WCW's Highway to Hell

[jdw]

Hell... Bobby was probably self medicating to get his way through it. No need for sympathy.

[Ricky Jackson]

Week 70 is about where I tapped out back in 00. So horrible.

[goc]

So I've decided to jump in on week 67 just to see how bad this whole thing actually got, and holy shit, it's just 4 minutes in and it's a huge Vince Russo jerk off. This is a terrible start to a wrestling show. I can't even imagine being in the crowd for this awful garbage. Hey WCW sucks, that's why a bunch of guys left! But Vince Russo is here to save the day by...talking about himself. I defy anyone to to find a worse opening segment on Raw. None of this would make any sense to someone that just watched the TV without reading the backstage "newz" which would be the vast majority of the people in the arena and watching at home. You would think that the guy who wants to take credit for "making" Stone Cold would realize that having someone hand over the World Title because their boss was saying mean things to them isn't really an effective booking strategy. Oh, and Mark Madden is SO terrible.

[El-P]

I am in awe of Jerome getting through THAT WEEK and being able to carry on without feeling the need to jump out of a 30 story high window.

I did jump out the window during week 70, but Vince Russo booked my fall so it was all a swerve and there I am, still alive and being forced to watch more 00 WCW, which is another sort of mental suicide.

[Matt D]

I wasn't really watching in 97, so I missed the time where WCW was really on top and since I grew up as a much bigger WCW fan than a WWF fan, that bugged me. So I was sort of a WCW cheerleader at the start of all this, with the cruiserweights and Jericho getting me back into things in 98.

 

So when Russo/Ferrara jumped, I was excited because I thought it'd matter and that everything would turn around. It seemed like a huge deal on paper when we didn't actually know much.

 

You can only imagine how those expectations made me feel a few weeks later.

[goc]

It does kind of surprise me that Mark Madden didn't wind up in TNA at the very beginning. The way he is kissing Jarrett and Russo's ass I thought would have surely got him in the door there. I guess we have Jerry Jarrett to thank for keeping that from happening, although Don West was never really any good until they turned him heel.

[hammerva]

Well they did bring in the next best (or worst) replacement to Madden with Ferrera in bush league Jimmy Buffett outfit for about 2 months in the beginning. But that turned into a disaster

[Stiva]

It does kind of surprise me that Mark Madden didn't wind up in TNA at the very beginning. The way he is kissing Jarrett and Russo's ass I thought would have surely got him in the door there. I guess we have Jerry Jarrett to thank for keeping that from happening, although Don West was never really any good until they turned him heel.

That reminds me of the WWA PPV where he says he likes to have sex with prostitutes when they're in Vegas.

[JerryvonKramer]

The very fact a guy like El-P exists is awesome enough, the fact he's part of this place makes it even more so.

[Sidebottom]

It does kind of surprise me that Mark Madden didn't wind up in TNA at the very beginning. The way he is kissing Jarrett and Russo's ass I thought would have surely got him in the door there. I guess we have Jerry Jarrett to thank for keeping that from happening, although Don West was never really any good until they turned him heel.

That reminds me of the WWA PPV where he says he likes to have sex with prostitutes when they're in Vegas.

 

Wasn't that the league whose commentary was echoed through the arena speakers? Ensuring every single parent with child would feel deadly uncomfortable at that point? Yeah.

 

Come to think of it, a lot of the WWA crew winded up in TNA. From lowly wrestlers like Joe Legend to the top names like Sting and Steiner.

 

I've always thought it odd that Bret Hart never appeared in TNA also.

[Stiva]

It does kind of surprise me that Mark Madden didn't wind up in TNA at the very beginning. The way he is kissing Jarrett and Russo's ass I thought would have surely got him in the door there. I guess we have Jerry Jarrett to thank for keeping that from happening, although Don West was never really any good until they turned him heel.

That reminds me of the WWA PPV where he says he likes to have sex with prostitutes when they're in Vegas.

 

Wasn't that the league whose commentary was echoed through the arena speakers? Ensuring every single parent with child would feel deadly uncomfortable at that point? Yeah.

