Ridiculous quotes from WO.com columnists

[Tim Cooke]

He also blames Austin for driving away all the pro-wrestling fans.

[Marty]

Using the MNF comparison, that's like blaming Peyton Manning for setting the bar too low on quality of play of a quarterback.

[S.L.L.]

He also blames Austin for driving away all the pro-wrestling fans.

To be fair, he blames Austin's seemingly arbitrary heel turn on driving away fans, which was one of the last nails in the coffin for the late-90's boom period. Not that it makes anything else he wrote make any more sense.

 

It’s all about dynamics, and dynamics are the easiest thing to spot when they emerge, but obviously the hardest to create, especially on a blank canvas.

And especially hard to create because the word "dynamics", when used by itself, doesn't mean anything. Kinda like most of Babbysack's articles, really.

[Tim Cooke]

Oh, I misread. I thought he was blaming the entire "anti-hero" face thing on Austin - at least Meltzer doesn't give print room to him like he did to Ben Miller in the early 2000's.

[Log]

THIS really gave me the giggles, but I'm a gnat:

There’s a big difference between TNA and WWE fans – TNA fans still have that thread that can be traced back to the heady days of the cable wars. TNA fans still have vestiges of the believability of the old NWA, the passion and knowledge of the internet fans, and the respect for history of the Paul Heyman days.

As an old NWA fan, I never knew I wasn't supposed to be a WWE fan as well. And "Heady" days of the cable wars? The only thing "heady" was getting your head ready with weed to watch a lot of wrestling, especially the "History" of the Paul Heyman days.

Seriously, what does that even mean? "I RESPECT the glory days of EC dub!" What?

Bix, you read a book of this guy's "sophisticated" ramblings? Jesus, I'd be like Brando at the end of Apocolypse Now,..."the horror..."

 

That quote is great. Yes, it's those idiots that sit there and entertain themselves with constant chanting that are the true "old school" fans. I mean, when I watched this week's TNA, the thing that stood out was the believability. I thought Angle/Styles may have been a shoot for the first few minutes.

 

Do these idiots get paid for writing this crap?

[Bix]

Do these idiots get paid for writing this crap?

No, thankfully.

[1004Holds]

The lack of focus on a single point is the worst thing about Babbinsack if what I've seen in this thread shows anything. I don't read dirtsheets unless if they're posted on a forum so maybe this is just the worst of the worst. He goes from talking about Dr. Death to the return of Bret Hart by the end of the essay. Either stick to a topic or show some sort of transition between what you're writing about. They teach this sort of thing from middle school onwards; how did this guy miss that?

[Wahoos Leg]

Do these idiots get paid for writing this crap?

No, thankfully.

 

As someone who makes their living shoveling the written word, I am relieved to hear this.

[Boondocks Kernoodle]

Is "respect for history" really a hallmark of the Heyman days when Heyman had his champion come out and cut a promo saying Lou Thesz, Jack Brisco and Harley Race can all kiss his ass and then throw down the NWA title? I suppose such a betrayal serves on its own as a sort of tribute to the golden days of wrestling when double-crosses like that were commonplace but I doubt that's what the writer meant.

[Johnny Sorrow]

Some Todd Martin wackiness re: tonight's RAW

 

Next was John Cena, who was not popular with this crowd. He said he has beaten everyone there, although he acknowledged he beat Mike Tyson in Punch-Out. I’m not sure how many people understood the reference, but I did so it’s fine by me.

See, old videogame references are A-OK . Geek story writes itself.

 

Sheamus said he just defended against Cena and wants the Royal Rumble off. I don’t really care because it’s just Sheamus, but I don’t understand why they’re booking him like a chickenshit heel. It doesn’t fit with the character they’d previously given him.

He's been a heel who pisses off the faces by avoiding matches since he won the belt. He's a bully.

 

 

Chris Jericho then came in. So if you had 0 weeks in the pool for how long Jericho would be gone, a winner is you. Stipulations, shnipulations, WWE wants its monkey men.

The Simpsons reference here makes no sense, and the whole Jericho deal is funny.

 

Swagger went to throw out Santino but Santino hung on and Swagger flew out. You know, I wouldn’t book segments that serve no purpose other than to bury and humiliate my best young talent, but maybe that’s just me. What, is this guy a heroin addict? Did he pull a Mel Phillips? Did they find out he’s a spy for TNA? I know they love burying guys, but Swagger has as much star potential as anyone on the entire roster.

It was supposed to put over that anything can happen in the Royal Rumble.

 

Backstage, Mike Tyson threatened to tear out Hornswoggle’s intestines and jump rope with them. He said he would rip out Hornswoggle’s brain, put it in a newspaper, and smash it against the window like Silly Putty. I was so very disappointed when he didn’t follow through on these threats. I mean, I didn’t think it was possible for my feelings about Hornswoggle to be articulated so perfectly. I want to chop him up and put him inside the mattress like drug money.

