SomethingSavage

I was there for X7.

Okay. It has to be said. I tried catching a few minutes of the Tag Title match before work today, but I found myself way too distracted by the eyesore that was Drake Younger's spray tan. Dude, what in the actual fuck are you doing? I love me some indie scene Drake. His last little run in PWG was a super fun stretch. But does he understand he's just a referee now? Does he realize he's meant to blend into the background? I get that it may be a bit of a mind-fuck for a former worker, but come on. You're not going to impress Papa Aitch with your bod or your egregious orange tint. Seriously. That shit was awful. Drake was practically radioactive. The orange on his skin was enough to make the Hulkster envious, dood. Worst of all - there Drake was, the Ultra Orange Golden Boy, looking orange as fuck all over... Except the back of his head. Hey, Drake. You missed a spot. That's right. From his ears allllll around the back of his head and allllll down his neck(!) was still flesh-colored. Like living, breathing human flesh-colored. Which only further made the orange-ness stick out. I mean, I know people are hyper sensitive about body-shaming or ever pointing out anyone's physical appearance these days. But fuck that noise. When you leave the house looking that stupid, you need to be called out on it. Pretty sure Mauro picked up on how absurd Drake looked, too. Because he landed a line about Black "sticking to" Rowe "like a spray tan" during a rest hold. That may very well be the highlight of Mauro's career as a commentator.

I'll be following along off/on tonight via this thread. It's storming outside. We're under a flash flood alert, and I'm stuck here inside the plant at work. So yeah. Here's hoping you guys entertain as always & keep me clued in on what's worth seeking out later this week.

I've been a Drake fan going back to his Shaun Ricker days. He definitely looked like the breakout star for Natural Selection. Instead, Brian Cage has turned into the (at times) hot prospect - and Ricker/Drake just can't seem to sustain any sort of real traction. Anywhere. I could buy him being a pain in the ass backstage, because nothing else makes much sense. I can't believe WWE did nothing with him. At the time, he seemed like somebody Vince would find a spot for - at the very least he'd get an Alex Riley shot with them. But it never materialized. I still think the guy has a certain spark. He carries himself like a star, even when his circumstances or surroundings say otherwise. And I won't fault anyone for taking themselves seriously. Yes. I realize intergender matches are fairly standard now, but wrestling is such a bizarre business. One minute, you're a mark if you take yourself too seriously. The next, you're criticized for not speaking up or standing your ground. Throughout the industry's history, most of the top guys always took themselves seriously. Austin. Bret. Hogan. These guys knew the importance of wins/losses and who you're programmed with or presented alongside. They knew the importance of picking your spots & calling your shots. I'm not saying Drake is in that league - or anywhere near it, but i'm not about to fault him for taking his livelihood seriously either.

I've been a wrestling fan all my life, and I've stuck around through some garbage eras in various promotions. But seriously. If every other company went away & all I was left with to watch was current day ROH, I think I would make the decision to just stop watching any wrestling. It's THAT boring. It's sooo uneventful. So dry. So pointless. I mean, I'm glad the guys there are working & making money. But yikes. Watching one of their shows is like mainlining a bunch of downers & muscle relaxers straight into my veins. Zzzzz...

Circa 2002?

Yes! Old man Naitch selfishly betraying the man who idolizes him like no other, only so he can cling to Big Dave's Hollywood fame & fortune like the world's most aloof, clueless wingman in the entourage would be tremendous. It's this but with Batista in LA, instead of rappers in Atlanta.

There's just soooo much happening this week. And I'm only getting every 14th day off (as a fatigue day) right now, because the plants & refineries here on the Gulf Coast can't stop catching on fire lately. It's been insanity since February. Anyway, it'd be GREATLY APPRECIATED if anyone can clue me in on what's worth seeking out or hunting down after everything has wrapped this weekend. I won't get the chance to catch ANY of it in real time, unfortunately. But I do plan on going back and selectively watching what I can after things have settled.

