AEW 3/1-3/3 - Open The Golden Gate

[Dale Wolfe]

He's wasted there and should be a good asset on the main show. I think anyway 

Don't often see someone running round on top rope like that Komander did, that was great 

[RocknWrestling]

Not exactly the blow-away show we'd initially hoped for when buying tickets, but being at the Cow Palace for wrestling is always fun. You can feel the spirit of legends like Ray Stevens, Peter Maivia, and Pat Patterson within those walls. Our seats were just out of range for being able to view the video screen, so we missed seeing all the promos and entrance graphics. Audio at the Cow Palace was awful tonight too; you could barely hear anything at all.

Got there just in time for the Dark taping. I'll post those results as spoilers with winners in bold:

Spoiler

Nyla Rosa & Marina Shafir vs. J-Rod & Sandra Moore. 
Brian Cage vs. Rob McKnight.
Juice Robinson vs. Titus Alexander.
Skye Blue vs. Leila Grey. Totally thought Leila Grey would win too.
Christopher Daniels vs. Cole Carter.
Athena vs. Brooke Havoc. Athena WHUPPED Brooke's skinny ass but good and continued the beatdown post-match until Willow Nightingale ran in for the save. Athena danced to Willow's entrance music on her way out, which had us cracking up.
Lance Archer vs. some jabroni.
Evil Uno vs. Lee Johnson.

None of these matches were really anything to write home about aside from Athena's antics; they were all over in relatively short order.

Tony Khan came out after the Dark taping all coked out and stoked to be at the historical Cow Palace in San Francisco, welcoming us to the show and hoped that we'd have a good time...I think. Bad audio and whatnot.

Not an Orange Cassidy fan, so I flipped him off and headed over to the merch table for an AEW San Francisco t-shirt and an OOOOOH SCISSOR ME DADDY t-shirt, plus a brat and a bottle of water. Some of the Cow Palace staff look like they've been working there since the Roy Shire days. Nice folks. Apparently I missed Big Bill chokeslam OC through the bell table, which prompted my friend who is not up on the current AEW product to stand up and yell "ISN'T THAT A DISQUALIFICATION?" No, not in AEW. Got back to my seat in time for the finish. Missed all the Danhausen interaction in the process.

Didn't get to see Moxley's blood-soaked promo due to where we were seated and could only sorta hear it over the PA.

Not a fan of the Elite either, so you can guess that I laughed my ass off when the lights went out and they caught a House of Black beatdown. Friend who is not up on the current AEW product decided that House of Black were his new favorite AEW faction for depriving us of another Elite match, heh. I joked about how Team Satan had just sent the Christians back to Cucamonga, although it's probably not working out in their favor again on Sunday.

Samoa Joe looked big pimpin' in that suit carrying both belts. Too much stuff was going on at once to really keep track of the ladder match, but we tried to keep our eyes on our hometown dude Powerhouse Hobbs whenever we could and rooted for him the entire time. Eddie Kingston and Ortiz fought their way up the ramp and vanished. So much for seeing Eddie Kingston do much of anything. Kanosuke Takeshita matched up nicely with Hobbs; I'd like to see a rivalry between those two. Dunno who Kommander is in Mexico, but he really impressed me with his ability to walk the ropes the way he did if nothing else. Too bad we noticed everyone else standing there looking up and waiting to catch him on the way down. How AR Fox is not crippled after taking that Death Valley Driver off the apron across the ladder is beyond me. Action Andretti almost ended his own career on those two ladder stunts. Takeshita's Blue Thunder Bomb on Kommander off the ladder looked like a near-botch from where we were sitting. Sammy Guevara doing a senton off a ladder through another ladder held up by two chairs might be the stupidest thing I've ever seen done in person. Powerhouse Hobbs fucking KILLED the ladder with that running shoulderblock. That was awesome! Then he climbs the damn broken ladder and grabs the Golden Donut to become the Face of the Revolution and write a new chapter in the Book of Hobbs. Fuck yeah. Couldn't see much of Wardlow coming out and destroying the security guards from our vantage point, but at least caught him power bombing the one guy off the stage.

Didn't get to see the Best Friends promo.

