John Cena

[ohtani's jacket]

I will watch the other Cena/Rock match eventually. I didn't know that Rock was injured. He did well to gut that out.

[JerryvonKramer]

It might be a while before I get to Cena, but since you've just reviewed it, I'll throw in my review of the WM29 match, taken from show thread from last year.

 

 

 

It's John Cena! Already? This is it? Main event time? Wow, that's a short card. Again music far far too loud to hear how the crowd is reacting. It's a bit annoying. His entrance feels really sudden and anti-climactic here. Weird. Now The Rock. Yeah! Get down like it's 2000 mofos. Always liked this theme. Crowd seems to be cheering Rock more than Cena.

This doesn't feel as big time as I thought it would for some reason. Anyway, let's go, let's go. Headlock! Hiptoss. I've been thinking about this and surely Cena can't lose this match, I mean he'd be the ultimate choker. Has to go over surely, no?

Slowish start here. Cena is doing a lot of "Street Fighter 2" style fighting stances. I wish Rock had thicker eyebrows, he looks like some mates have pulled a prank on him while he was sleeping and shaved them off. Chinlock! Strangely subdued start to this match. This is telling me that this is going to go LONG.

Crowd oddly quiet here. Why are they being so quiet? This is Rock vs. Cena dammit, wake up! Seems like Cena's being booed a fair bit, but they are not really popping too big for Rock's offense either. Sharpshooter! Already? Ok. Good strength to counter -- is that a pump-handle slam? I feel like I just don't understand the crowd dynamics when it comes to Cena, feels "complex".

Rock bottom attempt, countered. STF. Already? Ok. ... doesn't have it synced in properly. Spinebuster from Rock. Another STF now, he's got it properly this time.

Big "Cena sucks" chant. Rock bottom! This match is just a total mess. What the fuck is going on? It feels really disjointed. Rock is just walking about. Another bomb from Cena now. 2 count.

I feel like this event has fizzled a bit since the Taker vs. Punk match, it was like a peak from which the crowd still hasn't recovered.

Another spinebuster. People's elbow now? Yes, and it looked awkward. I'm pretty disappointed by this. Feels like the commentary team tapped out a while ago too.

There's not enough real intensity here to justify the drama we're meant to be experiencing. Too much aimlessness followed by finish attempts, counters, actual finishers and false finishes. The match went into all that stuff far far far too early. Where's the build??!

More standing about from The Rock. This is a weird match. Another people's elbow now? For fuck's sake, what's going on? Cena counters! 2 only.

This isn't good. It's so stop. Start. Finisher. Counter. False finish. Rinse. Repeat. Stand about. Rinse. Repeat.

Slugfest now and at least the crowd are popping. Cena hits the Rock Bottom now. 2. Yawwwnnnnn.

This is really frustrating. It's not a match. It's just a series of video game replays. What the fuck is this meant to be? Cena's standing about now. He's just standing there.

Oh, people's elbow from him now. It's a sucker move, now Rock Bottom from Rock. 2 count. FOR FUCK'S SAKE THIS IS STUPID.

I couldn't dislike this match more. It's fucking awful. This isn't a match. Finish attempt. Counter. Finish attempt. Counter. Finish attempt. Counter. DDT! He's STANDING THERE WATCING NOW.

And he's still standing there.

And he's still standing there.

Rock bottom attempt! Counter! And Cena gets the win ...

One of the worst main events in Wrestlemania history. Seriously, what the fucking fuck was that?

...

I'd go as far as to say that Cena vs. Rock is a DUD.

[Jimmy Redman]

Yeah seriously, their first match is a million times better. More heat, bigger feel, better work, a coherent story, and no Kurt Angle tribute.

 

The interesting thing about WM28 is that Cena kind of, sort of...works heel in it. Like going by crowd reactions Cena is the heel in most of his matches. But he never wrestles as if he's the heel. He may work as "face vs clearly more popular face" and he may throw in some cute prickish stuff for certain crowds, but he still works as Superface Cena. But here for the Rock match, after the build up in which he was, for all intents and purposes, a heel, but without anyone coming out and saying it, they get to the match and Cena works it as if he's a heel, in the sense that he works dominant and takes over Rock and has a control segment. Which is something he hadn't really done since 2003.

