El-P

She did a bunch of comedy spots while spending half her time outside the ring. That's being "cute" at best, she did not carry jackshit. This match is straight out of 1999, total Attitude Era garbage match, overgimmicked, overproduced and plodding (and yeah, without any blood). Hard fucking pass.

Counting after EVERY spot. Not heavy handed approach at all. Yeah, this is not gonna be for me.

Especially after the way they played around with the idea with the Bliss tease (which was actually really smart and quite funny), as a way to say "nooooo, we're not gonna do that, but you got scared right ?", now there's only one big spot for the Fiend, really, because getting eliminated makes him kinda just another guy.

Well, I guess not. Well, the FIEND is winning the men's Rumble, people. Or John Cena. Just kidding. I mean, about Cena.

Well, I get that. I just have no time for the whole Brand fetish. Why are they wasting my time with this shit after a bunch of commercials ? Who wants to see this shit ? GET ON WITH THE MEN'S RUMBLE ALREAY so I can go to bed before the curfew is over.

Wow, seeing Johnny Mundo/Impact like that makes me sad... Come on Taya, just sign with AEW already.

Hey, she's pointing at a sign now and crying about it. Steve Austin would not have done that... (WWE can't help themselves, you gotta make the "big star" cry for the Brand, and then you wonder why there aren't real "big stars")

Bubba and myself called it ! Great winner. Cool Rumble.

Luger/Hart 94 ? Nope...

POINTING AT SIGN BIAAAATCHES !

Hey, I predicted Rhea, Charlotte and BeLair during the match. And guess who are the last three ? I fucking rule.

Say what ?

Well, but that bump onto Rhea was embarrassing. Leave the ring before you injure someone. Ok, there you go. Away.

Ok nice bump Nia. I'll give you that, plus you're gone. Well, kinda underwhelming to not have someone like Becky coming back. Charlotte wins. You can quote me.

Those punches my god ! Nia must be one of the shittiest workers I've ever seen, for real. EVERYTHING she does looks like shit.

Tamina vs Nia. Dream match of no one.

Here comes the injuries....

Ah ah, nice tease, I must say. Nicely done. Becky. And random surprise.

HERE WE FUCKING GO !

Not having an actual audience hurts the fun though, and that includes the fun of the people getting zero reaction like Tamina would have. Ok, that Naomi stuff is completely ridiculous now. Make no fucking sense whatsoever. WWE stupid at work.

Tamina aka random useless Rumble entrant.

Naomi & BeLair getting the Rick Martel spot (yeah, I'm trying to stay within the demo) Holy shit that Kai bump was rough. Odds on Rhea winning ?

How long between the entrants ? It seems super quick at times, barely 90 seconds I'd say. The match kind lacks structure TBH, tons of cool people but nothing really in term of strong storytelling thus far.

Lame comedy spot. R-Truth has done them for like 25 years now. Typical unfunny WWE bullshit. Hey, Mandy ! I lifted some abs routine she did with Sheamus on Youtube from her. Ok, more stupid WWE comedy. YAWN as fuck.

He would know about old guys wanting to fuck girls 35 years younger.