El-P

PPV 56 Total Nonstop Action has officialy stopped, as the sign used to say. For like twenty minutes, the time to set the cage up. So, to kill time, a very boring and long, looooong Chris Daniels promo, now completely into evil preacher mode in a way that reminds me of a mid-90’s WWF gimmick. Then Jeff Jarrett shows up to bore the audience even more. Seems like the two « red shirt » security guys are heels. How thrilling. AJ Styles vs D-Lo Brown was a pretty good cage match though, but it never got the time to build and the finish was both anticlimatic and kinda stupid, as Erik Watts pushed Russo, whom he was attached to via handcuffs, into the cage, making D-Lo fall from the top and crash down to a loss. Watts, the Head of Authority, looked like an idiot. Best match of the show was another gimmick match (never ever enough on one show, remember ?), AMW vs Simon Diamond & Swinger in a Rawhide Strap match, whatever that is. Beats the Yappapi version anyway. Really good stuff. Swinger is actually pretty good for the first time in his career as his pretty pedestrian offense just looks fine in a context where he simply has to heel up and get heat instead of trying to work highspots like he was in ECW or in various cruiserweight divisions. Diamond & Swinger lose again but they steal the belts. Later on, AMW beatdown, because every babyface has to get beaten down, every week. That’s never boring, you see. Even the best angle how the show ended up with babyface Raven getting a beatdown too. But cool stuff, as Raven, for the first time of his career, shows actual empathy and chooses to go save his Gathering friends instead of « finishing » Shane Douglas. Strong promos by Douglas & Mitchell again too. This is the best feud in the company and I like the fact the Raven character actually matures as a babyface. Rest of the show, well, a nothing spotmatch between Micheal Shane, Danny Doring, Joey Matthews (it’s an ECW Reunion show at this point) and Shark Boy until Elix Skipper just beats them all (so WCW), after what Micheal Shane pins the three guys in succession. So ironic the way this guy gets pushed. As I feared, more Kid Kash vs legends, this time Larry Z. in a pretty bad match with usual Abyss run-in. Crowds chants « Get a walker ! » to Larry, who then proceed to mimick using a walker to make fun out of them. Larry looked quite decent overall. Funny how today, he would get a « You’ve still got it chants ». But these were still the ECW/smarks assholes crowds. Frankie Kazarian almost wins the X-div title on a shit finish, with a pissing contest between three referees. The match with Chris Sabin was a bit better than usual, but it’s still pretty much video-game wrestling with poor selling and transitions. I really won’t care at all about the X-div if it gets filled with these kind of indy guys. 3 Live Kru in the trailer park stalked by a white trash perv and awful Attitude Era like vignette for Mad Mickey, whom I hoped he was a one shot. All the downtimes meant we had tons of Lollipop’s ass this week. Just realized that the other cage dancer was April, the « bad girlfriend » of Brian Lawler. 2003/08/06 AJ Styles vs D-Lo Brown 2003/08/06 AMW vs Simon Diamond & Swinger

Pretty much what I thought. Remember Lenny Lane, cruiserweight jobber in WCW becoming just Lenny as soon as he became effeminate ? Same thing. And yeah, the amazingly fake non-gimmicky names are awful for the most part.

The Warrior crap was easily some of the worst wrestling-TV ever this side of Russo. Everything sucked, the promos, the angles, the matches. Godawful stuff. The idea that they would have run him against a bunch of other people in WCW is horrendous. His 96 comeback was already totally useless. Warrior was done after SummerSlam 92.

What about "Billy & Chuck" being called, well, Billy & Chuck ?

So, Ponzi scheme anyone ? Of so, then Jarrett truly deserves a place in the pro-wrestling hall of fame, he's carny as hell. This GWF deal has been shady since day one.

He was Sid only in 1997. But at this point like you said, it was because he was such a huge star that he could be referred as his first name only. Well, there was also the infamous Sycho Sid. That spelling was brutal.

The Quebecers : Jacques & Pierre. I swear it sounds so amazingly dull and ridiculous in French. The tag team champion of the world : Pierre ! Wait ? Pierre who ? At least he had a whole name when he became a pirate (I loved the pirate gimmick and vignettes). Eugene was a first name only guy. Want to ponder why ?