... ... How big is Batista's dick? BIG ENOUGH TO FUCK up the first half of the year's booking plans, hopefully. Because my bold prediction revolves around Vince maybe remembering why he fell in lust with Big Dave as a top guy in the first place. Maybe Vince catches a Guardians trailer or something on his phone. I don't know. But he notices that superstar presence and decides to offer a truckload of money to keep Batista onboard for awhile longer. The appearances are sporadic, but fuck it. It's Hollywood Batista. It's douchebag, pretentious, Kanye Batista just doing his thing in pre-taped interviews. Via satellite. Whatever. Batista goes over at Mania for the good of the galaxy. Papa Hunter can "retire" and lay low for awhile - maybe finally get a workout in at a decent hour. Following that, Batista states his intent to get the Universal Title. But the Big Dawg gets in his face and reminds him he never lost that belt himself. Spend some time reminding fans of the Shield/Evolution wars. Go back as far as the Rumble 2014 finish, since that's safe territory now with no real risk of a Bryan backlash from fans. It's announced that we'll get Brock/Roman/Batista at the big Saudi show. Only we don't. Because, in the buildup, Brock and Batista team up to ambush Roman and put him out of commission. So we get the straight-up Batista/Brock match instead. And it's a glorious King of Monsters style fight. It's Hulk versus Juggernaut. But the finish is a cop-out, with Roman running in and wrecking shop. But do it big. Let him bust up both guys and trash the set. Make it a memorable warpath. Aim for the actual Triple Threat to happen at SummerSlam. And put Roman over strong. SOOPAH STRONG. Put a huge stamp on it. Make it a point to emphasize that he's beating two of the biggest, baddest champions of the past however many years. Follow through on the Roman promise for once. In the aftermath, Batista can weasel his way into one final one-on-one shot. Gimmick it up with a LMS or I Quit stipulation for some fun continuity play. And, again, put Roman over strong. Then Batista can bow out with another glorious meltdown. Because fuck a babyface turn. Drax don't need to ride out like no white knight. Let him go out on his ass, putting over the next rightful alpha dog. ... Okay. That quickly spiraled from Predictions to straight Fantasy Booking, but fuck it. No apologies.

Sami was miscast. He actually pitched the idea/entrance/look for Sanity to get away from the garbage hacker gimmick, which later went to Eric Young. I actually think EY is way underrated, and he's been passable as the crazed psycho in both TNA and NXT. But he's also miscast in that role. Ideally, EY could have been their next Santino as the comedic underdog. He's got great timing and broad enough comedic chops. I could especially see him catching on with kids. At the very least, Sami could have been the runt of the Wyatt Family - think a deranged version of Spike Dudley, hurling himself around like a cannonball and coming across like the terrier to the larger pitbulls of the pack. Instead, they stuck him with some hacker shtick with vague direction and no real plan. It almost seems like they signed him to appease Finlay or Regal or something, and then swept him aside as fast as humanly possible.

Miz as a babyface is such a novelty act. I think you're absolutely right in assuming the right conditions have to be met first & foremost. Miz has steadily built up new equity with the fan base, simply by being such a standout heel so consistently for the last... What? 3 years or more? Couple that with the right opponent in Shane, and yeah. It works. But I don't think it's destined to be a long-term gig with him. Even with the fresh "family man" coat of paint, I just can't see babyface Miz being a strong act for very long. I doubt it takes too long for him to feel horribly miscast all over again. For this feud? It works. And a program (with the roles reversed) against Bryan is obviously a neat idea that I wouldn't mind seeing explored. Briefly. But yeah. Babyface Miz - beyond that - would probably start to seem out of place. It just isn't his element.

Mauro is awful. His energy & excitement could almost be infectious, if it weren't swimming in hip-hop lyrics and pop culture references all the time. No, really. Every. Single. Time. He. Speaks. I used to love JR. Dude's words were dripping with passion at one point. And tbf, he was much better until much later than I remembered. I randomly went through a phase where i was watching every gimmick match type (HiaC, TLC, etc.) a few years back, and JR was sooo essential in getting those things over early on. I don't think that gets talked up enough. Seriously. Pick a random TLC - like the one from that Raw Roulette show in '02 - and yeah. It's a super fun match. But JR totally elevates that whole situation several levels. He single-handedly puts over the risks & dangers of the fight, as well as the grit & durability of the participants. It's wild how natural and second nature it all seems for him, really. Compare JR on a random Raw like that to the best work of Cole's career, and I swear to God. It's not even close. There isn't a single memorable call or historical moment from Cole in the last 2 decades that measures up to Jim Ross on a weekly basis from that period. And hey. No knock on Cole. The guy's passable. He does the job. But he's no JR circa 2002 even. And neither is Jim Ross in 2019, sadly. I mean, I would gladly eat my words if he ended up proving he still has some of that exuberance left in the tank. But I just haven't seen any trace of it in a long, long time. And seriously, man. Excalibur is the bee's tits. I don't know how much you've heard from him, but the dude checks off all the boxes. He can hype big fights. He can call dramatic blow-off matches with seriousness & urgency. He can be all cheese & comedy. And he's got a huge catalogue of work in PWG to prove every bit of it.

