SomethingSavage

Braun feels cold as ice. Sad to say it, but the dude feels like a total non-entity these days.

You're perceiving this all wrong, brutha. Daniel Bryan is such a tremendous heel - uncool, unlikable, and obnoxious - that he shines up the babyfaces before they're ever even called upon to do anything. All they have to do is basically show up, be seen, and oppose the eco-vegan. That's it. The babyfaces aren't being booked particularly stronger now or anything. This is mostly the work of Bryan, and yes. It's an incredible run.

I remember being pleasantly surprised by that Orton/Cena HiaC match in the moment, and nobody talks about it. It came at a time when the booking seemed to indicate that we'd get Brock/Cena in the cell, and I remember feeling letdown when it was announced that we'd see another Orton match instead. I've gone back and watched it a couple of times since then. It doesn't hold up as well as I'd hoped, but the finish is still pretty dope. The match is mainly unspectacular, but it's solid and one of the better outings from that pairing in awhile. Oh. But the pre-match hype video is what makes it. That thing's fucking aces. They draw comparisons to the great, memorable sports rivalries in history. And while actual reality doesn't necessarily place Cena/Orton in that same rarified air, you could be convinced by the buildup video. It does a fine job of selling the idea and letting you buy in. Their late 2013/early 2014 series did nothing for me. I liked their 2009 a lot - probably more than most. The I Quit match from Breaking Point emphasized story, structure, and character over action and movez. And the final product was all the better for it. Just a fun, fascinating character study of a pro rasslin babyface versus a heel. Cena endures torment and torture the entire match and never surrenders. But Orton gets caught and cornered - and with that shoulder getting tested - he taps instantly. Like a bitch. It's wonderful. I mean, I know we were talking AJ, but yeah. He's awesome in gimmick matches, too. So I actually wouldn't mind seeing Styles and Orton paired up in an I Quit or LMS setting before this thing is settled. I know the standard WWE booking strategy of endless rematches is tired and unoriginal, but ya know we're getting it. Might as well liven it up with stipulations.

It's miraculous how over Kofi has suddenly gotten, but I still want championship mode Big E to be the endgame when it's all said and done. No reason why this can't be the angle to get them there either.

Fair enough if you guys don't find them worthy due to a lack of star ratings or whateverthefuck, but I'm absolutely unafraid to say I'm a Booker fan for life. Harlem Heat had the music. The in-your-face trash talking to the camera. The Scissors Kick that made its way into every single one of my CAW's move sets. And the HARLEM HANGOVER, which I popped for every time like it was Lesnar busting out the Shooting Star or the infamous Paul Wight Moonsault. Fuck the critics. There are guys having supposed 5-star matches today that would sell their firstborn child to be half as over as THA HEAT.