D-Lo has looked very good, but he doesn't have the best matches because of booking. As an old ECW fan, Jerry Lynn was the hook for me, and he hasn't disappointed to say the least. His stock only went up. PPV 55 Would you believe the Jeff Jarrett match was basically the worst part of a decent PPV ? Of course you would. His double pole matche against Legend wasn’t bad per say, but had no psychology and poor selling and transitions. Plus, in case of doubts during a main event, send Sonny Siaki. And tease that the security guy is against Jarrett too. And have Jarrett kick out of a baseball bat in the face and out of Legend’s finisher too. Meanwhile, Jarrett hits his own finisher twice, including from the tope rope (picture the awfulness of *that* move) and does *not* cover the guy, so he doesn't kick out of it. Jarrett is one hell of a carny, a match against HHH is the ultimate dream-match that’ll never happen. Anyway, Jarrett wins but no time for celebration, as we get a Jarrett Beatdown©, this time by Chris Daniels. Hey, I want to see what Daniels can do with Jarrett. Raven & Julio & Alexis vs Douglas & New Church was sloppy and messy as hell, but the gimmick kinda asks for it, especially since it was actually nicely structured for such a chaotic match, with a long beatdown on the babyfaces, then Alexis actually turning things over before a hot comeback. Raven is *over*. And he gets dragged under the ring by this white arm again and gets pinned when he’s dumped back on the floor. Poor finish aside, this was pretty fun. Alexis impresses the hell out of me with her bumping and offense. I'll miss her. Another nice surprise, Chris Sabin vs Micheal Shane was actually quite good, despite the guest ref Kazarian, who really didn’t play a big role except to assure a fuck finish where bad ref Rudy Charles looks like a complete idiot again. Shane’s identity is basically « He’s the cousin of Shawn Micheals », down to the awful pun name. I guess that’s why he gets a title shot in his very first match too. He’s green, but he’s way better than Kazarian and doesn’t do that many awkard looking indieriffic spots, so Sabin, who’s got a lot of potential, has a good night. Of course, selling and transition are dubious, but it was a nice action match. Jerry Lynn vs Elix Skipper was pretty good, if oddly booked with Lynn beating Skipper in 10 seconds only for Skipper to ask for a 2/3 falls, and getting beat again. Skipper in solo is really exposed though. And his push is dead apparently. Simon Diamond & Swinger beating JTTS team of Shark Boy & Norman Smiley (New Jack is history) works for me. We need some hierarchy and build toward another match against AMW. Kid Kash vs Ricky Morton looked ok for a few minutes, Morton even does a terrific suicide dive, but after a while he shows his age by not being able to accomplish what he wants to do (frankensteiner from the top rope was not a good idea at all). I hope we don’t get Kid Kash against other old timers though. This is such a tired idea. In other news, AJ Styles kinda swerves D-Lo into thinking he’s got respect for him, building to a cage match for next week, and Edward Chastain is downsized after his loss to Sandman. Even more 3 Live Kru bad comedy and catfights. Lollipop sounds so southern. I’ll miss that girl when they’ll get rid of the cage dancers. Pretty decent show overall with almost no Russo (some useless interview bits) and some actual build toward bigger matches. 2003/07/30 Jerry Lynn vs Elix Skipper 2003/07/30 Chris Sabin vs Micheal Shane 2003/07/30 Raven & Julio & Alexis vs Shane Douglas & Brian Lee & Slash

Probably not. Although I was always annoyed at the girls often never having a last name. That being said, I find it ridiculous for guys too, worst being Christian. I mean, Christian ? Maybe it's because it's a french first name too that it sounds ridiculously dull and familiar without a last name. Well, the exact same thing could be said for Charlotte (again, French sounding name). Charlotte ? That's not a star name. Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, Trish Stratus, ok. But, Emma ? Tracy ? Naomi ? Why don't they get last names ? I can get it when it's a nickname that sounds like one aka Sable or Chyna. But when it's just a plain first name, the fact women often would get the "no last name" treatment is telling. Especially when guys are usually reduced to their last name : Goldberg, Batista etc..

Yes. I find it totally ridiculous and snobish to be pertecly honest. There are so much more important issues like actual social equality and such. You don't like your name ? Change it. You're not a name. That being said, I'm a denatalist and don't ever want to have a kid, so what do I know.

