Well, I did watch it.
And now I'm gonna give my two cents.
I don't know some of these guys name because I don't watch the TV. So, be offended if you will.
Hey, Trip fellating himself in the intro. Nice. Doesn't need Steph anymore.
Sanity. Hey, I like freaks, so these guys are okay with me. The robotic intro are ridiculous though, especially when you're supposed to be some crazy weirdos. Fun, as I'm deep into TNA 2006 these days, and Roderick Strong looks exactly as he did back then. Eric Young, not so much. Fun opener. I like the fat bearded hairy guy. The one dressed like Mo, I dunno. The girls are kinda cool, especially the punkette with tatoos, but from what they do here, no way to know if they are any good. Young still bumps like a freak, nice to know. Hey, who's that fat guy in the shirt ? So yes, that's my very first look at Chris Hero/Cassius Ohno. And yes, he's fat. He's got a Barry Windham 93 kinda look, with a beard, because every guy has to have a beard. It's like the tribal tatoo of the 2010's. Hey, I loved Barry Windham, so it's all ok for me. The announcers, one of which sounds eerily like Michael Cole, say that he's "deceptively agile". He's not implying that Cassius Ohno is fat, is he ? Well he is. And that's cool, I love agile fat workers. His last name's only purpose seems to do awful puns though. Well, this was fun.
I hate to quote Johnny but :
Glad I'm not the only one. Except he's kinda like a lame CM Punk replacement. The intro is so forced. Is he supposed to be a satanist ? I mean, the kabalistic symbols, Aleister... Just say it, he's a satanist follower of Aleister Crowley. Of course they won't because Bray Wyatt is in the house, so he's just *dark*. With *tatoos that symbolizes his beliefs and life experiences*. Fuck, he's totally a satanist version of CM Punk. Not impressed though. He looks like every hipster tatoo parlor employee from the 11th arrondissement in Paris. Who practice yoga. I'm not afraid. The kind of guy you order a vegan burger from. Anyway, he kicks a whole lot. La Som... Almas does a Naito big up. Cool. Match was kinda there. Almas is just not working. Jury's out on Crowley, he looks to have some potential, but nothing special. Might as well give him some Deefheaven track for his intro though.
Three-way dance is already overrated as fuck in this thread. It was good. Not great. Way too long. Too much cutesy spots which come with the 3-way style (and are why I don't usually care for this gimmick). Whenever the AOP are in control, the match drags a whole lot as they just aren't very good. The samoan guy especially looks lost at points. The other four look great, so I longed for those great, classic matches they delivered the previous year. AOP aren't bad, but they are like the worst Head Hunters ever. Or the best Master Blasters ever. Ellering is useless. Anticlimatic finish.
Hey, I'd totally have a drink with Asuka at the swimming pool and talk shit. This girl seems like the coolest. Okay, so this is the best match on the show thus far. Like Ember Moon quite a bit from what I see here. The look, the work, the attitude. Too bad she gets your typical generic bad WWE music. She needs to come to Princess Nokia's "Kitana". Not sure those "I don't give a fuck" and "you can suck my dick" would sit well with the PG bullshit, but it would be so bad-ass and fitting. Anyway, this felt like two girls beating the shit out of each other. Kinda rough in spots, but at least this didn't look like a dance or manufactured "epic" (see later). Got better as it went, with a nice escalation in the violence and bitchiness. Hell, Asuka cheated to win ! That was cool ! I'm totally there for a rematch, this was very good/excellent.
Nakamura is nothing special anymore. His entrance is verging on self-parody, because he's always the exact same. The less said the better about Roode's, which is forced as all hell. The Glorious bit is awful and doesn't even get boos from these idiots in the crowd. Pandering-to-smart-audience theme song to get a sing-along reaction is the worst. And I don't buy Roode's Rude/Orndorff cosplay for one minute. He's just not a main event player. Never has been, even in TNA. Super solid undercard worker, but not a top guy. He's so Triple H/Jeff Jarrett in 2000. This is dull. And long. Nak is soooo cruising. Oh man, the worst NJ elbow exchange ever now... Ends in a very obvious "look at us having an epic" mode... I fear the exact same stuff for every big Mania match.
Mixed bag. Opener was fine. Tag match was pretty good but too long and cutesy. Women's match was really good. Main event was boring.