The first show had that, yeah. It makes for some great moments where Lawler's jokes fall flat. Madden replaces him for the 2nd show and I believe that their PBP isn't broadcast through the speakers but their hype in-between matches is, which is when Madden makes the gambling and prostitution joke. If anything, we can applaud TNA for NOT hiring him but man, I don't envy EL-P having to sit through his nonsense on commentary. Talk about making a bad situation worse.

[Death From Above]

Only good thing about Madden was him cheering 3-Count and using it to wind up Tenay, who seemed to get legit angry about it on air once or twice. Probably some kind of in-joke that can never be explained.

[El-P]

PPV 17 : Slamboree 2000

 

Surprisingly entertaining match of the night : Hulk Hogan vs Kidman. I didn't care one bit for the buildup, but I admit teh match is actually quite the surreal spectacle. First, Kidman really did much better than I thought he would developping as a sneaky (and bumpy) heel pretty quick. Second, Hulk worked harder at making this work than he did in ages, and it actually was fresher than any other Hulk match since his Hollywood peak. Watching Hulk bump for a hurricanrana is worth the price of admission in itself. Then, Bischoff, who looks fat, did a good job as a heel referee, which was needed to make this an efficient spectacle since it was obvious Kidman would not beat Hulk, and got a shitload of heat for preventing Hulk from doing the legdrop, which got him slapped around for his trouble. I can't hate Bischoff thanks to stuff like this match. He ends up being powerbombed through a table, not to ever regain consciousness again, while Kidman crashes into his own table to his fate. Plus, there was no Hulk up, so yeah, I enjoyed it, fun stuff.

 

Outrageous gimmick match of the night : DDP vs David Arquette vs Jeff Jarrett. This triple cage is truly ridiculous, but in a good pro-wrestling way. It does have a spectacular look too. The idea of climbing to the top of three cages to get the belt is actually kinda cool, and they worked their way around it better than I thought they would, although they do run through a bunch of token ladder match spots in the first cage in a way that looks a bit contrived. Arquette takes a few good bumps here and there. The brawl begins to get dangerous when they get to the second cage. At one point they run trough one of the wall and it looks quite scary, although I wonder if that wasn't gimmicked (looks like it). Jarrett draws blood which is a nice touch. The whole thing gets ridiculous with Awesome showing up on the second cage (so, everyone can enter this structure ?) and Arquette climbing to the top to "help DDP". Then we get the "ultimate swerve". Yawn. The match was fun despite its ridiculousness, or because of it most probably. Then we get Kanyon being thrown from the top of the first cage to teh floor. Well, to the ramp, which made a welcome comeback in WCW's landscape. So, all in all, depsite still being a pretty scary bump, Kanyon didn't fall from that high and he took what looked to ba a flat back bump. Still, that move was questionable at best, or really bad taste at worst since this happened at Kemper Arena. It wasn't nearly as bad I as thought though.

 

Dream match of the night : Ric Flair vs Shane Douglas. For the former ECW fan in me, this is a dream match, although it should have happened in 96 or so to be really extremely cool. Still, this was way better than it had the right to be. Flair is wrestling in street clothes now, which I don't care for, but here he's fired up, and Douglas obviously wanted to make the few minutes he would get with Flair as special as he could. They work a pretty intense match, with Flair working fiery babyface style and Douglas going from bumping a lot to delivering some super solid offense, inclucing a very impressive suplex. If this had a good finish, it would have been the best Flair matches in eons. Sadly, Douglas can't get a break, and the match ends up being a backdrop to Vince Russo stroking his ego and putting himslef in the position to feud with Flair, with another stupid swerve, this time David hitting Flair from behind under a Sting disguise. So yeah, this is going toward a shitty program with the shittiest of the shittiest, but for a few minutes, this was a dream match of sorts, at least the best they could have in 2000.