That's pretty rich indeed. PPV 54 Built around a 2/3 falls match between AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown, each with a different stip, because we can’t get enough gimmick matches on one show. Well the two first falls were pinfall only then submission only, worked at separate times. If you take the match as a whole, with the third part being a ladder match, it was good, especially the last fall. "Pinfall only" was pretty spotty with a screwjob finish (Siaki run-in, wait, so what’s the use for Trinity now ?). "Submission only" was pretty good, especially D-Lo’s selling, but the finish was abrupt and came from nowhere. And the ladder match was well worked, mostly big spots though, including an insane frogplash from the top of the ladder through a table outside. And a Siaki run-in. And… oh shit, they managed to fuck up the ladder match gimmick by having both guy falling down holding the belt at the same time. Nice job. AMW vs Simond Diamond & Swinger was pretty good also, probably leading to a strap match next week. Because you can’t have enough gimmick matches etc… Douglas & the New Church vs Raven & CM Punk & Julio was decent, leading to a Clockwork Orange House of Fun 6-men next week, because you can’t have enough gimmick match etc… Raven got grabbed by a giant white hand backstage at one point. My guess is that they signed the Yetay. The dull, boring, ok, let's say awful Legend vs Jeff Jarrett feuds keeps on delivering the goods as far as getting interest from no one. Next week : guitar & baseball bat on a pole match. Because you can’t have etc… Erik Watts is actually « Eric from WCW », so he’s the new Head of Authority, revealed after a segment where Kid Kash insulted a bunch of legends (including Harley Race, Larry Z., Ricky Morton). They really must not trust his wrestling at all, he barely had any match. Don Callis as the managerial capitalist shithead who considers that « Customers don’t know what they want. » could be pretty decent, but it really is nothing but a twist on his shitty Network ECW gimmick. More 3 Live Kru (not sure how to spell it, really) poor comedy in the street, this time in the hood, more awful catfights and more Sting talking about christianity. They sure milked than Sting interview to the max, but he's not coming back so it's time to end it. They’re trying to push Elix Skipper as a single wrestler, which isn’t working very well, as he’s much better in tags. Bringing in « This is the guy know as Crash Holly in the WWE » to job to him while salivating over Mad Mikey (awful gimmick, with complete nondescript outfit and poor performance to boot) 's great career over there wasn’t a bright idea either. Some decent programs in the undercard, and Raven is really over as a babyface, but the booking is awful, as showed by the shitty match endings on a weekly basis. 2003/07/23 AMW vs Simon Diamond & Swinger 2003/07/23 AJ Styles vs D-Lo Brown

Not supposed to. "The creatives have nothing for you". Modern pro-wrestling still kinda suck, you know. Where can he go ? Lucha Underground ? TNA ?

I guess there were two reasons for Zack's win at Mania: (1) to open the show with a huge surprise and (2) so that the non-wrestlers could get their WM bonuses betting on Ryder. Yea I said this right after Mania and not at all in a joking way. He was like dead last in the odds until the day before when he suddenly became the favorite which to me says everyone who was in the know put money on him. Isn't this illegal ?

That's why I have no nostalgy for my childhood, as happy as it was (and yes, I remember this guy).

And yet, all this "gym culture" and cult of the body went along with a sexualization of the body too, body that is always fitter and younger-looking, and therefore, more sexually desirable. So as always, there was a good bit of hypocrisy. When I was in movie school, I put a few words about pro-wrestling on one of my papers, about how the body shape evolved from the 80's and the steroid muscle über-males to the smooth, sliding ones in the 90's (Micheals, of course) and made a comparison with the Hollywood action cinema of the Schwarzys and Slys to the new figure of the 90's which was Keanu Reeves, with his much flexible body and movies like Speed (doh) and of course the Matrix. I thought it was a bit ridiculous but got a really good grade because of it.

Interesting, I never heard about that before. This whole hygienism mentality, which very much anglo-saxon. Ah, those people who take the time to brush their teeth before having sex... About Springsteen, the use of "Born in the USA" was totally ill-advised in pro-wrestling, as in pretty much anywhere else. It's like people just didn't pay attention to the story and thought it was a patriotic song.