 

What's even better about that is that Cena works heel and...it doesn't work all that well. Throughout the match, any time Cena gets a bit too dickish, he loses the momentum. He stops to play with the crowd for too long, Rock hits him with something. He taunts in the middle of a move, Rock counters the move. When Cena knuckles down and just wrestles like he normally does, he's fine, but he's seemingly possessed by this need to play the bad guy against Rock, and it backfires on him when he gets out of hand and really embraces the role of a heel. Maybe he's not used to it. Maybe it's just not who Cena is. Maybe there's a moral there that being a good guy is better than being a bad guy. But whatever the reason it's his Achilles Heel in this match, and it culminates in Cena getting Rock down and he just CANNOT, will not resist the chance to hit the Rock Bottom on the Rock. So he laughs and taunts and throws the sweatband and runs and jumps and bounces and BAM, he's caught and gets pinned. He goes for dick moves, and they cost him the ascendancy. He goes for the ultimate dick move, and it costs him the match.

[ohtani's jacket]

OVERDRAMATIC SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT STORYTELLING

 

Cena vs Randy Orton (I Quit) - Breaking Point 2009

 

Oh man, this was bad. Was this even a wrestling match? It felt like a straight to video B film. I know the guys who come up with this stuff are trained writers who've read all the right books and been to all the right seminars, but this was exhibit A in the argument that you can only adopt certain story elements in wrestling and not have all these cinematic ideas. It was like watching a film student with some knowledge of the I Quit classics try to direct one of his own. The ideas where there, but the wrestlers didn't have the range to pull it off. Cena can't act. He's not even that good a promo. Yet here he is having to deliver these hammy noooos into the microphone. His acting was poor and his selling even worse. He can't transition onto offence properly and he's not able to do any sort of sustained selling. The way he shrug off the beating he'd taken here was an absolute joke. I don't think I'm a huge stickler for consistent selling and I'll give a wrestler a break if they drop their selling but continue doing something good, but c'mon. He was handcuffed to the rope and the pole and brutalised. He should have been half dead. The commentators tried to sell it like he was half dead. Whoever came up with the whole handcuff thing was clearly thinking about the visuals and how sadistic it would make Orton seem, but on top of being overly violent in the way it was presented, it just led to one cringeworthy moment after another. And after all that, Orton quits that easily? Are you kidding me? I contemplated rating this as a DUD. Meltzer gave it **** 1/4, which surprised me as up until now we've been pretty much in line with our ratings. I had the warning coming in that it was overly dramatic, but my opinion of Cena's selling continues to nose dive. Let's give it **

[Graham Crackers]

The best Cena vs Orton match was from Summerslam 2007 and they've all gotten progressively worse from there.

[ohtani's jacket]

SELLING BODY PARTS

 

Cena vs Damien Sandow - Raw 28th October 2013

 

It goes without saying that this was a better selling performance from Cena than the past few matches. In fact, this is the Cena whom I'm more familiar with and have always thought was a pretty good worker. It seems to me that the Cena of the past few years is a better worker than the one from '07-09, though I guess that's easy to say when you haven't been watching him for seven years straight and gotten tired of the same old shit. I really couldn't imagine Cena doing a better job selling this match, though. The arm hung there like it was barely attached, he sold it for the entire duration and it effected all of his big spots. And best of all, he never went overboard with it. If you're a psychology mark then this is like a wet dream. Sandow seemed fairly generic, but the finishing stretch was exciting and the nearfalls were great. Amusingly enough, there was a "this is awesome" chant that I will happily admit fit the mood. Since this was a television match, and an opener to boot, and I couldn't imagine it being any better, I'll drop the big ****

[Petey]

I'll second Dylan on Cena/Khali. Thought Cena gave a great performance in that match and found it way better than I thought I would.

