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Bret Hart: Too Poor For Real Pants


Bix
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  • 9 months later...

I finished the book last night. I'm disappointed KS didn't get into the night when Vince McMahon went out partying with the boys.

 

I would imagine everyone has read the book by now, but for those who haven't, the summary of what happened after the This Tuesday in Texas PPV.

 

* Bret goes to get Owen, who flew in to San Antonio from Germany and was set to make his return to WWF with Jim Neidhart as the New Foundation.

* Off they go to a strip club where the wrestlers hang out in San Antonio, and there's Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake with other wrestlers gathered around them. Bret specifically mentions LOD, Sgt. Slaughter, Curt Hennig, Big Bossman, Hercules, Neidhart and Davey Boy Smith being there.

* Then at midnight, it's MR. MCMAHON~! arriving and he's already sauced and gonna party with the boys before his new drug policy goes into effect. Pat Patterson doesn't want him to, but Sgt. Slaughter says he'll be designated driver for Vince. Quoting from Bret's book: "...Pat fled through the front door, as though he'd been chased out by the sight of all those naked women."

* Next thing you know, Hogan dares Hawk and Animal to give Vince the Doomsday Device, and then Animal is lifting Vince onto his shoulders as Hawk climbs onto the bar. But then Hawk things better of it and just touches Vince with his arm and Hogan and Beefcake catch him. Neidhart tells everyone the Hart Foundation would have the balls to actually do and Bret says "Damn right!"

* And then IT HAPPENS: Bret and Jim do the Hart Attack on Vince. Vince then tells Bret he owes him a drink, so they chug down Double Dewar's on ice together.

* Then Davey Boy gets in on the act like he'll do the running powerslam on Vince, long after last call, but the cops come in and clear everyone out. Owen and Bret drag off some strippes with them, but the line of cars can't get by a police car parked in front of the club. Enter Sgt. Slaughter, who floors the gas in his car and pushes the police car to the side. GO JOE AND LOOK OUT COBRA!

* And since a certain Nature Boy is with the company at this point, everyone knows where they end up next... penthouse at the Marriott. But there's no answer and the clerk won't give them a key until Vince demands it.

* Flair is nowhere to be found, only Earl Hebner is there. And there's nothing but a bottle of vodka, but then somebody produces a bag of marijuana and IT'S PARTY TIME.

* So the party is spent with everyone taking turns pissing on Flair's bed... and yessir, Vince takes his turn. Then Vince starts challenging everyone to amateur wrestling, but when he gets to Neidhart, Jim reminds him about the Die Hard scene where Bruce Willis tackles the bad guy and sends him crashing several floors to the lobby and Vince backs off. YEAH BABY.

* The punch line is Flair never shows up for the chance to party with Vince and the boys. The added punch line is Bret drawing a cartoon the next day of Vince dressed in his boxers taking a piss on Flair's bed and Vince laughing the loudest at it.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest part in WWF history and Flair MISSED IT ALL. He will never live it down, mark my words. :lol:

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I'm pretty sure Bret told the "everyone does their finish on Vince" story in his HOF speech.

He did, but without the setup (Vince arrives sloshed at a party that existed in part to commemorate the end of the testing only for cocaine era) and the aftermath.
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I would assume Bret's HOF speech is where the earlier WM VII timeframe came from?

 

Because it would seem odd that they would flock to Flair's room when he wasn't with the WWF at the time of WM VII (unless it was a typo and it was WM VIII referred to).

 

Not that I'm saying Bret must be right, because he does have some minor timeline issues with some stuff in his book (although much of it was what was happening in WWF post-Montreal).

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I finally picked this up also and I am about halfway through. Great, great wrestling book so far, I'll have more to say when I finish.

 

This is the type of book -- talking about match layouts in detail and how they were put together, all encounters, every big match on a pay-per-view, every road story he could think of, etc. -- Ric Flair should have written, instead of the generalizations and vague recaps that came together as To Be The Man.

 

Factoring out the wrestling stories, this book is worth reading just for showing how completely dysfunctional (huge understatement, that word) the Hart family is.

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I like the book so far, quite a bit in fact, but as you get into his time on top, while he makes good points about a number of things, he also comes across far more delusional. I'm curious if most great wrestlers are as narrow-minded about there only being one style that is any good as Bret is.

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Bret has always been a big believer in his appeal outside the United States. He can make an argument about his drawing power in certain countries, but it never was there in the States and, for some of these foreign countries, it can be debated whether it was really Bret that drew the crowds or that it was simply the WWF name.

 

What I noticed in reading Bret's book is that a lot of it seems to be reflecting his thoughts at the time. So a lot of the delusional stuff could be how Bret viewed himself at the time, but he may not view himself that way so much today.

 

And I think we all know Bret still thinks very highly of his appeal in Canada, even though he seems to admit today that, for example, Montreal was less about losing in Canada and more about dropping the belt specifically to Shawn Michaels.

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Bret was a huge draw in Continental Europe, the only question is which countries had a good TV outlet back then in order to specify the places. Just think of the recent Paris show. I was at a similar show a couple of years back and people came from all over the place and didn't care for the current product one single bit.

 

It's interesting, there are a lot of European wrestling fans who followed wrestling - rather WWF - from the moment they stumbled upon a tv show on SKY TV back in the mid 80s until the Montreal Screwjob. A lot of them stopped right there. I don't like them as fans too much because they are stuck in that onedimensional wrestling style the WWF offered back then and never cared about other promotions or eras like the Backlund era.

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Just got it (along with Diana Hart's book!) Favorite story: Jake Roberts gets busted for Coke. When he finds out he's being suspended he asks why Brian Blair wasn't caught as well, so Vince suspends Blair as well. Had Jake kept his mouth shut nothing would have likely happened to Blair.

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Bret Hart's book just arrived in the mail. I'll start reading it real soon (probably today). I got curious about this book after reading the "Pain and Passion: History of Stampede Wrestling" book. The Stampede book and Dynamite Kid's book are my favourite wrestling books. And I think Bret Hart's book will also be very interesting to read.

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