PPV 53 Pathetic even by TNA’s standart. A bunch of horrible stuff involving Russo, Jarrett, Legend & D-Lo, with beatdowns on the babyfaces galore. This stuff is killing the main event scene and AJ’s reign. A bunch of awful undercard crap including the debut of Edward Chastain, the fat Mantaur look-alike who sadly got Norman Smiley to put him over. And Don Callis is infact doing the same corporate gimmick he was doing in ECW. How creative by Russo. The X-division is officialy turning into indieriffic spot-monkeys heaven, with another bad Sabin vs Kazarian match. Sabin looks like big potential and Kazarian at least sold his injured ribs, but every move he does has to be contrived and over-complicated. He must have learned to work by watching RVD, as judged by his hairdoo. The finish was amazingly shitty too, with idiot referee coming from the back to reverse a decision. Of course everyone is cheating all the time but nothing never happens, except *there*. Just because people don't expect it, I guess. Another awful finish kinda ruined the only good match of the show, a Last Man Standing match between Jerry Lynn & Justin Credible. Credible’s setups for moves is pretty shaky at times, as he anticipates too much, but I like the fact they didn’t rush through pinfalls like idiots because of the gimmick. The pinfalls actually only occured after credible (and Lynn’s too) finishers. Good bloodletting with nice selling, but the finish made no sense as BOTH GOT UP before ten, Lynn just pulled Credible down and the ref still counted ten. But BOTH WERE STANDING YOU DUMB FUCK ! Anyway. More catfight incoming with another porn actress-like costume, this time a schoolgirl. BTW, Tracy and her girls are called Bitchslap. Yeah. Classy. Well, Tracy isn't here anymore actually, so I guess that's why the schoolgirl, as this was kinda Tracy's gimmick. More useless comedy by 3 Live Krew, this time in the streets making fun of rednecks I guess. Kid Kash called Trinity and Goldilocks « working rats ». Yeah, Goldilock was back along Eric Watts who said « Eric from WCW » was gonna be there the following week. And Goldi said she doesn’t wear panties. Don’t ask. In his interview segment, Sting basically said that Ric Flair carried him in 1990. How long before « He’s not following the script, what are they gonna do, improvise ? » angles ? The only decent segment was Raven doing a super babyface run-in on Simon & Swinger who were beating on AMW only to get a beatdown himself from Douglas & the Disciples. With Brian Lee in the ring, I half-expected a Thriple Threat chant. Terrible, terrible show, the booking is killing everybody at this point, with a beatdown every twenty minutes. Raven vs Douglas is the only feud I look forward to even though Douglas looks pretty rough physically. 2003/07/16 Jerry Lynn vs Justin Credible.

Tequila on a pole for all those Mexicans and woman abuse for all. Yep.

I don't think you are. There was a lot of noise a few years ago in the french online gaming community after a long article by a feminist blog writer about sexism in that community. And she did talk about the fact that she would choose neutral or male usernames/characters just so she wouldn't be bothered or even harassed by sexist remarks (including some pretty hardcore stuff) and that it was pretty well known fact across the board, that women had to "hide" somewhat to prevent that kind of behaviour.

It was not. It was as good a Flair match you'd see in 1998. Plus Flair & Hart never gelled to the higest level, for obvious reasons (they have very different ideas of what a good match is). It was a very good match, only insane expectations make it disappointing. Flair was not a great worker by any stretch of the imagination in 98. Bret got the best out of him like he did with Luger later in the year (hell, Luger gave a much better effort all thing considered too).

How many actual French guys have there been though in US wrestling besides Andre. Most of the guys portraying French guys are from Quebec Yeah, that was part of my point. It's like a guy from New Zealand portraying a New Yorker. Eddie Carpentier was french (born in Poland, but still French) Andre was from Grenoble, in the French Alps. This always cracked me up as I guessed people in the Madison Square Garden must think this was some kind of wild and exotic place. Grenoble. The home of Miss Kittin & the Hacker : I'm not sure there were any true frenchmen before Lefort showed up. He's from Nice (pronounced Neece). The gimmick writes itself. God, there is so many french heel gimmick I can think of that would not be stupid stereotypes.

EXACTLY

Rick Rude vs Masa Chono, Halloween Havoc. These are the same two guys having a MOTYC at the G1 climax earlier in the same year.

Fiving ?

I actually liked Berlyn. Well, of course the name was stupid, but the whole Rammsteinish image was kinda cool. Although Alex Wright the euro-trash dance gimmick was much much better. Loved his music theme. Do I have to go into how xenophobic and completely idiotic La Resistance was ? Two CANADIAN playing French. Using the monicker from the Second World War from the people who were fighting against Nazis in an occupied country ? People who were on the same camp as the USA ? Stupidest gimmick ever this side of Iron Sheik as an Iraki sympathiser. Not to mention the xenophobic pettiness of it, just because France didn't go into that disastrous Iraki war, which was the only good thing Jacques Chirac did during his second presidential stint. And then, in NXT : Sylvester Lefort. A name straight out of the 50's Halles strongmen. Well, if that's your gimmick, kinda like the Vaudevillains, ok. But for fuck's sakes. Sylvester Lefort ? Do anyone has any idea what French people are in the WWE ? I mean, HHH's real name if Paul Levesque, he should know *something* about it, he's from french origin. (reminds me that hilarious FOX News reporting about the No-go zone in Paris two years ago. It had us living in Paris rolling with tears of laughters.)