Chris Jericho cut a heat promo on the city of San Francisco that wasn't aired on TV. His match against Peter Avalon was merely a setup for the post-match beatdown that we saw coming from a mile away. Real loud FUCK YOUR HAT chant directed at Jake Hager that you can kinda hear on the broadcast. Jericho, Garcia & Hager all took turns falling down on the ramp as they were walking away for some reason.

Didn't get to see Hangman Page's promo, the Jungle Boy video, or the Jamie Hayter/Britt Baker promo. We could barely hear Christian Cage's in-ring interview with Renee Paquette.

Hook vs. Matt Hardy was a decent little match. One thing that I noticed about Hardy is that he takes bumps in such a way that they sound so much louder when he hits the mat than virtually everyone else on the AEW roster. I don't know why it was so noticeable.

Didn't get to see the House of Black promo.

Toni Storm is awesome! She comes off like such a badass. Riho's offense and general ring presence looks sloppy and so much worse in person than on camera. She doesn't even hit the ropes at all. Toni's running ass attack looks devastating. Riho winning via the worst distraction roll-up finish ever was embarrassing. I wanted Toni to drop her like a bad habit and spray-paint the big L on her torso instead. Jamie Hayter sure has her work cut out for her on Sunday having to carry the load for both Saraya and Ruby Soho; their three-way brawl post-match was sloppy as hell.

Didn't get to see the Keith Lee/Dustin Rhodes promo. Keith Lee looks like crap now that he's stopped dying his hair.

I don't know how many people at the Cow Palace know that the annual battle royal was Roy Shire's biggest draw, but I was down with the tag team battle royal as a small nod to San Francisco rassling history. We were rooting for the Blackpool Combat Club because we're down with Claudio, but Top Flight did some impressive shit in the ring too. We didn't see the Best Friends promo, so we didn't know that Orange Cassidy and Danhausen were coming back for more in the battle royal. No, we were not happy to see them win either. We could see the Team Jarrett guys jogging in from the other side of the arena for the post-match attack; Jarrett's blonde hair and Satnam Singh stood out in the shadows. Everybody was stoked to see the Acclaimed run in for the save.

Didn't get to see the MJF/Danielson highlight video.

Bryan Danielson actually didn't get that big of a pop upon coming out to the ring, whereas MJF was over like Rover with this crowd. He probably got the biggest reaction of the entire night. Danielson shutting MJF and going on his tirade, making that crack about Max's fiancée leaving him was great. Not sure if no promo at all from MJF was the way to get people more stoked for the Iron Man match on Sunday, but maybe we'll hear from him on Friday. Sounds like Revolution needs all the help it can get drawing a crowd from what I've heard.

Got a dark match pitting the Acclaimed against the Workhorsemen. You can guess how that went. I'd say that the Acclaimed was second to MJF for overness with the crowd. Danielson was a distant third and Orange Cassidy was probably fourth behind him. Daddy Ass and the Acclaimed scissored to celebrate after the match followed by "...and if you're not down with that, I got two words for ya!" because why the hell not. I believe Tony Khan came back out to wish us a good night and to get home safely and that was that for this week's edition of AEW Dynamite.

Like I said earlier, we weren't blown away by the show or anything, but we always have a fun night out when wrestling is in town anyway. My friends and I don't ask for too much as long as we're entertained. Cow Palace was maybe a little over half-full, which is odd to me because the tickets were actually pretty damn cheap for a Dynamite/Rampage package deal. Wrestling doesn't always do that great in the Bay Area though. There's that story about how No Way Out at the Cow Palace in 2004 was looking to be a disaster until walk-up sales the day of the show proved that Eddie Guerrero was a draw after all. WWE has struggled to fill the SAP Center down the way in San Jose in more recent times too and came nowhere near packing the Oakland Coliseum the last couple times they had house shows there. New Japan's G1 Special drew a pretty good house at the Cow Palace in 2018 though, so I'm not sure what that says about the promotional departments at AEW and WWE compared to NJPW.

I will say that Dynamite was paced much better than any of the Raw or Smackdown tapings I've attended in the past, especially when it comes to commercial breaks and downtime in general. We only noticed downtime in two particular spots right before the Toni Storm/Riho match and one of Renee Paquette's in-ring interview segments. Watching the actual televised broadcast via nefarious means after getting home was interesting to see where they inserted commercial breaks and backstage stuff; it's actually a very nicely laid out show in that sense. Good times. Looking forward to Rampage on Friday!