 

Sleeper of the night : Mike Awesome vs Kanyon. Same thing here, before going into a screwy finish ending up in a schmozz, these two worked a really nice, all offensive style match, with great bumping from Kanyon, impressive killer offense from Awesome, finally they have figured what kind of worker fits his style. Kanyon as a babyface is a bit odd though, he works better as heel but the combination of terrific bumping and cool offense allows him to get some good reaction still. Enjoyed this very much.

 

Goofy match of the night : Terry Funk vs Norman Smiley & Ralphus. Ralphus wears a mask for most of the match, but is inpet as ever. And we get to see his butt crack, which is not something I wish I had seen. Anyway, they really tore it down backstage and destroy tons of stuff like it's a concession brawl in Tupelo, including a few comedy spots. They finally end up in the ring when things go really awful visually with an half-naked Ralphus trying to do the wiggle to Funk, but for a 2000 garbage match, when this kind of stuff had been overdone for years, this is pretty crazy and fun, and not too dangerous either. Ralphus as a one shot inept second to Norman worked for me, but he overstayed its welcome about the second time he showed up with Jericho, so I fear I may get tired from this pretty quick.

 

"Hilarious" rebranding of the night : Hugh Morrus real name is actually Hugh G. Rection. Call him Captain Rection. Uh uh. That Russo guy is so damn funny. Huge erection. Get it ? Ah ah ah. So subtle too. Anyway, this is one of the worst name ever, but the match Demott works with Scott Steiner is really solid, and it's a testament to Steiner's efficiency as a heel that he makes people care somewhat for Rection here. Steiner is awesome, confronting people at ringside every two minutes, insulting the referee, delivering big spots then bumping hard for the babyface. And I like Shakira. The only thing that looks bad about this outfit is the Steiner Recliner, but hey, at least it's a safe hold, he sure won't hurt anyone with this.

 

Copycat debut of the night : Chuck Palumbo as the new Total Package or something. The guy had been working a tarzan gimmick or sorts on Saturday Night until then, there he shows up at the end to help Buff Bagwell against Luger. The match was watchable, but Luger isn't as fun as a babyface as he was as a heel, he doesn't have much explosivity left. He still gets some good babyface heat now, WCW fans just never seem to get tired of Luger. Bagwell is good at stalling, but his execution is lazy as hell. Highlight is Liz (wearing a gorgeous dress) hitting Russo with the bat backstage then showing up at ringside to hit Bagwell too. Post match sees Bagwell carrying her away after the Luger beatdown.

 

Hot cruiserweight opener of the night : Chris Candido vs The Artist. Just kidding, despite Candido's best effort and Terry Funk like bumping and maneurisms, the Artist just can't seem to have a good match with anyone. Get him off my TV already.

 

Well, I'm amazed. This PPV was actually pretty damn enjoyable, as there was nothing really terrible or eye gouging except the Russo & Flair angle. Well, Vampiro vs Sting was pretty bad despite a good Sting flurry for the first few seconds, as was Candido vs Artist, but most of the rest of the card was either watchable, solid, to really fun. Stasiak vs Hennig was just there, but Stasiak didn't suck or anything, he just looked green. Bagwell vs Luger was plodding but the ending involving Liz was pretty good. Really, I'd say this was the best WCW PPV since probably Spring Stampede in 99, thanks to some solid stuff (Steiner/Rection, Awesome/Kanyon) the ridiculous garbage match, a surprisingly intense Douglas vs Flair match and the two fun spectacle main events. Sure, there were two stupid swerves and some rather flat stuff, but as a whole it had a decent flow. Maybe it's just that surrounded by this sea of unwatchable crap, it seemed like a breath of fresh air to get something that was actually fun, if mainly goofy and overbooked to be honest.

[Smack2k]

The Main Event scene will start to get better as the weeks go by....

 

There is even some decent mid-card stuff coming (Storm and Team Canada / Rection vs. Storm US Title Feud / Douglas vs. Kidman / Torrie feud (Torrie's best WCW work is with Shane)

 

So get through the Bash, BATB will be fun just for the Russo stuff and the real main event at the end..After that, things start to move, except for one triple threat match that will not be spoken of....the the real fun begins, Scott Fuckin Steiner's rise to being the man, and, kayfabe, storyline wise, the most dominant champion of any promotion I can remember from Nov - Mar and the best heel on TV from end of August - March...

