2000 or so during the Complete Players (was that the name of the copycat stable with Kaori Nakayama ?) stuff ? Seems like a long time ago, now it's fashionable to bash Gedo for no other reason than NJ being Meltz favourite, despite the fact he's indeed a good booker. Trends come and go...

I don't usually do that but I can't resist that one. "Will Ospreay may be the most talented guy in the business today." Da Meltz 10/02/18. Ok. So, the bastard son of Petey Williams & Amazing Red on coke is the model from pro-wrestling today. Funny thing is that, while praying the match with Takahashi to no ends, he still managed to say that well, if they cut off the 5 or 6 most dangerous spots he would probably have loved it even more and that Ospreay is basically destroying himself and will end up being the next Dynamite Kid (despite having a "great mind for wrestling") and that Takahashi is the one who has the star charisma. So yeah. Meltz loves the crazy moves and flips but... the reasonable part of him, the one who praised (rightfully so) the Nagata vs Kitamura opener and the SANADA vs Okada match, has to know, deep down, that Ospreay is a dumb fuck spot monkey wanker.

Actually, this is more : who gives a flying fuck ?

Thanks for the recommandations, but I'm at this point where I'm just not interested in checking out a guy I can't stand just because he had better performances. Life's too short. Well, if that Okada match happens (yikes), I'll watch it because of Okada, but that's pretty much it. Card was too long and the Ospreay match was a legit chore to get through, especially after the multi-match involving Henare, who looks like a WCW circa 93 Barbarian rip-off and Jay White, who really is a big nothing. Gedo vs BUSHI was "fun" I guess, if you like bullshit with mask and beards. Well, not that fun, really. Too much titles (in every damn match, please, is this Crockett in 88 ?). Too much gaijins. Too much sameness in the tropes. But that's modern NJ wrestling for you. Enjoyed the opener with the roided rookie Kitamura being schooled by veteran Nagata (who's sporting the cool old All Asia tag belt). The Junior tag-team match was very good with a super solid performance from Desperado & Kanemaru. Enjoyed the Fuyuki-Gun multi-match because they kept it moving and Suzuki vs Makabe is at least intriguing on a "can Suzuki carry Makabe to a fun match" level. Naito vs YOSHI-HASHI was very good/excellent, Goto vs EVIL was good (but by then I was annoyed and tired because of the series of mediocre matches). Okada vs SANADA was great and all about selling and psychology as opposed to do a bunch of big moves and no-selling them. Simple, slow paced but took the time to build, reminded me of a 90's match. Probably even MOTYC caliber for me. So I can't complain, really, but you could scratch a good hour from the show. And I'm guessing the English broadcast made things worst, I'm only getting the Japanese version now, don't want to hear Kelly babble about star ratings.

To the question : what is wrong with today's pro-wrestling, the answer is : Will Ospreay vs Hiromu Takahashi. And really, Will Ospreay. This guy is a perfect synthesis of everything wrong about "Millenials Wrestling". He's an unbelievable athlete. He's also a godawful pro-wrestler. I have no doubt Meltz will praise this ridiculous match to the highest of hights, which means you'll have to take a shower hearing him talk about it. Either this, or pro-wrestling has definitely passed me by. But really, I have loved tons of current pro-wrestling, so I don't think it's the case. This match was painfull to match. Made no fucking sense. Had every worst indiefest spot imaginable. Selling was dogshit in a cosplay way (because Ospreay pretends he's selling, but it comes off as absolutely fake). Death spots were not sold as such. And there were even some sloppy spots (mostly on Ospreay's part), because what they did was so difficult to do that it's impossible to pull everything off totally clean, despite the fact it is supposed to. Ospreay's game is all about "look at me doing incredible moves", as his constant mugging at the camera betrays (don't give me "character work" shit here). It's Instagram Pro-wrestling. If the guy could take selfies of himself while working, he'd do it. It's pro-wrestling-for-GIFs. It's Snapchat pro-wrestling. It's terrible.

Hog Wild wasn't a watch-along though, but yeah, it was quite an interesting episode.

The shittiest the PPV, the best the watch along, usually. Like it's been said, Havoc 95 has awesome stuff. Starrcade 97 was quite good too.