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The Worst Pay-Per-View Match Ever


JaymeFuture

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So for this week's podcast we're delving into some truly awful stuff, and looking to debate the Worst Matches to ever "grace" a Pay-Per-View broadcast, and as such are looking to get your nominations for what you think should take the wooden spoon.

Simply put, what is the worst match you personally feel you've ever seen on PPV? Could be an outright four-finger stinker, or a promoted match that just fell so far short of expectations that it'd scarred your fandom forever - which do you feel is the worst, and please explain why.

As always the best contributions will be read on the show and you'll be credited accordingly. So what's your pick for this lofty honour?

 

EDIT - Our show debating the Worst PPV Matches Ever, featuring many of your contributions is now online and available to listen to at the following link: http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/play/nj3v3t/SCG_Radio_80_-_The_Worst_PPV_Match_Ever.mp3

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I think Sting vs Jeff Hardy from Victory Road 2011 should be talked about.

Seconded, or...

 

... Jenna Morasca v Sharmell from Victory Road 2009.

 

What's worse, that they let Jeff Hardy go out there? He, kind of, deserved the embarrassment in my opinion (though, not at the fans' expense).

 

Or, that they let a girl embarrass herself through lack of training? That's worse, in my book, since the blame falls squarely on the promoters/road-agents for, either, not making sure she could wrestle or not caring that she couldn't.

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I don't know if it officially a match or just a long brawl, but New Jack vs Vic Grimes from ECW Living Dangerously 2000 deserves mention, not only for the match itself, but it's legacy. It was your average New Jack brawl until both guys climbed a ricketty looking structure (neither being a small man) and stood awkwardly holding each other until the time came for both to fall off through a table...with Grimes landing on New Jack's head, leaving him temporarily blinded. Just looking at this structure, you knew that no good could come from trying anything up there, and the fact they decided to go up there anyway was totally bone-headed.

 

Also, that lead to the XPW Freefall clusterfuck, where New Jack went into business for himself and (by his own admission) deliberately threw Grimes of a 30ft high scaffold in a manner designed to make him miss the stacks of tables in the ring. Grimes clipped a table on the way down and landed stomach first on the top rope, and quite honestly could've died. So not only did the PPV match stink, it led directly to an even worse match.

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I'm confident I'm not being affected by the recency of it, but Shane/Taker was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen. I felt bad for both men, and it was just the slowest prolonged death of a match. Both guys looked like they needed to be taken out back and shot.

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How about the Scaffold match with Steve Austin and Terry Taylor vs Bobby Eaton & PN News from Great American Bash 1991? Scaffold matches tend to be tedious with only a few exceptions but this one didn't even have the payoff of someone taking the big bump at the end. The finish is absolutely awful, where Eaton captures the flag from the heel teams end but neither the fans nor the commentators realised the match had ended. The guys just pretty much stopped fighting and climbed down.

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Shane/Taker at WM should definitely be on the list. I gave that slap-in-the-face 0 stars on my review site.

 

Others from my database that I would never want to watch again...

 

Todd Champion vs. Super Invader (WrestleWar 92')

Big Sky vs. Charlie Norris (Fall Brawl 93')

The Equalizer vs. "Jungle" Jim Steele (SuperBrawl 4)

Kevin Sullivan vs. Dave "Evad" Sullivan (Halloween Havoc 94')

Kevin Sullivan vs. Mr. T (Starrcade 94')

The Giant vs. Loch Ness (UnCensored 96')

Shock master, Charlie Norris, and Ice Train vs. Harlem Heat and the Equalizer (Halloween Havoc 93')

 

 

You can find most of these on the "Kill Me Now, God: Worst of WCW Midcard 92-96" DVD collection I just came up with.

 

I purposely left off a bunch of matches from the BattleBowl/Lethal Lottery shows. There are some really awful bouts from those one-night tourneys.

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I'm confident I'm not being affected by the recency of it, but Shane/Taker was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen. I felt bad for both men, and it was just the slowest prolonged death of a match. Both guys looked like they needed to be taken out back and shot.