Excalibur is the man. Anyone who is turned away from a pro wrestling show in 2019, based solely on a guy wearing a mask, is likely looking for a reason to tune out. Search hard enough & you'll find it. The dude's work is everything you could want though - he's legitimately knowledgeable, passionate, witty, and willing to go along with whatever to enhance the experience. The JR of 2019 isn't the Jim Ross of yesteryear. Hell, the JR of 2009 WWE wasn't the Jim Ross of yesteryear. His exuberance and his passion created all kinds of iconic calls at one time, but the magic is gone. I'm not saying he's useless by any means, but I don't believe for a second he's the best fit for the voice of a new company at this stage.

I fucking love the Sopranos and will defend damn near everything about it 'til my dying breath. It's a wonderful, glorious masterpiece and warrants zero justification. Is the closing scene a cop-out? I mean, kinda. Could be. But it's also an instant classic in terms of TV moments. It's memorable. It's lasting. And it leads (most) viewers back to the show, because it's an open-ended circumstance. The interpretation is up to the viewer. It's a bold, fascinating decision for a writer to risk going that route. It requires more from the viewer. More reflection. More attention. More awareness. More discussion. About. The. Show. Chase did an interview (my God, he's answered the question so many times in so many different ways) wherein he once responded with something like, "The viewer can decide what happened with Tony. Maybe he was killed there that night. Maybe he lived to be a fat old man and died of natural causes. Whatever the viewer decides to choose is up to the individual and is probably more telling about them and what they wanted out of the show all along." That is brilliant. Would it work every time? Nope. Does it even work here? For some, maybe not. For me? Absolutely. ... ... ... WRESTLING! So yeah. Asuka, WWE, Charlotte, blah blah blah.

Absolutely. Not my all-time favorite Mania, but it belongs in the conversation when you start talking about the entire card like that. I was a total Bret mark through & through, so they fucking got me with the IC Title setup. I bought the high fever excuse and was absolutely gutted to find out he'd lost the belt. So the most basic buildup around him fighting a "family friend" to get his belt back was all I needed. Good point about Sid/Hogan feeling larger than it had any right to around this time. But that's the charm of Sid. The guy feels, functions, walks, talks, and operates strictly as a top guy. Fuck overanalyzing his matches. The guy's a believable, unhinged monster just bodying dudes left & right. Sid was the anti-Hulk. He was Arkansas' answer to Ivan Drago. Excellent shout on the way Flair/Savage came together so quickly and seamlessly. Slick Ric targeting Liz and triggering Randy was the only way to go. Plus this feud forever gets bonus points with me, because it was done very well in both the WWF and then WCW. Liz as the damsel is classic, but Liz & Woman as Ric's sister wives is something else altogether & an awesome, perverse maturation of the grudge.

All's good, man. We're all here for the same reasons at the end of the day. Different opinions & lively discussions are part of the fun in being a fan of ANYTHING anyway.

No argument there - just saying I feel entirely justified in commenting on the ups & downs, pros & cons, etc. of the product. There's a lot more appealing stuff on this year's card than what I remember from last year's. Doubtful I get around to watching much of it in full, but I really hope Big Dave shows up and puts in a great heel performance. That's maybe less about shutting up his critics & more about me wanting him to feel fulfilled and satisfied with the comeback. And yeah. I'd be all over a Batista/Roman program if they could convince him to do it. I know Dave said he only wanted to return for another Hunter match, but never say never.

I know a lot of people don't care for the gimmick, but a Tag Team Turmoil (a rapid fire, fast-paced sprint with a bunch of eliminations) on the pre-show could be a fun way to cram a lot of folks on the card for a payday.

Just for clarification, I don't read reviews or synopses of the shows. I *do* keep up with things via clips, recaps, and highlights a lot though. I'm seeing moments. I'm following closely. I'm watching promos. And I'm selecting certain matches to watch in full (like the recent gauntlets). I don't know who the "you can't criticize if you only read results" line was aimed it, but that bullshit missed me by a mile.

That's a fair point, and yeah. The inconsistency in his follow-up and lack of it is one of Conrad's worst traits. I still enjoy him as a host for the most part, but there are plenty of instances where he just phones it in and just moves the conversation along from point A to point B. Conversely, the Sid episode is a good example of Conrad sounding engaged and enthusiastic for every story. I feel like Sean Mooney is one of the best when it comes to that stuff though. He's casual in his knowledge on a lot of things, but he does his research and always allows the guest to steer the talk. It may not be everyone's bag, but I find it really refreshing whenever I'm able to catch up on some of his shows.