Get a grip.

 

MVP said he has embraced that past and talks about it openly. Since when?

Since he's been a face. It's been brought up again and again.

 

They announced next week’s guest hosts are a guy from Miami Vice and Napoleon Dynamite.

What a turd.

[kjh]

Backstage, Mike Tyson threatened to tear out Hornswoggle’s intestines and jump rope with them. He said he would rip out Hornswoggle’s brain, put it in a newspaper, and smash it against the window like Silly Putty. I was so very disappointed when he didn’t follow through on these threats. I mean, I didn’t think it was possible for my feelings about Hornswoggle to be articulated so perfectly. I want to chop him up and put him inside the mattress like drug money.

Get a grip.

Poor Todd, another of the dying breed of pro wrestling intellectuals driven to the point of insanity by WWE outrageously pushing characters for kids.

[S.L.L.]

Chris Jericho then came in. So if you had 0 weeks in the pool for how long Jericho would be gone, a winner is you.

I’m not sure how many people understood the reference, but I did so it’s fine by me.

[Bix]

Unsurprisingly, my review was given the title "Professional Wrestling Intellectual book anything but"

[kjh]

I hope this gets linked to in the daily Observer/Figure Four website news update.

 

To be honest I think the playing up big the fact he writes for the Observer website is not so much being intentionally disingenuous, but more deluding himself. Most of Meltzer's online columnists are marks for him and genuinely believe that writing for his website is a really big deal. The stuff about Bischoff and the comic book is to be fair weird though.

 

I'm in two minds about the effort made to review the DVDs of any and all independent promotions. Sure it's good exposure for them, but would he watch them if he had to pay for them himself?

[Bix]

I hope this gets linked to in the daily Observer/Figure Four website news update.

Would it if I sent it in? I kinda doubt it...

 

To be honest I think the playing up big the fact he writes for the Observer website is not so much being intentionally disingenuous, but more deluding himself. Most of Meltzer's online columnists are marks for him and genuinely believe that writing for his website is a really big deal. The stuff about Bischoff and the comic book is to be fair weird though.

I get what you're saying, but if someone's that deluded and doesn't notice a pattern that's been there for close to a decade, and has regularly included stuff like Dominic Valenti's "AAA TV reports" that were just the results in ALL CAPS, all sorts of "interview recaps" that were just ads, often for pay sites like ClubWWI, etc, plus the email from a certain promoter that especially in hindsight was clearly not supposed to be posted on the site, etc, I feel like there's not much of a difference for whatever reason.

 

I'm in two minds about the effort made to review the DVDs of any and all independent promotions. Sure it's good exposure for them, but would he watch them if he had to pay for them himself?

I was thinking of including something about how he's talked about only reviewing free shit to a fault ("I would have liked to read/watched and reviewed X, but wasn't sent a free copy..." type stuff), but decided against it. That said, how many people review the obscure indies he does in as high profile a fashion as he does, even with comped DVDs? He's generally pretty dim but I think he's doing a good thing as far as the indy reviews go, plus it's only costing the promotion a few dollars at most and if just one person buys the DVD based on the review, it's more than worth it to them. Especially since it seems like he always gives them good reviews.

[Bix]

Bischoff on Babinsack, for those who haven't seen it.

 

 

BLOG 7/26/2007

Rocket Man!

Like many men my age that have had a successful career, raised two great kids, have a beautiful wife of 23 years and all the material things that I could really want, I have found myself at a crossroad.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I would not have changed anything (well ok, perhaps a few things) in my life because it has been an amazing one in so many ways. But at 52, I realize that there are some goals that I will never achieve.

 

Unless I make a decision right now to achieve them!

 

You see I have always wanted to command a manned spacecraft, or at the very least, be in the aerospace industry. When I was young, astronauts like John Glen were national heroes. I remember being riveted to the television 38 years ago this month when man first stepped foot on the moon, and I was amazed that I could hear the first words spoken from another planet live on my television set.

 

I always wanted to be one of those astronauts.

 

The truth is I never really had the discipline to excel at the academic requirements in which one must excel in order to become an astronaut or get involved in the aerospace industry. Sure, I had the passion and was talented in other areas, but science, math, physics, and all of the other subjects in which one must be “top of the class” were just not my thing. I sold myself short.

 

Until now.

 

I realized today that I could indeed reach my childhood dream! I read on a wrestling website today that one doesn’t really need to actually have a job in a certain industry in order to be a part of that industry. All you have to do is write about it on a website and send it out into cyberspace and faster than you can say "We Have Liftoff" You are in the industry! You can even write about things that make absolutely zero sense, like unionizing an industry that probably only has about 150 people (only about half earning a real living) who are providing services to the only one real contractor for those services, and get away with it because…YOU’RE IN THE INDUSTRY!