 

The Magnificent 7 down teh road, goodness there to!

 

But there is of course tons of shit to...but at least something good in between it all!

 

I hate that WCW got actually good again (to me anyways) almost top to bottom after Starrcade and main event wise after July and then was done in March. I actually looked forward to Nitro the last 8 or 9 weeks and Thunder...

[Al]

I am in awe of Jerome getting through THAT WEEK and being able to carry on without feeling the need to jump out of a 30 story high window.

I did jump out the window during week 70, but Vince Russo booked my fall so it was all a swerve and there I am, still alive and being forced to watch more 00 WCW, which is another sort of mental suicide.

 

"You fell out of the tall tower you creep!"

 

"Yes but I was saved at the last minute."

 

"HOW?!"

 

"Well, I'll tell you."

 

*Break into song.*

 

"WE'RE OUTTA TIME!"

[El-P]

WEEK 71 (May 8 to 13)

 

Mind blowing stupid line of the week : "I haven't burn any bridges. I call Vince McMahon. You'll be on Raw next Monday. You'll be a big star." Ric Flair to David. (Nitro) Yes, Ric Flair tries to get his son back to his side by saying he can get him to the big leagues, basically. I'm not a complotiste or anything, but lines like this just make me wonder if those who think Russo had been sent down WCW to kill them aren't right. I mean, seriously ? All that part of the really terrible angle with Flair and his son. Yeah, David turning on his dad would be a big deal if he hadn't turned the year before already, then if Flair hadn't punished him booking him with Meng, then if Flair showed some actual concern a few months before when David was getting killed by The Wall on a weekly basis. So yeah, this whole feud is stupid, and Russo being involved as the main heel character makes it even worse, but it's nothing these two haven't gone through already. David "wrestled" Arn on Thunder too.

 

Match of the week : Mike Awesome vs DDP (Nitro). Stretcher match, so it can't get too good, but the FMW fan in me got a kick out of these two doing some really poor DDTs all over the place (although I doubt they really were paying hommage to Onita and Pogo, although my fantasist mind likes to think so). Nice little Nitro match, and Awesome is slowly building a real killer image, which is what they should have done since the beginning. This guy could be a player in a rebuilt WCW... Well, I know, I know...

 

Sprint of the week : Jeff Jarrett vs Sting (Nitro). Despite being involved in a real stinker of a feud with jabronie Vamp, Sting is still over as all hell, and he's actualy fired up, as showed by this short match that really flows well thanks to Jeff's fluid work and Sting's intensity. Too bad it ends with Vamp coming from under the ring to drag Sting into the "darkness" (what, again ???). Sting is drenched in red goo, and gets pinned. That Vamp vs Sting feud maybe one of the worst ever in the company's history. Bad matches, horrible heel promos, awful gimmicks, and Vamp never even seems like that much of a challenge for Sting in the ring. On Thunder, Vamp threatens to bite off Sting's crow's head, a-la Ozzy.

 

Terrible turn and comeback of the week : Rick Steiner turning and Scott Steiner (Nitro). Yep. Scott having issues with Russo only made him a rebel heel, but here we get Rick essentially turning him face by jumping on him while Scott is facing Russo scrub Tank Abbott. On Thunder Scott would get the help of babyfaces team Kronik, so it's as true as a turn as anything under Russo. So we have Scott Steiner turning babyface and Rey Mysterio Jr. acting as a heel now. Brillant. Of course nothing of that will last, but still. The whole deal with Rick Steiner and Tank is that they are challlenging Goldie...

 

"Return" of the week : Goldberg in a monster truck squashing Tank's car (Nitro & Thunder). So, Goldie is back. Well, not really, we only see monster truck action. On Thunder Tank did the whole Gilberg entrance, complete with sparklers in his hands. Sid is nowgere to be seen BTW. Remember he was built for two months by SUllivan to be the ultimate monster to feed to Goldie.