[sek69]

11 minutes ago, RocknWrestling said:

I will say that Dynamite was paced much better than any of the Raw or Smackdown tapings I've attended in the past, especially when it comes to commercial breaks and downtime in general. We only noticed downtime in two particular spots right before the Toni Storm/Riho match and one of Renee Paquette's in-ring interview segments. Watching the actual televised broadcast via nefarious means after getting home was interesting to see where they inserted commercial breaks and backstage stuff; it's actually a very nicely laid out show in that sense. Good times. Looking forward to Rampage on Friday!

I noticed that too when I go to AEW shows, and I think it's largely due to the fact that when you go to a WWE show they make it clear they are only catering to the TV audience and don't give a fuck about the live crowd. 

[Matt D]

Here's where I am on the PPV. I'm generally pretty positive about this stuff, but not this time.

Spoiler

Danielson vs MJF: Given how my life is set up, I almost never see these things live. With this match, it's almost a blessing. Who wants to watch an hour long match in 2023? The story here is the purity and love of pro wrestling vs selling out and cashing in. At some point, every MJF story is about his own shallowness and hypocrisy. The story behind the story is how they're going to fill the time, but we've seen Danielson fill time in AEW. We know that MJF can go. I hope that he leans into the 80s heel shtick he's been doing in ring as much as possible here, but the simple fact of the matter is that to fill an hour. he's going to have to lean into that and a whole lot more. I would have much rather seen this at 45 minutes or especially 30. You could still get the same idea across but it wouldn't be such a foreboding chore to imagine watching. 

Page vs Mox: Mox is pretty much the ideal Page opponent because he has to take it to him and brawl and not just hit his early match death valley driver or whatever other bullshit he does as part of his typical match structure. That said, we've seen it three times. Again, I get the story. Mox knocked him out and then in their rubber match, rolled him up. Now Page needs to prove he's a man by knocking Mox out so he can't answer the call. That's the only way to win. I just don't really care. The gimmick is going to slow things down when we've seen them go at one another for three matches already. Ultimately, I think I would have liked to see a different gimmick, maybe a bullrope, maybe retaking the idea of a cage, most especially an I Quit match. We've seen them try to knock each other out. Let's see something else?

Joe vs Wardlow: I don't want to see Joe lose the title. I don't want to see Wardlow win the title. I don't want to see this match.

Elite vs House of Black: I think this is one of the most interesting matches on the card, and that's coming from me who usually skips the Elite trios matches. House of Black can act as bases and add some real contrast to the Elite's act. There will be clearer face/heel lines than usual (hypothetically) and the Elite should be able to draw sympathy. That said, House of Black is capable of doing a lot of stuff despite their size and presence and I hope the match doesn't devolve to that immediately. They can build to it with real heat on the Elite and then pay off the fireworks in an amazing 5 minute finishing stretch. So this could be really good or it could be the usual bullshit. 

Gunns vs Acclaimed vs Triple J vs Best Friends*: Probably the match I'm looking forward to seeing the most, but it'll be a lot of bodies and a lot of masters to serve. Putting OC and Danhausen in there is clever and ties up a bunch of stories over the last few months. I'll be honest though. I would have much rather seen a Gunns vs Acclaimed: Titles vs Custody of Billy Gunn straight tag and OC defending the All-Atlantic Title against Jarrett in a singles. Tag matches this big are kind of a mess even when you have guys good at directing traffic in there. I'd be interested in seeing the Acclaimed interact with OC and Danhausen though. 

Hayter vs Saraya vs Ruby: What an absolute disaster.

Jericho vs Starks: No one wants to see this! At least it makes no sense for Andretti to interfere after the JAS took him out last night. Maybe Paul Wight does? Who knows? In an ideal world, Starks wins decisively in the middle of the ring and everyone moves on.

Christian vs Jungle Boy: Speaking of moving on, these guys need to move on! Christian is the most useful heel in the company and only has so much of a shelf life. They need to get usage out of him. I've always preferred him as a babyface though. His offense leans more into it and the best part of Christian is how he can work his stuff in creatively from week to week. Granted, the second best part of him in 2023 is that he's one of the only guys who can get heat, but the streetfight stip here makes me think that we're going to get a bunch of weapon shots and complicated set ups on bumps or whatever and that doesn't really play to Christian's strengths.