So my friend pointed out there was actually a follow-up to Rage of Ultron, and of course I had to check that out. It's a fairly solid sequel, too. There's some great symmetry with the previous story, as everything still sort of hinges on the intertwining Pym/Ultron/Vision dynamic and that father/son paternal theme. The idea is that Hank Pym shows back up on Earth, alive & well after all. But he openly reveals his new symbiotic bond with the Ultron AI to his fellow Avengers, which creates this uneasy sense of dread that just hangs in the air like a black cloud for the first half of the story. It's great suspense. There are some tremendous little scenes in here also. At one point, Pym is shown the monument they had built for him in honor of his valiant sacrifice. But Hank's mind takes it in another direction and instantly asks, "So you guys built me a statue, huh? Did you even try LOOKING FOR ME first..?" Good, tense moment there. There's another neat scene after the Wasp's suspicions are confirmed and she declares that something needs to be done, because Hank never wanted to be kept alive by being hooked up to some machine. There are also refreshing bits of comedy relief sprinkled throughout the story, courtesy of Deadpool. And that's an appreciated piece of the puzzle. The climax is everything you'd expect, as it delivers the sprawling, beat-em-up style action you'd want with an Ultron story. Quicksilver in particular suffers a brutal beating. And the final standoff between Pym/Ultron and Vision is excellent. I won't give away the exact ending, but it's a super satisfying finale for the Pym/Ultron saga. And the art captures those closing moments extremely well. Most of my time lately has been spent wrapped up in Hulk stuff. I wanted to go back and experience the actual Planet Hulk story and see what that was all about. I mean, I was aware of it by way of the animated movie from years ago. And I knew it was an influencing element for the Thor: Ragnarok film. I enjoyed both of those, so I wanted to see for myself why the story is so highly regarded. And now I know. I'm knee-deep in Hulk stuff at the moment, so I may reserve my overall comments for a later date. But Planet Hulk and World War Hulk were INCRRRREDIBLE. Greg Pak totally revitalized Hulk as a character for me. I was always on/off again throughout much of Peter David's run, but I always felt like the Hulk suffered from the same symptoms as Wolverine's solo series. When the stories were on point and focused, they were fucking aces. But the title was a pattern of peaks & valleys, because it was always only a matter of time before things reverted back to being basic stories of action and fights without any actual narrative worth following. Anyway, I'm forever a fan of solid, sturdy world-building. And Pak provided that for the Hulk - only to tear it all down and reinvigorate the Hulk's rage in the process. Worldbreaker Hulk is a fucking force of nature, and watching him wreck shop is truly a treat in itself. I've mentioned before that I'm not very attentive when it comes to artwork sometimes, but that doesn't apply when it comes to a guy like Romita Jr. His stuff is top shelf here. Outside of Bagley, Romita Jr. may have been my favorite Spidey artist back in the day. And he serves up that same quality here. The way he draws the sheer anger and rage on Hulk's face is freaking PHENOMENAL. The eyes are legitimately intimidating & downright scary at times. And he depicts an ugly mug like nobody else. Victims of the Hulk's rampage look like hammered dog-shit. It's fantastic from panel to panel. I'm not particularly thrilled about the Sentry getting the Super Cena push and being positioned as the one guy to stand his own ground against Worldbreaker Hulk, but I've read enough reviews to realize that's pretty much the common consensus. So I won't criticize the decision too harshly. It just seems like one of those moments in comics where they are bound & determined to get a character over, and it just doesn't stick like they want. Inhumans. Nate Grey. Sentry. All these things fall into that bucket for me. I'm currently working my way through the one-two punch of Greg Pak and Jeph Loeb stories right now, and it's been a blast. Red Hulk was a character I initially rolled my eyes at, but he has definitely grown on me fairly fast. That's a testament to Loeb's handling of the character and some of the stuff he's done with him. Ditto for Skaar, Son of Hulk. Legacy characters and derivatives are something I normally associate with DC, but they've certainly become a big thing in Marvel with the diversity movement and the expansion of title lines. In any case, I eventually found that Red Hulk and Skaar had won me over as their own unique, distinct characters. I've recently arrived at (what feels like) the big, pivotal turning point of the World War Hulks story. Banner has reabsorbed the gamma radiation and transformed back into the green Hulk. In an AWESOME, EPIC, UNFORGETTABLE panel... He tells his fellow Avengers, "Gentlemen... RUN." Tremendous. The fight with Skaar is crazy violent and totally what you'd want from an action-packed finale. There *is* some melodramatic father/son stuff sprinkled in, as some attempt to callback to Banner's childhood abuse, and that mostly feels like a weak thread if I'm being honest. But everything else is awesome - including the last(?) brawl with Red Hulk, which features a cool little reveal as an added bonus also. So yeah. That's my peanut buttah & jam at the moment. Pak and Loeb on Hulk is some seriously good shit. It's not the most thought-provoking reading material or anything, but it's a genuinely great comic book from page to page. There are elements of mystery to keep you guessing. There's a metric ton of guest appearances & cameos to offer variety. There's intense, all-out, balls-to-the-wall POWERFUL action to keep you engaged. And it's actually a love story underneath it all - a tale of one man experiencing love & loss again and again like a trend, and just how damn MAD that makes him feel. Highly recommended. Check it out if you haven't yet, for sure. These Hulk stories (Planet Hulk and beyond) by Pak and Loeb feel like a real Renaissance for the character to me. It's akin to Miller on Batman. Or Miller on Daredevil. Or Claremont on X-Men. It's essentially taking a character and reshaping his whole environment. It's an incredibly rewarding reading experience. And, above all else, it's just a super fun comic book.