[ohtani's jacket]

BRAWLS AND BLOODBATHS

 

Cena vs Edge (Last Man Standing) - Backlash 2009

 

Again going with the one I haven't seen. This was such a boring match. It's a last man standing match, brawl for fuck's sake. The first two thirds were unbelievably boring. They went to the 10 count so many times. I was actually pumped for this one as I enjoyed the entrances and the pre-match vibe, but they sucked the life out of it with the 10 count spots. I hate Cena's adrenaline rushes. If the match is all laid out for you like a script then the only thing you need to worry about is execution, and if you can't execute a believable transition back onto offence under those circumstances then you can't be much of a worker. Then came all the stuntman bullshit. The Attitude Adjustment into the crowd was a stupid spot that put the fans in danger. Then there was a bunch of bullshit crowd brawling, running around backstage, gimmick spots and stunt tricks. All of this shit sucked. Cena can't run properly for starters and apparently you have to kill him dead to win a match. Edge and Cena are the wrong guys to do a match like this. Their acting skills are so shoddy that it looks stupid when they try to sell that they're out on their feet. That spot where they were so buggered they leaned on each other was tripe. Everything about this was tripe. The commentators trying to sell those steps as being heavy was a bad joke. This was a DUD.

[Kronos]

I actually feel that way about nearly every match with Edge in it, versus Cena or not. D'oh!

[Exposer]

I thought that LMS match was great, but I haven't seen it since roughly when it aired. I'm more forgiving of WWE's tropes in gimmick matches so I probably liked a lot of things OJ made criticisms about. I would need to re-watch it to see if the match holds up though.

[Chess Knight]

I watched that Orton I Quit for the first time last year and was shocked like a motherfucker at how hilariously awful Orton was in it. I saw him (barely) roll his eyes in the back of his head and rolled my eyes to the side. It was almost funny. He was like an eleven year old trying to act like his favourite anime character or something. Unbelievably terrible, probably worse than any instance of Edge over-acting I can remember seeing.

 

Adding something positive, I was surprised at how much I liked this one:

 

John Cena v. Batista (Extreme Rules 4/25/10)
Goddamn I thought this was totally fucking excellent. I can’t remember many Cena Is In Trouble matches that I got behind as much as this. I’m also really tempted to say this is Batista’s career performances and match. I’d definitely put this ahead of the HHH Cell, and I’d need to watch the Taker matches again. Batista and Cena two are big bulky dudes so the proper start to a big bulky dude LMS is to have both guys get moves in and then wait just in case the other got up, so they could go for them again. Batista, being the bigger and bulkier dude, gets the upper hand and after a great thingy where he’s sort of standing on Cena’s head, he randomly works the leg. Had no idea what to think of that until Cena pulls a fucking monster sell job. Man alive he was good – getting up and hopping around brilliantly to avoid Batista, and reversing the irish whip into the steps with this fucking fantastic struggling look on his face, like it was taking all of his power to not fall down (and then he falls down after that- SEE?). I’ll make a quick mention that Cena’s faces were perfect through the whole match. Don’t think I remember him ever conveying emotion as well as this, from struggle, to frustration, to confusion, to disappointment, to pain…all of it was great. I wish the leg thing wasn’t brushed off out of nowhere because there was nothing more deflating than seeing Cena hit his shoulder blocks and five knuckle shuffle like he did. He at least shook the leg after that a little, but he did such a cool sell of it that I was sad to see it end like that. I couldn’t be bothered by it too long for a couple of reasons (a) I wasn’t really expecting the match to be based around that, and (b ) the big moves were awesome. There are only so many gigantic things wrestlers can do before you get to the point where you want one of them stay down, and goddamnit I didn’t think they ever got there. Every move felt important and like a potential match-ender. Batista got most of them in (throw through the barricade and the table spot were badass), but not once did I think Cena was being, you know, ‘Superman’. He took his time getting up each one, and if he pounced he did in it that sort of jump that puts him in more pain than he was in before so he collapses to the ropes. There was a great one where was on the apron and instead of bothering to get up he just rolls to the outside on his feet. Batista and his great murderous rampages of dickness (yay @ him throwing the monitor at Matt Striker and telling that little boy he hates him) were stopped really well. Seemed like every thing Cena did had more and more of an impact, and Batista’s ten count get ups were just as buyable as Cena’s. The announce table FU one in particular was five million stars, especially with Cena yelling at people. I want to mention that the pre-match video had me confused. I thought this was one of those classic Cena deals where the heel said Cena got a ‘fluke win’ at the previous PPV, and decides to add a gimmick so Cena can’t do that again. I was confused because Cena got the STF on Batista later in the same video, and Batista stayed down for ten. Where’s the suspense if I know it can keep him down? The whole point is Batista can’t lose by tap out, but he won’t stay down for ten. Well I soon realised it was a total home-run of genius, because when Batista got up from that STF ten-count and Cena dashed for the tape I blew my fucking head. Some people hate the finish, don’t they? I loved it. This is John Cena, the man that kicks out of everything, that gets up form everything, the man that runs at his opponent with this stupid shoulder blocks no matter how much pain he’s been through, and here he is giving up and using this method. He can’t keep Batista down; he even used something that HAS kept Batista down for ten, but this behemoth’s going to keep coming. By using that tape he goes ‘fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. I give up. He won’t stay down unless I literally tie him to the floor’. The sight of Batista trying to pull out like a leashed leopard was fantastic. God this was sooooooo great.