Ultimately, there are a few things I'm looking forward to seeing on the card, like more Jarrett/OC interaction, but no actual matches. 

That said, I'm very positive on both the ROH taping and the upcoming ROH PPV. Like I said before, given the talent and Tony's penchant to book good matches, if you don't like AEW, just wait a few weeks. But I'm not liking this PPV at all on paper.

[KawadaSmile]

3 hours ago, Dale Wolfe said:

He's wasted there and should be a good asset on the main show. I think anyway 

Don't often see someone running round on top rope like that Komander did, that was great 

What I don't get is doing a "I quit AEW" angle as a justification of him playing a bigger role in ROH when his damn opponent, Claudio, is working both brands.

It is better than him doing fuck all like he's done the past months or so, but only marginally.

[Jmare007]

Are there more matches expected to be announced for the PPV?

Having 7 matches + the Iron Man match seems like the most generous offer TK could give us (4 hr PPV at most).

[Migs]

I don't think so - I assume they'll announce a couple of things for the Buy In, but this seems like the right size card for a 4 hour show.

 

[Flyin' Brian]

Dynamite was a mixed bag. I love Orange Cassidy and enjoy him getting the spotlight, but having the All Atlantic Title and being in the tag title match at Revolution might be too much. Really hope they retire the tag team battle royals for title shots for a while too. They have a tag division that could be great, but most of the teams don't do anything most of the time. I'd love to see some feuds between the teams that aren't currently going after the titles to build up some contenders. 

Glad Hobbs won the ladder match but wish they would have grabbed another ladder instead of having the refs help hold up the broken one so Hobbs could win. Just didn't look right. 

Eddie Kingston's misuse is one of the biggest wastes in AEW. I hope he gets a great run in ROH and if so it might lead me to subscribe to Honor Club. 

They should call an audible and have Danielson win the title. I like MJF, but I think he still needs some seasoning before he's ready for that spot. Danielson, mostly because he didn't want the top spot, hasn't been treated like the star he is in AEW. He's spent a lot of time trying to help make guys from underneath, but I think he could do the same thing and do it better on top. Give him the world title and he can give title shots to anyone he wants to work with. The stakes would be higher and AEW would benefit from it more I think. 

[KawadaSmile]

MJF having a floppy title reign would be alright in the long run. I mean, he is young and can improve, and him crumbling under the pressure and being WASHED for one hour would be the development he so desperatedly needs.

[Al]

1 hour ago, KawadaSmile said:

MJF having a floppy title reign would be alright in the long run. I mean, he is young and can improve, and him crumbling under the pressure and being WASHED for one hour would be the development he so desperatedly needs.

Co-sign. Last ten minutes should look like Bob Roop stretching some blown up civilian in the snake pit.

[DMJ]

^ Danielson getting the title in the ways outlined above sounds so good. I doubt TK has even considered it, though, which is a shame. 

Also, Flyin' Brian mentioned Kingston's misuse and I must say, watching the ladder match, one thought I immediately had was that while Hobbs is awesome and deserved the W, a feud between Kingston and Joe seems like a no brainer and maybe should've been what we got here (as Kingston getting a win would be a much-needed bump for his credibility too). Kingston and Joe are two guys that are great on the mic, physical as all hell, undeniable ability to connect with audiences. Its can't miss. I get that they have longterm plans for Wardlow and Hobbs and all...but, right now, in March 2023, AEW needs some guaranteed hits on their shows. Let your All Stars be All Stars. 

 

[KawadaSmile]

Eddie was at worst a Top 3 babyface in the company and they started phasing him out from TV after he smacked one of TK's coke buddies. Him going to ROH may at least prevent him from killing Sammy, but alas.

[Jmare007]

"Let your All Stars be All Stars" is something Tony has weirdly avoided as much as he can, and it's very weird.

[NintendoLogic]

Hot-shotting the belt to Danielson would be a terrible idea. Other than Ricky Starks, what fresh compelling matchups would be available to him as champion? If the idea is to let him have showcase matches with whoever he wants, that likely means a lot of matches involving guys who have no business receiving a world title shot. For all of AEW's booking missteps, one thing they've consistently gotten right is preserving the aura of the world title. That goes out the window if it becomes a glorified workrate exhibition belt. With that said, they should probably start thinking about exit strategies for MJF's title reign if Revolution bombs on PPV. And yes, a Joe/Kingston feud is such an obviously good idea that it practically books itself.  Having them treat it like a battle rap and take turns roasting each other on the mic would actually work in that instance.