 

C-show cameo of the week : Future NWA World Champion Mike Rapada (World Wide). Never saw that guy before, and he looks actually pretty decent and un-indy like. Kinda like a babyface journeyman wrestler of old. Jobbed to Disco Inferno.

 

In-ring debut of the week : Miss Elizabeth vs Daffney & Rhonda Sing (Nitro / Thunder). The rumour has it that Russo was effectively trying to get Liz to quit out of her big contract. Anyway, Liz doesn't wrestle of course, it all develops into angles with Chuck Palumbo attacking Luger. I really don't care much for these Powerplant meatheads. Time will tell.

 

Cruiserweight match of the week : Chris Candido vs Crowbar (Thunder). Candido can only face a guy who has a valet it seems. Catfight incoming. Pretty fun spot match though, as expected with Crowbar involved. At some point Daffney does a top rope hurircanrana on Candido, which looked as good as anything this week. I like these two a lot, so there is some enjoyment to get at least.

 

The only fun storyline right now is Terry Funk keeping his hardcore belt despite all the efforts of the New Blood, including in a 3 on 1 match against Harlem Heat on Thunder (helped by dissension in the ranks of the Heat). Had another funny match with Norman (with Ralphus around) on Nitro. Vampiro vs Sting / Ric Flair vs Russo are the depth of wrestling crap. Hogan is still feuding (along with Nash) with the Filthy Animals, who added Juvy in their ranks, resulting in a match between Kidman and Horace on Thunder which saw slimy heel Bischoff changing the rules on the fly to favour Kidman and the Animals. Watching Jeff Jarrett with the big gold belt still looks like a total miscast, and hearing him talk about being the chosen one and dropping slapnutz in every promo is painfull. He was so much more entertaining as a country singer, too bad he only kept that stupid guitar gimmick which is now totally irrelevent to his current character. I like Jarrett the worker, but he doesn't belong in that spot, period.

[TravJ1979]

In-ring debut of the week : Miss Elizabeth vs Daffney & Rhonda Sing (Nitro / Thunder). The rumour has it that Russo was effectively trying to get Liz to quit out of her big contract. Anyway, Liz doesn't wrestle of course, it all develops into angles with Chuck Palumbo attacking Luger. I really don't care much for these Powerplant meatheads. Time will tell.

I think that "match" with Singh was her last TV appearance. She was released three months later.

[Ditch]

"complotist" isn't a word, but it should be.

[EricR]

In April 2000 I met the girl that would end up becoming my first serious girlfriend. We went on a couple dates and it came out that I was obsessed with pro wrestling. I went out of town for a week and when I got back she said that she had been curious about wrestling since she had seen hardly ever seen it and I was so mad for it. So she sought some out and watched a little bit. The segment she watched, as her introduction to pro wrestling?

 

That fucking Sting/Vampiro graveyard segment.

[El-P]

"complotist" isn't a word, but it should be.

Mea culpa, I really thought the French word "complotiste" was directly derived from an English word in a lazy "Frenglish" fashion, as we call it. I'll put it en Français dans le texte then. But well, you understood what I meant anyway I guess.

[El-P]

WEEK 72 (May 15 to 20, 2000)

 

Title change of the week : Ric Flair wins the World Title for the 15th time (Nitro). Fourth WCW title change in five weeks. Match lasts about five minutes, but at least is pretty good while it does, as Flair seems to have some fire under his ass again. Russo is at the booth so we have to suffer through his commentary, as if Madden wasn't enough. After the match, Jarrett breaks a guitar (the second on the show, it's to the point of being comical) on the ref and David breaks a mini Statue of Liberty on Flair's head (because Vince is from NYC, get it ?......). Vince, wearing a Flair robe he stole at Flair's home (in a long and painfull video with David and Russo visiting the home and spewing bullshit) tries to leave with the belt but Nash prevents him and powerbomb Jarrett through the ring. Yes, they gimmicked the ring so they get a cool visual effect. Of course it makes no sense to have a guy like Jarrett go through the ring, but who gives a fuck about making sense at this point ?