You guys are just making that match up, right? There's no way it could have actually happened.

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I really hate Bam Bam Bigelow vs. New Jack from Wrestlepalooza '98. It represents the worst in ECW: bloodletting with no purpose, stupid garbage brawls, and dangerous spots for the sake of a spot. A clearly woozy from blood loss New Jack jumping from the balcony to the concrete just to hit Bam Bam with a guitar is one of the most unnecessary and dumbest spots I've ever seen.

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I'm confident I'm not being affected by the recency of it, but Shane/Taker was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen. I felt bad for both men, and it was just the slowest prolonged death of a match. Both guys looked like they needed to be taken out back and shot.

 

Sleeper candidate from another recent Mania is Sting and HHH's fiasco

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I don't know if Shane/Taker is really THE worst PPV match of all time but from an expectations/hype level it is. I can't think of any other match people were that excited about (why I never understood, but they were) that failed to deliver. And not just failed to deliver but delivered an overly long, extremely boring joke of a match.

 

Sure there is stuff from the old Heroes of Wrestling PPV that can probably compete on a disaster level but that happened in front of 2,000 people on an event that no one really cared about, not in front of 97,000 people in the most hyped match on the card of "the biggest WrestleMania of all time"

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- Sid Vicious vs El Gigante Stretcher Match at SuperBrawl I

- Triple Cage Tower of Doom at Uncensored '96

- The 1999 Royal Rumble

- Kennel in a Cell

- Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco Evening Gown Match at King of the Ring 2000

- Sting vs Jeff Jarrett at Halloween Havoc 2000

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I know many like the Roman vs Brock from last year's Wrestlemania. To me it was complete garbage. I tried watching it again for the GWE project and still hated it. I understand the story they were trying to tell, I just didn't think it was good. Is this the worst PPV match? Probably not, but for a main event it was terrible.

 

Another really bad one would be Steiner vs Triple H at Royal Rumble. Just horrible despite the build up being kind of fun with all the old school stuff.

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If it was a year later, I doubt anyone would be mentioning Shane/Taker. It'll be forgotten in time. It's not even the worst Undertaker match at Wrestlemania involving a Cell, unless y'all have all forgotten the Bossman abortion at 15.

 

Jenna Morasca v Sharmell from Victory Road 2009.

THIS. I have never, ever seen a worse match than this on any PPV in my entire life. (And yes, I have seen Heroes Of Wrestling and Great American Bash '91.) Sharmell giving the worst in-ring effort of her career was bad enough, but Jenna Morasca truly gave the single worst "wrestling" performance that I have ever seen on any pay-per-view ever. Jenna was so bad that she couldn't run in a straight line, attempting to "run the ropes" in a swooping semicircular parabola as if she was sling-shotting around the ring's center of gravity. Her "strikes" (which I THINK were supposed to be slaps, kinda like E. Honda in slow motion, but it's hard to tell) were considerably worse than the phony no-contact kind that actors use when one character slaps another one in a live stage play. Her offense was so bad that it was contagious, infecting Awesome Kong at ringside, causing that woman to throw the only no-contact airball that I have ever seen her deliver. After approximately twenty-nine hours of stellar action, even the match ENDING couldn't be considered a positive, since the finish was quite literally Jenna doing a lap-dance on Sharmell's face and pinning her with cunnilingus.

 

I have had better wrestling matches than this. No, that statement is too literally true, I must reinforce it: ALL of my dozen-or-so "wrestling matches" which I have performed on indy shows were all better than this. And I am a half-trained announcer/referee/manager without a single speck of athletic talent. I was legitimately born with a mild case of cerebral palsy. I am officially a fucking CRIPPLE, and yet I repeatedly and consistently provided a better simulation of athletic performance and full-contact combat than Jenna Morasca versus Queen Sharmell.

 

Fuck this match. And most especially fuck the bookers, trainers, and promoters who were egotistical enough to actually insult their own fanbase so grievously by expecting them to PAY to watch this no-talent no-effort ego-wanking garbage.

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