[Jmare007]

1 hour ago, NintendoLogic said:

Hot-shotting the belt to Danielson would be a terrible idea. Other than Ricky Starks, what fresh compelling matchups would be available to him as champion? If the idea is to let him have showcase matches with whoever he wants, that likely means a lot of matches involving guys who have no business receiving a world title shot. For all of AEW's booking missteps, one thing they've consistently gotten right is preserving the aura of the world title. That goes out the window if it becomes a glorified workrate exhibition belt. With that said, they should probably start thinking about exit strategies for MJF's title reign if Revolution bombs on PPV. And yes, a Joe/Kingston feud is such an obviously good idea that it practically books itself.  Having them treat it like a battle rap and take turns roasting each other on the mic would actually work in that instance.

I mean, there's no compelling matchups cooked up for MJF either (Ricky being the exception too). If Hangman is the next n°1 contender it's gonna be a bleh feud with both Max and Danielson, even though he does have great in ring chemistry with Dragon. At this point any big name on the roster could get a 2-3 match winning steak and get a title shot so I don't see this problem being related to Bryan being champ.

I don't see a title switch at all on Sunday but whatever happens, TK should try to run the Hangman match quickly on Dynamite and get someone else to carry the next PPV feud.

[DMJ]

Not that I was the first to raise the idea here, but just for the sake of debate, I think the idea here is that Danielson being the fighting champion at the top would offer more stability and not potentially burn MJF (the way Hangman's reign seemed to do for him) while giving MJF some further character progression.

Yes, Danielson being the fighting champion in and of itself doesn't sound like a super hot storyline, but it is very easy to book, very easy to deliver big matches with, and, in my opinion, there would be more suspense in individual title defenses because we know Danielson is not going be "The Guy" forever. 

As for there not being potential challengers...that's malarkey to me. Takeshita would be a great opponent on Dynamite. There's Malakai Black. There's Miro somewhere, right? Samoa Joe would be a badass challenger.  I could see a match with Swerve down the line - maybe even on a PPV if they let Swerve cook for awhile and score consistent big wins. Run back Eddie Kingston vs. Danielson on Dynamite. Danielson vs. Omega is still a PPV-caliber match. Seems like TK has no problem getting Ospreay on TV, how about Danielson vs. Ospreay? We may be bored to tears with his shtick, but Moxley is still mega over with most AEW crowds and is right there as a challenger. Wouldn't HOOK be a fun TV match? Wouldn't Jungle Boy be an interesting TV challenger? If Christian can still go, I'd love to see Danielson/Christian. Even Wardlow could be an interesting dynamic. The common denominator is Danielson, the GOAT who is going to deliver a potential MOTY almost any time he gets in the ring and it never feels forced. And the current model means you only read need 1-2 "big" matches on PPV out of him and the rest can just be fucking killer TV matches.

And because of this, it would buy TK a bit of time because you could do Omega/Bryan at the next PPV and design adequate builds for Starks, Adam Cole, Swerve or even a re-emerging MJF as the guy to dethrone Danielson in 6-7 months. You know the top of the card is in good hands till then.

That being said, I still see ways to turn MJF's title reign around...but it involves recalibrating and, in a sense, giving him the same kinda run that I just laid out for Danielson. Stop relying on this "MJF only works the big shows for big money" part of his gimmick or that MJF only faces people that have been through a gauntlet. Let someone like Kingston come out, shoot his mouth off on TV about MJF, and MJF says, "Fuck it, you think I'm soft? You got your title shot in 2 weeks time on ___(insert big Dynamite special)___." Give me a HOOK/MJF confrontation building to a TV match a month later. Give me MJF vs. Omega on a PPV. There's Miro somewhere, right? Fans love Darby Allin and would get behind him huge as a TV challenger. There's Keith Lee as a TV challenger. Give me Dustin Rhodes getting one last shot on TV. There's still Starks and Adam Cole as challengers and maybe even as the next champion with the right build. 