 

Clusterfuck of the week : Chris Candido & Tammy Fytch vs Crowbar & Daffney (Nitro). It's a cruiserweight title match. Yep. Here we go again with the bullshit. What's with Vince's obsession with putting the cruiserweight title around women in mixed matches ? Just a clusterfuck of a match with girls-on-guys spots and Daffney winning the title by pinning Tammy. I like everyone involved here but... *sight* And I forgot the "best" part of it, during the match, Miss Hancock showed up on the ramp and danced. Because a mixed-match is *not* enough TNA I guess.

 

Debut of the week : Major Gunns (Nitro). So yeah, we got the whole Misfits in Action going, with stupid names like Private Stash (get it ? Ah ah ah, it's hilarious) or Lieutenant Loco (Chavo has to be loco, because he's Spanish, ya know). The killer of course is ex nWo girl Tylene Buck being repackaged as Major Gunns, so she rip her shirt after every match to show her huge fake boobs and do a first aid reviving gimmick on a prone wrestler after the match. She really looks like a porn actress too, no wonder she ended up doing it. Also, Booker T is jumping in everytime to help the MIA, so you know what's coming eventually. And finally they also wear a FUBAR shirt, like in "Fuck You Bischoff and Russo". Smells like money. Mark Madden really is a really crass announcer and sounds like a fat pig whenever a hot girl is on screen. At least he doesn't say "puppies".

 

Stupid new gimmick match : Ambulance match (Nitro / Thunder). So, every Mike Awesome match is an ambulance match now, a stupid concept which makes the old stretcher match look like a good idea. That way we can be assured every Awesome match will be worst than it should.

 

New tweeners of the week : Filthy Animals (Thunder) So, after just two weeks of coming back as heels, the Animals, who now consists of Konnan, Kidman, Rey, Juvy and .... Disco Inferno (wait, what ? And they don't bother explaining this either, at one point Disco just shows up in Bischoff's office, clamining he wants to be with his friends, and that's it. Since when Disco was friend with the Animals ?) already have some issue with the New Blood, so they are just splitting from the team. As for now they still are rather heelish (since they feud with the faces MIA it seems like), but it's just a big structural blur again.

 

Promo of the week : Ric Flair (Thunder). He already had cut a solid, emotionnal promo on David on Nitro, but this promo making fun of Russo is really pretty funny, basically saying Russo was a little Italian boy and his parents wanted him to grow up like Bruno Sammartino, but one day he flipped the channel on TBS and saw the Nature Boy, and all of a sudden he wanted to become like him, to the great despair of his very catholic parents. But Russo couldn't be like the Nature Boy because he had no muscle, no girl, no long limousine etc... Of course Jarrett had to run in and cut a tepid promo to ruin the moment, then it got all mixed up with Arn Anderson (and really, I like Arn a lot, but I don't care about a promo from a guy who I know won't actually wrestle, it's just false advertisement) and later another Flair beatdown, with Flair showing odd signs of weakness. But hey, the promo on Russo was fun at least.

 

Swerve of the week : Sid Vicous coming back to help DDP, then turning on him (Nitro). Come on, you know you gotta have one. I saw that one coming from a thousand miles ago (and I wasn't aware of it beforehand).

 

Feud that won't die of the week : Vampiro vs Sting (Nitro / Thunder). Gawwwwwwd. This will last forever ! On Nitro Sting beats Vamp in a House of Fun (or whatever name it gets, the big cage with handcuffs on the side) in like 5 minutes. We fucking get it, Vamp is a total jobber, why this has to go on again and again ? So yeah, it refuses to end, with Vamp playing the worst Mankind/Raven "I enjoy pain" routine ever before pulling off a Houdini, and then another terrible promo on Thunder "Yes, I'm psycho.", and more stupid gimmick, this time the ropes getting set on fire. Seriously, I can't take anymore of this shit, this is like a Kane feud.