I know it's a blind spot for most, but Angle and Drew had two REALLY good matches in TNA. And they pretty much told a similar story with the rematch being Drew improving enough to defeat Kurt on Angle's farewell tour. Although, yeah. In an ideal scenario, they would reach for someone with a WWE tie-in to Kurt.

Another singles run for Seth is forever the wrong choice. Regardless of circumstance. Nothing says, "We really don't have anyone else" like the Archislayer.

It felt like Lio Rush was on his way temporarily, but then they buried all his energy & exuberance beneath a pile of that shitty WWE dialogue that no human being would ever actually use.

I fucking loved Harlem Heat back in the day. I don't need a bunch of hidden gem 4-star matches to get unearthed for me to justify that. That theme music was the bee's tits, and they were over in my living room.

The Seth & Dean tag team is/was actually a crazy good combination. And it proved mutually beneficial for both guys. But WWE gonna WWE and forever find a way to split up a team. Seth as a solo act is just the shits though. Remember last year when people were raving about that Gauntlet match on Raw? I tried several times to watch it and see what others were seeing, but there wasn't anything there. Athletically? Sure. It was okay. But zero emotion. No reason to root for Seth to go the distance or defeat anybody in particular. Fast forward a year later and Kofi fucking Kingston kills it. In the exact same role. Same position. Same story. But the not-so Jamaican Sensation owns the moment, commands your attention, and keeps you invested the whole way through.

Good thing Seth isn't set up to do anything significant in the next month or so. For real though. He fucking sucks. Guy's been in main events since at least 2014, and you still couldn't list a single defining characteristic for him if your life depended on it. What's he stand for? What's he supposed to be? He's just there. Oh. Wait. Right. It's his "childhood dream" to main event a Mania. What creativity. What originality. Forget good matches. Give me a narrative. Give me a hook. Because he's heading into a marquee match at WrestleMania, but Seth Rollins still has all the character development of Prince Iaukea when he fucking gets there.

They're both awful. Tamina is draped with giant mud-flaps, and Nia often looks like a discarded Easter egg. Creative services did not come through for them.

Finally caught up on all the Jericho Cruise series of shows. Some of them were great; some were meh. The roundtable Eddie tribute may have been the absolute best though. Plenty of quotable gems there. "Fuck Elvis. Who did HE ever beat??" "You think your shit don't stink..?" Konnan cracked me up with the story about him being more over than the Easter Bunny in April, too. And the part where Rey got choked up toward the end was a real gut punch. Cody and the Bucks come off as genuinely cool guys in every interview I've ever heard from them. But Kenny Omega sure seems like a pretentious dick. I mean, ya know. Only all the time.

There's something about the ambitious nature of WCW from this time. The thematic sets, the stacked roster, and the idea of throwing it all against the wall just created this exciting atmosphere. Of course it's impossible to ignore how wrestling was super popular for a change, but yeah. Good times. Bischoff verbally abusing Jarrett & Bag well every show has become one of my favorite running themes actually. He's right, too. There's nothing remotely Horsemen about the dick dancer gear, although I think that's also why it suits a heel so well. I mean, it's still a hideous look. But its the antithesis of intimidating. Buff and Brian Christopher are two guys i tend to lump together in the same category - not necessarily in terms of work, but more so in terms of their personality. They're these frantic, high-strung, over-the-top, outlandishly loud, gaudy, extremely animated characters. They border on being cartoon characters brought to life at times. But they're effective enough as sidekicks and underlings. In fact, I thought that was THE perfect role for Bagwell as Steiner's lackey.

Well, yeah. But I also believe that applies to basically everybody on their roster. Even Daniel Bryan - essentially the most interesting character on their television - is infinitely greater on his YouTube promos. The restricting & restraining nature of their programming suffocates everyone across the board.

