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Dumbest foreign object ever


pantherwagner

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Jarrett's guitar. Why does he have a guitar? It had nothing to do with his character by that point, and, even though it once had, he'd been a singer and not a guitar player. Triple H wasn't a construction worker, but he's at least associating himself with something threatening. Jarrett for some reason chose a musical instrument.

 

On top of that, it's a terrible weapon because every time he used it the referee would have to ignore the pieces of guitar all over the ring.

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Okay, yeah.

 

1. The Sledgehammer

2. acoustic guitars

 

Anyone who has ever owned an acoustic guitar knows that if you smashed one of those over someone's head, it would break their neck (but not the guitar).

 

Although I did enjoy the fact that New Jack's guitars always had "cocaine" (baby powder) inside so when they broke it looked like something out of El Mariachi.

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I don't mind the guitar shot as much as the sledgehammer. At least with the guitar, you get a great visual - with the sledgehammer, there is no payoff. Its like the kendo stick or the phony aluminum trash can - at the very least, those objects made awesome sounds.

 

The high heel shoe is the first thing that came to mind when I read the title of this thread, but that's likely because I'm in the midst of a WCW PPV marathon watch and have recently finished 95' and half of 96'.

 

How about Jim Duggan's Taped Fist finish? I never really understood it conceptually. Tape or not, it's a right hand to the jaw so its going to hurt - but wouldn't athletic tape covering the knuckles, however slightly, weaken the punch by "cushioning" the knuckles? If not, why not just wear the tape from the beginning of the match too - I mean, it's not even illegal. Maybe this is the wrong thread for delving into the theory behind that gimmick.

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Anything that's meant to cause someone to bleed is incredibly stupid as a "foreign object". Yeah, they just spontaneously started bleeding while you weren't looking, ref!

 

I don't mind the guitar shot as much as the sledgehammer. At least with the guitar, you get a great visual - with the sledgehammer, there is no payoff. Its like the kendo stick or the phony aluminum trash can - at the very least, those objects made awesome sounds.

 

I'd also say that even when it was Jarrett at his most egregious, it was always supposed to be buffoonish. He's imitating a Hanna Barbera character and thinks that it's super-effective and cool, he's a dumb guy. A successful dumb guy, but still dumb. I mean, the "Jeff Jarrett points at his head to show how smart he is" move is ridiculous and will never fail to make me laugh when brought up (effectively used by Loss a few months ago), but it's not supposed to be an intelligent gesture, either.

 

Triple H looked like the stupidest man on the planet but was NEVER supposed to seem like anything but a genius.

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Mr. Pogo's scythe thing was ridiculous, but at least as his endless feud with Onita went on they would do that bit where Pogo would swing the scythe and Onita would block it using a table as a shield, so it was at least ridiculous in a somewhat cool and creative way. I actually liked that spot, even if the rest of the scythe stuff is basically the shits.

 

I like the HHH vs. Taker match at WM 17 as much as the next man, but sledgehammer is pretty bad.

 

Spare tables under the ring always struck me as pretty dumb because they're only there because wrestlers need tables. But I still say sledgehammer, yeah. That shit would kill you.

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I don't mind the guitar shot as much as the sledgehammer. At least with the guitar, you get a great visual - with the sledgehammer, there is no payoff. Its like the kendo stick or the phony aluminum trash can - at the very least, those objects made awesome sounds.

 

The high heel shoe is the first thing that came to mind when I read the title of this thread, but that's likely because I'm in the midst of a WCW PPV marathon watch and have recently finished 95' and half of 96'.

 

How about Jim Duggan's Taped Fist finish? I never really understood it conceptually. Tape or not, it's a right hand to the jaw so its going to hurt - but wouldn't athletic tape covering the knuckles, however slightly, weaken the punch by "cushioning" the knuckles? If not, why not just wear the tape from the beginning of the match too - I mean, it's not even illegal. Maybe this is the wrong thread for delving into the theory behind that gimmick.

 

When you tape your fist it cushions your fist so you can throw a harder punch. It is why boxers and MMA fighters tape their fists before fights

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Re: trash cans, as Foley says in his book, there is something fundamentally satisfying to the lizard brain about seeing a guy stagger around with a trash can on his head. Actually using those awful aluminium trash cans as weapons, though... yeah that was the shits. Thankfully I don't think you see that anywhere anymore. Maybe in TNA.

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Ether soaked rag is the one I absolutely hate the most. It's sound, in theory, but it always just comes off so poorly to me. At least the sledgehammer and guitars give you the basic "heavy thing being used as weapon" visual. Ether rags just give you somebody smothering a rag on somebody's mouth.

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Yeah. Things like vehicular manslaughter and attempted murder by way of sledgehammer certainly fit the bill.

 

But I'm a little more lenient when it comes to weaponry and foreign objects, I guess. I don't know if that's a case of being so desensitized to the violence over the years or what, but a lot of it just seems to come with the territory of modern wrestling. You basically know you're going to get overkill with the hokey weapons, every bit as much as you're going to see a finishing sequence of at least ninety-five near-falls. I'd say it takes something seriously gratuitous, totally unnecessary, and/or just really fucking stupid to catch my attention and get me to shake my head at this point.

 

The cinder block spot always seems REALLY fucking stupid, but I actually dig the visual of it when it's done right. It can look terrible, but it can just as easily look really cool. It doesn't work quite as well in wrestling as it would in some comic book or action movie fight scene.

 

Light tubes are another neat visual. I'm not a big fan of death matches at all, but there's something about seeing the glass shatter and the shards bouncing around the mat with every impact afterwards.

 

It's also why I enjoy a roll of quarters. There's something about seeing those coins bust loose and explode in the air with a mean-looking punch or a nasty haymaker. Same can be said for Chris Hero's recent use of the iced down elbow. Just a tremendous, visually stimulating scene.

 

https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/CM3VgrXWoAAVW3c.mp4

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Fuck it, I love ether. Makes total sense. Chicken shit heel has to chemically inebriate a guy because he's too much of a coward to beat him by normal means.

 

Ether kind of falls apart due to smell though. Wouldn't the referee smell it and seeing the guy passed out in the ring kind of wonder what happened? I mean I don't know what ether smells like but I would wonder.

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I always felt like a total goddamn fool when I was refereeing a match and I had to ask the crowd if the heel did something. You don't see real-sports referees asking the audience's opinion on anything.

 

And back to my point: why should you ask if you're not gonna do anything based upon any answer you get? It doesn't matter how sternly you scowl at the heel, how firmly you shake your finger at them, how grumpily you demand them to knock it off. If you're not going to do anything, then it makes the fans feel nothing but frustration that their input was requested and then summarily ignored. The heat then goes on the referee for being an impotent wallflower, rather than on the heel who's doing the cheating.

 

EDIT: and it really doesn't help that, in wrestling, the punishment for cheating is an all-or-nothing deal. Either the referee ends the match immediately (which nobody wants to see), or things just continue onward like nothing happened. It'd be nice if there was some middle-ground punishment. Not like a point system, that would be too complicated to keep up with, but something besides "do nothing" or "stop EVERYTHING" would make the referees look like they had more power.

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