 

Hoe of the week : Torrie Wilson (Nitro). Yeah, because she's the reason Horace finally turns on his uncle. Yes, they are doing the same thing they did with David Flair one year before. I think it should be noted that not only the booking is eyegoungingly godawful, but these guys aren't especially creative either, everything is incredibly repetitive, predictable and deja-vu for the most part. I think that hasn't been said enough about Russo, his ideas suck dick, but they aren't very original either. So yeah, we get Horace leaving with Torrie, who undoubtedly will perform sexual favors on the big bald guy, at least that's what we are supposed to believe. Ah, women... Of course Kidman is not happy with this and will jump on Horace on Thunder.

 

More Goldberg giant truck nonsense too. Terry Funk kept his hardcore title by defeating the Cat on Thunder, which was decently funny and absurd. Norman & Ralphus have no jobs now, so they are selling popcorn and T-shirts. Aww, whatever. Kanyon did an interview from his hospital bed, and it looked fake and unsincere as shit, you can already smell the next ultimate swerve from here.

[El-P]

WEEK 73 (May 22 to 27, 2000)

 

2 stupid title changes of the week : Jeff Jarrett gets the WCW title back after Ric Flair's aneurysm/Kevin Nash beats Jeff Jarrett in a total culsterfuck (Nitro / Thunder). Yep. Two more WCW title changes in one week, including one that involves a guy being stripped because he did an aneurysm. Anyone wants to still defend Vince Russo ? Jarrett and Nash have a complete clusterfuck of a match on Nitro, with Russo as a heel referee, guitar shots and red goo drop, but like it wasn't enough, they have another one on Thunder, a three way with Scott Steiner. Nash wins the title. Makes about six title changes in six weeks. Brillant.

 

Stupid new gimmick match of the week : The Asylum (Nitro). A small UFC like closed cage in which Scott Steiner challenges people in I quit matches. And in the very first match, against his brother no less, we get the way to actually interfere in the match : simply beat up the timekeeper and push the button to lift up the cage from the ring. Brillant.

 

Channel-changing feud of the week : David Flair vs Reid Flair (Nitro). Kinda odd to watch young Reid, knowing that he had only 13 more years to live. So yeah, now this gets more and more silly, and even sillier on Thunder with Reid's "sixth grade teacher", an old woman, being involved. Oh, there was also a stupid "burial of Ric Flair's career" segment on Nitro, with Kevin Nash hiding in the casket. Brillant.

 

New woman cruiserweight champion : Daffney (Nitro) So yeah, we get Daffney vs Crowbar to decide the cw champ. Candido gets involved, Crowbar ends up being KOed, so Daffney wins the title. On Thunder we get Candido vs Artist vs Daffney, with the involvement of Miss Hancock, selling her clipboard to Tammy Fytch who then fucks up by hitting Candido with it. Highlight is Candido's bump and the way he ends up pinning himself.

 

Funny angle of the week :Terry Funk's "retirement" (Nitro). Terry Funk in a suit with his bandana is always a cool look. So he teases that his big announcement is that he's retiring, but infact it's just that he's a granddad now. Then he announces his retirement for June 1.... 2001, to the anger of Shane Douglas and the New Blood. That whole promo was pretty funny. The New Blood jumps on him and beats him down in front of his daughter, taking his hardcore belt in the process (apparently you don't need a referre to count three anymore, as Kronik also just took off with the tag belts a few weeks ago and they are considered the champions now). Good stuff.

 

Idiotic rebranding of the week : GI Bro (Thunder). I don't care much about Booker, but sadling him with a JTTS group and a godawful name surely was another brillant move to screw around with one of the most over young babyface in the company. I already feel the hilarity coming with Russo's shoot at Bash at the Beach when he'll pretend that Hogan is the guy who kept the "Booker's back in the locker room" down. Yeah, you sure did wonders for this guy...

 

Comical "swerve" of the week : Terry Funk as Ralphus (Thunder). Shane Douglas gave Norman & Raphus a shot at "his" hardcore title, and Ralphus shows up in a complete mascot dress-up. Of course for trained eyes it's pretty easy to see it's Terry Funk under the hood, making the reaction of the announcers a bit ridiculous, but Terry did a good job looking incompetent for most of the match though. So again, Funk delivers the goodness, and we could get a cool Douglas vs Funk feud. But we won't, as Douglas is feuding with the Wall (don't even ask).