I feel like the scale is broken around here when it comes to accurately weighing these guys, tbh. Like, their New Japan stuff wasn't outstanding or anything. But it wasn't horrible either. They were decent as the hoss tag team. Anderson, in particular, had some really solid solo stuff as well. And their "personality" gets way overstated. I mean, yeah. They're funny dudes. Their appearances on podcasts are entertaining. But being funny drunks & your favorite storytellers doesn't automatically make them bound for superstardom. There are at least five guys at my local bar that carry themselves the same way. It doesn't mean people are lining up to pay to see them or fuck them or anything. Sometimes it just means they're fun to talk to or hear from. I don't even feel like Gallows & Anderson got a bad deal in WWE either. They made good money. They got to travel the world & hang out with friends. And now they have the kind of recognition and equity in the States which can be turned into a big contract with AEW. I feel like they were probably slotted where they needed to be. I mean, yeah. They could've done more as AJ's lackeys or Finn's fall guys or something. But it's no major loss that they, ya know, DIDN'T do that either.

Fixed for ya.

The least likely but more aspirational choice would be Steve Austin. Not Jim Ross. Not Arn Anderson. I'll reserve judgement & remain optimistic about the JR deal. I'll give it a fair shot, because I've enjoyed enough of Conrad's other shows. But imagine getting Stone Cold to invest in a project like that. I mean, nah. He's not going to have a lot of backstage gossip or insight. But the dude's a straight-shooter. It would offer a refreshing viewpoint from what we get with the other office types anyway. Austin's show used to be the standard, back around 2013 or so. Outside of Colt's Art, nothing else compared. I won't even pretend to know what's happening with Austin's hiatus or whatever right now, but yeah. I'd fucking love to see Conrad convince him to go for it. It isn't happening, but we're fantasy pitching here. So fuck it. Austin talking shop about pro wrestling and even reviewing shows with Wade Keller was a guilty pleasure, because the guy had an eye and an appreciation for the details. Imagine Conrad getting Stone Cold to watch along or review some old ECW show he'd never seen before like on WHW. Hell, have him review an 80s card from Hogan's heyday. Or he could tackle topic-specific themes like the recurring Rock feud. Or the launch of his baby face run. Or the Alliance from his point of view. Plenty of options, and Austin could excel in all those areas. Back here in reality though? Yeah. I'll give the JR deal a fair shot.

Exactly. Daniels REALLY hit his stride as a character during that time. The Bad Influence team was a consistent highlight on TV every week there for awhile. I really dug the way they had him finally beat AJ in a meaningful match - using the Styles Clash - and Styles going into a self-imposed exile in the aftermath of that. It really sold the significance of that defeat at the hands of Daniels. You want to talk about the importance of wins & losses? THAT is how you make them feel like they mean something. It's too bad they didn't do much with it after AJ's return. I think there was a throwaway segment and match on TV, but it was more about getting AJ to the belt than anything else. They'd already had proper payoffs with the I Quit and LMS matches for two years running, but I still felt like the feud needed a fitting finale after AJ's absence. So yeah. The Claire Lynch stuff was trash. But a lot of good came from it, like some sort of happy accident. I should actually go back and check out some of those AJ/Kurt team-ups to see how they hold up.

Casio Kid is the dirt worst. If you could filter every annoying Conrad trait and bring that to life, it'd be Casio Kid. I haven't heard the Uncensored 97 show yet, but I may drop some thoughts whenever I get around to it. I outright skipped the Flair birthday episode. And I know I listened to the Ask Eric ep, but I honestly couldn't tell you a single thing about it by now. My wrestling podcast listening has dipped altogether at the moment. I've gone back to music at the gym for the moment & true crime/comics podcasts to fill other downtime. I'm sure I'll get back to listening to everything again, but a break felt overdue.

The Claire Lynch story *was* six shades of shit, but what's truly awful is how WWE couldn't copy it fast enough. I'm not about to defend the angle either way, but at least Daniels & Kazarian stirring shit up (in the sleaziest, slimiest possible ways) was enjoyable most weeks. There were basically zero redeeming qualities in the Cena/AJ Lee ripoff though.

I normally don't care for his frat boy humor, but Conrad got me a few times on the Mania X7 episode. The "This is the greatest night in the history of my great shorts!" line popped me.

I'm the oldest 30 year-old to have ever lived, I guess. But I sure do miss it when pro wrestling promos were something that happened on their actual shows. Oh, and ya know. Good.

Go "Wooo!" on a bitch!