Is there ANY chance Batista sticks around for one more match after this? If so, I'd legit love to see him keep the streak alive by demolishing Hunter one more time... ... Then feeding a reheated Drax to Roman or whoever in a month or two.

Agreed. I'm still over here wishing they would've gone even harder with Roman like it's 2016 again. That wellness suspension shortchanged what really should've been a great babyface run up top. They've had other opportunities to correct his course since then, but yeah. The sympathy from his leukemia (as gross a sentiment as that seems, it's a real thing) could be the spark for them to FINALLY book him consistently as the king-sized Big Dawg he should be.

Exactly. It's all in the presentation. A non-finish on the Mania stage would just feel flat in 2019. It's an unnecessary risk that fans COULD potentially view as a cop-out. There's a way to make Drew look tough and super credible in defeat, and there's no harm in losing to the returning Big Dawg - especially if the announcers, ya know, put in the groundwork to remind the audience that this is the undefeated champ AND the last guy to beat Taker at WrestleMania. There's definitely a win/win outcome in this match. It just comes down to how they approach it.

Exactly. Just to be clear, there's this useful little resource called YouTube. On their own channel, they post clips and 5-minute reviews of their shows. Everything significant (and even some extra stuff that, ya know, isn't) can be found in those. Saves time. We don't all want to spend 3-15 hours of our free time every week following WWE television. Hard to imagine for some, I know. But this isn't my livelihood. It is, was, and forever will be a hobby. It isn't an obligation. There's no delusion here either. I've never claimed to boycott WWE or pretended that I'm not keeping up. At the end of the day, I'm a fucking fan for life. I was bit by the wrestling bug at a young age & will likely never fall out of love with it. That's perhaps the most disappointing part. That's why I speak with such frustration when they constantly get in their own way and fuck up even the simplest stuff. Things are gift-wrapped and given to them, and they still manage to screw it up. I'm not some child, sitting over here with my fingers crossed, hoping they'll fail. I want them to succeed. I want them to produce good television. I want them to trip over SOMETHING that works before they manage to fuck it all up. They just don't. And yeah. Obviously there are things I like. I've enjoyed the Daniel Bryan promos immensely. The Kofi redemption project has been startling, unexpected, and a totally welcomed surprise. Bits of the Angle farewell tour have held my attention, even if it is spotlighting a broken down version of the guy. It's still an actual STORY with purpose and direction at its core. I appreciate all that. But their booking is trash. You can diminish my thoughts or opinions as much as you want, but speculating that I'm somehow unqualified to weigh in on the issue just means you're more misinformed than me, basically. One doesn't need to watch every second of their dreadful 3-hour shows to know the BOOKING sucks. If I was talking about the wrestling itself, then yeah. You'd be right. But the booking? I can gather all that from what I do watch. If it takes watching every single second of their TV for some of you to realize it isn't very good, then that's cool. We all work at our own pace. The point someone made about the actual wrestling being great was never anything I even mentioned. As I mentioned, I've only watched a few full shows from them in years. But I have made it a point to cherry pick & select certain matches to watch - a lot of AJ, most of Ronda, D-Bry, and now recently the series of gauntlet matches on Smackdown this year. But that's the thing. The matches are often HURT and hindered by the horrible booking anyhow. They just can't seem to get out of their own way. The best stuff in the company are the things beyond their control (Miz promos, Bryan rants, individual performances, etc.) or the instances where the talent has more influence in crafting their stuff (Bryan/Kofi clearly). Every time they get their hands on something (Becky/Ronda/Charlotte being the peak example), they muddy it up and make it a cluttered, convoluted mess. Booking is supposed to be about cooking up situations and angles that enhance the anticipation & heighten the suspense. Their booking does the opposite of all that. It dampens excitement. It downplays stakes. It diminishes characters. The wrestling can be amazing, and the booking can still suck. Those two things are not necessarily married to one another. Of course the ideal situation is when they both hit. But you're fooling yourself if you're actually convinced THIS is any example of that. I'm sorry if somebody has to watch 15 hours of something every week to notice it sucks. I really am. But I'm here to tell you it does. No big deal. That's just me looking out.

What? Why *would* I watch? I go "this hard" because it does, in fact, suck. Me going so hard and THEN tuning in to watch anyway would be hypocritical and stupid. It's shitty. Their booking sucks. I don't have to torture myself with their awful television to know that.