 

Building toward the PPV with Sting vs Vamp in a human torch match (yeah, it *is* a Kane feud...), Hulk vs Kidman again for a shot at the weekly-changing WCW title, DDP vs Awesome in an ambulance match. The main event scene is a complete clusterfuck at this point. Terry Funk has been the sole saving grace of this company for the last few weeks.

[artDDP]

Van Hammer didn't like being assigned the low rank of private so he insisted on being called Major Stash. There wasn't anyone who could get him to understand the joke in being called Private Stash.

[El-P]

WEEK 74 (May 29 to June 3, 2000)

 

Match of the week : Terry Funk vs Chris Candido (Thunder). Candido is dressed like Terry Funk. This is the most ridiculous and greatest hardcore match ever, as Candido ends up in teh back of a pick-up truck that Terry drives to some horses stable near the arena. So they fight in teh stables, paying hommage t that infamous Cactus Jack match back in the days, the only thing missing is Tammy getting dropped in the water. In the most absurd occurence ever, there's a WCW table set up near the stables. In the most dangerous setting ever, Funk piledrives Candido in the stable right next to a horse who freaks out and actually hits some mule kicks ! Tony Schiavone has this great line "The horse did the best highspot of the night so far !".

 

Losing streak of the week : Shane Douglas (Nitro / Thunder). The story is that Shane screwed up when he was given power in Thunder the previous week, so he gets put in situations where he can win championship but ahs the odds against him. So we get Douglas doing teh job in less than three minutes in the Asylum to Scott Steiner, and in three minutes or so to Jarrett when The Cat hits him with a chair. This doesn't make much sense, but I guess everyone had to be driven away from the New Blood. Douglas does look weak in the process, especially in the Asylum.

 

Last appearance of the week : Miss Elisabeth (Nitro). Involved in another angle with Kimberly, Mike Awsome and DDP & Luger to her rescue, I believe this his her very last TV appearance ever. Color me disapointed, I loved Liz, especially as a heel.

 

Return of the week : Goldberg (Nitro). To the help of Kevin Nash. Well, the build with Tank Abbott and Ricj Steiner has been so stupid that I can't really care. Goldie gets a huge reaction. He should have been the champ again a long time ago.

 

2 stupid title changes of the week : Kevin Nash giving back the title to Ric Flair / Jeff Jarrett winning back the title (Nitro). Yes, another TWO WCW title changes, including one where the belt is handed to a guy. The Flair vs Jarrett match was decent enough thanks to Flair working stiff, as Jarrett is really showing me less and less these days. Maybe he tries to emulate Jerry Lawler by punching and punching and punching, but he's not exactly on the same level. Flair bleeds which adds to the drama. Of course this is all screwy since David was the heel referee (what did you expect), and Russo shows up with Beth and Reid who he had "kidnapped" (yes, it's an obsession at this point). This whole Russo vs Flair storyline is complete garbage. The WCW title is a complete joke at this point, having changed hand like 8 times in five weeks or so. And Jarrett is a terrible champion too, just terrible. Solid at best but unimpressive (less and less so as the weeks go by) in the ring, annoying and boring on promos.

 

Promo of the week : DDP (Thunder). A good sit down interview with a very subdued and serious DDP adressing his issues with Bischoff and Kimberly, whom he "still loves". Good old school stuff. Tenay looks creepy though.

 

They are planting the seeds of the David Flair in love with Miss Hancock storyline already, which will only make things worse. The product is pretty unbearable. Terry Funk still is the saving grace of the terrible promotion. Scott Steiner and Goldberg should be on top, mega-heel vs mega babyface. Shane Douglas should be above Jarrett on the upper mid-card. Russo should be fired and never be showed on camera again.

 

I went quickly through this week, as it's mostly not fun at all. I am going on vacations now. Hey, I have done two third of this project ! Only one left to go !

[Death From Above]

I'll never forget Funk getting kicked in the head by a horse making international TV.