[NintendoLogic]

5 hours ago, DMJ said:

As for there not being potential challengers...that's malarkey to me. Takeshita would be a great opponent on Dynamite. There's Malakai Black. There's Miro somewhere, right? Samoa Joe would be a badass challenger.  I could see a match with Swerve down the line - maybe even on a PPV if they let Swerve cook for awhile and score consistent big wins. Run back Eddie Kingston vs. Danielson on Dynamite. Danielson vs. Omega is still a PPV-caliber match. Seems like TK has no problem getting Ospreay on TV, how about Danielson vs. Ospreay? We may be bored to tears with his shtick, but Moxley is still mega over with most AEW crowds and is right there as a challenger. Wouldn't HOOK be a fun TV match? Wouldn't Jungle Boy be an interesting TV challenger? If Christian can still go, I'd love to see Danielson/Christian. Even Wardlow could be an interesting dynamic. The common denominator is Danielson, the GOAT who is going to deliver a potential MOTY almost any time he gets in the ring and it never feels forced. And the current model means you only read need 1-2 "big" matches on PPV out of him and the rest can just be fucking killer TV matches.

You've pretty much made my point for me. Most of these matchups either have already been done to death or involve TNT title-level opponents. Giving Takeshita and HOOK world title shots wouldn't elevate them, it would cheapen the belt. Then there's the elephant in the room: concussions. The one Danielson sustained last year was severe enough that he thought he might have to retire, and each one suffered increases the risk of subsequent ones. You simply can't build around a guy who's one bad bump or errant blow away from retirement or worse. The last thing AEW needs is to have the booking again thrown into chaos due to the world champion getting injured. This goes beyond business, though. A lot of folks on this board clearly buy into Danielson as the GOAT (look at how often he's referred to as such as if it were simply a given) and want him to have a title reign befitting his legacy. I've never viewed him at that level, so him not having a lengthy run with the AEW championship is no big loss in my book.

[Coffey]

One of the biggest problems with AEW, in my opinion, is just having good matches for the sake of having good matches. I'm not opposed to great professional wrestling, obviously, but you need characters & angles so that the matches happen for a reason & that there's consequences for the winners & losers. The reason can't be "how many snowflakes will Dave Meltzer give this match?" Bryan Danielson is a terrific professional wrestler but can he carry AEW as the champion that makes people want to pay to watch his matches? That's the question we should be asking. It's the question AEW should have asked themselves before putting the world title on MJF.

What is Bryan Danielson's current character? Because it feels like it's just "underdog that has great matches" & I don't see how that draws. Especially when half the time the underdog part goes out the window because you know he's not losing to the guys they feed him on Dynamite. He main evented Wrestlemania.

Where's the heat? Where's the money?

They need to start pushing up their homegrown stars so that they have options in the future that aren't Moxley, Jericho, Danielson, Punk. That way it isn't ridiculous if you have a Takeshita, HOOK, Starks or Hobbs main event. People take Darby seriously.

Really they need to just start doing more angles. Something other than just post match run-ins.

[Timbo Slice]

That’s why Cody left: He wanted more angle-based stuff (even if it wasn’t the greatest content) as opposed to the PWG dream match structure that dominates the booking. It’s not sustainable in a ton of ways. 

[Blehschmidt]

Riho and Emi Sakura had a pretty fun match on Rampage.

The Dustin Rhodes/Keith Lee vs Shane Strickland/Parker Boudreaux main event was also pretty good.... despite Parker being an actively terrible wrestler, and him being absolutely dwarfed by both opponents killed any tough guy aura he may have projected.

[KawadaSmile]

Question: what the fuck does that other Mogul guy even do?

[Stiva]

If Parker is the one they’re putting in ring, the other guy must be barely trained because Parker is green as grass. Even with those three working with him, he looked lost on Rampage

[SirEdger]

1 hour ago, KawadaSmile said:

Question: what the fuck does that other Mogul guy even do?

I actually wonder if the guy didn't go MIA. I remember hearing a promo from Swerve that indicated as such a couple of weeks ago. Seems like Mogul Affiliates is only Swerve & Parker now.

[KawadaSmile]

Like, I don't even mind Parker that much, he's obviously green but could progress, but somehow Mogul Affiliates is LAMER than Hit Row, in terms of being a group. Shame Rick Ross can't be a full time heel manager, because Swerve/Ross is where the money is at.

[Embrodak]

“Mogul Affiliates” is a terrible group name, and larding someone as talented as Swerve with a green doofus like Parker *before* he’s even gotten himself over as a singles act is ludicrous.