 

 

The Umaga LMS will almost certainly always be my favourite Cena match, but that might be in second place for a long while.

[Jimmy Redman]

I'll have to check that out, I haven't seen it in a while. They also had an I Quit match the next PPV, I wonder how that compares as well.

[NintendoLogic]

The finish to the Cena/Batista LMS match was fucking awful. The whole point of the stipulation is that you have to physically dominate your opponent, not fucking MacGyver your way to a fluke win. Completely killed the gimmick dead. Amazingly, the I Quit match had an even stupider spot. Batista passed out in the STF, but since he didn't say I quit, it didn't mean anything, so Cena splashed some water on him to revive him. It was positively Russo-esque.

[ohtani's jacket]

ACE VS MIDCARDER

Cena vs Seth Rollins - Smackdown 27th December 2013

 

This was okay. I thought Cena started selling too much, too early as after a few minutes he was like he'd been in a fifteen minute fight, and that was off some pretty standard kick-punch-highspot rinse and repeat offence. I'm also not sure that having Rollins dominate was the best way to put him over. The way I see it, if the bout is even and you get your licks in, you come out looking much tougher than if you dominate for the entire bout and lose to a guy's finisher. All people remember is that Cena won not that Rollins took him to the limit. On the plus side, Rollins looked better than I expected. He's still a guy who's lacking in fundamentals, but his performance was mostly solid. I'd rate this one about ***

[ohtani's jacket]

ANTI-CENA CROWDS

 

Cena vs Triple H - Wrestlemania 22

 

Let's see, Money in the Bank is a classic and one of the greatest WWE matches of all-time, I never want to see another Edge/Cena match so long as I live, and I can do without seeing a Rob Van Dam match. I think I'm getting to the point where my interest in Cena depends on who his opponent is, and that's a big determiner in how I rate a worker. So Triple H it is. His entrance is sublime. How wonderfully self-indulgent. Cena comes across as a dipshit by comparison. I liked the early work in this. I don't have much of a problem with Triple H's work; it's basic stuff but inoffensive. It's the finishing stretches where things get cliched. The ref bump, the weapon shot, the kicking out of the FU and taking an age to tap to the STFU. It was like he was having a running battle with JR over who could roll out the more tired, cliched shtick. I think Ross won with the football talk. Cena didn't really own this match, which is a reoccurring theme for me. But it wasn't bad. About *** 1/4

[Dylan Waco]

I thought that Sandow match was wildly overrated at the time .

[goc]

I remember the Sandow match. It was a great performance by Cena but Sandow is just not really believable at that level.

[ohtani's jacket]

FACE VS FACE CLASHES

Cena vs Lashley - Great American Bash 2007

This was a good match. I liked this a lot. Lashley's selling left a bit to be desired, but his takedowns were rad and I liked a lot of his other offence. Cena's comeback attempts sucked as usual, but his counters were excellent. The FU off the top rope to end it was shitty looking and JR's commentary was like an old dog that needs to be taken out back, but those were minor quibbles. I like Cena a lot more in straight up wrestling bouts. *** 1/2

[concrete1992]

I see. That makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.

