Would these guys make it today?

[JerryvonKramer]

Just stumbled on this googling for something else:

 

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1420801...cond-look-today

 

My initial reaction was that this is one of the worst articles I've ever read, but then I remembered this thread and thought it could provide some talking points. The article lists 25 stars who just wouldn't have made it today. For those of you with an aversion to clicking 26 times, a summary:

 

- Jake Roberts: didn't have a six pack

- Junkyard Dog: "his overall look was kind of bland"

- Larry Zybysko: " he would more likely be a "Living Jobber" than a "Living Legend," but most likely he'd be a "Living Garbageman" than a full-time wrestler"

- Buddy Rose: "basically, the bigger he got, the bigger the joke he became"

- Kevin Sullivan: "if anything, he'd be more likely cast in a Santino-type comedy act than a legitimate in-ring threat"

- Earthquake and Typhoon: [no real reason]

- Honkytonk Man: "The Honky Tonk Man does somewhat resemble Elvis. But not handsome, athletic '50s Elvis. More like early '70s, one too many cheeseburgers on a Friday night Elvis."

- Jim Duggan: "Hacksaw Jim Duggan probably more closely resembles your drunk uncle, who at Thanksgiving strips down to his underwear and carries a 2x4 around the house while shouting "USA, USA" over and over again (there's one in every family), than he does a world-class fighter."

- Greg Valentine: "When looking at Greg Hammer's body, the first word you think of probably isn't "hammer." It's more likely "ice cream sandwiches" or "extra-large pizza" instead."

- Stan Stasiak: "Stan may have been the man back in his day, but these days he'd more likely be the man you buy concessions from at a wrestling show than competing in the main event."

- Dusty Rhodes: "If he wanted to be employed now, he'd need to look more like his son Cody to even make it onto NXT."

- Vader: "Without the mask, Vader looks kind of plain. Sure, he's big, but there's quite a few pounds on his frame that he could have done without. Maybe "Vader Time" was really code for "roast-beef sandwich time.""

- Koko B. Ware: "At 5'8", Mr. B Ware wasn't tall enough to be a heavyweight, and yet his body type prevented him from being a high flyer."

- Harley Race: "But at first glance, Race more closely resembles The Burger King than the king of wrestling."

- Stan Hansen: "esides James Storm, cowboys aren't in high demand in professional wrestling these days. Maybe if he toned up a bit and shaved the mustache, he'd have a shot in this era."

- Tommy Rich: "While never in great shape, he let himself go a bit as the decade wore on."

- Arn and Ole Anderson: "Arn and Ole Anderson look more like they belong in a truck stop than a wrestling ring."

- Tully Blanchard: "Tully Blanchard at 5'10" probably would have a chance as an enhancement talent today (provided he shaved his chest), but most likely wouldn't have received a big push."

- The Fabulous Moolah: "She may have been fabulous, but without the looks of Kelly Kelly, AJ Lee or Layla, it's doubtful that Moolah would land a job in any national company these days."

- Wahoo McDaniel: "Just compare the look of future Native American wrestler Tatanka to Wahoo to see what direction wrestling physiques were heading in from the '70s to the '90s."

- The Rock n Roll Express: "If these guys don't scream "Rock n' Roll," then I don't know what does. However, these guys wouldn't scream "employed" in today's wrestling scene."

- Dick Murdoch: "Dick Murdoch was a tough scrapper, and a former WWF Tag Team Champion. What he didn't have was an overly unique look, but that didn't stop him from becoming a star."

- Adrian Adonis: "Adrian Adonis had one of the most bizarre looks ever seen in the WWF, but he started out relatively plain."

- Mick Foley: "Even during his run in WCW in the early '90s, Foley looked out of place. These days, he'd be lucky to end up anywhere without losing a considerable amount of weight."

- Gorilla Monsoon: "If Gorilla wanted to make it in today's WWE, he'd have to eat a few less bananas."

- Yokozuna: "At one point, Yokozuna ballooned up to 650 lbs. No company would risk having him on their roster these days at that weight."

 

Who is he right on and who is he wrong on?

[Johnny Sorrow]

Based on the fact that he seems like a total dickhead who's doing a bad "Cracked List" rip off where every joke is a shitty fat joke, he's wrong about everything.

[JerryvonKramer]

I was thinking about this during Summerlsam, but it seems to me that this guy's assumptions are a little out of date now.

 

Most people on the roster have a kind of skinny, toned build now, but I didn't see many six packs on display. The body type seems to have gone back to the Jack Brisco-type 230lber.

 

Anyway, if the Wyatts can get on the roster, it seems to me that a lot of these guys could.

 

And aside from that, is it the case that there are no "fat men" wrestlers anymore?

[PeteF3]

That guy's going by the "stick guys in a time machine and drop them in another period, unchanged" method of evaluation, which doesn't work in real sports or in wrestling. If you're going to move guys to other time periods as a thought experiment then you have to grant them access to the training methods, supplements (*cough*), and general standards of the time. Why are we to assume Tully Blanchard would have maintained his '80s look if he were around in the present day? Then there are the blatant inaccuracies--JYD was ripped and in shape in the early '80s at his Mid-South peak, and would be a guy that the WWE would be all over.