 

Hell, I am far more qualified than I need to be. I have been licensed by the FAA to be pilot in command of high performance, complex aircraft and have an instrument rating to boot! I can not only write a blog, I can actually speak with authority because the federal government has licensed me to actually take flight. Why the hell didn’t somebody tell me this sooner? Why did I have to hear it from some guy named Babinsack?

 

So to my business partners, agents, friends and colleagues…I bid you farewell. Next time you look up into the heavens think of me. I will be at home sitting in front of my computer writing about things I really don’t understand, but at least I will have reached my childhood dream.

[Indikator]

"I realized today that I could indeed reach my childhood dream! I read on a wrestling website today that one doesn’t really need to actually have a job in a certain industry in order to be a part of that industry. All you have to do is write about it on a website and send it out into cyberspace and faster than you can say "We Have Liftoff" You are in the industry!"

 

Apparently he read Vince Russos rspw reviews

[Bix]

Russo RSPW reviews?

[Indikator]

I was once able to find a Supertape IV review by Russo from around 91/92. For some reason I'm unable right now (non-english google settings tend to be a problem)

[jdw]

That sounds odd...

 

John

[Herodes]

I can't find any posts by Russo himself but there are a few early mentions of him (shitty RSPW formatting included)

 

From Herb Kunze talking about John Arezzi's Pro Wrestling Spotlight newsletter in Jan 92:

 

Then there's a review by Vince Russo of videos released in 1991.

Apparently, Hulkamania VI has the Hulk Hogan vs. Stan Hansen match

from Tokyo on 4/13/90. I didn't know this before reading this column.

I'd recommend anybody interested in seeing a good Hulk Hogan match

rent this thing. I don't know if it's edited for this tape, but

the original match from Japanese TV was ***3/4, I'd say, and the

best Hogan match I've seen. The only other video of note

that was reviewed ws Supertape IV, which apparently has some footage

of Gorilla Monsoon beating up Muhammad Ali. The Cactus Jack vs.

Eddie Gilbert tape that Arezzi is selling gets the highest ranking

of all the videos reviewed.

From Dave Scherer in Aug 92:

 

John Arezzi is

learning how to access the world of computers. He was on the CIS

conference last Sunday. I think he is partly doing it to combat the

inane ramblings of his ex-partner Vince Russo. Then, Russo had the gazongas to say the next day that someone "hacked"

his Prodigy account and posted the info under his name. What a leper.

Possibly the first online labelling of Vince Russo as an idiot, again from Scherer in Jan 93:

 

the BIG idiots are the guys like Vince Russo who invested big money in John. The reason I called Russo an idiot, other than the fact that he was, is

because he invested $10,000 dollars in Arezzi and claimed to not even

know the direction that Arezzi wanted to take his show. I talked with

Russo for about an hour a while back and he told me that he wanted to do

a light hearted show and that he did not know that Arezzi wanted to

treat the subject seriously. Anyone who knows Arezzi knows that is how

he treats the biz.

[kjh]

Joe Babinsack starts talking UFC - doesn't really "get it" either.

 

"In the UFC, which for the most part is the MMA world today -- because until StrikeForce shows staying power, and until a savior appears for the Japanese market, the UFC is the only place where the sport truly exists – the sport is constructed on a basis of championships."

 

Dismissing MMA companies like Strikeforce and K-1 with national major network TV deals is a bit rich coming from the guy that plays up any two bit indy that gives him a free DVD for him to shill.

 

"But unlike the WWE, the realism of the MMA world, coupled with a sports-oriented process of determining challengers, and the very real determinations of the matches (ok, judging issues persist) creates those important marketing dynamics that sell tickets, PPV buys and the brand".

 

Does Babinsack even read the MMA section in the Observer? I have to ask because for a guy who parrots Meltzer's opinions, he seems to be off message. Meltzer has been pretty clear in his analysis that what "creates those important marketing dynamics that sell tickets, PPV buys and the brand" is the creation of realistic verbal conflict and grudges between headliners to hype their PPV matches, not the "sports-oriented process of determining challengers and the very real determinations of the matches". He's been so clear in fact that he's become a broken record that moans whenever pure sport gets in the way of business.

[Bix]

Also note Babinsack using the term "800 pound gorilla" to refer to UFC, which he's praising, even though he normally uses the term negatively when referring to WWE.

 

In one promotion, championships are held as vastly important, defended as such, promoted as such, and challenged as such.

 

In the other, championships are a prop.

In one promotion, the fights are real.

 

In the other, the fights are fake.

[Bix]

We missed this:

 

If anyone wants to read a book compiling free articles available on the internet, you can always buy Slam! from ECW Press.

Even when going for the burn he fails in epic fashion, since Slam! is available in stores while his book is only available on the internet.

 

(Babinsack said in an email to me that "very little" of the columns were available freely online. I told him that if he sent a list of which ones were for print publications that I'd correct and revise the review, but he hasn't replied)

[Tim Evans]

So Bix, what are the chances you get Babinsack on Loser Leaves Town? That would be epic.