 

SELLING FOR MONSTERS

 

Cena vs Great Khali - Judgment Day 2007

 

This was the first match that I thought was actively bad. I wasn't expecting much from Khali who's a horrendously bad pro-wrestler, but Cena's punches and the moves he did to try to knock Khali down were appalling bad. Cena's selling was passable I guess, but he was never in any serious trouble, the jeopardy didn't match the stakes, and after all the hype that Khali had never been pinned or submitted, he lost in incredibly weak fashion. Surely, Cena could have gone to greater lengths to beat him. This wasn't even passable for a RAW match. About a *

Yeah, I don't quite get this match. My tastes in wrestling have been inching closer and closer to Dylan's for a year now but I can't really fathom thinking this is really good. I'll be posting about this match for my blog but I don't know when I'll have time to push that out so quick and dirty points:

• Cena's punches to Khali in the ropes are TERRIBLE
• Cena lying spread eagle several times doesn't really get me into a match and make me think "WOW, that selling"
• Khali isn't good...well we already knew that I suppose
• I hated the blocked brain chop because it meant the brain chop was blocked

Followed watching that up with his match against Big Show from Extreme Rules 2009...fantastic and blows the Khali match out of the water then blows it into nothing. Granted my perception of the match could have been tainted by having just gotten done watching the Khali match.

[ohtani's jacket]

TAG TEAM MATCHES

Cena & Bourne vs Edge & Sheamus - Raw 31st May 2010

 

Not sure if this was meant to be an example of good Cena tag work or not. It seemed to be more about Bourne than Cena. I suppose it might be an example of Cena's apron work, but if so his acting was pretty shitty. The hot tag sucked as well. The five knuckle shuffle off a hot tag? I suppose you could spin this as the Cena version of Tenryu/Kawada vs. Hansen/Gordy if you wanted to, but you shouldn't because it was about as throwaway as a polystyrene cup. **

[Jimmy Redman]

To be honest I haven't watched that tag since 2010, but my memory was that it was a great TV main event with a cool "underdog gets a massive victory" story. I like Cena in tags mainly because of his apron work, I love him emoting and hollering on the apron and he's such a goofball that he works well with a "little buddy" that he can cheer on. If you don't enjoy that I don't know what to tell you, but you haven't enjoyed any of the cheesy, overacting aspects of Cena so far so that's not a surprise.

 

I think it's pretty clear, and has been for a while, that Cena just isn't your kind of wrestler. Having said that, reading just how unimpressed you are with all of his matches has been quite fascinating in a morbid, masochistic kind of way. Masochistic for me, I mean, in that I'm watching you tear down all of my favourite matches. It's been fun.

[ohtani's jacket]

I wouldn't say I've been unimpressed with all of his matches. I like him in certain contexts, but when people say he's the best big match worker in US history or he's a top 30 worker I expect a hell of a lot more.

[goc]

I wouldn't say I've been unimpressed with all of his matches. I like him in certain contexts, but when people say he's the best big match worker in US history or he's a top 30 worker I expect a hell of a lot more.

In a slight defense of Cena on this point: I know that in a perfect world they all would be, but not every PPV match is a big match. I think in the REAL big matches (outside of The Rock matches, which I thought sucked) when he's actually had a well built feud, he delivers in the big matches.

 

That does also mean he has had stretches of time where his PPV matches have been very lackluster especially a lot of the stuff he was doing in 2010 after the Batista feud. The Cage match with Sheamus is a match that stands out to me as one that really disappointed me at the time.

[Loss]

Are big matches now just Royal Rumble/Wrestlemania/Summerslam main events, or maybe those plus special feuds outside of that where there's something unusually hot?

[goc]

Even those main events aren't guaranteed because they've given Cena some real crap to work even at WrestleMania like Miz & some hodge podge multi man stuff. How is Cena supposed to have a match with Miz that feels worthy of being a WrestleMania main event? No top star has been exposed to worse booking than John Cena and it is something that hurts his case just like everyone else has pluses & minuses to where they worked.