[JerryvonKramer]

The thing is well there's two things:

 

1. I don't know if there's such a huge gap between the physique of Daniel Bryan and some of these guys.

 

Bryan:

 

Tully:

 

2. Most of these guys got over during the roid-era muscle-head 80s despite not looking like Hulk Hogan.

[Loss]

Does everything always have to be about looks with wrestling fans? I understand it's hard to avoid, but it seems on the shallow side to write someone off entirely because of it.

[khawk20]

That list is shit, Jerry.

[Loss]

A more thoughtful list would focus on the in-ring and promo style employed by guys that worked and got over at the time and wouldn't work now. Or even a list of wrestlers that probably would get over today even if it doesn't seem more like they would on the surface. But yeah, 60 slides making fun of body types is exactly the reason wrestlers take copious amounts of steroids and see an early grave. Because fans are assholes.

[Graham Crackers]

The wrestling industry really needs a Body Positive type of movement.

[Matt D]

I think height is an issue way more than body type. What Bill Dundee accomplished really can't be overstated.

[Johnny Sorrow]

It's just lazy shit comedy. Like I said, it's a Cracked list minus any actual wit. And if he was trying to make a statement about how all these great wrestlers wouldn't make it with today's standards, then he failed at that too.

[JerryvonKramer]

Is there any mileage in my thought the "ideal" body type in WWE has shifted back to the Jack Brisco-style lean 235lber?

 

It's very clear just by looking at the product that the guys who might not get jobs today aren't your Tullys and Arns, but your Ultimate Warriors or Big Poppa Pumps. The article is written as if everyone now is built like Ryback, but that's not the case. Ryback is one of the very few guys with that build and is booked as a monster.

 

There seems like there's been a great trimming down over the past 10 years. You don't see guys really bulking up anymore like, say, Eddie in 2003-4 sort of time.

[goodhelmet]

Jerry, I am breaking that topic off into a separate thread because I want to explore it as a different issue.

[The Chief]

Whenever I see a wrestling article from Bleecher, Grantland, etc. passed around social media circles I cringe.

[goodhelmet]

We can argue about or criticize other websites/authors (and we do!) but let's stick to topic (and not the source) on this one guys!

[Al]

Tell me this guy wouldn't get over today!

 

[BrickHithouse]

Three people that I think would NOT make it today:

 

Stan Stasiak - he sucked already in a 70's WWWF environment.

 

Gorilla Monsoon - Haven't seen his 60's stuff, but his 70's work leaves a lot to be desired.

 

Moolah

 

The rest I would say would be just fine in a modern environment, and maybe even these three as well. These were just the names that jumped out since they weren't that good to begin with.

[Matt D]

Boo. I love Stan Stasiak with the right opponent.*

 

*Buddy Rose.

[Carnival]

It's really tough to tell. I wouldn't have bet a lot of money on Daniel Bryan or CM Punk making it big on the WWE stage, but they did it quite handily. Then there are people on the list like Rich, Hansen, and Murdoch who didn't make it with the WWF in their heyday, much less today. Not saying they really desired to, but the Fed has always been style over substance, even when the substance is really, really good. A different kind of style today than in the past, of course; times change. There's no guarantee that even a young Hulk Hogan would be on top today. He comes in with a name like Brad Terrance, a generic nu-metal entrance theme...who knows?

[Al]

Gorilla Monsoon - Haven't seen his 60's stuff, but his 70's work leaves a lot to be desired.

Gorilla Monsoon was an amateur wrestling star who could come in and be a monster superheavyweight. Of course, the catch is that since Chris Taylor, you can't be that size and be an amateur wrestler anymore. Gorilla didn't age well, but by the '70s he was a guy who was essentially working the office and wrestling on the side.

[Johnny Sorrow]

And, just an aside, but "Gorilla Monsoon" is the greatest pro wrestling name ever.

[Exposer]

I think the negativity towards obesity and weight problems is what completely derails this article. It's just one fat joke after another. That's just horrendous writing.

[goodhelmet]

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It's really tough to tell. I wouldn't have bet a lot of money on Daniel Bryan or CM Punk making it big on the WWE stage, but they did it quite handily. Then there are people on the list like Rich, Hansen, and Murdoch who didn't make it with the WWF in their heyday, much less today.

Murdoch was a tag team champion and Hansen was a big opponent for both Bruno and Backlund. I think Murdoch's ability would have gotten him in the door and Hansen would easily have made it. He wouldn't be that different from JBL making it.

[tim]

Yeah the fixation on the body type of wrestlers even by "smarks" who will on the other hand lambast McMahon for loving body builders to no end is baffling. Look how fast the internet at large turned on Ohno because he carries a little extra weight for a wrestler and there were vague reports of him not "taking full advantage" of the gym.

[Jimmy Redman]

I don't think the criticism of Ohno was about people not wanting him to be a fatty, but moreso that gaining a rep as lazy in the gym is a stupid move to make for your WWE career, and people want to see him on TV. It was about him not playing the game properly, not that we all want him to have a six pack.